Hurry Up And Be Patient

You’ve heard it said, “Hurry up and wait!” But learning to wait calmly is an important part of living. In this age of high-speed connections and instantaneous results, it helps to remember that the Mayflower made its historic voyage across the Atlantic Ocean at about two miles per hour. How did those early settlers occupy their time as they were waiting to arrive?

I love the story of a passenger on Britain’s Imperial Airways, a company that pioneered air travel between England and Australia in the mid-1930s. “If you have time to spare, go by air,” was the popular expression of the day. Airliners were both slow and incapable of flying long distances.

One of the very first flights took off from Croydon Airport near London and flew to northern France where it was delayed extensively due to bad weather. When it arrived in the south of France, one of the motors had failed and it was necessary to wait for another engine to be shipped by sea from England. There were further lengthy delays along the route in Rome, Cairo, the Middle East, etc., until finally the flight had progressed as far as Singapore.

At this point a lady passenger asked the manager in Singapore if he thought the flight would arrive in Australia in the next few weeks because she was expecting a baby shortly.

“My dear lady,” he replied, “you should never have commenced your trip in that condition.”

She replied, “I didn’t.”

We all know about unexpected delays. According to a Timex survey, human beings spend approximately six months of their lives waiting in line for things and about 43 days on telephone hold. Not to mention waiting in doctor’s offices, airport security lines and heavy traffic. Those who take the bus will wait about 27 days of their lives waiting around on the platform or at the bus stop. The list goes on.

Next time you miss a flight, get stuck in traffic or find yourself waiting on hold for customer service, it can be a good time to hurry up and be patient. The sooner you’re patient, the easier your life will become. When you’re patient you can relax and enjoy the ride.

There is great benefit in learning to wait calmly and creatively. Here is a checklist to test your waiting skills:

• Do you expect delays, or do they catch you unawares? Do you anticipate those times when you are likely to have to wait?
• Do you calmly let your inner motor idle though others around you may be stripping their gears? Do you practice calmness and inner peace?
• Do you welcome unexpected delays as a gift of time, which can be used creatively? 
• Do you prepare for delays? Do you have work or entertainment handy when forced to wait? Or do you use the free time to plan ahead or quietly meditate (to get in touch with your soul)?

How did you do with the exercise? Are you making the most of your waiting time? 

Author Joyce Meyer has the right of it when she says, “Patience is not simply the ability to wait - it's how we behave while we're waiting.”

Behave as if you might enjoy it and, well, you might.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Amanda AmiGdalo

How Is Your "Wait Training" Coming Along?

Perhaps you can relate. One man was to meet his wife downtown and spend some time shopping with her. He waited patiently for 15 minutes. Then he waited impatiently for 15 minutes more. He didn’t have a way to contact her.

He began to pace. Seeing one of those old-timey photograph booths nearby (the kind that accepts coins into a slot and takes four shots while you pose on a small bench), he had an idea. He assumed the most ferocious expression he could manage, which wasn’t difficult under the circumstances, and in a few moments he was holding four small prints that shocked even him.

He wrote his wife’s name on the back of the photographs and handed them to a clerk behind the desk. “If you see a small, dark lady with brown eyes and an apologetic expression, apparently looking for someone, would you please give her this?” he asked.

He then returned to his office content that, if a picture is worth a thousand words, then four photos must be a full-blown lecture.

His wife saved those pictures. She carries them in her purse now. Shows them to anyone who asks if she is married… 

How are you with patience? One person calls it “wait training.” Most of us do our fair share of waiting most every day. We wait for people. We wait on traffic and we wait in lines. We wait for the big event. We wait to hear about a new job. We wait to complete school or to retire. We wait to grow up or for maturity in a child. We wait for a decision to be made. 

Patience is an essential quality of a happy life. After all, some things are worth waiting for. As Arnold Glasow reminds us, “You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.” Every day presents plenty of opportunities for wait training.

It’s our choice: we can resent waiting, accept it or try to get good at it. But one thing is certain – we will never avoid it. 

How is your wait training coming along?

--Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Never Edit

Learning To Wait

You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia, he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores. He says, “On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk – you just add water and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice – you just add water and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to myself, “What a country!”

I know what he means. I once saw a novelty item - it was a can of dehydrated water. The instructions read: Open can. Just add water.

