Thermometer or Thermostat - Which Will You Be?

Do you know the difference between a thermometer and a thermostat? 

A thermometer measures the temperature. It doesn’t do anything about it. A thermostat measures the temperature and then responds. If the temperature is too high, a thermostat may shut off the heat. If the temperature is too low, a thermostat may trigger heat to turn on. It measures temperature and it does something about it. While a thermometer is passive, a thermostat is active. 

Sometimes I am more like a thermometer. It's good for me to know which problems I should respond to and which ones I should step back from. It’s good to know my boundaries; some problems are mine and some belong to others. 

At times, thermometers are just what we need. They size up a situation but don’t try to fix it.

On the other hand, if a circumstance requires me to respond, avoiding it because it is difficult or because I don’t like conflict may only make it worse. Sometimes I need to be a thermostat, not a thermometer. There is a time for action. A time to own the problem and do something about it. 

There’s wisdom in knowing when a thermometer is called for (time to stand down), and when a thermostat is needed (time to step up). 

Some questions worth considering are these:

If I don’t respond to this problem, is it because I don’t like conflict? Because I’d rather not be involved? Or do I intentionally not respond because my jumping in may be the wrong thing to do?

If I do respond to this situation, is it because the problem is truly mine and nothing will change until I act? Or is it because it’s just easier to do it myself instead of allowing others to struggle?

Thermometers and thermostats. Today – which will you be?

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/creative commons

In the Spin Cycle

As Norm said on one episode of the television show Cheers, “We live in a dog eat dog world and sometimes it seems like we have milk bone underwear on.” It can be tough, I know.

An old story tells of a little boy who went into a grocery store and asked for extra strength laundry detergent. As the clerk was finding it, he asked the boy what he wanted to use it for. He said he wanted to give his pet rat a bath.

The clerk replied, “Well, I think that this detergent is a bit strong for a rat. I’m not sure that I would use it.”

The child said that he believed it would be all right and the grocer added, “Just be careful. This is awfully strong detergent.”

About a week later, the boy came back. When asked by the grocer how his rat was, he said, “Well, he just sort of walks around in a daze.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” sympathized the clerk. “But I did tell you that the detergent was probably too strong.”

“Oh, I really don’t think it was the detergent,” the boy replied. “I believe it was the spin cycle that did it.”

Do you ever feel as if you have been through the spin cycle? Maybe even hung out to dry? Living through pain and suffering is like going through the spin cycle. Often our pain is physical, the result of illness or injury. But more often we suffer from emotional pain like loss, fear, worry, rejection, loneliness, guilt or depression. In either case, sometimes we feel as if we have been through the spin cycle.

We sometimes long for a world with no pain, no problems, no obstacles, no disappointments, no hurts, no handicaps, no troubles. We wish our bodies might always run like fine-tuned machines – no permanent breakdowns, no serious illness – purring along forever, or at least until they quickly and painlessly cease to function altogether (and, of course, at the time of our choosing). We might crave a world where loss is unknown, loneliness unheard of and all things unpleasant somehow banished.

But the truth is, we live in a world with pain. And we all experience our share. We can run, but we can’t hide from suffering. It will always find us. And should we even try to run from it? For as much as we hate going through tough times - the spins cycles of life - even hardships help us to grow. It’s amazing, but our most difficult times can serve this valuable purpose.

Helen Keller, without sight or hearing, suffered her share of pain. But after many years of anger and hostility toward her “solitary confinement,” she was eventually able to say, “I thank God for my handicaps. For through them, I have found myself, my work and my God.”

I don’t know if you can give thanks for your sufferings, but can you accept them as the indispensable teachers they are? Can you embrace trouble as a necessary (if unwelcome) part of life? The spin cycles we inevitably go through are not the problem; getting stuck in them is the problem. Find your way through and you just may come out stronger than ever.

-- Steve Goodier

Joy Along the Way

A senator once took Will Rogers to the White House to meet President Coolidge. He warned the humorist that Coolidge never smiled. Rogers replied, “I’ll make him smile.” 

Inside the Oval Office, the senator introduced the two men. “Will Rogers,” he said, “I’d like you to meet President Coolidge.” 

Deadpan, Rogers quipped, “I’m sorry, but I didn’t catch the name.” Coolidge smiled. 

Blues musician Corky Siegel says,  “Life is too important to take seriously.” 

A sense of humor is essential. It is one of the most important means we possess to face the difficulties of life. And sometimes life can be difficult indeed.  

