An Unexpected Gift

Work sometimes has a bad reputation in our world. But there is something worse than work, and that is having no work to do. Even if we don’t need the money, we still need to be productive. At least that is what Drs. Kathryn Rost and G. Richard Smith of the University of Arkansas say. After analyzing the mental health of heart attack survivors, they concluded that one factor which greatly reduced the chances of depression was going back to work.

And why not? For one thing, at work we are often around friends, and people with strong relationships will almost always fare better mentally. For another, we humans need to feel useful, and we are often most productive when we work.

The scholar Arthur Kroeger wrote in Quote magazine (August 1994) that his brother sometimes visited an Anabaptist colony in southern Alberta, Canada. During one visit he asked leaders how they dealt with the problem of misbehavior – when people rebelled against the colony’s strict rules. He was told that these people were first asked to correct their behavior. If they did not respond, they would be given a stern “talking to.”

“But what do you do when all else fails, when somebody stubbornly refuses to behave?” he pressed.

“Ah,” came the reply, “if it comes to that, then we don’t give him anything to do.”

They are given no way to meaningfully contribute to their tight-knit community, nothing productive to do. For this colony, it is an effective behavior modification strategy.

Not having anything to do may work well when we enjoy some time away, but it makes for a poor lifestyle. Industrialist Henry Ford stated, “Work is our sanity, our self-respect, our salvation. So far from being a curse, work is the greatest blessing.” 

When I am unable to participate in some activity during working hours, I often turn it down by saying, “I have to work today.” But that makes working sound like an unwelcome obligation. The truth is, I am grateful I have honest work to do and that I am able to do it. Even a feeling of exhaustion at the end of a busy day can’t mask my satisfaction of having accomplished something useful. My work is an unexpected gift, and in that I am blessed.

Dale Carnegie gives this advice: “Are you bored with life? Then throw yourself into some work you believe in with all your heart, live for it, die for it, and you will find happiness that you had thought could never be yours.” Even if that work is volunteer service, if you believe in what you’re doing, your paycheck will be measured in satisfaction rather than money. And satisfaction is something money just can't buy.

--Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Javier Kohen

Getting the Right Person on Our Side

We don’t have to pretend to be better than we are. Sometimes we need help. Maybe we just need the right person on our side.

A young man barely got into West Point. He made the minimum height requirement by wearing heavy socks. Though he weighed only 120 pounds, he became a brilliant and effective second lieutenant.

Author Fred Herman, who tells the man's story, says that the officer drew as his first command one of the roughest, toughest platoons in the entire Army. He knew he had to win their confidence on day one. Mastering the platoon to attention in front of him, he thought he would put to rest the question about his size, once and for all.

“Men, there are two questions we must settle immediately,” he shouted. “Question number one. Is there anyone in this outfit who thinks he can whip me?”

No one responded. The lieutenant put them at ease and tried again, repeating the question. Finally, the regimental heavyweight champion, who stood six feet, seven inches and weighed 274 lbs. stepped forward.

“I believe I can whip you,” he said confidently.

“Good,” replied the young officer. “You're my first sergeant. Now, question number two. Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip my first sergeant?”

Here’s a guy who knew how to lead. He realized he could not intimidate his platoon. And he believed that his appearance would not help him make the kind of confident first impression he wanted to make. He needed some help - and he found it.

Tennis pro Althea Gibson has said, “No matter what accomplishments you achieve, somebody helped you.” It’s true. If you want to do something important, don’t be afraid to ask for help. There is somebody, somewhere, who is waiting for you to ask.

Like I said, sometimes we just need to get the right person on our side.

--Steve Goodier

Somebody’s Got Your Back

Author Jack Canfield said, “Human beings are not designed to go through life alone. No one has to bear the burden of tough times all by themselves.”

A television nature program captured an image of this idea well. It was an episode about a baby bear.

The cub was one of two babies born to a mother black bear, but his sibling died in childbirth. Not too long afterward, Mama Bear also died. The little cub was left alone to fend in the world.

But he was fortunate. He soon came across a huge male black bear who took a liking to the little guy. By the end of the day the adoption papers were signed and the little cub had a new friend and father. 

Papa Bear showed the cub how to forage for berries. He taught him which plants he could eat and which to leave alone. He showed him how to fish. Papa Bear taught the cub all the things a bear needs to know to get along in the world.