We live in a world that craves instant gratification; instant satisfaction. Just add water. Ready to eat. Cooks in one minute. No need to wait.

One old story tells of a judge who questioned the defendant. “What are you charged with?” he asked. 

“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the man.”

“That’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened.” 

Few of us will go to those extremes to satisfy our desire to “get it now,” but we know what we want and we wish we could have it yesterday. We don’t like to wait.

Yet waiting is a discipline we have to learn if we’re to be happy. Whether we learn to delay gratification or simply learn to be patient, we can’t live well without learning to wait.

There is certainly a place for decisiveness and action, but there is also a place for patience. Have you learned when to wait?

• Wait for guidance...learn to be still.
• Wait for wisdom...it will come with experience.
• Wait for growth...it happens in the fullness of time.
• Wait for the sunrise...there will be another day.
• Wait and be contented...it is a secret to inner peace.

There is a time to act, but there is also a time to wait. Learn to tell what time it is - great things can happen for those who learn to wait. Ralph Waldo Emerson said it well: “Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience."           

-- Steve Goodier 

Image: flickr.com/Wendell

Love Letter To A Cat

A love letter to a cat? Why not? At least Andrew thought it might work. This is an actual love letter written by a boy to his cat.

But before you read the letter, you must understand this about the cat. She is about as affectionate as a cactus. And besides, she goes to great lengths to avoid Andrew. She would rather sleep the day away in one of her many hiding places scattered throughout the boy’s house than be near him. And on one of those rare occasions when she makes an appearance, he can forget about touching her. If he never has anything to do with her, that is all right by the cat.

The boy tries his best to be nice. He looks for her, searching the house for an occupied hiding place, and feels abundantly grateful if he should stumble upon his treasure. He is occasionally allowed to stroke her once or twice before she flits off. He even feeds her, hoping to eventually win her confidence and perhaps even a bit of affection. But he is seldom rewarded with anything like attention.

Now that you know something about the cat, whose name is Mehitabel, by the way, what about the love letter? It was found next to the cat’s food dish. This is what it said: 

“To cat (he couldn’t spell Mehitabel): I love you. Before you love me I will love you more. Love, Andrew. Meow!”

I admire his love for a cat that will not return it. I love you. Before you love me I will love you more. That is the kind of patient love of, perhaps, a parent for a child. 

Or anyone persistently waiting for love to be returned. It’s single-minded. Persevering.

And I think there’s something spiritual about an unrequited love. It’s a little like the dogged love of God for people everywhere. 

There is also something beautifully excessive about a love that says before you love me I will love you more. And to be a little excessive in love is probably okay.

Thank you for teaching us, Andrew.

-- Steve Goodier

Do You Know How to Wait?

Philosopher Joseph-Marie de Maistre said, “To know how to wait is the great secret of success.” 

Comedian Bob Hope would agree. "I grew up with six brothers," he said. "That's how I learned to dance, waiting to get into the bathroom."

Do you know how to wait? Whether or not you share a bathroom with others, you can get plenty of practice. 

A customer struck up a conversation with the clerk in a retail store. “Wow, $17.76,” he said. “The year of the American Declaration of Independence. And exactly 200 years later I was born.”

That began an intense conversation with the employee about interesting historical events. All the while a line formed behind him.

When the customer finally left, the next patron in line impatiently asked what was going on. “Oh, we were just sharing interesting historical fun facts,” the clerk said.

“Well, then," said the irritated customer, "can you tell me what happened the year I started waiting in line?"

As Mark Twain says, “All good things arrive to them that wait -- and don't die in the meantime.”

Do you know how to wait? I’m sure you get plenty of opportunities to practice.

After moving to the city, I grew impatient with the bumper-to-bumper traffic. I decided to keep a harmonica in the glove compartment, along with a beginner's book. When traffic was held up, I took out my harmonica and played. I figured I could either practice patience or practice the harmonica. The harmonica seemed like more fun. 

There’s a great secret to waiting patiently: make it fun. 

My life improved immeasurably when I discovered audiobooks. I know there’s value to being 100% present in everything you do, but I also know that a lot of what I do can be described as mind-numbingly dull. Like waiting in long lines. Commuting in city traffic. And if I’m into a great audiobook, none of it bothers me at all. I actually look forward to relaxing in a line or, when finding myself snarled in traffic, I can spend some uninterrupted time on my book. 

