I’ll Never Complain Again

I once read about a man who, back in the mid-1970s, was driving in a downpour and stopped for fuel. This was in the days of “full-service” gas stations. He sat inside his dry car while an attendant, who whistled cheerfully while he worked, filled up his tank in that awful rain.

As the customer was leaving, he said apologetically, “I’m sorry to get you out in this weather.”

The attendant replied, “It doesn’t bother me a bit. When I was fighting in Vietnam, I made up my mind in a foxhole one day that if I ever got out of this place alive, I would be so grateful I’d never complain about anything again. And I haven’t.”

One person likes to say, “Happiness consists of living each day as if it were the first day of your honeymoon and the last day of your vacation.” And Ralph Waldo Emerson puts it this way: “An individual has a healthy personality to the exact degree to which they have the propensity to look for the good in every situation."

However you say it, choosing our attitudes is part of building a whole and happy life.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Kevin Spencer

A Simple Habit That Can Change Everything

Do you remember the story of the sailor who over-imbibed and fell asleep at his table? His buddies smeared a bit of strong smelling cheese dip on his mustache, which caused him to wake up and look around. He sniffed and then walked outside, sniffed again and came back in, walked out and back in one more time and finally sat down in his seat. “It’s no use,” he said to his friend, “the whole world stinks.”

Ever felt that way? We have all experienced bad days and horrible situations. We’ve felt trapped, helpless and, at times, hopeless. And sometimes it seems that the whole world stinks.

But I heard of one woman who learned never to view things that way. She grew up in extreme poverty and had every reason to think that her world, at least, stinks. But as a girl, she was privileged to be in a Sunday School class taught by a young woman named Alice Freeman. Freeman was later to become president of Wellesley College at age 26. (As an aside, she would later marry and become known as Alice Freeman Palmer, a renown advocate for education for women.) But let me continue with the little girl’s story.

One Sunday, Freeman asked the children to find something beautiful in their homes, and then tell the other children about it the next week. The following Sunday, when the little girl was asked what she found that was beautiful at home, she thought of her impoverished condition and replied, “Nothing. There’s nothing beautiful where I live, except...except the sunshine on our baby’s curls.”

Years later, long after Alice Freeman Palmer’s untimely death, her husband George was lecturing at a university in the western United States. He was approached by a distinguished looking woman who fondly recalled that, as a child, she attended his wife’s Sunday School class. Then she related this story:

“I can remember that your wife once asked us to find something beautiful in our homes, and that I came back saying the only beautiful thing I could find was the sunshine on my sister’s curls. But that assignment your wife made was the turning point in my life. I began to look for something beautiful wherever I was, and I’ve been doing it ever since.” 

That one simple act, repeated every day, became a powerful means of lifelong transformation for that woman.

If you have been thinking your “whole world stinks,” the daily habit of looking for something beautiful can help you see the good that actually exists wherever you are. You’ll see beauty that others miss. And you’ll never view your life the same again. 

It’s a simple habit that can change everything.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/zehhhra

Two Simple, Little Words

Lecturer Charles Hobbs tells about a woman who lived in London over a century ago. She saved what little money she could working as a scullery maid and used it one evening to hear a great speaker of her day. His speech moved her deeply and she waited to visit with him afterward. “How fine it must be to have had the opportunities you have had in life,” she said.

“My dear lady,” he replied, “have you never received an opportunity?”

“No. I have never had a chance,” she said.

“What do you do?” the speaker asked.

She answered, “I peel onions and potatoes in my sister’s boarding house.”

“How long have you been doing this?” he pursued.

“Fifteen miserable years!”

“And where do you sit?” he continued. 

“Why, on the bottom step in the kitchen.” She looked puzzled.

“And where do you put your feet?”

“On the floor,” she answered, more puzzled. 

“What is the floor?”

“It is glazed brick.”

Then he said, “I will give you an assignment today. I want you to write me a letter about the bricks. Learn as much as you can about the bricks in your kitchen, then teach me.”

Against her protests about being a poor writer, he made her promise to complete the assignment.

The next day, as she sat down to peel onions, she gazed at the brick floor. That evening she pulled one loose, took it to a brick factory and asked the owner to explain to her how bricks were made.

