A Recipe for “Success”

Do you know what you really need? I’m not talking about material things. I mean, what do you need to make your life all you want it to be?

Author Stephen Covey says that people all share a few essential needs: the need to live, the need to love, the need to learn and the need to leave a legacy.

When he says we need to live, he is not talking about physical health. It’s certainly important to breathe, but in many ways it may be even more important to live a full and whole life. Indian mystic Osho says, “The real question is not whether life exists after death. The real question is whether you are alive before death.” A question I ask myself is, “Am I just going through the motions or am I really living my life?” I don’t want to live on the outside while I'm dying, little by little, on the inside.

Covey also says we need to love. And I believe we also need to be loved. Both are important. I am coming to appreciate that my relationships with other people may be the most significant reason for either my happiness or my unhappiness throughout my life. Studies show that social connection is vital if we are to be happy.

Then Covey tells us that we need to learn. And learning does not stop once we leave school and enter the workforce. I don’t ever want to stop growing and, hopefully, improving. I want to be a life-long learner. There is so much to discover in the world; I am saddened I can only learn the smallest fraction of it in one lifetime.

Finally, we need to leave a legacy. It’s not about leaving money. I want my life to count for something, even if it seems small in comparison to some others. I truly appreciate this thought often attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson. It may be that he did not actually pen these words, but they are nevertheless wise and worth repeating.

 “To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a little bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

How do you measure up? Are you living fully, loving completely, learning constantly and planning to leave a worthwhile legacy?

This is a recipe for “success” in the truest form of the word.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/EvaSwensen

I Had a Wonderful Time

I have a collection of humorous and poignant epitaphs and tombstone verses. I find it interesting to note what is said about someone who has recently died. Granted, not all tombstone sayings are telling. Like the one for Lester Moore at Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:

HERE LIES LESTER MOORE

FOUR SLUGS FROM A 44

NO LES

NO MORE

Or this grave marker from Uniontown, Pennsylvania:

HERE LIES THE BODY OF JONATHAN BLAKE

STEPPED ON THE GAS

INSTEAD OF THE BRAKE

In the effort to explain how the person died, the tombstone of Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York says:

LOOKED UP THE ELEVATOR SHAFT 

TO SEE IF THE CAR WAS 

ON THE WAY DOWN 

IT WAS

Television celebrity and talk show host Merv Griffin penned his own:

I WILL NOT BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS MESSAGE

Sometimes these “last words” reveal more than the deceased may have wanted, like this one:

HERE LIES A FELLOW WHO LIVED FOR HIMSELF

AND CARED FOR NOTHING 

BUT GATHERING PELF

NOW WHERE HE IS OR HOW HE FARES

NOBODY KNOWS AND NOBODY CARES

These posthumous writings will often summarize a life. If accurate, they can point the reader to that which was most important to the deceased. Did this person enjoy life? Was she cared for? Did he make a difference? Did she leave a legacy?

When you die, how will you be remembered?

Newspaper columnist Nick Clooney printed some epitaphs from people still alive, written by themselves. Some were humorous, some serious. Some hoped that their own original epitaph would be close to the way they might be remembered. One that I appreciate came from Charlie Mechem, former head of Taft Broadcasting. Charlie wished that this might be put on his tombstone: “Dear God, Thanks for letting me visit. I had a wonderful time.”

All right. Not every day is a wonderful day. But as I look back over my life, the good and bad, the difficult and fun and exciting and dreadful, I would like to be able to say in summary: I had a wonderful time. There were friends and family, there were failures and even disasters, but there was also plenty of fun. And through it all, there was important work to do. When it’s finally over, I want to honestly say I had a wonderful time.

So I’m going to make sure I appreciate today. And I know that if I can look back on most days as being somehow worthwhile, and often times enjoyable, I know that if I will find a way to appreciate every day given to me, I will be able to say in all sincerity, “I had a wonderful time.” 

I can’t ask for more.

-- Steve Goodier

How Will You Be Remembered?

Three friends were discussing death and one of them asked, "What would you like people to say about you at your funeral?"

The first of the friends said, "I would like them to say, 'He was a great humanitarian, who cared about his community.'"

The second answered, "I hope they say, 'She was a great wife and mother, who was an example for her family."'

The third friend responded, "I would like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

Other than "Look! He's moving!" -- what would you hope others might say about you at your funeral?

A friend once told me of a caring and much-loved school nurse who died. She was well known by the faculty and students, as she had been there 35 years. When the principal announced her death to the children, many of them began to cry.

To help ease their grief, the school counselor had a group of children draw a picture of what the nurse meant to them. One child filled in her paper with red. "This is her heart," she explained. "It's too big for the paper."

At her funeral her friends and family clapped and celebrated her life. She left behind a great legacy of love.

How will you be remembered? What legacy will you leave behind?

Toward the end of his life, author and theologian Elton Trueblood made this observation: "At the age of 93, I am well aware that I do not have many years to live. Consequently, I try very hard to live my remaining years in such a manner that I really make a difference in as many lives as possible. How do I want to be remembered? Not primarily as a Christian scholar, but rather as a loving person. This can be the goal of every individual. If I can be remembered as a truly loving person, I shall be satisfied."

After you are gone, people may forget most of what you have said and done. But they will remember that you loved them.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Jetske