Like I said, there’s a secret to waiting patiently: make it fun. You just might look forward to your next traffic jam.

-- Steve Goodier

Photo:  freeimages.com/James Goneaux

Getting It Out Is Enough

MorgueFile

John stopped by the store to pick up a couple items, and when he came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. He went up to the police officer and said, “Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?”

The policeman ignored him and continued writing the citation. So John called him a stupid idiot. The cop glared at him and started writing another ticket -- a citation for bald tires.

John made disparaging comments about the officer’s paternity. When the second citation was finished the cop smiled and began writing a third. 

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more John abused him, the more tickets he wrote. John didn't care. His car was parked around the corner.

Anger Management Tip #1: Don’t take it personally.

True story: I learned that a woman in Arkansas (USA) called her local police department. She asked about the penalty for fighting. The sergeant told her that she could be charged with assault and battery. The fine was $100.
    
“Oh, I want to beat up my sister,” she said, “and I wanted to see if I can afford it.”

Anger Management Tip #2: Count the cost.

In the Japanese town of Yamanakako, visitors will pay hefty sums simply for the chance to vent their anger in Yoshie Ogasawara’s “Relief Room,” the main attraction of her four-story fun house. There, stressed-out business persons, jilted lovers and enraged spouses can smash a large porcelain vase, hurl ceramic ware into a soapstone peach tree from China and break a few ceramic clowns in an attempt to express their pent-up rage.

Anger Management Tip #3: Don’t break your own stuff.

Anger Management Tip #4 might be your best one, though. Tell It.

William Blake famously wrote:

     I was angry with my friend, I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
     I was angry with my foe. I told it not, my wrath did grow.

It’s true that anger must be “told” to be stilled. And if it is not possible to talk directly with the offending person, find a good listener. Sometimes, just “getting it out” is enough.

Further, don’t wait long to tell it, since unacknowledged anger is a malignant tumor. As ancient biblical wisdom teaches, “Don’t let the sun set on your anger.”

Anger Management Tip #4: Tell it. And if you tell it well, that may be the only management tip you need to know.

-- Steve Goodier


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Still Under Construction

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There is a joke we tell about ourselves in this part of the world. Winter can be harsh and outdoor labor is often curtailed for the coldest months. When asked about weather, some locals like to say, “We have two seasons here...winter and road work.”

My life has been “under construction” as long as I can remember, regardless of the season. Though I realize I am a work in progress and will never be fully completed in a lifetime, I relate to the poet who set these words to paper:

“Your task is to build a better world,” said God, and I questioned, “How?

This world is such a vast place and, oh, so complicated now. 

And I am so small and useless,  there is nothing I can do.”

But God in all great wisdom said, “You just build a better you.”

That was the strategy of the Greek orator Demosthenes some two thousand years ago. Speaker and author, Nido Qubein, in the book Communicate Like a Pro, tells that Demosthenes lived in the “golden age of orators,” when public disputes were settled by oration. As a young man, he was given the chance to speak to the assembly on some vital issue. But his weak voice trembled, his thoughts were muddled and he grew less confident as the speech progressed. He was finally forced to step down to the sound of boos and hisses. Humiliated, he withdrew from public life.

But the young man was not easily defeated. More than anything, Demosthenes wanted to be a great orator. So he launched his own self-improvement program. To improve his diction, he practiced for hours at a time with stones in his mouth. To strengthen his weak voice, he shouted over the heavy winds blowing in from the Aegean Sea. To clarify his presentation, he studied the techniques of the masters. And to overcome his fears, he practiced with a sharp sword hanging over his head.

An opportunity came again several years later, and this time he was ready. He stepped in front of the assembly to warn the national leaders of the great threat posed by Philip II of Macedonia. He offered concise ideas as to how they should fight this dangerous intruder. So powerful was his speech and so clear were his thoughts that, when he had finished, the entire audience rose as one person shouted, “Let us go and fight Philip!”

You may have no desire to become a great public speaker. But, if you're like me, there will always be plenty of room for improvement in areas to which you may be more well-suited than you realize. And if you patiently develop and refine your skills, if you hang out the “Life Under Construction” sign and persistently build a better you, you will be ready when the right time comes. And you will be unstoppable.

