A Simple Habit That Can Change Everything

Do you remember the story of the sailor who over-imbibed and fell asleep at his table? His buddies smeared a bit of strong smelling cheese dip on his mustache, which caused him to wake up and look around. He sniffed and then walked outside, sniffed again and came back in, walked out and back in one more time and finally sat down in his seat. “It’s no use,” he said to his friend, “the whole world stinks.”

Ever felt that way? We have all experienced bad days and horrible situations. We’ve felt trapped, helpless and, at times, hopeless. And sometimes it seems that the whole world stinks.

But I heard of one woman who learned never to view things that way. She grew up in extreme poverty and had every reason to think that her world, at least, stinks. But as a girl, she was privileged to be in a Sunday School class taught by a young woman named Alice Freeman. Freeman was later to become president of Wellesley College at age 26. (As an aside, she would later marry and become known as Alice Freeman Palmer, a renown advocate for education for women.) But let me continue with the little girl’s story.

One Sunday, Freeman asked the children to find something beautiful in their homes, and then tell the other children about it the next week. The following Sunday, when the little girl was asked what she found that was beautiful at home, she thought of her impoverished condition and replied, “Nothing. There’s nothing beautiful where I live, except...except the sunshine on our baby’s curls.”

Years later, long after Alice Freeman Palmer’s untimely death, her husband George was lecturing at a university in the western United States. He was approached by a distinguished looking woman who fondly recalled that, as a child, she attended his wife’s Sunday School class. Then she related this story:

“I can remember that your wife once asked us to find something beautiful in our homes, and that I came back saying the only beautiful thing I could find was the sunshine on my sister’s curls. But that assignment your wife made was the turning point in my life. I began to look for something beautiful wherever I was, and I’ve been doing it ever since.” 

That one simple act, repeated every day, became a powerful means of lifelong transformation for that woman.

If you have been thinking your “whole world stinks,” the daily habit of looking for something beautiful can help you see the good that actually exists wherever you are. You’ll see beauty that others miss. And you’ll never view your life the same again. 

It’s a simple habit that can change everything.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/zehhhra

Lucky to See It Up Close

Marlin Perkins, long-time host of television’s “Wild Kingdom,” spent most of his life trying to put people on a first-name basis with animals. His wife Carol wanted to marry him so badly that she never let on that she did not fully share his passion for wildlife.

Soon after their marriage they went to central Africa. She tried valiantly not to complain during the long expedition, but one night she was exhausted. She said she wasn’t hungry and just wanted to go to bed. So she undressed and reached for her pillow, when out from underneath crawled a huge lizard that ran up her chest and down her arm.

Carol started to scream and couldn’t stop. She was so tired of being brave. Marlin came running, and after he saw that Carol wasn’t hurt, he put his arm around her and said, “Honey, think of how lucky you were to see him up close.”

I’m with Carol. I would find it difficult to appreciate the experience. But I still respect Marlin’s awe and enthusiasm for all things alive. He was able to marvel at the wonder of creatures and never lost his passion for animals. All living things, in their own way, were beautiful and splendid to this irrepressible lover of nature.

You may not choose to share your bed with a lizard, but do you find this world an exciting and wondrous place? Do you marvel at nature’s handiwork? Do you want to “see it up close”? Does a spectacular sunset, the smell of seawater, that first spring flower, or the soft fall of snow soothe your soul? In short, are you excited about life and this magnificent world in which we live?

One who stands in awe at the wonder of this world and universe is never without a sense of mystery. That amazing man Albert Einstein once said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” But only one is the way of joy.

--Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Mauricio Ulloa

Your Best Beauty Secret

Comic Phyllis Diller quipped that she once entered a beauty contest. "I not only came in last," she said, "I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality."

Little Matthew watched, fascinated, as his mother, smoothed white cream on her face. 

"Why do you do that, Mom?”, he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," she smiled. She then began to remove the cream with a tissue. 

"What's the matter?" the little boy asked. "Giving up?"

What Matthew didn’t understand is that the cream has little to do with making his mother beautiful. Lasting beauty can’t be found in a squeeze bottle or cosmetics drawer.

Have you heard of Ed Feinhandler? Ed has proved many times that he is the world's ugliest man. But others disagree because, the fact is, Ed has discovered a universal "beauty secret."

Ed has won at least 15 Ugly Man competitions. According to the Daily Sparks Tribune (Sparks, Nevada USA), he drives a minivan with "Mr. Ugly" personalized license plates. Good looks were never important to him. But helping people always has been, and the thousands of dollars he has raised over the years from Ugly Man competitions he has donated to charity. In his spare time, Ed coaches youth sports, teaches tennis to underprivileged children and delivers Christmas baskets to the elderly. There’s nothing ugly about the way he lives his life.