Still not satisfied, she went to a library and found a book on bricks. She learned that 120 different kinds of brick and tile were being produced in England at the time. Now curious, she discovered how clay beds, which existed for millions of years, were formed. Her research captivated her imagination and she spent every spare moment learning more. She returned to the library night after night until she became something of an expert on bricks.

After months of study, she set out to write her letter as promised. She sent a 36-page document about English bricks and, to her surprise, she received a letter back. Enclosed was payment for her research. He had published her letter. And along with the money came a new assignment – this time he asked her to write about what she found underneath the brick.

For the first time in her life she could hardly wait to get back to the kitchen. She pulled up the brick and there was an ant. She held it in her hand and examined it.

That evening, she hurried back to the library to study ants. She learned that there were hundreds of different kinds of ants. Some were so small they could stand on the head of a pin; while others were so large one could feel the weight of them in one’s hand. She started her own ant colony and examined ants underneath a lens.

Several months later she wrote what she learned about ants in another long letter.  It, too, was eventually published. For the first time, she began to think that she might be able to do something different with her life. She was thrilled to discover that her future was not predetermined. And in time, the woman quit her kitchen job to take up writing.

Before she died, she had traveled to distant lands and had experienced more than she ever imagined possible. 

Two of the saddest words in the language are “if only.” If only I had a chance. If only I had the time. If only I had more education. If only I had connections. If only I had more money. If only things were different. If only...

And two of the most inspirational words are “I can.” I can try. I can learn. I can adjust. I can heal. I can change. I can grow. I  can do it.

Two simple, little words. Yet they can change a life.

--Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Janice Staines

Fire In The Heart

The teacher quizzed her class: “He drove straight to his goal. He looked neither to the right nor to the left, but pressed forward, moved by a definite purpose. Neither friend nor foe could delay him, nor turn him from his course. All who crossed his path did so at their own peril. What would you call such a man?” A student replied, “A truck driver!” Let’s hope you don’t meet that truck driver on the highway. But I have noticed that those who possess even a fraction of that man’s passion often get where they want to go. The trick, of course, is to maintain enthusiasm. Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel got it right when he said:

The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. 

The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. 

The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. 

And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.

Nothing will kill a dream or douse the fire of a good idea more quickly than indifference. To whatever endeavor you commit yourself, be on guard primarily against that spirit-quenching attitude of apathy. “Each one of us has a fire in our heart for something,” says former Olympic gymnast Mary Lou Retton. “It’s our goal in life to find it and keep it lit.” What do you have a fire in your heart for? Most fires will go out if neglected - ask any camper who wakes up cold in the middle of the night. Our job in life is to discover the fire in our heart and to keep it burning. Feed it. Encourage it. Shelter it from those natural elements that threaten to extinguish it. In other words, find it and keep it lit. Who knows what can happen?

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Meighen

Volunteer Victims

It’s a great temptation to volunteer as a victim. Do you know that we sign up for that job?

A man who dined regularly in his favorite restaurant complained about the bread. It wasn’t fair, he emphasized, that other restaurants served lots of bread. But here he gets only one piece.

So the next time he came in, they served him four pieces. He still complained it wasn’t enough.

On his next visit his server brought him a dozen pieces of bread. The man still complained.

For his next visit they put a large basket of bread on the table. But still he complained. “The other restaurants give all the bread you can eat.”

They decided to be ready for him the next day. They had an enormous loaf of bread prepared. It was six feet long and two feet wide. Four people carried the loaf to his table. They plopped it down in front of him. It took up half the table and hung over both sides. The chef stood back, pleased with himself, to see how the customer would react.

He looked over the loaf and commented, “So, we’re back to one piece again, are we?”

Like this man, we volunteer to be victims, but in more subtle ways. We believe life is unfair, people are untrustworthy and we are getting a bad shake. We think everyone should know just how terrible things are and we feel obliged to tell them.

One man says of a friend that he hates to ask her how she is feeling because he knows ahead of time what she will say. “You get an organ recital from her,” he says. She dwells on her health problems to the exclusion of everything good in her life.

The problem is, life sometimes is unfair and we can be victimized. But the greater truth is, people can decide whether they are victims or are victors. They can feel helpless and miserable, or they can try to feel strong. Happy people have learned that they cannot always control their circumstances, but they can often control how they will respond.

Lewis Dunning said, “What life means to us is determined not so much by what life brings to us as by the attitude we bring to life; not so much by what happens to us as by our reaction to what happens.”