I see people every day with big problems: relationships breaking apart, unemployment, serious illness. Not a week goes by when I haven’t talked with someone agonizing with a suffering friend, or people who are addicted or in deep grief. Without a sense of humor about my own life, I don’t know if I could survive. I take what I do seriously, but I try not to take myself too seriously. Like the New York City cab driver who said, “It’s not the work that I enjoy so much, but the people I run into!” 

Here is an experiment: look for and find as much joy as possible for one full day. Try to enjoy the people you run into, the work you do, your leisure time and your relationships. Don’t forget to enjoy yourself – and take enough time to enjoy God. Try this experiment for one full day, and by evening you may be amazed to find yourself basking in the glow of a rekindled spirit. 

It just takes a day to find joy along the way.

-- Steve Goodier

Laughing During Tough Times

Image by Mike Bitzenhofer

Laughter and tears are part of living. But do you find enough time for laughter? I am not asking if you experience lots of good times. Of course we should laugh during the happy times. But do you also laugh during the difficult times?

Erma Bombeck is known for her humorous books, but she wrote one that covered a more serious topic: cancer in children. The book is titled, I Want to Grow Hair, I Want to Grow Up, I Want to Go to Boise (Harper and Row, 1989). Bombeck talks with numerous children with cancer and learns important life lessons from them. She learns, for instance, that cancer survivors know how to laugh.

She cites the experience of 15-year-old Jessica from Burlington, Vermont (USA). Jessica's leg was amputated at the knee because of cancer. She was learning to wear a prosthesis. Jessica tells about playing soccer. She kicked the ball hard and it flew off in one direction while her artificial leg flew another way. Then "the tall, gorgeous person that I am," she said, "convulsed on the floor in laughter."

Jessica may not have laughed about her cancer, but she laughed about dealing with the consequences of it. And her laughter helped her cope.

Then there is the story of 17-year-old Betsy. She made her way to the radiation room for her regular radiation therapy. As usual, she dropped her hospital gown and, wearing only her birthday suit, climbed onto the table and waited. After a couple of moments she began to realize something disturbing: the extra people in the room were not the medical students she had thought, but rather painters giving an estimate on painting! Betsy laughs heartily about the incident. And like Jessica, her ability to laugh helped her to cope with one of the most difficult things a young person can endure -- cancer.

Biblical wisdom teaches that "there is a time to weep and a time to laugh." Do you find plenty of occasions for laughter? You can...if you also find reasons to laugh during the especially difficult times.

Survivors know how to laugh. If you can laugh even when the going is rough, you'll make it. And you'll smile at the end.

-- Steve Goodier

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You Are a Work of Art

But you may have to be broken before you're finished...

Edward Fischer writes in Notre Dame Magazine (February, 1983), that a leper in Fiji (or, more correctly, a sufferer of Hansen’s Disease) followed the leading of his twisted hands. He became an internationally known artist. “My sickness I see as a gift of God leading me to my life’s work,” he said. “If it had not been for my sickness, none of these things would have happened.”

As a young girl, Jessamyn West had tuberculosis. She was so sick that she was sent away to die. During that time she developed her skill as a writer and authored numerous novels in her lifetime.

That great author Flannery O’Connor suffered various ailments – lupus struck her at 25 and she walked only with the aid of crutches for the final fourteen years of her life. She noted, however, that this illness narrowed her activities in such a way that she had time for the real work of her life, which was writing.

Some people succeed in spite of handicaps. Others succeed because of them. I am not telling you anything new when I say that our problems help to make us what we are. Those who suffer often learn the value of compassion. Those who struggle often learn perseverance. And those who fall down often teach others how to rise again. Our troubles can shape us in ways a carefree existence cannot.

A story is told of an Eastern village that, through the centuries, was known for its exquisite pottery. Especially striking were its urns; high as tables, wide as chairs, they were admired throughout the country for their strong form and delicate beauty.

Legend has it that when each urn was apparently finished, there was one final step. The artist broke it – and then put it back together with gold filigree. An ordinary urn was thus transformed into a priceless work of art. What seemed finished wasn’t, until it was broken.

So it is with people. Broken by hardships, disappointments and tragedy, they can become discouraged and cynical. But lives can also be mended. Put back together well, they won't be just like they were before. Damaged pieces reassembled with a golden bonding of patience and love will help form a person into an exquisite masterpiece. It is as if people have to be broken before they can become whole and complete.