To know Ed is to know a beautiful man whose real attractiveness comes from within. His secret is this: beauty has little to do with physical looks -- it resides in the heart.

You, too, probably know some exquisitely beautiful people. I mean beautiful on the inside. They are kind and generous. They are happy and contented. You enjoy being around them. They may not necessarily look like much, but others see them as beautiful human beings.

When beauty lives in the heart, it doesn’t need to show up anywhere else.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Mike Mozart

One Light

Imagine an artist painting a winter scene. She depicts a white, frozen ground and evergreens draped in snow. Her hand brings the day to a close as she paints night falling on the canvas. In the deep shadows of dusk, she has painted a grim, log cabin, barely visible to the casual observer. 

Then she dips her brush in yellow paint and, with a few quick strokes, places a brightly burning lamp in one of the cabin’s windows. Warm rays dance on white snow, now made brighter by the light. The lonely lamp wholly changes the tone of the picture, replacing feelings of dark and gloom with warmth and security. 

Edith Wharton has said that there are two ways of spreading the light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. Sometimes we are the candle. We shed light of love and hope. We shine encouragement into dark souls, for this is a bleak and cold world for too many people, a frightening and lonely place in need of light. Francis of Assisi got it right: “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” 

But sometimes we are the mirror that reflects light. We reflect back what we see in others to help them see their own light -- their own goodness and beauty, their own strength and resiliency and resourcefulness. 

There are two ways of spreading light -- to be the candle or the mirror. Which are you?

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Ath-har Saeed

Farther Along the Beauty Way

Coming from the US state of New Mexico, I learned early in life to love spicy foods. We like to treat friends to favorite homemade spicy dishes. (Some may think we inflict our tastes on them; I prefer to say we treat them to authentic New Mexican cuisine.) A typical reaction to a dish bathed in our hot sauce goes like this: they smile and enthusiastically try a bite; their eyes open far too wide and they begin to sweat profusely and reach for the water to put out the flames in their stomachs; then, when voice and reason return, they nod and politely say, “Tasty.” They sometimes don’t come back.

One person commented, “I’ve heard of people who preach hellfire, but you’re the only one I know who hands out samples.”

These days, however, my body is starting to tell me to be more selective in my diet. I have to be careful of overdoing my favorites. I still like it hot, but in smaller quantities. I relate to the woman who stepped off the scale and was asked by her husband what the verdict was. “According to the height table,” she replied, “I should be about six inches taller.”

But more important than the food I put into my body are thoughts I put into my mind. Thoughts of bitterness like, “I hate her!” Thoughts of despair like, “I'll never be happy again.” Thoughts of fear like, “I could never do that!” And thoughts of worry, thoughts of greed and thoughts of self-loathing…“I’m so stupid.” A constant diet of these killer thoughts will destroy any of us long before heartburn or cholesterol.

The indigenous Navajo people of New Mexico, Utah and Arizona (the Diné, as they call themselves) have an expression for this. They traditionally believe that how they fill their minds will shape their lives. So they want to fill their minds with that which is good, harmonious and edifying. They speak of “walking and thinking in the Beauty Way” – ridding their minds of all that is destructive and filling them with that which is good and peaceful.

With beauty, may I walk.
With beauty before me, may I walk.
With beauty behind me, may I walk.
With beauty above me, may I walk.
With beauty all around me, may I walk.
(Excerpt from the Navajo Night Way Ceremony)

The Beauty Way is the way of love and contentment, peace and kindness. It is the way of patience and courage and, above all, harmony.

In old age, wandering on a trail of beauty,
lively, may I walk.
In old age, wandering on a trail of beauty,
living again, may I walk.
It is finished in beauty.
It is finished in beauty.
(Excerpt from the Navajo Night Way Ceremony)

What are you putting into your mind? James Allen has said, “You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.” Fill your mind with life-affirming thoughts and tomorrow will find you farther along the Beauty Way.

-- Steve Goodier

Beautiful Old People

A reporter was interviewing a 104-year-young woman. “And what do you think is the best thing about 104?” the journalist asked.
   
“No peer pressure,” she replied.
   
When I was in college, I worked in an after school daycare center with a marvelous woman in her mid-seventies. One day she was complaining about her age. “All my friends are old and crippled,” she remarked. “They’re either crippled in their legs or crippled in their minds.”
   