You were born to be a victor! You were meant to be happy! Will you claim your birthright today?

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Donnie Ray Jones

How It Feels to Be Hooked

It was the late 1940s. Eastern Airline’s chair, Captain Eddie Rickenbacker, had a problem. Customers were complaining because the airline was mishandling luggage far too often. When nothing else seemed to work, he decided to take drastic action. 

Rickenbacker called a special meeting of the management personnel in Miami. Eastern’s management flew to Miami and was told their baggage would be delivered to their hotel rooms. It wasn’t. Instead, Rickenbacker had the luggage stored overnight.

It was a hot and humid summer and the muggy hotel had no air-conditioning. Various corporate managers showed up to the meeting the next morning unshaven, teeth unbrushed and wearing dirty and wrinkled clothes.

There was no sign of the baggage all that day. But it was delivered that night, at 3:00 a.m., with a loud pounding on hotel room doors.

Rickenbacker opened the next morning’s session by saying, “Now you know how the customer feels when you mishandle his luggage.” He knew his team would be ineffective until his people learned to empathize with their customers. 

Psychiatrist Karl Menninger put it like this: “It is hard for a free fish to understand what is happening to a hooked one.” That is why Rickenbacker wanted his employees, starting with his management team, to experience what it is like to be hooked.

When we understand another’s problem, we will be more effective in business and personal relationships. And if we’re ever hooked ourselves and someone who “gets it” reaches out to help, something wonderful is likely to happen.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/ePi.Longo

I Had a Wonderful Time

I have a collection of humorous and poignant epitaphs and tombstone verses. I find it interesting to note what is said about someone who has recently died. Granted, not all tombstone sayings are telling. Like the one for Lester Moore at Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:

HERE LIES LESTER MOORE

FOUR SLUGS FROM A 44

NO LES

NO MORE

Or this grave marker from Uniontown, Pennsylvania:

HERE LIES THE BODY OF JONATHAN BLAKE

STEPPED ON THE GAS

INSTEAD OF THE BRAKE

In the effort to explain how the person died, the tombstone of Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York says:

LOOKED UP THE ELEVATOR SHAFT 

TO SEE IF THE CAR WAS 

ON THE WAY DOWN 

IT WAS

Television celebrity and talk show host Merv Griffin penned his own:

I WILL NOT BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS MESSAGE

Sometimes these “last words” reveal more than the deceased may have wanted, like this one:

HERE LIES A FELLOW WHO LIVED FOR HIMSELF

AND CARED FOR NOTHING 

BUT GATHERING PELF

NOW WHERE HE IS OR HOW HE FARES

NOBODY KNOWS AND NOBODY CARES

These posthumous writings will often summarize a life. If accurate, they can point the reader to that which was most important to the deceased. Did this person enjoy life? Was she cared for? Did he make a difference? Did she leave a legacy?

When you die, how will you be remembered?

Newspaper columnist Nick Clooney printed some epitaphs from people still alive, written by themselves. Some were humorous, some serious. Some hoped that their own original epitaph would be close to the way they might be remembered. One that I appreciate came from Charlie Mechem, former head of Taft Broadcasting. Charlie wished that this might be put on his tombstone: “Dear God, Thanks for letting me visit. I had a wonderful time.”

All right. Not every day is a wonderful day. But as I look back over my life, the good and bad, the difficult and fun and exciting and dreadful, I would like to be able to say in summary: I had a wonderful time. There were friends and family, there were failures and even disasters, but there was also plenty of fun. And through it all, there was important work to do. When it’s finally over, I want to honestly say I had a wonderful time.

So I’m going to make sure I appreciate today. And I know that if I can look back on most days as being somehow worthwhile, and often times enjoyable, I know that if I will find a way to appreciate every day given to me, I will be able to say in all sincerity, “I had a wonderful time.” 

I can’t ask for more.

-- Steve Goodier

Which Direction Are You Looking?

Newscaster Paul Harvey once related a story about a woman from Michigan who vacationed in Florida. She found a secluded spot on the roof of her hotel to soak up a few rays of sunshine, and in order to get a “total” tan, she removed all her clothing. Within a half-hour the hotel manager was beside her insisting that she cover up. She argued that nobody was in sight. He agreed. Problem was – she was stretched out over the hotel skylight.