-- Steve Goodier

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Tempering Our Temper

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A young girl came into the house with a tear in her pants. Her mother was exasperated, as this had happened too many times before. At her wits end, she said to her daughter, "Now you go into your room, take off those pants, and sew up that tear!" The poor child had never held needle and thread in her life.

So understandably, a little while later her mother saw the pants crumpled on the floor of her daughter's bedroom -- still torn. She looked around for her daughter. Spying the basement light on, she called down the stairs, "Are you down there running around with your pants off?"

A big voice boomed up, "No ma'am. I'm reading the gas meter."

Of course, what parent can’t relate to her exasperation?

On the other hand, I DO have trouble understanding the guy in Los Angeles who was arrested for negligent discharge of a weapon after shooting his toilet bowl five times with a handgun (and yes, this is true). Why did he assault the commode? He apparently exploded when he couldn’t extract a hair brush his daughter flushed down.

He might benefit from the advice of one of America’s great presidents, Thomas Jefferson, who cautioned, "When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, count to 100." I think it applies to discharging weapons, too.

Maybe another technique works better for you. One husband asked his wife, "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?"

She smiled at him. "I clean the toilet bowl." (Uh-oh, toilets again.)

"How does that help?"

"I use your toothbrush," she said sweetly.

It's not that anger is a bad thing in itself. A good bit of fire in the belly may be needed to right the world’s wrongs. But this isn’t about righteous indignation. It’s about tempering our temper.

I’ve seen marriages destroyed, careers derailed and relationships of all kinds decimated by uncontrolled rage. It’s no wonder all of the world’s great religions have something to say about it. To name a few, the Buddha said, "You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger." The prophet Muhammad said, "He is not strong and powerful who throws people down, but he is strong who withholds himself from anger." And in Christian scripture Jesus instructs, "If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." You get the idea.

I like the motto Mahatma Gandhi hung on his wall at Sevagram:

"When you are in the right,
You can afford to keep your temper;
When you are in the wrong,
You can't afford to lose it."

I’m sure I could never say it better.

-- Steve Goodier

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To Remember Is to Understand

Does this sound familiar?

James was cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from a shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed it was over eleven years old. He felt sure the shoes would not still be there, but decided to stop by and check anyway.

He handed the ticket to the man behind the counter, who scowled at the date. "Just a minute," said the clerk. "I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a back room.

After a few minutes, the clerk called out, "What do you know – here they are!"

"That's terrific!" said James, hardly believing his good fortune.

The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said.

I hope James is the patient sort.

We should all be masters of patience; after all, we've had plenty of practice. But mustering patience with unreasonable people (including ourselves) may seem more than we can manage some days.

I heard about an elderly patient in an American hospital who was recovering from a medical procedure. He decided to take a look at his recovery-room record attached to the bed frame. He leafed through the pages, then stopped at one particular notation and furled his brow in consternation.

"I know I was in a bit of a muddle, but I didn't realize I was that bad," he said apologetically to his nurse. "I hope I didn't offend anyone."

She glanced to the spot where he pointed. “Don’t worry,” she said. “SOB doesn’t mean what you think. It stands for ‘short of breath.’”

But I suspect that in some cases it does have a double meaning. Especially if the patient is in pain, fearful or just plain out of sorts. (And that probably goes for some of the hospital staff, too.)

Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher once said, “I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.” But we don’t always get our own way. And patience can be taxed beyond reason.

Where does understanding come from when it feels as if there is nothing left?

I've learned that it can come from the simple act of remembering. To remember is to understand. It is not about gritting one’s teeth and forcing oneself to be more patient. It is actually easier than that.

Do you remember what it was like to be a child? No parent should ever forget. And to remember is to understand.

Do you remember what it was like to be a student? Every teacher should try to remember, and especially if they feel frustrated.

Do you remember what it is like to be a patient? Doctors and nurses show more empathy after they have also spent time in a hospital bed.

Do you remember what it was like to be lonely? To be first? To be last? To fail? To succeed? To be afraid? To remember is to understand.

And to understand is to be patient.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/steve: they can't all be zinge

The Magical Effect

American President John Quincy Adams once said, “Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.” Have you ever witnessed the magical effect of patience and perseverance?