I know that growing older is not easy, at any age. Columnist Dave Barry talked about it when he turned 40. “If I don’t warm up before throwing a football,” he said, “I have to wait approximately until the next presidential administration before I attempt to do this again.”
   
But even with its aches and pains and a variety of other problems, aging does have an upside. Sister Mary Gemma Brunke has so beautifully written:
   
“It is the old apple trees that are decked with the loveliest blossoms. It is the ancient redwoods that rise to majestic heights. It is the old violins that produce the richest tones. It is the aged wine that tastes the sweetest. It is ancient coins, stamps and furniture that people seek. It is the old friends that are loved the best. Thank God for the blessings of age and the wisdom, patience and maturity that go with it. Old is wonderful!”
   
“Beautiful people are acts of nature,” it has been said, “but beautiful old people are works of art.”
   
I hope someday to be a work of art.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Marjan Lazarevski

What Is Emerging from the Rock?

Image by Richard Simpson

I heard something interesting about the great Michelangelo. In his lifetime, among his many other accomplishments, he worked on over forty statues, but completed less than half of them. The statues he finished are still some of the greatest works of art the world has ever known...the magnificent David, his incomparable Pietà and his exquisite rendering of Moses, to name a few.

But those he never finished are interesting, too. I understand they can be seen in a museum in Italy. On display is a huge chunk of marble from which only an elbow or a wrist awkwardly protrude. Others show a leg, a thigh, a knee, a calf, a foot … even some toes. The rest of the body is locked in the lump of rock.

Michelangelo is reputed to have said, “Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.” Did he fail to discover what was hidden within those stones? Or did he see something there in his mind's eye but was interrupted before he could reveal its beauty? In either case, what is locked inside the marble may stay there forever.

And how like so many of us that is. We have unseen potential that takes time, maybe a lifetime, to be revealed. And how terrible when we get stuck, when we live and die with so much potential unrealized. How sad when only a small part of who we truly are ever emerges.

Writer Brian Tracy says, “The potential of the average person is like a huge ocean unsailed, a new continent unexplored, a world of possibilities waiting to be released and channeled toward some great good.” But I wonder ... do they know it? Do average people know what great potential and exquisite beauty is hidden within? Do they see all they can become? All that is possible for them? Or do they only see the rough and uncut marble? How great a tragedy it is to live a life and never emerge from the rock; never even realize how magnificent is the person unrevealed inside.

What will it take for you to break free of the stone and take the shape of your destiny?

– Steve Goodier

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Surprise!

Have you been surprised lately?

A woman called her pastor. "We just won $10 million in the lottery!" she exclaimed. "But I'm afraid to tell my husband. He has a weak heart and I'm afraid he may have a heart attack. Pastor, would you be able to tell him for me?"

The clergyman thought that perhaps he could, so he came right over and sat down with the man. "What would you do," he began, "if you were to win $500,000 in the lottery?"

"I suppose my wife could quit her job and I could work less and relax more," the man reflected.

"What would you do if you were to win a million dollars?" the pastor continued.

"If I were to win that much we could both retire," the man said. "Life would be easy."

The clergyman forged on. "Well, what would you do if you were to win five million dollars?"

"We could do anything we wanted," he mused. "We could travel, live anywhere in the world and enjoy a life we never dreamed was possible."

Finally he got to it. "Now tell me...what would you do if you won ten million dollars in the lottery?"

"Ten million dollars? Why, if I ever won that much, Pastor, I know one thing for sure. I'd give half of it to you and the church."

You guessed it. The pastor had a heart attack.

I don't know if a gift of massive wealth will turn out as wonderful as one might think, but it's probably a good thing that most surprises don't come in such huge helpings. I think I prefer my surprises to come in smaller, bite-sized portions. Even the good ones. And I'm discovering that the world is full of daily, happy surprises, if I just have eyes to see.

Have you noticed that we will tend to see what we look for and miss most of the rest? I once observed a class instructor hold up a large sheet of white paper. It seemed to be clean except for a black dot in the center made by a heavy marker. He asked us to tell him what we saw. Everyone who raised their hand predictably pointed out the black mark, each describing it differently. Then the teacher asked, “Why didn't anyone say they saw a sheet of white paper?”

Was that answer too obvious? Maybe so, but I often miss the obvious because I'm busy looking for something else. I might be surprised at what I can see if I were to actually look for it.

If I search for mistakes in myself or others, I will find enough to keep me critical for a week. Likewise, if I look every day for what is admirable in others, what is pure in myself and what is lovely in the world, all of these things suddenly become obvious. But the large sheet of white paper is easy to miss when I am searching for black smudges.