If you feel broken remember this – you are a work of art. As a work of art, you may never be finished, but that is the process of a lifetime. And your very brokenness serves a purpose.

Remember this, too: Every time you decide to mend, you become a little more complete. And a little more beautiful.

-- Steve Goodier

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When Suffering Visits

Image by marija jure

It may leave a valuable gift...


We are changed, sometimes in unexpected ways, by the problems of life.

One of Canada's most famous physicians was Dr. William Osler. Many stories are told of this beloved doctor, but one of the most revealing comes from World War I.

Friends recalled the day when Osler was working in one of Britain's military hospitals during the war. He was called out of the wards during his daily rounds to be given an important message; his own son had been killed on the fields of France.

Stunned by the news, he still came back to pick up his rounds. For a long period afterward he was noticeably different. And those who knew him best said that he changed as a physician that day. The cheerful note was gone from his voice and never again did friends hear the tune which he so often whistled as he went from ward to ward.

Though these things never returned, something eventually came to take their place. Everyone noticed a new compassion in his care of the soldiers who each day streamed in from the battlefield. Before, he had the professional concern of the physician, so important to the practice of medicine; now there was an added discernible note of a personal compassion, like that of a father for his son....

Like most people who have experienced such losses, Osler must have spent considerable time in grief. But as he healed and integrated the loss into his life, it left him a different person.

Pain will do that. It changes us, often in unexpected ways. It can leave us angry and broken, or, as in the case of Osler, it can bring forth qualities such as compassion or tenderness. It is as if the physician channeled his pain into energy and love for others, caring for them as he would care for his own child.

Helen Keller, who found a way to thrive though she went through life both sightless and deaf, knew plenty about suffering. She wisely said, "The struggle of life is one of our greatest blessings. It makes us patient, sensitive, and Godlike. It teaches us that although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."

Yes, the world is full of suffering. We can't avoid it no matter how hard we try. But it is also full of examples of people, like you and me, getting through it. Those who overcome great challenges will be changed, and often in unexpected ways. For our struggles enter our lives as unwelcome guests, but they bring valuable gifts. And once the pain subsides, the gifts remain.

These gifts are life's true treasures, bought at great price, but cannot be acquired in any other way.

-- Steve Goodier

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Letting Go of Destructive Beliefs about Problems

Image by Gabriella Fabbri

A humorous story tells about a speeding motorist who was caught by radar from a police helicopter. An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket. “How did you know I was speeding?” the frustrated driver asked.
   
The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky. “You mean,” asked the motorist, “that even He is against me?”

It’s like the man who said, “It feels like the whole world is against me...but I know that’s not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.”
   
When we have a problem, it can often feel as if everything in our life is going wrong. We may tend to think that everybody is upset, that nobody cares or that everything is falling apart.

I like what psychiatrist Theodore Rubin says: “The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.”
   
If having problems feels like a problem to you, it may not be the problems themselves, but the way you think about them that is the problem. Specifically, you may have destructive beliefs about problems, difficulties and hardships. To think more clearly and to get through tough times more effectively, try letting go of these destructive beliefs:

1. Let go of the idea that your problem is PERMANENT. Few troubles last forever. And those few that cannot be solved can usually be managed. Remain hopeful that you will find a way to solve or manage the situation and “all will be well.”

2. Let go of the idea that your problem is PERVASIVE. Don't make your problem bigger than it is. Few problems affect every area of your life. When something is going wrong, it does not mean that everything is going wrong. There is still very much that is good and working well in your life and you don't want to lose focus of that fact.

3. Finally, let go of the idea that your problem is PERSONAL. There is nothing wrong with you because you have a problem. All capable and successful people have plenty of troubles. They have learned to make friends with problems, for difficulties are a normal part of life. If you have problems, it only means one thing: you're still living. And that can be pretty great in itself.

Remember, your problem is not permanent, it is not pervasive and it does not personally diminish who you are. Let go of these three destructive beliefs and you may be amazed at how much better you feel already. In fact, you are on your way to becoming an expert at handling problems.

-- Steve Goodier

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Every Problem Has a Gift

Image by krosseel

Writer Richard Bach says, “Every problem has a gift for you in its hands.” I don't always see that gift, I admit. But I remember reading about Glenn Cunningham when I was a child. His life bore the truth of it...every problem indeed has a gift for you. The trick is learning to find it.

