Try Something Different

Writer Douglas Adams said, "Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." I sometimes wonder about my own disinclination to learn from experience. If you’re like me, you may repeat an unpleasant experience a few times before figuring out that something needs to change.

Maybe you can relate to a couple of men who were avid moose hunters. Every year they chartered a plane to take them to the Canadian backcountry. This year hunting was especially good and in a few days they each bagged a moose. They radioed for their pilot to come pick them up.

When the plane arrived, the pilot took one look at the animals and told the hunters they could not take such a heavy load along. 

“But we spent all week hunting,” they protested. “And besides, the pilot we hired last year wasn’t worried about the moose’s weight.”

After much argument, the pilot finally relented and allowed them to load the animals. The heavy plane was only airborne for a few minutes when it lost altitude and crashed into the side of a mountain. As the men struggled out of the wreckage, one hunter asked, “Where are we?” 

His friend answered, “About a mile farther than we got last year.” 

You’ve heard it said: Keep doing the same thing and you will keep getting the same results. Or repeating the same experiences.

What is not working well for you? A habit you are trying to break? A relationship with a parent or spouse or child or friend? 

What is a source of on-going frustration? Getting around to that project you keep promising to complete? Running up against the same old walls at work? 

And the big question: What needs to change?

If you don’t like the way things are turning out, what are you willing to try differently? And what if you tried it today?

-- Steve Goodier

Image: clip-library.com

A Recipe for “Success”

Do you know what you really need? I’m not talking about material things. I mean, what do you need to make your life all you want it to be?

Author Stephen Covey says that people all share a few essential needs: the need to live, the need to love, the need to learn and the need to leave a legacy.

When he says we need to live, he is not talking about physical health. It’s certainly important to breathe, but in many ways it may be even more important to live a full and whole life. Indian mystic Osho says, “The real question is not whether life exists after death. The real question is whether you are alive before death.” A question I ask myself is, “Am I just going through the motions or am I really living my life?” I don’t want to live on the outside while I'm dying, little by little, on the inside.

Covey also says we need to love. And I believe we also need to be loved. Both are important. I am coming to appreciate that my relationships with other people may be the most significant reason for either my happiness or my unhappiness throughout my life. Studies show that social connection is vital if we are to be happy.

Then Covey tells us that we need to learn. And learning does not stop once we leave school and enter the workforce. I don’t ever want to stop growing and, hopefully, improving. I want to be a life-long learner. There is so much to discover in the world; I am saddened I can only learn the smallest fraction of it in one lifetime.

Finally, we need to leave a legacy. It’s not about leaving money. I want my life to count for something, even if it seems small in comparison to some others. I truly appreciate this thought often attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson. It may be that he did not actually pen these words, but they are nevertheless wise and worth repeating.

 “To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a little bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

How do you measure up? Are you living fully, loving completely, learning constantly and planning to leave a worthwhile legacy?

This is a recipe for “success” in the truest form of the word.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/EvaSwensen

So You Made A Mistake?

The obituary editor of a city newspaper was not one who would admit his mistakes easily. One day, he got a phone call from an irate subscriber who complained that her name just appeared in the obituary column. “Really?” was the calm reply. “Where are you calling from?”

Of course, there is no shame in making mistakes. They are an important and necessary part of learning.

A young man came in for an interview with his manager. “Tell me,” the young man asked her, “how did you become so successful?”

“Two words,” she said. “Right decisions.”

He asked, “How did you make right decisions?”

“One word – experience.”

“And how did you get experience?”

“Two words,” she said. “Wrong decisions.”

In order to profit from our mistakes, we have to get out and make some. And so long as we keep making different ones each time, we’re learning and growing.

Entertainer Conan O’Brien spoke to the Harvard graduating class of 2000 about some wisdom he gleaned in life. He told them that he wished the best for them. But then he said something interesting. He told them that he also wished that they experience plenty of the bad as well as the good. “Fall down,” he said. “Make a mess. Break something occasionally. Know that your mistakes are your own unique way of getting to where you need to be. And remember that the story is never over.”