Confucius taught, “Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” And baseball great Yogi Berra added, “You can observe a lot by watching.” It's about what I'm going to look for, and that's enough of a surprise for me.

– Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/grietgriet

Beauty Is Soul Deep

Abraham Lincoln loved to tell stories on himself. One of his favorites concerned itself with physical appearance.

In the days when Lincoln used to be on the circuit (traveling on horseback from one county court to another), he was once approached by a stranger who said, "Excuse me, sir, but I have an article which belongs to you."

"How is that?" Lincoln asked in astonishment.

The stranger took a jackknife from his pocket. "This knife," he said "was placed in my hand some years ago, with the injunction that I was to keep it until I found a man homelier-looking than I am myself. I have carried that knife for many years. Now I pass it on to you."

Lincoln added wryly, "I've carried that knife ever since."

Once when he was accused of being “two-faced,” he replied, “If I had two faces, would I be wearing this one?”

One of Lincoln's greatest assets was his ability to laugh at himself and he frequently laughed at his physical appearance. But history does not remember him as an "ugly" individual – in fact, often just the opposite. His spirit was clothed in beautiful garments: character, honesty, humor and courage. And there are other clothes he wore equally well – such as humility and forgiveness.

We say that beauty is skin deep. But it isn't really. It has very little to do with the skin. True beauty is soul deep. It is a fabric that is woven in the soul and worn in plain view.

The Bible speaks of clothing yourself with such things as compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Regardless of how good looking we may otherwise be, I believe that these kinds of clothes will actually be what people see – if not at first, certainly later.

This was taught to me by a woman who used to think that if she were granted only one wish, it would be to be beautiful. She saw her wheel-chair dependent body as unsightly and, therefore, she missed her more attractive assets. But when she was finally convinced of some of her beautiful personality traits by her friends, she came to a different point of view. Today she says, "Now I know I AM beautiful. Very beautiful."

It isn’t true that beauty is skin deep. This woman learned that real beauty is soul deep. And when she understood that, she saw that she was far more attractive than she had ever imagined.

So here’s to all of the beautiful people. They come in different sizes and shapes. Some are old and some are young. They can be found everywhere. And they look nothing alike, until you see the light in their eyes. That light may just be a reflection of the beauty inside; beauty that is soul deep.

-- Steve Goodier

The Beautiful You

We place great emphasis on a narrow idea of physical beauty.

In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how, throughout history, the concept of “beauty” changes with time. “For example,” he said, “take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five-foot-one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and sported a 30-inch bust, a 25-inch waist and 32-inch hips. How do you think she’d do in today’s version of the contest?”

The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, “Not very well.”

“Why is that?” asked the professor.

“For one thing,” the student pointed out, “she’d be way too old.”

Good point -- she’d be way too old. But beauty is a peculiar thing, for it means something a little different to each of us. And it isn’t always about appearance. Sometimes beauty is a quality that softly shines from inner depths. And you may actually radiate more inner beauty than you realize.

An elderly woman noticed that her granddaughter felt embarrassed by her freckles. “I love your freckles,” she said, kneeling beside the girl and admiring her face.

“Not me,” the child replied.

“Well, when I was a little girl I always wanted freckles,” the grandmother said, tracing her finger across the child’s cheek. “Freckles are beautiful.”

The girl looked up. “Really?”

“Of course,” said her grandmother. “Why just name one thing that’s prettier than freckles.”

The little girl peered into the old woman’s smiling face, aglow with kindness and love. “Wrinkles,” she answered softly.

The physical beauty of youth will fade. But the beauty of a spirit, when nurtured, can grow forever.

-- Steve Goodier

Image by flickr.com/Mexico Rosel

The Real You

One woman describes herself as "Five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump." After she had a minor accident, her mother accompanied her to the hospital emergency room. The admitting nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted out,"Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."

The nurse pondered over this information and looked over the patient. Then the woman's mother leaned over to her and gently chided, "Sweetheart, this is not the Internet."

If you could change your appearance in life as easily as you can make one up on the Internet, would you remake yourself? It's tempting to think so. We live in an age when most of us are increasingly dissatisfied with our bodies. We want liposuction, face lifts, tummy tucks, silicon implants and cosmetic surgery - too often for no other reason than to look like someone else!

And don't think I am only talking about women. Men too place great emphasis on their bodies. Studies show that in 1972, one in six men didn't like their appearance; today, almost 50% of men surveyed reported being unhappy with their looks.

Of course, our bodies keep changing. I have less hair on top than twenty years ago. An older man who happens to be bald looked at my head recently and said, "It looks like you go to the same barber as I do."