The two were inseparable...until the day they separated. The little cub found himself all alone when a hungry mountain lion crept up. The two locked eyes and terror ran through the bear’s heart. So he did the only he knew to do, the thing Papa Bear had taught...he rose up on his hind legs, showed teeth and claws, looked his enemy right in the eye and roared a fierce roar. Well, it wasn’t really a roar at all, but a tiny squeak. 

The camera panned back to the mountain lion who must have been amused at the little guy, and was surely preparing to enjoy a tasty lunch. The audience expected the lion to pounce any second. But something strange happened. A look of fear crossed the cougar’s face, he slowly backed off a few steps and then turned and bounded away.

The camera panned back to the frightened cub and now the audience could see what the little bear could not. Behind the cub, but not too far back, stood Papa Bear - up on his hind legs, all teeth and claws, with a deadly gleam in his eye. He didn’t growl, but then he didn’t have to. The lion got the message.

I love the image of the powerful black bear, ready to go to battle for a vulnerable cub. And that is an image I always want to keep in mind. No matter how helpless, frightened or vulnerable we feel, there is a strong and mighty force just behind us. That force is made up of people who watch out for us. Family and friends, children and colleagues and even strangers. There are more people behind you and me, ready to step in when needed, than we may ever know. 

We don’t have to go through this world all alone. And sometimes we will need extra help. We may need people to pull us through, to watch our backs or just to stand by.

Who’s got your back? Will you let them help?

-- Steve Goodier 

Image: FreeImages.com/Paul Flores

Your Life Support System

Have you noticed how help is often available just when you need it? A few years ago, a California artist carved a unique Christmas gift for his parents in Connecticut. It was a four-foot-tall statue of a hitchhiker, with thumb extended. (The perfect gift for the discriminating homeowner...) His gift may have been a little odd, but his method of shipping the statue to his folks was even stranger. He simply set it beside the road and let it "hitch" its way across the continent. Around the statue's neck he hung a sign bearing his parents' New England address, and across its chest was printed the word "Connecticut" in large letters. Several weeks and some 2,500 miles later, unknown hands delivered the gift to the woodcarver's parents in time for Christmas.

I find it heartening to remember that there are always those willing to help. And it's true regardless of the circumstance. There is someone willing to extend a hand, lend an ear or share a heart. Whether you need temporary assistance or your life has experienced a meltdown, there is someone who wants to help.

Author Jack Canfield reminds us, “Human beings are not designed to go through life alone. No one has to bear the burden of tough times all by themselves.” In every important way, you are never really alone. You have a life "support system" consisting of people you may have never met. And it may be one of your greatest resources.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Quinn Dombrowski

A Life that Makes a Difference

“How do you account for your remarkable accomplishment in life?” Queen Victoria of England asked Helen Keller. “How do you explain the fact that even though you were both blind and deaf, you were able to accomplish so much?”

Ms. Keller’s answer is a tribute to her dedicated teacher. “If it had not been for Anne Sullivan, the name of Helen Keller would have remained unknown.”

“Little Annie” Sullivan, as she was called when she was young, was no stranger to hardship. She was almost sightless herself, due to a childhood infection at the age of five. Her mother died three years later and her father left the children when she was ten. She and her younger brother were sent to an overcrowded home for the destitute where her brother Jimmie died in a couple of months. Little Annie was, at one time, considered hopelessly “insane” by her caregivers and locked in the basement. On occasion, she would violently attack anyone who came near. Most of the time she generally ignored everyone in her presence.

An elderly nurse believed there was hope, however, and she made it her mission to show love to the child. Every day she visited Little Annie. For the most part, the child did not acknowledge the nurse’s presence, but she still continued to visit. The kindly woman left cookies for her and spoke words of love and encouragement. She believed Little Annie could recover, if only she were shown love.

Eventually, doctors noticed a change in the girl. Where they once witnessed anger and hostility, they now noted an emerging gentleness and love. They moved her upstairs where she continued to improve. She was finally released to attend Perkins School for the Blind in Boston, Massachusetts, where she would learn to read and write. She struggled against a multitude of odds but was determined to learn. Anne eventually graduated as valedictorian of her class.

Anne Sullivan grew into a young woman with a desire to help others as she, herself, was helped by the loving nurse. It was she who saw the great potential in Helen Keller. She cared for her, disciplined her, played with her, pushed her, and worked with her until the flickering candle that was her life became a beacon of light to the world. Anne Sullivan worked wonders in Helen’s life, but it was an unknown nurse who first believed in Little Annie and patiently transformed an angry, grief-stricken child into a compassionate teacher.