It occurs to me that the hotel’s problems began because somebody was looking up! Which normally is an excellent thing to do. At least in attitude. But what a surprise lay in store that day for those beneath the skylight.

As you know, some folks spend their lives looking down. Downcast in spirit, they hang their heads and lead negative and joyless lives. Frankly, it’s a difficult way to live.

Others are constantly looking out. They live in fear and watch vigilantly for problems, real or imaginary, that threaten their happiness. Because they are risk-averse, they seldom challenge themselves to grow and rarely make a difference in life.

Still others seem always to be looking around. Forever searching for a better partner, a better job or a better deal, they keep a watchful eye out and seldom experience a lasting commitment. 

And others yet can be found too-often looking back. They believe their best days are behind them and they have no hope for the future. They can’t fully enjoy today because their eyes are on yesterday.

But a few vibrant folks are usually found looking up. These resilient individuals have learned how to look beyond problems to solutions; beyond discouragement to hope. Their positive attitude draws others in. They see the good because they look for it. They are encouragers and, at times, their hopeful attitude inspires those around them. 

For people who learn the habit of looking up, the payoff is usually satisfaction and joy. As Earl Nightingale correctly stated, “Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude towards us.”

You can tell a lot about a person simply by noticing which direction they are inclined to look. Do they look down? Or do they look out? Maybe they are often found looking around or looking back. But there will always be some who will look up, no matter which direction others may face. 

The better question to ask is, which way will you look?

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/memphis CVB

Expecting Something Unexpected

Have you noticed how life is full of surprises? A sailor tried to find a new trade route to China and stumbled upon a new (to him) continent. Alexander Fleming inadvertently left a culture dish on a window sill and discovered penicillin. Another scientist discovered saccharin when he noticed a strange, sugary taste in his sandwich. I read that in 1989, an unidentified "middle-aged financial analyst from Philadelphia" paid four dollars for a painting at a flea market.* He didn't even like the painting -- it was the frame he wanted. So he took the picture apart...and when he did, a copy of the US Declaration of Independence fell out. It was folded up, about the size of a business envelope. He thought it might be an early 19th-century printing and worth keeping as a curiosity. A few years later, the man showed the print to a friend, who suspected it might be valuable and encouraged him to look into it. He did, and learned that only hours after finishing work on the Declaration in 1776, the Continental Congress had delivered the handwritten draft to a printer with orders to send copies of the Declaration to "the several Assemblies, Conventions and Councils of Safety and to the Commanding Officers of the Continental troops, that it be proclaimed in each of the United States and at the head of the Army." This was one of those original copies. No one is sure how many were printed that night; today only 24 survive, and most are in poor condition. But the one in the picture frame was in excellent shape, having spent the better part of two centuries undisturbed. In 1991, it sold at auction for $2.4 million. Life is full of surprises...full of good things. Of course, most surprises are not nearly as dramatic as these, and it’s all too easy to miss good things, commonplace as they are. Jesse Owens, 1936 Olympic gold medalist said, “Find the good. It's all around you. Find it, showcase it and you'll start believing in it.” Unexpected and pleasant surprises occur every day...random kindnesses from a stranger; would-be tragic accidents narrowly avoided; sicknesses healed.... We will notice if we look. We will see good sprinkled liberally over every day if we are open. And who knows? As Owens said, we may come to believe that goodness is all around. All we have to do is look. -- Steve Goodier

*Bathroom Readers' Press, 1996

Image: flickr.com/Tetsumo

Our Greatest Songs Are Still Unsung

Are you able to warmly welcome the future as you would a new friend?

The late US senator Hubert Humphrey, a man with an indomitable zest for living, once talked about the "good old days." He said, "They were never that good, believe me. The good new days are today, and better days are coming tomorrow. Our greatest songs are still unsung."

What a marvelous spirit. Our greatest songs are still unsung! Quite a different spirit is found in a business magazine ad that pictures a newborn baby with the caption: "Only 22,463 days until retirement." The ad is cute, but it picks up on a spirit of our day. It is a spirit of worry and anxiety. It is a spirit that tells us, "You don't know what the future holds. It is likely to be bleak; even disastrous. Plan carefully." You know what spirit I mean.

I have always believed in the future. And I will look forward to it with great anticipation. Why shouldn't I make friends with the future? After all, I intend to spend the rest of my life there.