In 1916 young Glenn and his brother Floyd were involved in a tragic accident.  Their school's pot-bellied stove exploded when the boys struck a match to light it. Somebody had mistakenly filled the can with gasoline instead of kerosene. Both boys were severely burned and had to be dragged from the schoolhouse. Floyd died of his injuries and doctors predicted that Glenn would be permanently crippled. Flesh and muscles were seared from both of Glenn's legs. His toes were burned off of his left foot and the foot's transverse arch was destroyed. Their local doctor recommended amputation of both legs and predicted that Glenn would never walk again. He told the boy's mother that it may have been better had he died. 

Glenn overheard the remark and decided that day that he WAS going to walk, no matter what. But he couldn't climb from a wheelchair for two years. Then one day he grasped the white wooden pickets of the fence surrounding his home and pulled himself up to his feet. Painfully he stepped, hanging onto the fence. He made his way along the fence, back and forth. He did this the next day and next – every day for weeks. He wore a path along the fence shuffling sideways. But muscles began to knit and grow in his scarred legs and feet.

When Glenn could finally walk he decided he would do something else nobody ever expected him to do again – he would learn to run. “It hurt like thunder to walk,” Glenn later said, “but it didn't hurt at all when I ran. So for five or six years, about all I did was run.” At first it looked more like hopping than running. But Glenn ran everywhere he could. He ran around the home. He ran as he did his chores. He ran to and from school (about two miles each way). He never walked when he could run. And after his legs strengthened he continued to run, not because he had to, but now because he wanted to.

If there was a gift in the tragic accident, it was that if forced Glenn to run. And run he did. He competed as a runner in high school and college. Then Glenn went on to compete in the 1932 and 1936 Olympics. He set world records for the mile run in 1934 and 1938. By the time he retired from competition, Glenn amassed a mountain of records and awards.

“Every problem has a gift for you in its hands.” And if not every problem, then just about every one. Even spectacular sunsets are not possible without cloudy skies. Troubles bring a gift for those who choose to look. And since I can't avoid my problems, why waste them? I should look for the gift. My life will be far, far richer for finding it.

– Steve Goodier

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Celebrating My Scars

Image courtesy of andyk

Po Bronson, in his book Why Do I Love These People? (Random House, 2005), tells a true story about a scarred and stately elm tree. The tree was planted in the first half of the 20th Century on a farm near Beulah, Michigan (USA). It grew to be magnificent. Today the elm spans some 60 feet across its lush, green crown. Its trunk measures about 12 feet in circumference. And a vivid scar encircles the tree.

In the 1950s the family that owned the farm kept a bull chained to the elm. The bull paced round and round the tree. The heavy iron chain scraped a trench in the bark about three feet off the ground. The trench deepened over the years threatening to kill the tree. But though damaged so severely, the tree strangely did not die.

After some years the family sold the farm and took their bull. They cut the chain, leaving the loop embedded in the trunk and one link hanging down. The elm continued to grow and bark slowly covered parts of the rusting chain that strangled it. The deep gash around the trunk became an ugly scar.

Then one year agricultural catastrophe struck Michigan -- in the form of Dutch Elm Disease. A path of death spread across vast areas of countryside. Most elm trees in the vicinity of the farm became infected and died. But that one noble elm remained untouched.

Amazingly, it had survived two hardships. It was not killed by the bull's chain years earlier, and this time it out-lasted the deadly fungus. Year after year it thrived. Nobody could understand why it was still standing in a vast area where most every other elm tree was gone.

Plant pathologists from Michigan State University came out to study the tree. They looked closely at the chain necklace buried deep in the scar. These experts reported that the chain itself actually saved the elm's life. They reasoned that the tree absorbed so much iron from the chain left to rust around its trunk that it became immune to the fungus. What certainly could have killed the tree actually made it stronger and more resilient.

As Ernest Hemingway said, “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.” The same chain that severely wounded the tree saved its life in the end.

The story of this tree reminds me that the very things that have hurt me, physically as well as emotionally, have also helped me more than I may ever know. Many of them left scars – some of the scars are visible and some not. But these days I am learning to accept my scars – even to celebrate them.

Why not? My scars remind me that I did indeed survive my deepest wounds. That in itself is an accomplishment. And they bring to mind something else, too. They remind me that the damage life has inflicted on me has, in many places, left me stronger and more resilient. What hurt me in the past has actually made me better equipped to face the present.

Yes, I have scars. I have decided to look on them as things of beauty. And I will celebrate them.

