Getting the Right Person on Our Side

We don’t have to pretend to be better than we are. Sometimes we need help. Maybe we just need the right person on our side.

A young man barely got into West Point. He made the minimum height requirement by wearing heavy socks. Though he weighed only 120 pounds, he became a brilliant and effective second lieutenant.

Author Fred Herman, who tells the man's story, says that the officer drew as his first command one of the roughest, toughest platoons in the entire Army. He knew he had to win their confidence on day one. Mastering the platoon to attention in front of him, he thought he would put to rest the question about his size, once and for all.

“Men, there are two questions we must settle immediately,” he shouted. “Question number one. Is there anyone in this outfit who thinks he can whip me?”

No one responded. The lieutenant put them at ease and tried again, repeating the question. Finally, the regimental heavyweight champion, who stood six feet, seven inches and weighed 274 lbs. stepped forward.

“I believe I can whip you,” he said confidently.

“Good,” replied the young officer. “You're my first sergeant. Now, question number two. Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip my first sergeant?”

Here’s a guy who knew how to lead. He realized he could not intimidate his platoon. And he believed that his appearance would not help him make the kind of confident first impression he wanted to make. He needed some help - and he found it.

Tennis pro Althea Gibson has said, “No matter what accomplishments you achieve, somebody helped you.” It’s true. If you want to do something important, don’t be afraid to ask for help. There is somebody, somewhere, who is waiting for you to ask.

Like I said, sometimes we just need to get the right person on our side.

--Steve Goodier

A Decision I Must Make Every Day

 

Image courtesy of Simona Dumitru

Gretchen Alexander is sightless. But she refuses to allow her blindness to limit her life activities. She enjoys archery, golf, softball, sailing and water-skiing, as well as a number of other activities that those of us who are sighted have yet to learn.

She also speaks to groups about living life fully. When speaking to a group of high school students, she was once asked if there was anything she wouldn’t try.

“I’ve decided to never skydive,” she answered. “It would scare the heck out of my dog.”

Why do some people rise above their problems and live life fully, while others become defeated? Merle Shain explains it this way: “There are only two ways to approach life, as a victim or as a gallant fighter. And every day the decision is ours.” Or put another way, we can believe we’re helpless or we can believe we’re powerful and capable. And every day we reaffirm our belief.

Another person who knew what it was like to live sightless, not to mention soundless, was Helen Keller. She famously pointed out that “although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of suffering.” Does that sound someone who believes she is helpless, or like someone who believes she is capable? 

I love the perspective of a shop owner in Nottingham, England. He posted this notice in the window of his coat store: "We have been established for over 100 years and have been pleasing and displeasing customers ever since. We have made money and lost money, suffered the effects of coal nationalization, coat rationing, government control and bad payers. We have been cussed and discussed, messed about, lied to, held up, robbed and swindled. The only reason we stay in business is to see what happens next." 

Though he lifts up a myriad of hardships they’ve endured, they somehow figured out how to stay in business. Does that sound like someone who believes he is helpless... or capable?

When discouraged some people will give up, give in or give out far too early. They blame their problems on difficult situations, unreasonable people or their own inabilities.

When discouraged other people will push back that first impulse to quit, push down their initial fear, push through feelings of helplessness and push ahead. They’re less likely to find something to blame and more likely to find a way through.

For me, it’s an important decision about whether I want to live my life fully and with courage or whether I will be forever defeated by harsh circumstances. It’s a decision about believing I am powerful enough and capable enough. And it’s a decision I must make every day of my life.

-- Steve Goodier

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It's a Choice

One man tells of driving a long and lonely road, the last 65 miles of it unpaved, in order to watch Hopi Indian ceremonial dances in the state of Arizona. After the dances, he returned to his car only to find that it had a flat tire. He put on the spare and drove to the only service station on the Hopi reservation.

“Do you fix flats?” he inquired of the attendant.

“Yes,” came the answer.

“How much do you charge?” he asked.

With a twinkle in his eye, the man replied, “What difference does it make?”

This is what has been called a “Hobson’s choice.” A Hobson’s choice is a situation that forces a person to accept whatever is offered or go without.

According to Barbara Berliner (The Book of Answers), the phrase was inspired by sixteenth-century entrepreneur Thomas Hobson, who hired out horses in strict rotation at Cambridge University. There was no choosing by the customer – it was strictly Hobson’s choice.

But most of the time we really do have a choice, and the choice we make does make a difference. We may not always believe it. We may feel as if we have no choice, but almost always there is a choice in the matter. And when we realize that most of what we do we do by choice, then we are taking control of our own lives.

Someone challenged me to try an experiment that completely changed my perspective. “For the next seven days,” he said, “eliminate the words ‘I have to’ from your vocabulary and substitute the words ‘I choose to.’ Don’t say, ‘I have to work late tonight.’ Instead, say, ‘I choose to work late.’ When you choose to do it, you take control of your life. Instead of saying, ‘I have to stay home,’ try ‘I choose to stay home.’ The way you spend your time is your choice. You set the priorities. You are responsible. You have control.”

In just seven days I was no longer saying “I have to” and I felt better about my decisions. I learned that there is very little in this life I actually HAVE to do. You and I decide to do certain things because we believe that it will be for the best. When we eliminate “I have to” from our vocabularies, we take control.

Try it for a week (after all, it’s your choice) and you see what happens. I think you’ll see it’s a change for the better.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/Sam Hatch