I am intrigued by a story about a bishop back in the 1870s. The bishop had charge of a small denominational college. Annually, he visited the school and stayed in the home of the president.

The bishop was a narrow thinker with a dim view of the future. He told the school president during one of those visits that everything that could be invented had already been invented.

The administrator disagreed. "In 50 years," he contested, "people will learn to fly like birds."

That kind of talk greatly disturbed the bishop. "Flight is reserved for birds and angels," he said emphatically, "and you, sir, are guilty of blasphemy!"

The name of the bishop was Milton Wright. That name may not have a great deal of meaning to you, but something else will. You see, back at home, this clergyman had two enthusiastic sons - Orville and Wilbur - who believed that our greatest songs were still unsung. The rest of the story is one of an enthusiastic belief in tomorrow. You know how it ends.

Do you believe that your greatest songs are still unsung? Will you joyously welcome tomorrow, and all the tomorrows to come? After all, the good new days are today, and better days are coming tomorrow. 

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimage.com/gilderm

How Much Do You Yearn?

It can make all the difference...

Christopher Morley has said, “There are three ingredients in the good life: learning, earning and yearning.” And yearning can make up for a great lack in the other two.

In Daniel Steere’s book, I Am, I Can (Fleming H. Revell Co.), the author tells a heart-warming story about the power of yearning. He tells that Columbia University football coach Lou Little was stopped on campus and informed of the unexpected death of the father of one of his players. He agreed to break the news to the student, as he knew that the young man and his father were quite close.

Two days after he went home to attend the funeral, the student returned to campus and was back on the practice field. “What are you doing back so soon?” asked the coach. “You could have taken a week or two...we would have understood.”

“Coach,” the young man said, “my father was buried yesterday, and the rest of the family is taking care of things. Coach Little, I’ve just got to play in that game tomorrow. That’s why I came back today.”

The coach reminded him that tomorrow’s game was a critical game and he might not play at all since he wasn’t a usual starter.

But the student pressed, “I know I haven’t played much, Coach, but I’m asking you for a chance to play tomorrow. I’ve just got to play in that game.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Coach Little said, “Okay, son, tell you what. If we win the toss, I’ll let you play on the receiving team, but I can’t promise you more than that.”

The next day Columbia did win the toss. That young man went into the game and played like he had never played before. In fact, he was playing so well that Lou Little decided to leave him in longer. He had an outstanding day and, largely because of his effort, Columbia won the game.

In the locker room, the coach asked the student, “What in the world happened to you out there? You never played ball like that in your whole life. That’s the best exhibition of football I ever saw. How in the world did you do it?”

“Well, Coach,” the exhausted and exhilarated young man said, “you never met my father, did you?”

“No, I didn’t.” Little replied. “I knew you were very close to your father, and I saw you walking arm in arm across the campus on several occasions, but I never met him.”

“Well, you see,” the student said, searching for the right words, “for most of my life my father was blind – and today was the first day he was able to watch me play.”

There are few qualities more vital than a strong yearning. Earning and learning help, but that desire to reach a little farther, to be a little more, yearning...for a piece of something greater, can often make all the difference.

An admirer once exclaimed to President Theodore Roosevelt, “Mr. Roosevelt, you are a great man!”

“No,” he replied, “Teddy Roosevelt is simply a plain, ordinary man – highly motivated.” It was his yearning that set him apart.

-- Steve Goodier

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Find Some Humor

Image by Andreas Herrmann

. . . especially when life takes an unexpected turn.

I once read a story, purported to be true, of a motorist who was caught in an automated speed trap. His speed was measured by a radar machine and his car was automatically photographed. In a few days he received a ticket for $40 in the mail along with a picture of his automobile. As payment, he sent the police department a snapshot of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police. It contained another picture -- of handcuffs. He promptly paid the fine.

Who hasn't received a traffic violation? There are many ways to respond to those inevitable irritations of life, and one of the best is to find some humor. (Though he's probably fortunate the police had a sense of humor, too.)

This is one of Bill Cosby’s strategies for successful living. The comedian has known hard times, yet he once summarized his attitude this way: "You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything... you can survive it."  Like aging. He says that all things shift when we age. Even the mind. It slips from the head to the behind. There’s proof of this, he tells us. When you walk into a room to get something or to do something, you forget what you went after. You see, your mind has left. “But then you sit down and – bingo! – you remember what it was you wanted. Therefore, your mind must have slipped down to your behind.”