-- Steve Goodier

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Problems? No Problem

Image courtesy of  Massimo Zunino

“You're having problems? No problem.” That's what I try to tell myself when I begin to feel overwhelmed. And then I remind myself that the only people I am aware of who don’t have troubles are gathered in peaceful, little neighborhoods. There is never a care, never a moment of stress and never an obstacle to ruin a day. All is calm. All is serene. Most towns have at least one such worry-free zone. We call them cemeteries.

But if you’re still breathing, you have difficulties. It’s the way of life. And believe it or not, most of your problems may actually be better for you than you think. Let me explain.

Maybe you have seen the Great Barrier Reef, stretching some 1,800 miles from New Guinea to Australia. Tour guides regularly take visitors to view the reef. On one tour, the guide was asked an interesting question. “I notice that the lagoon side of the reef looks pale and lifeless, while the ocean side is vibrant and colorful,” a traveler observed. “Why is this?”

The guide gave an interesting answer: “The coral around the lagoon side is in still water, with no challenge for its survival. It dies early. The coral on the ocean side is constantly being tested by wind, waves, storms – surges of power. It has to fight for survival every day of its life. As it is challenged and tested it changes and adapts. It grows healthy. It grows strong. And it reproduces.” Then he added this telling note: “That’s the way it is with every living organism.”

That’s how it is with people. Challenged and tested, we come alive. Like coral pounded by the sea, we grow. Physical demands can cause us to grow stronger. Mental and emotional stress can produce tough-mindedness and resiliency. Spiritual testing can produce strength of character and faithfulness.
   
So, you have problems – no problem. Just tell yourself, “There I grow again!”

-- Steve Goodier 

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We Can Get Bigger

I’ve never followed boxing closely, but I chuckle at the attitude of a high school boxing coach. Some of the new athletes were, let’s say, better suited for other activities. One of his boys worked furiously for a couple of rounds, but never connected with anything that might be construed as a punch. Nevertheless, he asked, “What do you think, Coach? Have I done him any damage?”
 
“No,” said a bewildered coach. “But keep on swinging. The draft might give him a cold.”
 
Slim as it is, that might be his only chance to win. And we’ve all been there, haven’t we? Slim to none are sometimes the best odds we can hold out for. Those were about the odds one may have given to early mountaineers who attempted Mt. Everest.
 
It took 32 years of failures for dedicated climbers to reach the top of Mt. Everest, a peak scaled so often now it hardly makes the newspaper. At over 29,000 feet of altitude, snow never melts atop the peak. Sometimes winds at the summit reach 200 miles per hour.
 
George Leigh-Mallory is first recorded as attempting the climb in 1921. On his third try, in June of 1924, he disappeared into the mist and was never seen alive again. The mountain had won. But friends of Mallory one day gazed upon a large picture of the mountain and declared, “Mt. Everest, you defeated us once. You defeated us twice. You defeated us three times. But, Mt. Everest, we shall someday defeat you because you can’t get any bigger – and we can.”
 
Eight more attempts were made on the mountain resulting in eight more failures. But finally, along came Edmund Hillary in 1953 who, along with his guide, Tenzing Norgay, reached the summit for the first time.
 
For years one attempt after another ended in discouragement. But they knew they could get bigger. It’s true, we can always get bigger. Bigger in ability, bigger in experience, bigger in wisdom, bigger in faith. We can always get bigger.
 
And besides, failure is rarely fatal. Every time we fail, we experience a unique opportunity to grow, to get bigger.
 
I am not a fan of failure. But because of it, I am bigger now than I have ever been. I’m big enough today to handle most anything that comes my way. And what’s better, I’m not done growing.
 
What I know is this: when I need to, I can always get bigger.
 
-- Steve Goodier

When You're in the Cement Mixer

Image courtesy of Nathan Bauer

Did you ever have a day like this? A man, cleaning one of those big cement trucks, got caught in the mixer. He climbed into the back of the truck with a hose to flush out remaining cement when his hose caught on a lever and pulled it to the “on” position. Suddenly, he found himself going round and round in the mixer with no way to escape. Slipping, sliding and banging around inside, all he could do was shout for help.

Fortunately, another worker came over and shut it off. In moments a bruised man, covered with wet concrete, emerged from the mixer. It reminds me of some days I’ve had. You know what I mean.