“If it had not been for Anne Sullivan, the name of Helen Keller would have remained unknown.” But if it had not been for a kind and dedicated nurse, the name of Anne Sullivan would have also remained unknown. And so it goes. Just how far back does the chain of redemption extend? And how for forward will it lead?

Those you have sought to reach, whether they be in your family or elsewhere, are part of a chain of love that can extend through the generations. Your influence on their lives, whether or not you see results, is immeasurable. Your legacy of dedicated kindness and caring can transform lost and hopeless lives for years to come.

Do you want a life that makes a difference? Never overestimate the power of your love. It is a fire that, once lit, may burn forever.

-- Steve Goodier

May You Be Known By Your Love

Henry Drummond has said, “The moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.”

Here is a story (possibly apocryphal, but powerful nevertheless) about a man who acted in the spirit of love and about what he consequently learned.

Many years ago an old man stood on a Virginia riverbank. He was waiting to cross the river and, since it was bitterly cold and there were no bridges, he was hoping to get a ride across on horseback. After a lengthy wait he spotted a group of horsemen approaching. He let the first one pass, then the second, third, fourth and fifth. One rider remained. As he drew abreast, the old man looked him in the eye and said, “Sir, would you give me a ride across the river?”

The rider immediately replied, “Certainly.” Once across the river, the old man slid to the ground. “Sir,” the rider said before leaving. “I could not help but notice that you permitted all the other men to pass without asking for a ride. Then, when I drew abreast, you immediately asked me to carry you across. I am curious as to why you didn’t ask them and you did ask me.”

The old man quietly responded, “I looked into their eyes and could see no love and knew in my own heart it would be useless to ask for a ride. But when I looked into your eyes, I saw compassion, love and the willingness to help. I knew you would be glad to give me a ride across the river.”

The rider was touched. “I’m grateful for what you are saying,” he said. “I appreciate it very much.” With that, Thomas Jefferson turned and rode off to the White House.

It is often said that our eyes are the windows to our souls. If that is true, what is it that our eyes show about us? Or let me ask it a different way: if you had been the last rider, would the old man have asked you for a ride?

A good question. For it is said that others will know us by our love. Some will see it in the things we do and some in the things we say. And a few perceptive souls, like the old man in the story, may catch a glimmer of a loving and generous spirit in the expression of kind eyes.

May you be easily recognized by your love.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: Freeimage.com/sofamonkez 

Looking for the Helpers

Did you know that the Arctic Tern, that lives about seven degrees south of the North Pole, leaves its home every year and flies all the way to Antarctica and back -- some 23,000 miles in all?

It flies all that distance and returns to just the same spot it left the year before. I can hardly drive across town without getting lost -- how does the little bird do it? Twenty three thousand miles! Instinctively, the Arctic Tern flies halfway around the globe, returns home every year and never makes a wrong turn.

Other animals have a similar ability. It’s well known that the salmon leaves her little mountain stream as a fingerling and swims, perhaps hundreds of miles, to the ocean where she lives most of her life. Then, when it's time to lay eggs, she swims back to her place of birth. She somehow finds just the right river, and all of the correct tributaries and streams and creeks until she arrives home. It's the trip of a lifetime -- one she may not survive. But she presses on, somehow knowing just the right paths to take along the way. Like the Arctic Tern, the salmon somehow knows the way.

When I was a child my family visited the World’s Fair in Seattle. I think my parents knew me well, because shortly after we arrived they pointed out the Space Needle in the distance. “Do you see the Space Needle?” they asked. “You can see it from anyplace at the fair. If you should get separated from us or lost, just go to the Space Needle and sit down. We will come and find you.”

Unlike the tern and the salmon, I had no built-in navigation system. It wasn’t long before I turned around and discovered my family was no longer with me. I was lost. I spotted the Space Needle, headed there and sat down. Shortly, my brother (who had a better sense of direction than I) came and found me.

We don’t all have a refined sense of direction. But human beings have something else that is perhaps more important. It is also instinctual. We are born with the ability to ask for help and to give it.

Television personality Fred Rogers put it like this: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.” We are born to be helpers.

When you’re lost, look for the helpers. When your life is headed in the wrong direction, when you are afraid of making poor decisions, look for the helpers. When you don’t know if you can navigate life’s complexities by yourself, look for the helpers. You don’t have to go it alone - there is always someone close by who is ready to help. 

