Letting the Yeast Work Its Magic

Carefully examining a display in the drugstore, a man asked the pharmacist, "Do you really guarantee this hair-restorer?"

The pharmacist responded, "Better than that, sir. We give a comb with every bottle." Wouldn't you love to have that kind of confidence?

One man quipped, "When it comes to believing in myself, I'm an agnostic." One of the greatest problems many people experience is lack of confidence. Some don't believe they “have what it takes,” others are afraid to try something they've never done before, others hang back out of shyness and still others don’t believe they measure up to friends or colleagues.

Of course, those inner fears do not need to define you. Or control you. And one of the simplest ways to banish them is through healthy self-talk. It has taken most of a lifetime, but here are some things I now know about confidence:

• Your words and your thoughts have immense power. Be careful what you think and say.
• Be gentle with yourself. Don’t say you don’t like your body, your looks, your personality. Treat yourself like a good friend. (If you don’t, who will?)
• Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes. We all make them. Tell yourself you’ll do better next time and let it go.
• Remember what you do well and don’t worry about the rest. You have a unique contribution to this world.
• Remind yourself that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You may need to tell yourself this many times.
• Tell yourself that your fear will not hold you back. Tell yourself that you can do what you’re afraid to do. Encourage yourself.

Too many of us are not aware of the tremendous power of our words and thoughts. They are yeast in life’s dough. They quietly work deep inside until they eventually change the character of the dough itself. Those who move from fear to confidence, those who believe in themselves and are secure within, have learned to let the yeast of good words and thoughts grow - to work their magic. 

And be assured - they will work their magic. 

-- Steve Goodier

Image: Flickr.com/Stacy (Creative Commons)

Treasure at Your Fingertips

A century ago, Russell Conwell traveled the United States with a speech he called, “Acres of Diamonds.” Of the many stories he told, one was of a young man who studied at Yale to become a mining engineer. Upon graduation, “gold fever” struck him and he set off to California to seek his fortune. 
    
Yale had offered him a position as an instructor, which he turned down. He persuaded his mother to sell their Massachusetts farm and accompany him. But the trip was futile as he found no gold and eventually accepted a job in Minnesota working for a mining company – at a lower salary than he would have received at Yale.

More interesting is that the man who bought the family farm from the widowed mother was harvesting potatoes one day. As he slid a heavy bushel through an opening in the stone wall, he noticed a shiny stone. He had it assayed and learned it was native silver. The farm was sitting on a fortune in silver!

Why had the mining engineer, who had undoubtedly passed by that same rock and others like it hundreds of times, not discovered the ore? Could it be that he never dreamed a treasure could be found so easily? Was it because he believed that one must go elsewhere to fulfill a dream?

A profound life truth is this: what we are seeking may be found right where we are. Think about it. Do you need to go somewhere else to find happiness? Chances are, if you were truly aware of what you have in your life now you could be happy. Or do you think you’ll find love if you only search for somebody else? Look more carefully, through appreciative eyes, at who is in your life today. 

It’s easy to miss what you have when you are busy searching someplace else. Sometimes it’s just about changing our thinking. What you seek (happiness, security, fulfillment, challenge, love, meaning, purpose -- the list is practically endless) may be right in front of you. You likely just don’t see it. It may be hidden in plain sight. 

Before you search someplace else, look carefully! You just might be amazed at what you see.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Timitrius

How to Improve Your Vision

Did you know that the English word "thanks" comes from the same root word as "think"? And they not only share a similar background, they are related in another way. It seems the more we think, the more we thank. One woman illustrated how thinking and thanking are related in a visit to the eye doctor.

She complained to her ophthalmologist that, as she grew older, her eyesight was getting worse. He examined her eyes and could not be encouraging about the future of her eyesight. But to his surprise, she did not seem to be upset. She told him all she was grateful for: her deceased husband; her children and their families; her friends; the many years she has enjoyed upon this earth; her vast library of memories. She had done a great deal of thinking about these things. "My eyesight is getting worse," she summarized, "but I'm not going to fret over that."

Her doctor later made this observation: "Her eyesight is poor, but her vision is better than most people." She clearly saw what many never see -- all the good in her life. And she was content.

When we take time to think, and make time to thank, we see more clearly.

It sounds like a good way to improve your vision.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Bryan Jones

When Luck Isn't Luck

Image by Jasmaine Mathews

  Ever wonder why some people seem to be luckier than others?