Are you feeling badly about a mistake you recently made? Then decide what you will do differently next time, make amends if necessary, and move on.

Are you afraid of taking a necessary risk for fear of making a mistake? Remember, even poor choices are opportunities to learn. How else are you going to learn to make better ones?

So make those mistakes. Make them boldly. In the end, they will make you better. And if you make enough can you become the best ever.

-- Steve Goodier

PhD in Living

American baseball great Charlie Hough says, "Listen to everyone. Learn from everyone. Nobody knows everything but everyone knows something."

At her citizenship hearing in 1967, Immaculata Cuomo (mother of the late New York governor Mario Cuomo) was asked by the judge how many stars were on the US flag. She said she didn't know, but could she ask the judge a question? After he agreed, she asked him how many hands of bananas were on a stalk. He admitted he didn't know, so she proudly said, "Well, I do." Her citizenship was granted. Here was a judge who wisely realized that everyone has something to teach.

"Live to learn and you will learn to live," says a Portuguese proverb. For life cannot be lived well in ignorance. In fact, those who live life to the fullest have a PhD in living. This is what a PhD in living means:

P is for "poor in knowledge." Those who live best realize that they can never learn enough.

H is for "hungry to learn." Those who hunger for knowledge will always find plenty to eat.

D is for "desire to succeed." Those who desire to learn and improve, and those who persist in spite of obstacles, will live fully.

Realize you're poor in knowledge, become hungry to learn and desire to succeed. Everybody and every occasion can become your teacher, and this is the PhD that will open the door of living fully.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Cole Young

Your Right to Be Wrong

A humorous story has it that a newly appointed young clergyman was contacted by a local funeral director to hold a graveside service at a small country cemetery in midwestern USA. There was to be no funeral, just a graveside service, because the deceased had no family and had outlived her friends.

The young pastor started early to the cemetery, but soon became lost. After making several wrong turns, he finally arrived a half-hour late. The hearse was nowhere in sight and cemetery workers were relaxing under a near-by tree, eating their lunch.
    
The pastor went to the open grave and found that the vault lid was already in place. He took out a prayer book and read a few paragraphs. As he returned to his car, he overheard one of the workers say, “Maybe we’d better tell him it’s a septic tank.”

Why is it we make our biggest mistakes in public? And some people can’t avoid it … former hockey goalie Jacques Plante wonders, “How would you like a job where, if you made a mistake, a big, red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?”

But we should never give up our right to be wrong. Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment. It is your right to be wrong. “No (one) ever became great or good except through many and great mistakes,” said William E. Gladstone. Great mistakes are opportunities for great learning. And great learning makes for great living.

Now, that’s something I can get into. I don’t need to be a great person, just one who believes that his life is worth living well. And if that means I need to make some magnificent mistakes along the way, I’ll take that on as part of the price to pay.

You and I have a right to be wrong. And if we are to move toward great living, we might even have a duty to make great mistakes. Sometimes we can laugh them off. Certainly we can learn from them. And always, let’s just make sure the next mistake is one we haven’t made before!

-- Steve Goodier

Image by OpenSource.com

Every Problem Has a Gift

Image by krosseel

Writer Richard Bach says, “Every problem has a gift for you in its hands.” I don't always see that gift, I admit. But I remember reading about Glenn Cunningham when I was a child. His life bore the truth of it...every problem indeed has a gift for you. The trick is learning to find it.

In 1916 young Glenn and his brother Floyd were involved in a tragic accident.  Their school's pot-bellied stove exploded when the boys struck a match to light it. Somebody had mistakenly filled the can with gasoline instead of kerosene. Both boys were severely burned and had to be dragged from the schoolhouse. Floyd died of his injuries and doctors predicted that Glenn would be permanently crippled. Flesh and muscles were seared from both of Glenn's legs. His toes were burned off of his left foot and the foot's transverse arch was destroyed. Their local doctor recommended amputation of both legs and predicted that Glenn would never walk again. He told the boy's mother that it may have been better had he died. 

