Something More Valuable Than Gold

“Do you think my hair is soft and shiny?” Jessica asked Josh one moonlit evening.

Josh answered, “Yep.”

“And are my eyes bright and beautiful?” she continued.

“Yep,” he replied.

After a few minutes Jessica forged ahead, “Josh, do you think my skin is smooth and clear?”

“Yep.”

At this, Jessica smiled brightly and declared, “Oh, Josh, you say the sweetest things!”

It’s never in season to fish for compliments.

But there is a place for kind remarks that are well-intentioned and appropriate. As Abraham Lincoln said, “Everybody likes a compliment,” if (I might add), it is encouraging and sincere. And at the least...it shows you’re paying attention.

No relationship can be built on flattery, but sincere compliments smooth over many rough edges. A thoughtful compliment is a way of saying, “I care enough to notice.” Even relationships that are not romantic in nature will benefit from a kind word.

Granted, some people feel suspicious, embarrassed, or defensive when complimented. They sometimes suspect that a manipulative design lurks close behind. And quite often, people respond to compliments with mixed emotions rather than plain gratitude, likely because they find the sincerity behind them suspect.

But most often, sincere encouragement can bolster self-confidence and cement friendships. When children are given positive feedback, they blossom. In love relationships, thoughtful compliments can help keep the fires of romance burning a little brighter.

One marriage counselor says, “Compliment your spouse at least once every day.” He cautions against flattery by adding, “It should be sincere. Then point out something new you appreciate about him or her every week. Make sure it is something you have never mentioned before. You’ll be surprised at what it does for your marriage.”

Freely offering an honest compliment costs nothing at all. But to the receiver, it can be something more valuable than gold.

-- Steve Goodier

Image:Flickr.com/Michael Coghlan

Three Important Things to Know

Do you know what they are?

Can you be too nice? I heard of a woman who is a hard core believer in the adage “it's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice.”  She likes to tell about when she first started to referee children's basketball games. Her grown son stopped by to watch her officiate one of her first practice games. Afterward he suggested that she be more forceful. “You know, Mom,” he said, “you don't have to say 'I'm sorry, dear, but you stepped out of bounds.'”

I think that U.S. industrialist Charles M. Schwab may have gotten it right. At age 72, Schwab was sued for a large sum of money. Many high-profile personalities would have settled out of court, but Schwab went through with it and eventually won the suit.

Before he left the witness stand, he asked permission of the court to make a statement of a personal nature. This is what he said:

“I am an old man, and I want to say that ninety percent of my troubles have been due to my being good to other people. If you younger folk want to avoid trouble, be hard-boiled and say no to everybody. You will then walk through life unmolested, but…” and here a broad smile lit up his face, “you will have to do without friends, and you won’t have much fun.”

Maybe that’s why author Henry James said, “Three things in human life are important: The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.”

What if today you gave yourself permission to be outrageously kind? What if you extended as much goodwill and kindness as you can possibly muster to every person you meet? And what if you did it with no thought of reward? I'm sure of one thing: it will be a day you will never regret.

-- Steve Goodier


Image: freeimages.com/Crystal Church

Charm School

Image courtesy of Maryann Cummings

A well-to-do woman sipped tea with a younger and not-so-well-heeled acquaintance on the veranda of her spacious mansion. “When my first child was born,” she said, “I decided to do something especially nice for myself. So I built this exquisite home.”

“Well, isn't that nice,” said the other with a bright smile.

“And on my 40th birthday I bought myself that beautiful antique Rolls Royce in the driveway. Why, I think it's the most gorgeous automobile in the world.”

“Well, isn't that nice,” said her friend.

“And for no reason at all, I decided I needed a special gift, so I acquired the most wonderful collection of ridiculously expensive art I only show to my most cherished friends. I hope you can see it someday.”

“Well, isn't that nice,” came the pleasant response.

“Now tell me, what have you done for yourself lately?” she asked.

“I went to charm school.”

“Charm school! Land sakes, child, what on earth for?”

“So when I feel like saying, 'Lady, who gives a rip?' I smile and say, 'Well, isn't that nice.'”

How often is tact just having something you want to say and not saying it?

An interesting story comes from 19th Century England. According to the account, Queen Victoria was once at a diplomatic reception in London. The guest of honor was an African chieftain. All went well during the meal until, at the end, finger bowls were served. The guest of honor had never seen a British finger bowl, and no one had thought to brief him beforehand about its purpose. So not knowing what else to do, he took the bowl in his two hands, lifted it to his mouth and drank its contents down.

For an instant there was breathless silence among the British privileged guests, and then they began to whisper to one another about the breach of etiquette. But the queen herself saved the moment when she likewise lifted her bowl to her lips and drank. The diners caught on and a moment later 500 surprised British ladies and gentlemen simultaneously drank the contents of their own finger bowls.

It was the queen’s tact and consideration that guarded her guest from certain embarrassment.

I know we've traveled a long way from the antiquated customs of Victorian England and it can sometimes be hard to relate. But it's summed up well by a piece of advice attributed to a certain J. Masai: “Feelings are everywhere -- be  gentle.”

Maybe that's what it's really all about. Feelings are everywhere and the world is harsh enough. Just be gentle.

Do you think they teach that in charm school?

-- Steve Goodier

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