Remember

One woman complained to a friend that she couldn’t remember anything from one day to the next.

“Let me get this straight,” he said. “You can’t remember anything from one day to the next. How long has this been going on?”

She said, “How long has what been going on?”

Even if your memory is perfect, it may still help to focus on the few things you really need to remember. This list, compiled from several sources, may be all you really need to remember..

• Remember that your presence is a gift (a present) to the world.
• Remember that you are a unique and unrepeatable being.
• Remember that you are still becoming what you will be.
• Remember to relax; each day just comes one at a time.
• Remember to count your blessings, not your troubles.
• Remember that you have sufficient courage to face whatever comes along.
• Remember that most of the answers you need are within you.
• Remember that decisions are too important to leave to chance.
• Remember to always reach for the best that is within you.
• Remember that nothing wastes more energy than worry.
• Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
• Remember that the longer you carry a grudge, the heavier it gets.
• Remember not to take things too seriously; there’s always reason to laugh.
• Remember that happiness is more often found in giving than getting.
• Remember that life’s greatest treasures are people, not things.
• Remember that a little love goes a long way.
• Remember that a lot goes forever.

-- Steve Goodier

A Powerful Lesson

My father taught me a powerful lesson I’ll never forget.

His own father, my grandfather, was a mining engineer and his family lived in the Philippines prior to World War II. After Japan invaded the Philippines in 1941, foreigners were rounded up and incarcerated. Manila's University of Santo Tomas was made into a prison camp and my father, his mother and his sisters were held there for the duration of the war. His father, an enlisted man, was separated from the family and imprisoned with captured military personnel.

My dad was a teenager at the time. He, like other prisoners, struggled to survive. To keep from starving, he learned to eat his small, daily rations of rice without first removing the carcasses of worms and insects in the bowl (“We needed the protein,” he’d say). But he ate better than most prisoners - he worked as an orderly in the prison hospital and, whenever possible, ate leftover food from plates of hospital patients as he carried trays to the kitchen for cleaning. Though almost six feet tall, when he was finally freed he weighed only 95 pounds, but maintained for the rest of his life that he likely survived those years only because of the scraps of food he snatched from hospital trays.

Life was difficult there by any standards. Numerous prisoners became ill and many died. Anger and bitterness toward their captors abounded. For decades after their eventual release from prison camp, men and women of Santo Tomas (like other prisoners of war) felt a smoldering rancor toward the people who incarcerated them.

My father lost almost everything. His family lost their home. They lost their possessions. And hardest still, they lost their freedom. But he also lost his father. My grandfather did not survive his captivity.

Yet I never heard my dad express any anger or resentment toward his captors or the Japanese people. Just the opposite. He taught me to regard ALL people with respect. He taught me to honor people of all races, nationalities and religions. Maybe he knew that bitterness only kept his wounds open and infected. Maybe he realized that, like a disease, festering resentments can infect others, too. And they can kill.

Nelson Mandela wrote of the day he was released from prison, “As I walked out the door toward my freedom, I knew that if I did not leave all the anger, hatred and bitterness behind, that I would still be in prison.” 

My father was freed from two prisons: the bricks and mortar walls that held him during the war, and walls of hatred that could have incarcerated his spirit for years to come. The second prison is as incapacitating as the first. For unless we’re free on the inside, we’re not really free at all. 

I’ll not soon forget my father’s powerful lesson.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/mirco delcaldo

All the Advice You’ll Ever Need

“Let me give you some advice.” How often have we heard that? We sometimes ask the opinions of friends or experts, but I know that unsolicited advice is not something people appreciate much. Which is why it is sometimes said that free advice is worth about as much as you pay for it. Or put another way: “Plain advice is free. The right answer will cost plenty.”

Personally, I don’t like advice unless I think I need it. And I’m careful about giving it, too. I know I’m not alone in this. American president Harry Truman once said, “I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.” At least that way your recommendation is followed.

One boy wrote in an essay on the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates: “Socrates was a man who went around town giving his advice and opinions, so...they poisoned him!” What this student lacks in historical accuracy he more than makes up for in his sense about how well most unsolicited advice is received.

The problem is...what works well for one person may not fit someone else. Take the wisdom offered by American baseball player Leroy “Satchel” Paige. His rules on living might have been all right for him, but they don’t suit most of us. Here is his counsel. Take it or leave it.

“Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood.

If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts.

Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move.

Go very lightly on vices such as carrying on in society. The social ramble ain’t restful.