A little boy wanted a taste of molasses from the large barrel by the door of an old-fashioned country store. He slid a box beside the barrel, stepped up on it and leaned over the rim as far as possible, stretching out his finger toward the sweet goo below. He stretched and strained and toppled headfirst into the barrel.

Dripping with molasses, he stood up, lifted his eyes heavenward and was heard to utter, “Lord, help me to make the most of this fantastic opportunity!”

Most of us will never fall into a barrel of opportunity. We won't be awarded a great sum of money (though I am never sure that is in our best interest), we won't be offered a “dream job,” we won't have all of our needs suddenly provided for. We can spend years waiting for opportunity to knock only to find that we wasted precious time wishing for something to happen that never was to be.

Yet some people seem to luck into these things, don't they? It's as if they were in the right place at the right time and they just fell into it.

But that is not the way it happens. Those people who seize opportunities others seem to miss, find them for one specific reason: they have trained themselves. People who seem more fortunate than the rest of us are those who have taught themselves to look for possibilities in every circumstance and every obstacle.

I think David Boren, president of the University of Oklahoma, is such a man. Years ago, Boren learned from professional pollsters that he would most likely lose his state gubernatorial race, and lose it big. The professional polling agency he hired reported his strength to be only about two percent of the population.
   
Many people would quit the moment they receive such news. And in truth, that was his first reaction. Could anything good come out of such a bleak situation? But he had trained himself to look for opportunities, even when confronting great obstacles. He stayed in the race and approached his campaign in a different way. He told his listeners, “I had a professional poll taken and it shows I’ve got great potential for increasing my support!”    
   
That may sound a good deal better than it is. But he didn't give up and people began to listen to what he had to say. Boren eventually won the election and served as governor of the US state of Oklahoma.

People who spot opportunities may simply be people who have trained themselves to look for the best possible outcome in every situation and act on it. It takes a different way of thinking.

To everyone else it may just look like you're lucky. But you will know better.

-- Steve Goodier

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Before You Speak -- THINK

Image by Ivan Prole

I read an article about a Texas woman who sued the producers of the now defunct American reality show "Extreme Makeover" for more than one million dollars. The show depicted ordinary men and women undergoing "extreme makeovers" that involved plastic surgery, exercise regimens, hairdressing and wardrobing. Each episode ended with the participants' return to their families and friends, showing the reactions of their loved ones, who had not been allowed to see the incremental changes during their absence.

The woman came to Los Angeles to be a contestant on the show after undergoing a series of medical exams to determine if her crooked teeth and droopy eyes could be fixed and her small breasts enhanced. They determined she might be a good candidate for their extreme makeover techniques and signed her on.

To prepare for the show, the producers sent a crew to her home to interview the woman and her family. The suit claims the Extreme Makeover crew manipulated the contestant's sister into making blunt and cruel statements on camera disparaging her sister's looks, presumably for more dramatic effect on television.

But the night before the woman's makeover was to begin, the show's producers told her it would take too long for work on her jaw to heal and she would not be able to participate as a makeover recipient. They canceled her appearance and she returned home to her distraught sister who had made the hurtful remarks. The sister was so upset over what she had said, she eventually took her life, according to the suit. The lawsuit was eventually settled out of court.

There are few things in this world as powerful as words. Too late this family learned that, once hurtful words have been spoken, they can never be retrieved.

We're told that architect Frank Lloyd Wright had his own ideas on the power of words. He once said, “I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.” (That gives me pause each time I sit down to write.)

But words alone can affect great good as well as evil. A few apt words have swept candidates into office, ended as well as started wars, paved the way for peace and carried with them both hope as well as despair. Words alone have ruined lives, but have also brought forth healing. It is well known the harm words can cause, but the good they can bring is equally impressive.

Your words of encouragement at the appropriate time can lift a person from hopelessness or build a lasting bridge of friendship. They seem little things, but carry with them tremendous power.

Here is some of the best advice I've come across concerning how we use words.
 
Before you speak (before you write): THINK.
     T    is it True?
     H    is it Helpful?
     I     is it Inspiring?
     N    is it Necessary?
     K    is it Kind?

Your words have immeasurable power. Use them with care.