This life is not a long journey you have to travel by yourself. We’re made to do it with each other. Look for the helpers.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/GregVandeLeest

A Golden Chain of Kindness

Image by Stephen Eastop

Writer and philosopher Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said, "Kindness is the golden chain by which society is bound together." But I was not thinking about a golden chain of kindness one day when a dilapidated automobile, possibly held together with glue and wire, parked in front of the house. During those years, we lived in a small mountain town next to a freeway. Our home was located across the street from the church I served, and travelers in need frequently found their way to our front door, usually aided by townsfolk who pointed out where they might get some assistance.

Let me confess: kindness can be difficult and thankless work. Though the little community generously donated to help with this cause, I grew weary of the numerous strangers who constantly rang my doorbell. My life was busy, my work was demanding and I was tired. I was also beginning to feel “put upon.” One time our property was vandalized by a man I had invited to spend the night in the warmth of the little church; once I drove 30 miles through a hazardous blizzard to carry a couple of hitchhikers to shelter who showed no appreciation for the sacrifice; frequently I was awakened in the middle of the night to get out in the bitter cold and give assistance to someone passing through; too often travelers manipulated or lied or stridently complained that I didn’t give them more.

Not that I need a lot of thanks. But my work with these people was volunteer and I was losing the warm feeling I once had by doing it. At one time I felt I was truly helping. Now I felt stressed and harassed. Early on it seemed like I might be doing some good, but as of late I wondered if that was true.

It seemed as if the golden chain of kindness was broken. Instead of binding me closer to others, I felt increasingly distant.

I also felt guilt for feeling sorry for myself. “I should WANT to be more helpful,” I told myself. I questioned my motives. Am I doing all of this so people will value me, or because there is a need here I can help meet? Is this about me or about them? I still offered assistance where I could, though more than once I silently wished that people wanting something from me would just go away.

But on this day, a young man with a week-old beard climbed from the broken-down automobile. He had no money and no food. He asked if I could give him some work. I offered him some gasoline and a meal. I told him that if he wanted to work, we'd be pleased if he'd cut the grass, but work wasn't necessary.

Though sweaty and hungry, he worked hard. Because of the afternoon heat, I thought he might give up before the job was completed. But he persisted and, after a long while, he sat wearily down in the shade. I thanked him for his work and gave him the money I promised. Then I offered him a little extra for a task particularly well done, but he refused. "No sank you," he said in heavily accented speech. I insisted that he take the money but he stood up and once again said, "No sank you. I want to work. Joo keep the money." I realized his dignity was at stake and thanked him again for the good job.

I never saw that man after he drove away. And interestingly, he probably thought I helped him that day. But that is not the way it was. I’m sure I didn't help him as much as he helped me. In his honesty and sincerity, he reminded me of the innate decency of people. He helped me recall just why I wanted to reach out to strangers in the first place. Something that had almost died inside seemed to wake up. I remembered my real reasons for reaching out and immediately began to feel better…more hopeful, more useful. I believed, again, that the little I was doing could actually make a difference.

This stranger (I don’t even recall his name) helped me to once again WANT to do something for those who are in need. I wish I could thank him for giving me back a little optimism I had lost somewhere along the way. Because of him I felt that once again the golden chain of kindness binding us to one another was restored. We were brothers. I may have fed his body that day. But he fed my soul.

-- Steve Goodier

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More Light and Less Noise

Image by Nathan Lounds

A great story from one of America's greatest story-tellers, Abraham Lincoln, was apparently related by the president during those anxious days of the American Civil War. A delegation of well-meaning patriots tried to impress upon the president the gravity of the war. They implied that his administration was neither as wise nor good as it ought to be. He listened carefully, then responded with a memorable anecdote.

He told them that he once had a neighbor who found himself in a tight situation. The neighbor was traveling home one dark and rainy night. There were few bridges in the country and he came to a stream that he would have to ford. But because of the darkness and the rain, he couldn't see well enough to know just where to cross.

Lightning flashed and he saw his way for the briefest moment. But the man was perplexed because there seemed to be more thunder than lightning. He was convinced that every lightning flash was followed by several loud peals of thunder. The poor man just stood at the edge of the stream in his confusion about how to proceed. He finally prayed, "O Lord, if it is just the same to you, give me more light and less noise."

The delegation clearly got the point that the president needed more solutions and less complaining – more light and less noise.

The world can use more light and less noise. More solvers and fewer blamers. More folks showing a better way and fewer folks complaining about how much better things used to be. More folks offering help and fewer folks wringing their hands about the problems. More hope bringers and fewer hope killers.

To use another image…the sun rises every morning and sheds light, vanquishing the night's darkness. The rooster also rises every morning only, unlike the sun, he simply makes noise. But the darkness of the night is dispelled by sunshine, not by the rooster's crowing. 

