The Glory of Solitude

Image by Jamie Harris

An older lady sat alone on a park bench in The Villages, a Florida adult community. A man about her age walked over and seated himself on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman broke the silence. “Are you a stranger here?” she asked.

He replied, “I lived here years ago.”

“So, where were you all these years?” she wondered aloud.

“In prison.”

“Oh, my! Why were you in prison?”

He fixed her with a steady gaze and quietly said, “I killed my wife.”

“Oh, I see!” the startled woman exclaimed. She let the silence hang between them. After a moment she ventured, “So…you're single...?”

We've all been lonely (but hopefully not that lonely). You may remember the Beatles song “Eleanor Rigby”:

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Loneliness is usually temporary, but sometimes chronic. It occurs when we are separated from an important relationship. Or sometimes when we never experienced the intimacy we crave to begin with. But loneliness is not at all the same as aloneness.

Can you be alone without being lonely? Theologian Paul Tillich put it this way: "Language... has created the word 'loneliness' to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word 'solitude' to express the glory of being alone."

Can you be alone without being lonely? Can you spend time by yourself without craving noise or company of other people? Have you discovered the glory of quiet time spent alone, time spent listening to your soul? Solitude brings with it gifts that come from nowhere else.

Writer Ardath Rodale counseled, “Give yourself time to listen to who you are.” That is advice too important to ignore: give yourself time to listen to who you are. Have you noticed that, in English, the word "listen" contains the same letters as the word "silent"? In order to listen deeply, we must be silent. Alone. And in our quiet aloneness, we will hear what can be heard no other way.

That is the glory of solitude. Are you ready to give yourself that gift?

- Steve Goodier

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A Good Life

Image courtesy of MorgueFile

Calvin, of the "Calvin and Hobbes" comic strip fame, once imparted some timeless wisdom: "If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night," he observed, "I'll bet they'd live a lot differently."

I believe he's right. I try to sit outside every night before bedtime to breathe the night air and look at the sky. It's a simple practice. For me, a time of deep relaxation and spiritual cleansing.

Year by bewildering year our world grows more complex. We crave peace in our souls. We long for simplicity in lives that too easily become relentlessly tangled in complicated webs.

One man, David, enjoyed the simple things of life. He sometimes took jobs in the American west at dude ranches, national parks and seasonal resorts.

His brother, however, wanted to entice him to get a "real" job and live in a world surrounded by things that only money can buy. So David's brother often sent him photos of himself enjoying the so-called "good life." He labeled his snapshots "My new sound system" or "My new car."

But the photographs stopped arriving after David responded with a picture of his own. He sent his brother a large poster with a breathtaking view of Wyoming's Grand Teton National Park. On the back was David's message: "My back yard."

I believe I understand how David feels. While his brother was striving for THE Good Life, David aimed for A Good Life. There's a difference.

THE good life requires that we take pleasure in new things; A good life requires that we take pleasure in moments.

To enjoy THE good life we have to get ahead; to enjoy A good life we have to make the trip worthwhile.

THE good life is supported by feeding our pocketbooks; A good life is supported by feeding our souls.

Over a century ago, John Burroughs put it like this: "To find the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter...to be thrilled by the stars at night; to be elated over a bird's nest or a wildflower in spring – these are some of the rewards of the simple life." I call it a good life.

I don't want to collect more stuff at the expense of collecting memories. And I don't want to let making a buck interfere with my making a difference.

I'm already looking forward to tonight when I'll sit outside and look up at the stars.

-- Steve Goodier

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Serenity in Chaos

flickr.com/Amit Patel

As an airport skycap checked through a customer at curbside, he accidentally knocked over the man's luggage. He quickly collected the fallen bags and apologized for the mishap. Unappeased, the traveler burst into an angry tirade, raging and swearing at the skycap for his clumsiness.

Throughout the traveler's rant, the baggage handler calmly apologized and smiled. The livid customer continued to berate the man, even as he turned away and headed for his gate. Through it all the baggage handler smiled and remained calm.

The next customer in line witnessed the incident and marveled at the skycap's professionalism and self control. "I have never seen such restraint and humility," he said. "How do you keep your cool when somebody is attacking you so viciously?"

"It's easy," the skycap answered. "He's going to London, but his bags are going to Tokyo."

I won’t recommend that we use revenge to relieve stress. But let me tell you about someone who has found a way to go through most of his life unfazed by the turbulence that affects most people.

He is one of the calmest people I’ve ever known and he describes how he keeps his cool no matter how turbulent a situation becomes. He says, “I look at it this way. A traffic jam has no power to make me angry. It just stops my car. And that’s the way I try to look at most of what happens to me.” With that philosophy, this guy goes through life with a serenity I can only envy.

My friend likes to say things like, “A rude customer has no power to make me angry; he just fusses.” And, “A mistake I made has no power to make me upset; it’s just a chance to do better.” He shows how we can truly find calmness in the midst of chaos.

Eminent 20th Century American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr wrote a short prayer that has been reprinted countless times. Bill Wilson, co-founder of the support group Alcoholics Anonymous, became familiar with the prayer about 1941. He edited and adapted it, and then circulated it with the title “Serenity Prayer.” You are likely familiar with his version:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

The prayer has been a great help to many hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of people over the years. And the truth of the matter is that there is much which cannot be changed. We can’t do anything about this evening’s traffic. Another person’s reaction is not something we can control. 

Furthermore, we may have made any number of mistakes that we probably regret, but they are in the past and that is something we cannot change. Reliving the past does not help us change the future.

There’s a certain power in calmness. And those who learn to accept with serenity that which they cannot change will find power to change those things they can.

-- Steve Goodier

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