– Steve Goodier

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Turn the Paper Sideways

freeimages.com/Svilen Milev

Sometimes I need to approach a persistent problem with a new way of thinking. The Spanish poet Juan Ramón Jiménez said, “If they give you ruled paper, write the other way.” His image reminds me to always be my own person, but it also challenges me to think creatively. Turning the paper sideways is like looking at situations from different angles.

Henry L. Mencken said it first: “For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat and wrong.” And how often I am determined to keep pounding on that simple and neat solution until I make it work, or else I finally give up altogether. But success will surprisingly come when I decide to look at the thing from a wholly different perspective. 

Several all night convenience stores in New York City learned something about viewing problems another way. Evidently, some of the stores had a problem with teenagers hanging out in their parking lots late into the night. Not that they didn’t like kids; they liked them very much. But customers complained that they were afraid to approach them in the dark and push through them to enter the store. Neighbors complained that couldn’t sleep with the noise. And store personnel were worried about the well-being of the young people themselves. Late at night, these neighborhoods were unsafe. 

Managers tried various methods to solve the problem. They asked the kids to find a safer place to congregate. They asked them to move away from the doors so customers didn’t have to push through them. They asked them to discard their cigarette butts and trash in outdoor receptacles and not litter the parking lot. Each solution was simple, neat and completely ineffective. It seems that any of them should have worked. But none of them did and many of the store managers eventually gave up in frustration on solving the problem.

Finally, one man came up with an unusual idea. He decided he had been approaching the situation all wrong. Asking the teens to change their behavior didn’t work, so he tried something different. He just piped easy-listening music into the parking lot -- slow, soothing instrumentals especially suited for mature listeners.

No more loitering.

Sometimes we just need to look at things differently. Again and again we butt up against the same old problem. It may involve a child or parent, a friend or lover. It might be a problem with a co-worker. Maybe it’s just a complex situation we’re working through, or a personal problem with which we can’t seem to make any headway. And so far, everything we’ve tried has failed. Perhaps it’s time to turn the paper around and write the other way; to look at the problem a whole new way.

Here’s a good question to ask: “How can I come at this thing from a different angle?” Because there is likely something you’re not seeing.

A father and his daughter were stopped by a flight attendant before boarding their plane. The problem? The little girl was clutching a large bouquet of balloons. In sympathetic tones, the attendant told the child that she would not be permitted to travel with all of the balloons. “Only one is allowed per passenger,” she said in a voice that concluded there’s nothing to be done. After all, rules are rules.

Father and daughter decided they could each carry one. So with tears in her eyes, the little child selected her two favorite balloons for the flight. But before she could discard the rest, another passenger intervened. “Here, I’ll take one,” he said. He quickly saw a solution to the problem and proceeded to give one balloon to anybody in line who would take one. As she disembarked, every balloon was returned to the happy child.

Here was a man who just looked at the problem a different way. Instead of saying, “There’s nothing be done,” he turned the paper sideways and the answer was clear.

When you turn your paper sideways, what do you see?

-- Steve Goodier

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Real Liberation

I had a remarkable conversation with a woman about physical limitations. Nancy was a sufferer of M.S. She could no longer walk and spent her waking hours in a wheelchair.

"I'm not 'confined' to the wheelchair," she insisted one day. "It doesn't confine me. It sets me free."

I had never thought of it that way. And I have never since referred to someone in a wheelchair since as being "confined."

She asked me, "Do you want to know my reason for living?" It seemed like an abrupt change of subject, but I went with it.

"What is it?"

"To liberate people. To set them free."

She must have studied my face and figured I needed more help. "It's like me...before I got my wheelchair, I had trouble getting around," she explained. "Now I can go places. But other people may be trapped in different ways. So however I can free people, I want to do it."

"People speak of being 'shut in,'" she continued. "People who have difficulty leaving a room or a house or a bed are not 'shut in.' They're 'shut out' -- shut out of activities and shut out of people's lives. So I try to help people find some freedom, however I can."

We all live with limitations, don't we? If not physical, we may be limited in our thinking or limited by our beliefs. 

When I feel confined by my thinking, I sometimes wonder how my friend would free herself. I think she would replace her life-sapping thoughts with life-giving thinking. As Darwin P. Kingsley, past president of New York Life Insurance Company, says,

"You have powers you never dreamed of.
You can do things you never thought you could do.
There are no limitations in what you can do except
the limitations of your own mind."

I appreciate Nancy. She showed me what real liberation is all about.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Wheelchair Basketball Canada