Glenn overheard the remark and decided that day that he WAS going to walk, no matter what. But he couldn't climb from a wheelchair for two years. Then one day he grasped the white wooden pickets of the fence surrounding his home and pulled himself up to his feet. Painfully he stepped, hanging onto the fence. He made his way along the fence, back and forth. He did this the next day and next – every day for weeks. He wore a path along the fence shuffling sideways. But muscles began to knit and grow in his scarred legs and feet.

When Glenn could finally walk he decided he would do something else nobody ever expected him to do again – he would learn to run. “It hurt like thunder to walk,” Glenn later said, “but it didn't hurt at all when I ran. So for five or six years, about all I did was run.” At first it looked more like hopping than running. But Glenn ran everywhere he could. He ran around the home. He ran as he did his chores. He ran to and from school (about two miles each way). He never walked when he could run. And after his legs strengthened he continued to run, not because he had to, but now because he wanted to.

If there was a gift in the tragic accident, it was that if forced Glenn to run. And run he did. He competed as a runner in high school and college. Then Glenn went on to compete in the 1932 and 1936 Olympics. He set world records for the mile run in 1934 and 1938. By the time he retired from competition, Glenn amassed a mountain of records and awards.

“Every problem has a gift for you in its hands.” And if not every problem, then just about every one. Even spectacular sunsets are not possible without cloudy skies. Troubles bring a gift for those who choose to look. And since I can't avoid my problems, why waste them? I should look for the gift. My life will be far, far richer for finding it.

– Steve Goodier

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Lessons from the Court

flickr/Charis Tsevis

Life lessons can come from unexpected places. 

I played racquetball for many years, and some of the greatest lessons I learned while playing were not about the game, but about life. Here are some of the more important life lessons that that I learned on the court:

1. People play better when they are encouraged. It's true in all of life. People do better when others cheer them on, rather than criticizing, condemning and judging. My influence as a parent, a leader, a supervisor or a friend is most effective when I encourage those around me.

2. When two or more people occupy a small space, they need to get along. It’s against the rules of the game to push people around. This principle applies to any small space: homes, schools, places of work, communities and even our planet.

3. The only way to get better is to practice, on the court and off. In every area of life, the only way to improve is to practice. Confidence takes practice. Leadership takes practice. Nurturing a mind or a spirit takes practice. Improving relationships with others takes practice. Simply learning how to be happy takes practice. And remember, there are always people willing to help.

4. Much of success is about paying attention. On the court, those who lose their focus, lose games. In life, people who are too distracted by yesterday’s regrets or tomorrow’s problems will never experience the fullness and joy of today.

5. There are always people who will do better than you. Always. But your job is not to be the best. If you simply strive to be YOUR best, you will have succeeded.

6. When playing doubles, teams that cooperate wins games. No team, no household, no small group, no faith community, no business, no enterprise will succeed that is plagued with internal squabbling.

7. Failures are lessons. When I lose a game badly, it is not a personal failure. Rather, I thank my opponent for the free lesson and figure out where I need to work. Failures are not endings; they are valuable opportunities to learn.

8. It isn't over until the last point is scored. Many victories are snatched after one comes back from almost insurmountable odds. So it is with life.

9. Work can be fun, but fun should never become merely work. A racquetball game is still a game and should be enjoyed. In life, there is always joy to be found and shared.

10. On the court, the only way to score is to serve. Likewise, service is key to life. People who make a difference find ways to serve others. And those people who are happiest and most satisfied with their lives are those who have learned the value of giving their time, energy and resources away. Great lives are built on service. 

Life lessons can come from anywhere. And I have the rest of my life to keep learning them.

-- Steve Goodier



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