All the Advice You’ll Ever Need

“Let me give you some advice.” How often have we heard that? We sometimes ask the opinions of friends or experts, but I know that unsolicited advice is not something people appreciate much. Which is why it is sometimes said that free advice is worth about as much as you pay for it. Or put another way: “Plain advice is free. The right answer will cost plenty.”

Personally, I don’t like advice unless I think I need it. And I’m careful about giving it, too. I know I’m not alone in this. American president Harry Truman once said, “I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.” At least that way your recommendation is followed.

One boy wrote in an essay on the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates: “Socrates was a man who went around town giving his advice and opinions, so...they poisoned him!” What this student lacks in historical accuracy he more than makes up for in his sense about how well most unsolicited advice is received.

The problem is...what works well for one person may not fit someone else. Take the wisdom offered by American baseball player Leroy “Satchel” Paige. His rules on living might have been all right for him, but they don’t suit most of us. Here is his counsel. Take it or leave it.

“Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood.

If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts.

Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move.

Go very lightly on vices such as carrying on in society. The social ramble ain’t restful.

Avoid running at all times.

Don’t look back. Something may be gaining on you.”

Don’t hear me say that all advice should be discarded. Not at all. Nor should we overlook wisdom from unlikely sources. Like the “uneducated.” Or those from a bygone era.

I have a faded letter clipped from a newspaper many years ago. The author published some counsel given him by his grandmother who had died some 60 years prior, and who had never attended school. She offered it printed on a slip of paper, accompanied by the words, “All the advice you’ll ever need to have a good life.” I find it worth remembering. This is what she wrote:

“Wash what is dirty.

Water what is dry.

Heal what is wounded.

Warm what is cold.

Guide what goes off the road.

Love people who are least lovable, because they need it most.” *

There is lot of wisdom packed in those few words. And she said it best: “All the advice you’ll ever need to have a good life.” 

-- Steve Goodier

* (adapted from Archbishop Stephen Langton  d. 1228)

More Light and Less Noise

Image by Nathan Lounds

A great story from one of America's greatest story-tellers, Abraham Lincoln, was apparently related by the president during those anxious days of the American Civil War. A delegation of well-meaning patriots tried to impress upon the president the gravity of the war. They implied that his administration was neither as wise nor good as it ought to be. He listened carefully, then responded with a memorable anecdote.

He told them that he once had a neighbor who found himself in a tight situation. The neighbor was traveling home one dark and rainy night. There were few bridges in the country and he came to a stream that he would have to ford. But because of the darkness and the rain, he couldn't see well enough to know just where to cross.

Lightning flashed and he saw his way for the briefest moment. But the man was perplexed because there seemed to be more thunder than lightning. He was convinced that every lightning flash was followed by several loud peals of thunder. The poor man just stood at the edge of the stream in his confusion about how to proceed. He finally prayed, "O Lord, if it is just the same to you, give me more light and less noise."

The delegation clearly got the point that the president needed more solutions and less complaining – more light and less noise.

The world can use more light and less noise. More solvers and fewer blamers. More folks showing a better way and fewer folks complaining about how much better things used to be. More folks offering help and fewer folks wringing their hands about the problems. More hope bringers and fewer hope killers.

To use another image…the sun rises every morning and sheds light, vanquishing the night's darkness. The rooster also rises every morning only, unlike the sun, he simply makes noise. But the darkness of the night is dispelled by sunshine, not by the rooster's crowing. 

The world can use more light and less noise. Wherever I can, I want to be light.

-- Steve Goodier

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Your Invisible Compass

Image courtesy of angelalola

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one noticed that his partner had only one golf ball. "Don't you have at least one other ball in case yours gets lost?” he asked.

The man replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one."

His friend looked skeptical. “Really? Well, what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"

"That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll get it back."

"Then what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?"

The other replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll find it – no problem."

"Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you slice it off the fairway. What are you going to do then?"

"No problem, this ball is florescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."

His friend seemed convinced. “Wow, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"

"I found it."

Have you ever wished you had a guidance system like that golf ball? Who among us doesn’t know how it feels to be lost? And there are many different we ways can get lost. One of my sons, now a young man, spoke with some sadness about his teen-age years. He made some poor choices for a while. That day, while looking back at those difficult years, he commented, “I lost my way.” At one time or another we’ve all lost our way.

Have you ever wished you had a guidance system so that, when you lose your way, you know you won’t be lost for long? And the truth is – we do. We each have an inner guidance system, an invisible compass, hidden deep inside. We each have the ability to find the answers we need, to find our way in life when we’re lost – to find our way back home.

Life coaches remind us that we are naturally creative, resourceful and whole. Therefore, the best coaches don’t give answers. They stimulate our creativity and remind us that we are already resourceful and whole and can come up with solutions ourselves.

Similarly, we may pay a lot of money for psychological counseling, but, as any good counselor knows, it's not advice most of us require. So a skilled therapist will help us to find the way…by ourselves…back to ourselves. They help us look inside where we will find what guidance we need.

Call it an inner voice. Call it spiritual guidance. Call it a gift.

When I’ve lost my way or when I am confused about a path to take, I remember that most answers I need I already possess – deep inside. I am naturally creative, resourceful and whole. If I consult my invisible compass, I’ll know what to do. I think that is what author Vernon Howard meant when he said, “Inner guidance is heard like soft music in the night by those who have learned to listen.”

Can you hear the music? Are you learning to listen?

-- Steve Goodier

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Getting It Right

A young boy was sitting in the back seat of the car eating an apple. He poked his father in the front seat and asked, "Daddy, why does my apple turn brown?" His father answered, "When the skin is removed from the apple, air reaches the flesh of the apple and causes oxidation. This changes the apple’s molecular structure and results in a brownish color.

After a long pause, a small voice from the back seat asked, "Daddy, are you talking to me?"

I know how that boy feels. Sometimes I want answers to some of those confusing problems we all run up against. I want someone to explain how to get through difficult times or tell me what to do in a tough situation. I just want to get it right.

But I think I identify a bit more with the father whose daughter asked him if he would help her with some homework.

"I’m sorry," he replied. "It wouldn’t be right."

"Well," she said, "at least you could try."

Problem is, I don't always have the answers I need. And nobody else seems too, either. So I blunder ahead worried that I'll never get it "right."

But I'm beginning to learn something about not knowing what to do and making a poor choice. That is -- I don’t HAVE TO always get it right. I don’t have to always know what to do all the time. All I really need to do is try my best, learn from the mistakes and go on.

The affable Dr. Leo Buscaglia once said, "No one gets out of this world alive, so the time to live, learn, care, share, celebrate, and love is now." Which is pretty hard to do when you’re waiting for the answers first.

So you got it wrong. You made a mistake. So what? Forgive yourself and try again. Even if you don’t get out of this world alive, you can get plenty of life out of this world if you're not too worried about always getting it right.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/Fran Gambín