Growing older is a wonderful thing, especially if you're young. But what if most of your years are behind you? There are some things, like growing older, that can't be changed. And one of the best ways to respond to things that can't be changed is to find some humor.

Then there's Katie. Katie was a young woman with a great, big problem. She was a teenager dying of leukemia. Katie's mother wrote to me and told me how her daughter approached her disease. She told about a time, shortly after a bone marrow transplant, when Katie's head was “slickly bald,” as she put it. One day Katie heard the doctor coming on rounds and ducked into the bathroom. Her mother heard her giggling and asked, "Katie, what is so funny?"

She put her finger to her lips, pulled a Nike ski cap onto her head and crawled into bed. 

When the doctor came in, she said, "Well, Miss Katie! How are you feeling today?"

Katie frowned and said, "I am OK, I guess... but I just have this splitting headache." She pulled off her ski cap and there on her bald head was a huge red crack, which she had drawn with a marker. As the doctor recovered from her initial shock, the room exploded in laughter.

Katie did not survive the cancer, but she conquered depression and despair and found an authentic way to live as fully as possible her last months of life.

There are many ways to respond when life takes a serious turn, but even then, perhaps especially then, one of the best is to find some humor. “It DOES help!” Katie's mother asserted at the end of her letter.

Mark Twain says that the human race “has unquestionably one really effective weapon – laughter.” Laughing at the twists and turns of life may not be your first response, but it can be one of the best.

-- Steve Goodier

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Who Sets Your Standards?

Image by Ariel da Silva Parreira

Who sets your standards for you?

A true story has it that one older man decided to jog around the local high school football field. As he huffed and puffed along, the team was in practice.

The players soon started running sprints up and down the field. The man told himself, "I'll just keep running until they quit." So he ran. And they ran. And he ran some more. And they kept running. And he kept running until he could finally run no more. He stopped in exhaustion. One of the players, equally exhausted, approached him and said, "Boy, I'm glad you finally stopped, Mister. Coach told us we had to keep running wind sprints as long as the old guy was jogging!"

He was watching them. They were watching him. He was letting them set his standard. They allowed him to set theirs.

My question is this: are you keeping pace with somebody else? Are you allowing other people to set your standards for you?

What about your standards, or principles, for moral behavior? Humorist Mark Twain said, “I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.” Do you decide for yourself what is right and wrong or do you find yourself going along with others?

And how about attitudinal standards? When confronted with negativity and cynicism, how do you respond? Do you choose your attitudes, or do you just react to circumstances?

What about your relationships? What do you expect to get out of relationships? Who sets the standard for how fulfilling, or even how important, a relationship will be to you?

In short, do you keep pace with those around you, or do you decide yourself just how you will live your life? The truth is...only you are qualified to set your standards.  Only you can determine how you should live and what you will finally expect from yourself.

Set your own standards. It beats jogging until your legs fall off.

– Steve Goodier

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Enough Is a Moving Target

Image by Vivek Chugh

Alfred E. Neuman, mascot for Mad magazine, once said, “Most people don’t know what they really want – but they’re sure they haven’t got it.” It might be true that a great many people do not think they have what they really want...or need.

I have a friend who likes to say, “Enough is a moving target.” When do we have enough? Enough money? Enough love? Enough time? Enough influence? Enough respect? Enough of whatever we think we need to be happier? Maybe we got that new job or bought that car we had been waiting for. Perhaps we found a relationship that was exactly what we sought for so long, or settled into a life we thought we always wanted. Maybe we got that advanced degree or finally moved away from parents and now live on our own.

We should be happy, right? And for a while, we are. But how often do we eventually discover that the shine is gone, that somehow we don't seem to have enough? What changed? Chances are, we are victims of the phenomenon that “enough is a moving target.”

The job no longer satisfies. The relationship no longer fulfills like we had expected. All those things we had for so long thought would bring lasting contentment just don't seem to be enough because somebody moved the target.

And here's the truth: our age is characterized by the ABILITY to get what we want, and the INABILITY to want what we've got. Our age is characterized by discontentment.