Avoid running at all times.

Don’t look back. Something may be gaining on you.”

Don’t hear me say that all advice should be discarded. Not at all. Nor should we overlook wisdom from unlikely sources. Like the “uneducated.” Or those from a bygone era.

I have a faded letter clipped from a newspaper many years ago. The author published some counsel given him by his grandmother who had died some 60 years prior, and who had never attended school. She offered it printed on a slip of paper, accompanied by the words, “All the advice you’ll ever need to have a good life.” I find it worth remembering. This is what she wrote:

“Wash what is dirty.

Water what is dry.

Heal what is wounded.

Warm what is cold.

Guide what goes off the road.

Love people who are least lovable, because they need it most.” *

There is lot of wisdom packed in those few words. And she said it best: “All the advice you’ll ever need to have a good life.” 

-- Steve Goodier

* (adapted from Archbishop Stephen Langton  d. 1228)

Lessons from the Court

flickr/Charis Tsevis

Life lessons can come from unexpected places. 

I played racquetball for many years, and some of the greatest lessons I learned while playing were not about the game, but about life. Here are some of the more important life lessons that that I learned on the court:

1. People play better when they are encouraged. It's true in all of life. People do better when others cheer them on, rather than criticizing, condemning and judging. My influence as a parent, a leader, a supervisor or a friend is most effective when I encourage those around me.

2. When two or more people occupy a small space, they need to get along. It’s against the rules of the game to push people around. This principle applies to any small space: homes, schools, places of work, communities and even our planet.

3. The only way to get better is to practice, on the court and off. In every area of life, the only way to improve is to practice. Confidence takes practice. Leadership takes practice. Nurturing a mind or a spirit takes practice. Improving relationships with others takes practice. Simply learning how to be happy takes practice. And remember, there are always people willing to help.

4. Much of success is about paying attention. On the court, those who lose their focus, lose games. In life, people who are too distracted by yesterday’s regrets or tomorrow’s problems will never experience the fullness and joy of today.

5. There are always people who will do better than you. Always. But your job is not to be the best. If you simply strive to be YOUR best, you will have succeeded.

6. When playing doubles, teams that cooperate wins games. No team, no household, no small group, no faith community, no business, no enterprise will succeed that is plagued with internal squabbling.

7. Failures are lessons. When I lose a game badly, it is not a personal failure. Rather, I thank my opponent for the free lesson and figure out where I need to work. Failures are not endings; they are valuable opportunities to learn.

8. It isn't over until the last point is scored. Many victories are snatched after one comes back from almost insurmountable odds. So it is with life.

9. Work can be fun, but fun should never become merely work. A racquetball game is still a game and should be enjoyed. In life, there is always joy to be found and shared.

10. On the court, the only way to score is to serve. Likewise, service is key to life. People who make a difference find ways to serve others. And those people who are happiest and most satisfied with their lives are those who have learned the value of giving their time, energy and resources away. Great lives are built on service. 

Life lessons can come from anywhere. And I have the rest of my life to keep learning them.

-- Steve Goodier



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Hard Won Wisdom

Theodore Levitt, of the Harvard Business School, said, "Experience comes from what we have done. Wisdom comes from what we have done badly." Theodore Levitt sounds like a wise person. I wonder what he’s done badly.

Based on his reasoning, I must be bursting with wisdom. Over the years, I’ve racked up an impressive number of things that haven’t gone too well.

But put another way, wisdom is what the school of life gives us with every poor report card. Wisdom is hard won, and it is often birthed in the ashes of failure.

One man tells of meeting one of the truly “wise” ones among us on a flight to Florida. He was preparing his notes for a parent-education seminar he was to conduct there. Bessie, an older woman sitting next to him, explained that she was returning home after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren.

Then she asked him what he did for a living. The man explained that he was a psychologist specializing in children. He dreaded telling her this, as he fully expected her to probe him for free professional advice during the three-hour flight. But not this wise woman. Instead, she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, “So doctor, if there’s anything you want to know, just ask me.”

Bessie’s years of parenting and grand-parenting gave her what no professional degrees could – it gave her hard won wisdom. Much of what she knew about children could only be learned through experience, including experiences of failure.

I really don’t worry about the things I’ve done badly. If I paid attention to what went wrong and why, then even my most spectacular failures gave something priceless back – they taught valuable lessons. Sometimes wisdom can’t be gotten any other way.

-- Steve Goodier


Image by flickr.com/Edith Maracle