If you ever feel as if you are being knocked about by life, think about the amazing bird called the Water Ouzel. I can’t imagine this water bird knows what it is to have a bad day. The little creature is often found living next to violent waterfalls and fast-rushing rivers. And however threatening the weather, however cold the water, in snow and rain and even blazing summer sun, the tough and cheerful Water Ouzel can be heard chirping and singing. What’s more, while the voices of most songbirds, however melodious in warm weather, fall silent over long winter months, the hearty Water Ouzel sings on through all seasons and every kind of storm. I have to wonder: does this little creature know something I don’t?

It’s as if the bird knows that every violent storm will eventually give way to sunshine; every dark night will finally fade into dawn. And isn’t it true? Even our bleakest and stormiest times do not last forever. Like the poor man buffeted about in the cement mixer, there is almost always an end to the turmoil.

As the incredible humanitarian novelist Harriet Beecher Stowe said, “When you get in a tight place and everything goes against you, until it seems as if you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time when the tide will turn.” I have had that experience more times than I can remember.

Maybe this is one of those days you feel as if you are in the cement mixer. If so, do you need to hold on a little longer?

-- Steve Goodier

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Dancing in the Rain

 "The pharmacist just insulted me," a woman sobbed to her irate husband. He snatched the phone from her hand.

“I’m sorry to upset her,” the pharmacist said, “but put yourself in my shoes. First, my alarm didn't go off and I overslept. I rushed out and locked both my house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get them. On the way to the pharmacy I got a speeding ticket. When I finally arrived late, there was a long line and the phone was ringing. I bent over to pick up a roll of nickels, I cracked my head on a drawer and fell backward, shattering the perfume case. Meanwhile, the phone was still ringing. I picked up and your wife asked me how to use a rectal thermometer. I swear, all I did was tell her.”

Have you ever had a day like that? One man likes to say, “My life is filled with mountaintop experiences. One day, I'm on top of the mountain. The next day the mountain is on top of me.” Those kinds of mountaintop experiences are hard to take.

There will always be times when the mountain is on top. Or, in the words of Charles Tindley, times “when the storms of life are raging.” When that is the case, what do you do? One wise sage gives us a clue:

“Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.”

I have spent too much time just waiting for one kind of storm or another to pass. “When things change…” “When everything settles down…” “When it gets easier…” “When…” Well, you get the idea.

A few years ago, someone stole my wife’s purse. That was a storm we didn’t see coming. For days she was hassled with replacing lost credit cards and identification. And though it wasn’t a crisis, it was still an aggravation.

As she went about the process of trying to protect her identity from theft and replacing the contents of her purse, I recalled the words of author Matthew Henry, an 18th Century English clergyman. Henry, too, was robbed. Yet he approached his problem differently than I. Unbelievably, his predominant feeling was not anger, but gratitude. What he said was, “I give thanks that I have never been robbed before; that although he took my wallet, he did not take my life; that although he took everything, it was not much; and finally, that it was I who was robbed and not I who robbed.”

No self pity there. He was robbed and came away feeling gratitude for his life. Here was a man who learned something I had not yet figured out – to dance in the rain.

I’ve found that, over the years, there is plenty of rain, and much of my life has been about waiting for the storms of life to pass. So next time it rains, I’m going to dance. 

-- Steve Goodier

 
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Turn the Paper Sideways

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Sometimes I need to approach a persistent problem with a new way of thinking. The Spanish poet Juan Ramón Jiménez said, “If they give you ruled paper, write the other way.” His image reminds me to always be my own person, but it also challenges me to think creatively. Turning the paper sideways is like looking at situations from different angles.

Henry L. Mencken said it first: “For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat and wrong.” And how often I am determined to keep pounding on that simple and neat solution until I make it work, or else I finally give up altogether. But success will surprisingly come when I decide to look at the thing from a wholly different perspective. 

Several all night convenience stores in New York City learned something about viewing problems another way. Evidently, some of the stores had a problem with teenagers hanging out in their parking lots late into the night. Not that they didn’t like kids; they liked them very much. But customers complained that they were afraid to approach them in the dark and push through them to enter the store. Neighbors complained that couldn’t sleep with the noise. And store personnel were worried about the well-being of the young people themselves. Late at night, these neighborhoods were unsafe. 

Managers tried various methods to solve the problem. They asked the kids to find a safer place to congregate. They asked them to move away from the doors so customers didn’t have to push through them. They asked them to discard their cigarette butts and trash in outdoor receptacles and not litter the parking lot. Each solution was simple, neat and completely ineffective. It seems that any of them should have worked. But none of them did and many of the store managers eventually gave up in frustration on solving the problem.