In 1988, one woman won twenty-two million dollars in her state lottery. Her family and friends gathered around her. Television lights blazed. Even the network news showed up. She was ecstatic. "This is the happiest day of my life!" she announced.

And you know the rest of the story. A mere five years later she was shown again on television shaking her head in disbelief. In no time at all she went through a divorce, the alienation of her children and a financial investment that turned sour. A judge garnished her lottery winnings for the rest of her life. The closing scene showed the woman sitting on the steps of an apartment building in utter despair.

She had won $22 million. Not that it should have made her happy, but it certainly was not enough to save her from unhappiness.

Don't hear me say that happiness comes from material possessions. I don't believe it for a minute. You already know that the most important things in life are probably not things at all. But happiness, at least in part, does come from a deep appreciation of what we already have, both material and immaterial. It's never about getting what we want – somebody keeps moving that target. It's about appreciating whatever it is we have.

You probably have the ability to get what you want. And you likely have everything you need to be completely satisfied. But do you also have the ability to want what you've got?

That just may be one of the most important questions you will ever answer.

-- Steve Goodier

A Miracle Morning

I stumbled out the door of a mountain cabin where I was spending the weekend working with youth and their families at a rustic resort center. I had a 6:30 AM appointment to keep and squinted from the early autumn sun peeking over pine-blanketed mountaintops.
   
I was started by a voice behind me. “Today is a miracle!” I turned to find one of the teenagers following behind.
   
“How?” I asked her. It looked like it might be pleasantly warm later in the day. Otherwise, fairly ordinary. The word “miracle” seemed like an overstatement. Anyway, I wasn’t sure if I could handle much excitement this early in the morning.
   
“Think about it,” she smiled. “The sun rose, didn’t it?”
   
“Yeah.” I found it easy to hide any enthusiasm. It seemed to rise on every other morning without my getting involved.
   
“That’s a miracle! It is miraculous that the earth turns as it does. At night, the sun goes down and in the morning it rises. It just happens!”
   
I pretty much already had this figured out. I rubbed sleep from my eyes. I was also busy thinking about how to get a cup of coffee.
   
“And look at the mountains! Covered with trees and grass, they look so beautiful. And there,” she pointed, “a valley. It’s incredible.”
   
Was she always this perky? And shouldn't there be a rule against perkiness this early in the morning? Especially before coffee?
   
“Did you notice the wildflowers?” she continued. “It all smells so fresh and clean and so good.” She took a deep breath and I thought I might have caught a sparkle in her eyes. Though it may have also been a trick of the light. “All of nature receives water and sunlight and everything it needs. Things grow and blossom – it really is lovely.”

Now I started to worry. I thought I was actually coming around. Well, a little bit, anyway. Is perkiness contagious? I felt something stirring inside. Up until then I thought this was just an ordinary morning in the mountains. I didn't know what spell she was secretly weaving, but she had a point. It really was beautiful, even if there was nothing magic about it. 

Then, with a smile that gave her pronouncement a note of finality, she said, “And best of all, it will happen again tomorrow. And the next day. And the next!” Then she sighed. “See? It's a miracle morning.”

In her poem “Aurora Leigh,” Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote:

    Earth's crammed with heaven,
    And every common bush afire with God:
    But only he who sees, takes off his shoes,
    The rest sit round it, and pluck blackberries...

Along the early morning path, my friend had removed her shoes. For her, earth was “crammed with heaven” and “every bush afire.” It wasn't just perkiness; she had eyes to see what I had completely missed. I was, as Browning might say, sitting around plucking blackberries.

I haven't seen that young woman for many years. She's grown up now. Maybe she has a family of her own. She's no doubt seen a good measure of heartache and trouble – who hasn't? But I would be surprised if she isn't basically a happy and contented person. Why? Because she discovered a valuable secret about happiness – she learned to find wonder in commonplace things and to feel gratitude for the ordinary. And life is nothing if not filled with the commonplace and ordinary.

After all, if a single morning can hold so much wonder for her, then a lifetime of mornings, not to mention evenings and everything in between, should keep her going through whatever life throws her way.

-- Steve Goodier

Image by Michel Mayerle

How Much Music Can You Make?

Imagine this. A concert violinist is performing a difficult piece in front of a large audience. Suddenly there is a loud snap that reverberates throughout the auditorium. The audience immediately knows that a string has broken and fully expects the concert to be suspended until another string, or instrument, is brought to the musician.