According to the book The Adonis Complex (The Free Press, 2000), more and more men are feeling insecure about their appearance. In 1996, over 700,000 men had some cosmetic surgery - often in an unhealthy attempt to fix a perceived flaw that nobody else noticed. Eating disorders and steroid abuse are common among males.

The book's authors Harrison Pope, Katharine Phillips, and Robert Olivardia did an experiment in which men were asked to take a computer image of an ordinary man and add muscle mass to him until he was the size these men wanted to be. On average, the men packed about 28 more pounds of muscle mass on the computer image; women, on the other hand, only added a negligible amount of muscles to the image to create their ideal guy.

Poet Khalil Gibran said, "Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart." When you and I choose to believe that our most attractive qualities lie within, we can let go of those unrealistic expectations of our bodies.

Let's care for our bodies; we'll keep them for the rest of our lives. Let's be thankful for them and treat them well.

But remember, the real you, the essence of you, cannot be improved by a bottle or a pill or a salon. It is a beautiful and glorious light shining from your heart to the heart of the world. Cherish the real you - it's pretty terrific. And let it shine.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/Waldemo

Looking for Beauty

Many people like me feel slightly passed over in a world that seems to place a high value on beauty. But a short poem by Anthony Ewell reminds us that physical attractiveness can be over-rated. He writes:

"As a beauty I am not a great star,
There are others more handsome by far.
But my face, I don't mind it,
For I am behind it,
It's the people in front who get the jar!"

Physically, maybe I'm not the stuff dreams are made of. And maybe, as the poem suggests, it doesn't matter. Because I believe there is another kind of beauty in all of us that can be experienced by anybody who digs a little deeper.

Several times I have visited a natural wonder that is one of the largest and most spectacular of its kind in the world. Carlsbad Caverns is an immense series of limestone caves extending under much of southern New Mexico (USA). Native Americans took refuge in the gaping hole that is the main entrance, but they did not venture far. A hundred years ago settlers in the area were attracted to the opening by the awesome sight of hundreds of thousands of bats swarming from the hole every summer evening. Though a bat guano mining operation was set up, nobody explored much beyond the bat's dwelling places.

Eventually, a cowboy name Jim White explored deeper. He returned with fantastic stories of gigantic subterranean chambers, spectacular cave formations and unbelievably stupendous sights. Even in 1915, after black and white photographs were taken of the caverns, many did not believe. The government sent skeptic Robert Holley to investigate in 1923. He wrote in his final report, "I am wholly conscious of the feebleness of my efforts to convey in words the deep conflicting emotions, the feeling of fear and awe, and the desire for an inspired understanding of the Divine Creator's work which presents to the human eye such a complex aggregate of natural wonders."

A whole new world - majestic, wondrous and awe-inspiring - lay hidden from view. Its unimagined beauty can only be experienced by exploring beneath the surface.

And so it is with people. I have found in people a unique inner beauty that can be discovered by exploring beneath the surface. They may not believe it is there themselves, but that does not mean it doesn't exist.

Those outward looks we're usually so self-conscious about don't matter much. Who people really are may be hidden beneath the outer landscape like a magnificent subterranean palace. And when you care to scratch the surface a bit, you can discover what others have missed.

And you will be rewarded beyond measure.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Marcos de Madariaga

Real Beauty

When a first-time father cuddled his newborn son, he immediately noticed the baby's ears conspicuously standing out from his head. He expressed his concern to the nurse that some children might taunt his child, calling him names like "Dumbo." A doctor examined the baby and reassured the new dad that his son was healthy - the ears presented only a minor cosmetic problem.

But the nervous father persisted. He wondered if the child might suffer psychological effects of ridicule, or if they should consider plastic surgery.

The nurse assured him that it was really no problem, and he should just wait to see if the boy grows into his ears.

The father finally felt more optimistic about his child, but now he worried about his wife's reaction to those large, protruding ears. She had delivered by cesarean section, and had not yet seen the child.

"She doesn't take things as easily as I do," he said to the nurse.

By this time, the new mother was settled in the recovery room and ready to meet her new baby. The nurse went along with the dad to lend some support in case this inexperienced mother became upset about her baby's large ears.

The infant was swaddled in a receiving blanket with his head covered for the short trip through the chilly air-conditioned corridor. The baby was placed in his mother's arms, who eased the blanket back so that she could gaze upon her child for the first time.

She took one look at her baby's face and looked to her husband and gasped, "Oh, Honey! Look! He has your ears!"

No problem with Mom. She married those ears...and she loves the man to whom they are attached.

The poet Khalil Gibran said, "Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart." It's hard to see the ears when you're looking into the light.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/shira gal