Finally, one man came up with an unusual idea. He decided he had been approaching the situation all wrong. Asking the teens to change their behavior didn’t work, so he tried something different. He just piped easy-listening music into the parking lot -- slow, soothing instrumentals especially suited for mature listeners.

No more loitering.

Sometimes we just need to look at things differently. Again and again we butt up against the same old problem. It may involve a child or parent, a friend or lover. It might be a problem with a co-worker. Maybe it’s just a complex situation we’re working through, or a personal problem with which we can’t seem to make any headway. And so far, everything we’ve tried has failed. Perhaps it’s time to turn the paper around and write the other way; to look at the problem a whole new way.

Here’s a good question to ask: “How can I come at this thing from a different angle?” Because there is likely something you’re not seeing.

A father and his daughter were stopped by a flight attendant before boarding their plane. The problem? The little girl was clutching a large bouquet of balloons. In sympathetic tones, the attendant told the child that she would not be permitted to travel with all of the balloons. “Only one is allowed per passenger,” she said in a voice that concluded there’s nothing to be done. After all, rules are rules.

Father and daughter decided they could each carry one. So with tears in her eyes, the little child selected her two favorite balloons for the flight. But before she could discard the rest, another passenger intervened. “Here, I’ll take one,” he said. He quickly saw a solution to the problem and proceeded to give one balloon to anybody in line who would take one. As she disembarked, every balloon was returned to the happy child.

Here was a man who just looked at the problem a different way. Instead of saying, “There’s nothing be done,” he turned the paper sideways and the answer was clear.

When you turn your paper sideways, what do you see?

-- Steve Goodier

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Imagination Is Everything

Three-year-old Jonathon is gifted. And precocious. I’m told that when his parents took him to a restaurant, he ordered a grilled cheese sandwich. “Jonathon, I’m sorry, we don’t serve grilled cheese sandwiches,” the server replied.

He asked playfully, “You have a grill, don’t you?”

She answered, “Yes.”

He continued, “You have cheese, don’t you?”

“Yes, we do.”

“You have bread, don’t you?”

“Yes.

“Well,” he said, “I’ll have a grilled cheese sandwich.”

Three years old. (You may think his parents should have taught him better manners, but please don’t let that keep you from seeing the marvel of this small child’s imagination.)

The smiling server returned after checking with the chef and told the boy they would be happy to fix him the sandwich. “But I forgot to ask you what you want to drink,” she said.

“I’ll have a milkshake, please.”

“I’m sorry, Jonathon, but we don’t serve milkshakes,” she answered. But this time she was ready for him. “Now, it is true we have milk. And it is true we have ice cream. But we don’t have syrup,” she explained.

He laughed. “You have a car, don’t you?”

There’s always a solution. Whatever other intellectual gifts Jonathon seems to have, the trait that may serve him best is imagination. He has the valuable ability to imagine a solution to whatever problem comes his way.

Albert Einstein famously said, “Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions.” In other words, what we can see in our imagination today we may experience in life tomorrow. He also said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” He knew that we humans are limited by how much we can learn, but we are never limited by how much we can imagine.

I have come to realize that I am held back far more by my lack of imagination than by my circumstances. When I believe nothing can be done, I search for a way OUT of the difficulty when I OUGHT to be searching for solutions. How can I change anything when I’m looking for a way out? When I perceive my situation as impossible, I resign myself to that fate and give up.

But WHAT IF I were to look at it differently? WHAT IF I approached it in a different way? WHAT IF a creative answer could actually be found? I often settle for less when I should be asking myself powerful questions that begin with the words “what if. . .”

Some two hundred years ago a class of noisy boys in a German primary school was assigned a task to keep them busy. They were instructed to add up all the numbers from 1 to 100. The children settled down, scribbling busily on their slates -- all but one. This boy looked off into space for a few moments, then wrote something on his slate and turned it in. His was the only right answer. When the amazed teacher asked how he did it, he said he wondered if there might be some shortcut. He went on to say, “I found one: 100 plus one is 101; 99 plus two is 101; 98 plus three is 101, and, if I continued the series all the way to 51 plus 50, I have 101 fifty times, which is 5,050.”

The teacher decided then that this child needed special tutoring. The boy was Karl Friedrich Gauss, and he became a great mathematician of the 19th century.