The world can use more light and less noise. Wherever I can, I want to be light.

-- Steve Goodier

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What People Need Is a Good Listening-To

Image by Yogee B

Two psychiatrists met at their 20th college reunion. One was vibrant and enthusiastic. He looked younger than his years. The other appeared withered and fatigued and walked with the stoop of the aged. "So what's your secret?" the tired-looking psychiatrist asked. "Listening to other people's problems every day, all day long, for years on end, has made an old man of me."

The younger-looking one replied, "Who listens?"

Unfortunately, that is too often a problem with the rest of us, isn't it? Who listens? I mean, REALLY listens?

I received a letter from a woman who lives in New York. She explained that her 22-year-old electrician son Joe went to Manhattan a few days after the September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center buildings. He wanted to volunteer his time, but discovered that his skills were not needed.

But it turns out that Joe was able to help in a way he never anticipated. For on the train ride home, he sat across from a weary firefighter who was also traveling home from the scene of the disaster. The firefighter was covered in what appeared to be "ground zero" dirt and debris. Though Joe could see bits of rock in the man's hair and noticed that his hands were bloody, what worried the young man most was the look in the firefighter's eyes. They appeared lifeless and dull.

Then the man, apparently in shock, began to talk and Joe listened. Joe soon forgot his own disappointment about not being able to volunteer his skills that day as he listened to the gruesome story the firefighter related.

The man told about retrieving a shoe with a foot inside. Joe listened. He talked about cleaning debris from a face, then discovering that this person's body was gone. Joe continued to listen without flinching. He did not react in disgust. He did not judge. He did not interrupt. He just listened.

He listened as the firefighter lamented about the carnage everywhere and about shoes...there were so many shoes, he said. Everywhere...shoes.

Through it all Joe quietly held the man's attention and listened, which is exactly what the rescue worker needed at that moment. And because he listened, the man continued to speak. He talked his pain out, as much as possible. In the presence of a stranger, he tried to put his world back in order, to make sense of the day's chaos. And Joe, for that time at least, helped him carry his unbelievably heavy burden.

That day Joe did not give blood, nor did he use his electrical skills to help with the relief effort. But he did one of the most important things a human can do for another. He gave a stunned and disheartened man his whole attention, and thereby, in a small but vital way, assisted in the work of setting the world right.

Mary Lou Casey says, "What people really need is a good listening-to." It's not always easy. And, at times, it may not be fun. In fact, listening closely to another often turns out to be difficult work. But day in and day out, attentive listening may be one of the most important and satisfying ways we can spend our time.

It's true. What people really need is a good listening-to.

– Steve Goodier

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Before You Speak -- THINK

Image by Ivan Prole

I read an article about a Texas woman who sued the producers of the now defunct American reality show "Extreme Makeover" for more than one million dollars. The show depicted ordinary men and women undergoing "extreme makeovers" that involved plastic surgery, exercise regimens, hairdressing and wardrobing. Each episode ended with the participants' return to their families and friends, showing the reactions of their loved ones, who had not been allowed to see the incremental changes during their absence.

The woman came to Los Angeles to be a contestant on the show after undergoing a series of medical exams to determine if her crooked teeth and droopy eyes could be fixed and her small breasts enhanced. They determined she might be a good candidate for their extreme makeover techniques and signed her on.

To prepare for the show, the producers sent a crew to her home to interview the woman and her family. The suit claims the Extreme Makeover crew manipulated the contestant's sister into making blunt and cruel statements on camera disparaging her sister's looks, presumably for more dramatic effect on television.

But the night before the woman's makeover was to begin, the show's producers told her it would take too long for work on her jaw to heal and she would not be able to participate as a makeover recipient. They canceled her appearance and she returned home to her distraught sister who had made the hurtful remarks. The sister was so upset over what she had said, she eventually took her life, according to the suit. The lawsuit was eventually settled out of court.

There are few things in this world as powerful as words. Too late this family learned that, once hurtful words have been spoken, they can never be retrieved.

We're told that architect Frank Lloyd Wright had his own ideas on the power of words. He once said, “I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.” (That gives me pause each time I sit down to write.)

But words alone can affect great good as well as evil. A few apt words have swept candidates into office, ended as well as started wars, paved the way for peace and carried with them both hope as well as despair. Words alone have ruined lives, but have also brought forth healing. It is well known the harm words can cause, but the good they can bring is equally impressive.