One North Carolina church wanted to purchase some property. The church regularly suffered from high tide flooding. But when the church was originally built, they couldn't afford better property.

As the story is told, they finally decided to relocate to higher ground. An ideal lot was empty - actually the highest ground in town. It belonged to a man named Sam Sadler. Officials from the church went to see Mr. Sadler about selling the property. He politely told them it wasn't for sale; that he had other plans for the land. They persisted, but still he refused.

The congregants were disappointed. Mr. Sadler's land seemed the perfect location. Eventually, they decided on another piece of property and began building.

But a strange thing happened on September 16, 1876, the eve of the dedication of the new church. One of the worst coastal floods in memory struck the town. As water rose, so did the church building. It left its temporary home and floated down main street, turned a corner and eventually settled on the highest spot in town - the empty lot owned by Sam Sadler.

Mr. Sadler gave in. He allowed the building to stay and, because of the remarkable turn of events, they chose a new name: Providence. Today, if you were to ask how Providence United Methodist Church of Swanquarter, North Carolina came to acquire its land, someone may relate to you what Sam Sadler said about the transaction: “I guess if the good Lord couldn't move me to give the land to the church, he would move the church to the land.”

Even John Quincy Adams might have been amazed at the “magical effect” before which the church’s obstacles disappeared.

I believe it was basketball great Michael Jordan who said, “If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work your way around it.”

It’s about patience and perseverance. (And it can’t hurt to have a little faith.)

-- Steve Goodier


Image: flickr.com/Jimmy Emerson

Can You Wait?

Have you noticed that a lot of us not only want to have this thing or that, but we want to have it NOW? I heard that the average American spends one entire year of life watching television commercials, where they are told again and again that they can have whatever they want and they can have it now.

First we want it. Then we get it. Then we wonder why we wanted it. Then we get it again.

The First National Bank in one Midwest American town came up with a billboard advertising slogan: "Loans make life easier, at FIRST." Yes, at first they do. But later....

I talked with a couple who will be married soon. They mentioned that someone in the family gave them an early wedding gift: a course of study in personal money management. They are learning to be patient and to save their money for whatever they want. I told them that someday they may look back on that gift with great appreciation.

There was a study about children, marshmallows and delayed gratification. Researchers gave children marshmallows to eat. Then they watched to see if the children ate them right away or saved the treats until later. They tracked these children for several years and learned that the "marshmallow savers," those who could delay gratification, turned out to be generally happier and better adjusted later in life. It stands to reason that we feel better when we are in control of our desires and, particularly, our behaviors.

The temptation is to have it NOW. One man wrote to me and said:

Steve,
I have learned that everything in life is instant gratification. I
just don't know the instant it will happen. So I just do what is in front of me to do, be patient, and wait for that instant.

Great advice! I have two questions for you:

1. What do you want to have?
2. Can you wait?

Chances are, if you can answer yes to the second question, you will be sure to find plenty of contentment and peace.

-- Steve Goodier


Image: Freeimages.com/Alison Taylor

Keeping the Motor Idling

I relate well to the comment made by speaker Barbara Johnson: "Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears." I know that if I can keep the motor idling, it will be ready to go when I need it.

A kindergarten teacher practiced keeping her motor idling. A story has it that she was helping one of her students put his snow boots on. He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, they finally succeeded and she had by now worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "They're on the wrong feet."

She looked and, sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off, and then she had to wrestle the stubborn boots on again.

Just as she finished lacing them he announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue to keep from screaming, "Why didn't you say so?"

Once again she struggled to pull off the ill-fitting boots. He then calmly added, "They're my brother's boots. My mom made me wear them." She began to realize how close she was to stripping her gears as she struggled with the boots yet again.

When they were finally laced, she said, "Now, where are your mittens?"

"I stuffed them in the toes of my boots," he said.

She may have been the same teacher who once commented about a particularly difficult child in her class, "Not only is he my worst behaved child this year, but he also has a perfect attendance record.

A Dutch proverb observes, "A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains." I may never have to worry about having a bushel of brains, but I can sometimes muster a handful of patience. And that should be enough.

-- Steve Goodier

Photo: flickr.com/Erin Sweeney