Gauss solved his problem when he asked himself the question, “What if there is a shortcut?” Two of the most powerful words I know are “what if.”

The solution to my problem, the way through a dilemma or the beginning of that next creative change in my life almost always starts when I decide that I am NOT locked in. “What if” questions release my imagination so I can better see what was hidden.

Imagination is everything. And what if I were to use the words “what if” more often? I can only imagine what might happen.

-- Steve Goodier

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Serious Humor

I’ve known several morticians over the years. Without exception, they’ve each had a rich sense of humor. The ability to laugh is probably necessary in some professions, and those who work with corpses likely head the list. Otherwise, how could they stand the grief and pain felt by every family that walks through the door?

I once heard of mortician who liked to sign all his correspondence: "Eventually yours." That gets right to the point.

Humor is something I can get serious about. It is nothing less than an extravagant gift – to be frequently used and shared. Evangelist Billy Graham said that "a keen sense of humor helps us to overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerate the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected and outlast the unbearable." That’s serious stuff.

In the summertime, I like to ride my 150cc scooter instead of driving the car. I enjoy the breeze in my face and sometimes find myself smiling for the pure joy of it as I zip along.

But my scooter has a major flaw. It was not made for uneven surfaces. Its single, mushy shock absorber is almost useless as the bike grinds and scrapes at every unexpected bump and hole in the road.

A life without humor is no better at getting through life’s bumps and jolts than my scooter. It groans and complains at any unanticipated obstacle thrown in the path. And there is plenty of debris along the way. There will be obstacles in life’s road at every turn.

The problem is not that there are problems. There will always be rocks in the way. And where there are no rocks, watch out for a pothole. No one ever promised a smooth ride. As Katharine Hepburn said, "Life is hard. After all, it kills you." Problems are not the problem. It’s that when we think the way should always be smooth, every stone we hit feels like a personal assault.

We need resources to absorb life’s shocks. And a good sense of humor is one tool we can’t live without. The ability to lighten up is invaluable when we encounter teeth-rattling jolts. It helps us "overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerate the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected, and outlast the unbearable." And it’s just plain fun to carry along on the ride.

Maybe musician Corky Siegel got it right when he said, "Life is too important to take seriously."

-- Steve Goodier

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Making the Best of You

A middle-aged man decided to take up running. He found a sports shop carrying a wide variety of running shoes. While trying on a pair, he noticed a little pocket on the side of the shoe.

“What’s this thing for?” he asked the sales clerk.

“Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call a friend to come pick you up when you've jogged too far.”

That would probably never be a problem for me. I know avid runners and gym enthusiasts who can’t wait to get out in the morning and work up a healthy sweat before starting the day. THEY are likely to jog too far. I know others, however, who exercise with a grim determination to get through the workout because they know it’s good for them, like a child forcing down the healthy breakfast cereal when all the while wishing she were eating the sugary bowl advertized on television. Whereas the first group is anxious to work out, the second group needs a good reason to push through the workout session. I find myself squarely in the second group. I cannot imagine myself jogging too far.

Of course, if I begin each morning with an exercise regimen, I feel better all day long. And I know I am healthier. But when I wake up feeling good -- no aches, no soreness, no stiff muscles – I suddenly find good reasons to skip my routine. I am too busy today; I just need some quiet time; there is something else I’d rather do. It is the aching back and stiffness in my neck that prods me to do what I ought to do anyway.

Oddly enough, my sore and aching muscles are probably good for me – they motivate me to take better care of myself. It’s not about just making the best of my aches and pains -- THEY are actually making the best of me.

Abraham Lincoln knew the value that difficulties can bring to a life. One of his cabinet appointees, Edwin Stanton, frequently found flaws with the president and criticized him -- sometimes in public. But Lincoln seemed to show excessive patience with him. The president was asked why he kept such a man in a high level position.

Lincoln characteristically responded with a story. He told about a time he was visiting with an old farmer. He noticed a big horsefly biting the flank of the farmer's horse. Lincoln said he reached over to brush the fly away. As he did so, the farmer stopped him and cautioned, "Don't do that, friend. That horsefly is the only thing keeping this old horse moving."

Even life's many irritations and problems have their place. That horsefly kept the horse moving. Edwin Stanton, no Yes Man, kept the president sharper, honest and self-reflective. My sore muscles and aching back keep me exercising regularly.

Sometimes we make the best of our problems. But how wonderful it is when those problems can make the best of us.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/3xpo