But instead, the violinist composes herself, closes her eyes and then signals the conductor to begin again. The orchestra resumes where it had left off and now the musician plays the music on the remaining three strings. In her mind she works out new fingering to compensate. A work that few people can play well on a perfect instrument, the violinist with the broken string plays magnificently.

When she finishes, an awesome silence hangs in the room. And then as one, the crowd rises to their feet amidst enthusiastic applause and cheers. The violinist smiles and wipes perspiration from her brow. When silence returns to the great room, she explains why she continued to play in spite of the accident. "You know," she says, still breathless, "sometimes it is the artist's task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left."

(Though this incident is sometimes purported to have happened to the famous violinist Itzhak Perlman, it cannot be substantiated and is more likely grist in the mill of urban legend. But there is a powerful truth in this story nevertheless.)

We know what the violinist means, don't we? We know about experiencing losses and setbacks. We know what it means to find out how much music we can still make with what we have left.

Maybe you've lived most of your life and you have only a little time remaining. Though most of your life is behind, can you still make music?

Maybe disease or an accident has robbed you of your capacity to work. Though too sick or weak to hold down a job, are there other ways to contribute? Can you still make music?

Perhaps a financial loss has left you impoverished. Without the resources you've enjoyed in the past, can you count up the numerous other resources still available to you? Time? Energy? Skills? Knowledge? Can you still make music?

Or maybe a meaningful relationship has ended and you feel alone in the world. Will you figure out what that loss means in your life, grieve its passing and decide you still have a future? Can you still make music?

There are times when we all experience loss; times when something occurs that changes everything. Like the violinist, will you find the courage to discover just how much music you can still make with what you have left? How much good you can still do? How much joy you can still share?

I'm convinced that the world, more than ever, needs the music only you can make. And if it takes extra courage to keep playing in spite of your loss, many will applaud the effort. And who knows? Others may be inspired to pick up their broken instruments, their broken lives, and begin again.

The all-important question we each must ask is this: Just how much music can I make with what I have left?

– Steve Goodier

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Image by Sam Hakes

Life As an Active Science

Image courtesy of Mikhail Medvedev

That tireless inventor Thomas Edison famously said of his various experiments, “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” Murphy's Law is much less sanguine about it: “If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of life's great disappointments.”

I have to say, though, that I like to experiment – especially with my life. I believe in self transformation and try to challenge myself regularly to adopt new attitudes and behaviors. I realize that I can be a little excessive with self change (you may know that already), but I am drawn to the exciting idea that my life is an “active science.”

I think changes in wrist watches over the past 50 years beautifully illustrate how important it is to experiment. Do you know who set the standard for fine watch-making for most of the 20th Century? If you answered, "The Swiss," you are correct. Swiss wrist watches dominated world markets for at least 60 years and Swiss companies were committed to constant refinement of their craft.
   
It was the Swiss who came forward with the minute hand and the second hand. They led the world in discovering better ways to manufacture gears, bearings, and main-springs of watches. They even led the way in waterproofing techniques and self-winding models. By 1968 the Swiss made 65 percent of all watches sold in the world and laid claim to as much as 90 percent of the profits.
   
Now...which country sold the most wrist watches in the 1980s? The answer is Japan. By 1980 Swiss companies had laid off thousands of watch-makers and controlled less than 10 percent of the world market. Between 1979 and 1981, eighty percent of Swiss watchmakers lost their jobs.
   
Why? One reason is the advent of Japanese digital watches. Another major reason is that the Swiss were reluctant to change the way they traditionally designed wrist watches. Like the fact that for too long they refused to utilize the less expensive and more accurate Quartz crystal. In short, they kept doing what they always did. Because they did not seriously experiment with radical new ways of designing timepieces, most Swiss watchmakers found themselves doing something else for a living.
   
Our lives are not so different. Of course we need to accept ourselves as we are, but we can't stop there. We also need to value ourselves enough make needed changes.  It's a simple formula: If we want to live fully we have to keep growing. If we want to keep growing we have to adapt. And if we want to adapt we have to try on new ways of thinking and new ways of doing. For me it's about making my life an active science.

I appreciate Mark Twain's encouragement. "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do," he points out. "So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Sounds like fun to me.

-- Steve Goodier

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