Your words of encouragement at the appropriate time can lift a person from hopelessness or build a lasting bridge of friendship. They seem little things, but carry with them tremendous power.

Here is some of the best advice I've come across concerning how we use words.
 
Before you speak (before you write): THINK.
     T    is it True?
     H    is it Helpful?
     I     is it Inspiring?
     N    is it Necessary?
     K    is it Kind?

Your words have immeasurable power. Use them with care.

– Steve Goodier

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Who Rekindles Your Spirit?

Image by Sun Designs

An insightful woman, who had lived through numerous dark nights and days, once taught me about getting through difficult times. "I appreciate your outlook on life," I commented to Mrs. Tucker. I was in my twenties and she was fifty years older. In the short time I knew her she became a significant teacher for me. I learned from her remarkable attitude and her unshakeable strength of character, both of which undoubtedly buoyed her through treacherous waters.

"Well, I have been through a lot of tough times," she told me. "In fact, sometimes it was awfully hard for me and my husband. He couldn't always find work. Some days he would come home horribly depressed and say, 'Things are so bad I don't know if I can take it.' And I would say to him, 'Well, you know, things could be worse.' And once he said, 'I've heard that so many times I think I'm gonna die!' I was hurt...but I just hated to see him so depressed. I didn't know what to say. Later he confessed that if I would have wept in despair, he wouldn't have been able to make it. He needed me during those times."

It occurs to me that HOW she responded to her husband's pain was probably not as important as the simple fact that she was there and cared. He knew he could always count on her to be a ray of light in his darkness and a strong hand to lift him when he stumbled or to soothe his hurts. He needed her...and for similar reasons, she needed him, too.

Albert Schweitzer said so well, "Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light." During those difficult times they rekindled one another's light.

Who rekindles your light? Who blows your light into flame when it threatens to flicker out? Sometimes this person is a relative, sometimes a teacher, or a pastor, or a close friend. I've learned that if I need the light of my spirit rekindled during a bleak time, there are a few special people who can do it.

I admire some people for their brilliance and I respect others for their strength. But I am indebted to those who can rekindle my spirit. I hope I can be such a person for others.

– Steve Goodier

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An Incredible Feeling

Photo by Gary Scott

Newscaster Paul Harvey once told about a woman who called the Butterball Turkey Company and said that she had a turkey that had been in her freezer for 23 years. She asked if it was still any good. She was told that if her freezer was at least zero degrees Fahrenheit, then the turkey was probably safe enough to eat. But they wouldn’t recommend that she eat it. The flavor would have deteriorated considerably. She said, “That’s what we thought. I guess we’ll just give it to the church.”
   
I suppose there are many reasons we choose to give. But people who enjoy sharing with others the most do not share simply because they have a need to get rid of something. Those who find the greatest joy from giving have learned to give from a deeper place; they give from their hearts.
   
Santa Claus is becoming a universal symbol of giving. Millions of children write letters to Santa each year in hopes that they won’t be forgotten during his annual giving spree. Did you know that the US Post Office actually found ways to answer those letters to Santa Claus? They used to just stick them in the so-called dead letter box. But now some cities have programs that allow people to sort through these hand-written pleas, hopes and wishes and become “Santas” to others in need. They choose a letter and respond however they can. Most anyone can play Santa.
   
One letter that might have been discarded a few years ago, but was picked up by a volunteer Santa Claus, came from a boy named Donny. He wrote that he wanted a bike for Christmas and “some food and what I really need is love.”
   
Another volunteer Santa latched onto a letter from a young mother who wrote, “I lost my job...and I cannot afford to give my two children the things they need for the winter months.” That generous spirit helped with some necessities for the children.
   
“I like to go to their home on Christmas Eve,” one joyful Santa said. One year he bought presents for four children and a ham for their mother. Then he added this poignant observation: “The feeling you get is just incredible.”
   
I admit it – I don't always get that feeling when I give. But then I don't always give out of untainted motivations. Sometimes I give from other places. Sometimes I give out of social obligation or out of guilt. Or I give with an expectation for receiving back. But I give best when I give from that deeper place; when I give simply, freely and generously, and sometimes for no particular reason. I give best when I give from my heart.

And isn't it true? Opportunities to give from the heart are not limited to a particular holiday season or cultural tradition. Whether we give food, money, an hour of time or a hug, we can give it sincerely and joyously.

But let me offer a word of caution. If you choose to give from your heart, be careful. The most incredible feeling might just overwhelm you. And if you continue in this behavior, that feeling may become permanent.

-- Steve Goodier

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Ten Leadership Blunders

Comedian Bill Cosby once said, “I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss' job...and I don't want it!"

Like it or not, there are times we are in charge. There are times we are all leaders – as a parent, in the classroom, through work, in a club, on a sports team or in a volunteer organization. And we can always become better leaders. Here are ten common leadership blunders better leaders avoid.

1. Some leaders are blind to the current situation. They solve the wrong problems in the wrong way. They bandage an infected thumb but do not pull the splinter. Better leaders work hard to understand the real problem before responding.

2. Some leaders discourage those they lead. They find fault and blame. They criticize when things don't go right. Better leaders encourage. They give credit when things go well and take responsibility for problems.

3. Some leaders believe they have all the answers they need. Better leaders keep learning. A cross-discipline study of leadership indicated that effective leaders in all fields are always learning. They understand that a spurt here and a spurt there does not make an expert.

4. Some leaders shy away from courageous decisions. They prefer to keep things as they are, even if the system is not working all that well. They will almost always follow the well-worn path. Better leaders will often go where there is no path and leave a trail. They trust their instincts and act boldly.

5. Some leaders keep others in their place. They remind them who is boss. Better leaders know that authority earned trumps authority granted.

6. Some leaders would rather do the work themselves. They are slow to delegate. They micro-manage and control. Better leaders identify strengths and limitations of those they lead. They assign, train, encourage and then get out of the way.

7. Some leaders sabotage the successes of others. When those around them succeed, they feel threatened. Better leaders help others find success. They give a hand up. They realize that when one is lifted onto another's shoulders, both stand taller.

8. Some leaders ask others to do what they are not willing to do themselves, and try to get others to go places they have not been. Better leaders always lead by example. They get out in front and lead, they don’t push from behind.

9. Some leaders motivate by force. They cajole, intimidate, threaten and issue ultimatums. Better leaders understand that people respond best to positive incentive. They build morale.

10. Some leaders do not listen well to those they lead. Their minds are already made up and they charge recklessly ahead. Better leaders listen closely to those they want to influence.

U.S. Secretary of State Dean Rusk once said, "One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears -- by listening to them." Great salespeople know this. Great motivators know this. Great leaders know this.

Maybe you've seen the boss' job and you don't want it, but we are all in charge at times. Be a better leader and you will help build a better world.

-- Steve Goodier

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How to Be Happy for a Lifetime

Image courtesy of kslyesmith

Someone said this about happiness:

To be happy for an hour -- take a nap.
To be happy for a day -- go shopping.
To be happy for a week -- take a vacation.
To be happy for a month -- get married.
To be happy for a year -- inherit a fortune.
To be happy for a lifetime -- help others.

All right – I don’t agree with everything on that list. But I believe the author is exactly right about how to be happy for the rest of your life. Lasting contentment, the most satisfying kind of happiness, can always be found in helping others. And it’s a secret that many people have never discovered.

Marion Preminger stumbled upon it and wrote about where lasting happiness is to be found in her autobiography All I Want Is Everything. Born in Hungary in 1913, Marion was raised in a castle, surrounded by wealth, servants and the notoriety of an aristocratic upbringing.

At a Viennese ball, she met a handsome young man, the son of an Italian doctor. They rushed into a marriage that lasted only a year.

She returned to Vienna to embark on a career of acting. There she fell in love with the German director Otto Preminger. They married and she followed him to America where he began a promising career as a Hollywood movie director. But her new Hollywood lifestyle could not sustain her marriage and Preminger eventually divorced her.

Marion returned to Europe to live the life of a Parisian socialite until 1948. Then everything changed when she read that Dr. Albert Schweitzer was visiting Europe from his home in Africa. She determined to meet with the notable missionary doctor.

She first encountered Schweitzer doing one of the things he loved to do best while visiting Europe -- playing a church organ for his own enjoyment. He invited her to dine with him. After the meal, Marion knew she had finally found what she'd been looking for. She accompanied Schweitzer every day during the remainder of his European visit. He invited Marion to come back to Africa with him and work as an untrained staff member in the Lamberene hospital.

She left her life of status and ease and moved to Africa. Once there, the girl who was raised like a princess became a servant. She changed bandages, bathed bodies and fed lepers. She gave her life away to the poor and, in the midst of it, found the happiness she'd craved for so long.

It was Albert Schweitzer who asserted, "One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve."

However, wherever and whomever we choose to help is unimportant. There are those in need everywhere. But when we figure out how to sincerely help other people, we'll have also learned how to be happy for a lifetime.

-- Steve Goodier

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Growing Good Corn

Flickr.com/Don Graham

Have you noticed how all of life is connected? You probably know about the relationship between honey ants (farm ants) and aphids. The ants can’t seem to get enough of the tasty honey dew left behind by aphids, those tiny sap-sucking insects probably living in your garden. These two insects have a fascinating relationship. In exchange for all the sugary treats aphids deposit on leaves, the ants wage fierce battle against wasps, beetles and spiders that try to dine on aphids for lunch. As those aphids keep their ant friends happy, the ants keep their aphid buddies alive. Everyone wins, except the plants, of course.

The ants do better because of the aphids. The aphids do better because of the ants. It’s a relationship called mutualism, and the rest of us could probably take a lesson. People, too, succeed best when they help others out.

James Bender, in his book How to Talk Well (New York: McGraw-Hill Book Co., Inc., 1994), illustrates how it benefits everyone when we mutually help each other. He relates a story of a farmer who grew award-winning corn. Each year he entered his best corn in the regional fair where it won a blue ribbon.

One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him to learn about how he grew blue-ribbon corn year after year. The reporter discovered something interesting. He learned that the farmer actually shared his best seed corn with his neighbors.

“How can you afford to share your best seeds with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition against yours each year?” the reporter asked.

“Why sir,” said the farmer, “didn’t you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn.”

It’s a simple and important principle. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor’s corn also improves. He cannot succeed simply by watching out for Number One. He succeeds best by helping his neighbors succeed. That’s mutualism.

And I am aware that it goes for me, too. Do I want to succeed? Then I must help others to succeed.

Do I want to live in peace and harmony? Then I need to help my neighbors also live in peace, and the very peace they experience will add to my own.

Do I want to live meaningfully and well? Then I should help to enrich the lives of others, for my own happiness and well-being is bound up in the lives I touch. 

In other words, if I want to grow good corn, I need to help my neighbors grow good corn. Call it mutualism. Call it a principle of success. Call it a law of life. I only know that none of us truly wins until we all win.

-- Steve Goodier


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A Desire to Help

One mother was jogging through the park, pushing two toddlers in a stroller. As they approached a hill, she said, “OK, now I need you to help me.” And they did! As she started up the hill, they each said, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. . .”

Sometimes it just takes the desire to help and you can find a way.

One person known for his desire to help was Fiorello LaGuardia. LaGuardia was mayor of New York City during the worst days of the Great Depression and all of WWII. He was adored by many New Yorkers who took to calling him the “Little Flower,” because of his name Fiorello and the fact that he was so short.

In many ways, LaGuardia was bigger than life – he rode the New York City fire trucks, raided city “speakeasies” with the police department, took entire orphanages to baseball games and, when the New York newspapers went on strike, he got on the radio and read the Sunday funnies to the kids.

One bitterly cold night in January of 1935, the mayor turned up at a night court that served the poorest ward of the city. LaGuardia dismissed the judge for the evening and took over the bench himself. Within a few minutes, a tattered old woman was brought before him, charged with stealing a loaf of bread. She told LaGuardia that her daughter’s husband had deserted her, her daughter was sick, and her two grandchildren were starving.

But the shopkeeper, from whom the bread was stolen, refused to drop the charges. “It’s a real bad neighborhood, Your Honor,” the man told the mayor. “She’s got to be punished to teach other people around here a lesson.”

LaGuardia sighed. He turned to the woman and said, “I’ve got to punish you. The law makes no exceptions. Ten dollars or ten days in jail.” But even as he pronounced sentence, the mayor was already reaching into his pocket. He extracted a bill and tossed it into his famous hat, saying, “Here is the ten dollar fine which I now remit; and furthermore, I am going to fine everyone in this courtroom fifty cents for living in a town where a person has to steal bread so that her grandchildren can eat. Mr. Bailiff, collect the fines and give them to the defendant.”

The following day, New York City newspapers reported that $47.50 was turned over to a bewildered woman who had stolen a loaf of bread to feed her starving grandchildren. Fifty cents of that amount was contributed by the grocery store owner himself, while some seventy petty criminals, people with traffic violations, and New York City policemen, each of whom had just paid fifty cents for the privilege of doing so, gave the mayor a standing ovation.

Sometimes it just takes the desire to help and you can find a way.

Someone beautifully said, “Sympathy sees and says, ‘I’m sorry.’ Compassion sees and says, ‘I’ll help.’” When we learn the difference, we will make a difference.

-- Steve Goodier