Getting the Right Person on Our Side

We don’t have to pretend to be better than we are. Sometimes we need help. Maybe we just need the right person on our side.

A young man barely got into West Point. He made the minimum height requirement by wearing heavy socks. Though he weighed only 120 pounds, he became a brilliant and effective second lieutenant.

Author Fred Herman, who tells the man's story, says that the officer drew as his first command one of the roughest, toughest platoons in the entire Army. He knew he had to win their confidence on day one. Mastering the platoon to attention in front of him, he thought he would put to rest the question about his size, once and for all.

“Men, there are two questions we must settle immediately,” he shouted. “Question number one. Is there anyone in this outfit who thinks he can whip me?”

No one responded. The lieutenant put them at ease and tried again, repeating the question. Finally, the regimental heavyweight champion, who stood six feet, seven inches and weighed 274 lbs. stepped forward.

“I believe I can whip you,” he said confidently.

“Good,” replied the young officer. “You're my first sergeant. Now, question number two. Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip my first sergeant?”

Here’s a guy who knew how to lead. He realized he could not intimidate his platoon. And he believed that his appearance would not help him make the kind of confident first impression he wanted to make. He needed some help - and he found it.

Tennis pro Althea Gibson has said, “No matter what accomplishments you achieve, somebody helped you.” It’s true. If you want to do something important, don’t be afraid to ask for help. There is somebody, somewhere, who is waiting for you to ask.

Like I said, sometimes we just need to get the right person on our side.

--Steve Goodier

Looking for the Helpers

Did you know that the Arctic Tern, that lives about seven degrees south of the North Pole, leaves its home every year and flies all the way to Antarctica and back -- some 23,000 miles in all?

It flies all that distance and returns to just the same spot it left the year before. I can hardly drive across town without getting lost -- how does the little bird do it? Twenty three thousand miles! Instinctively, the Arctic Tern flies halfway around the globe, returns home every year and never makes a wrong turn.

Other animals have a similar ability. It’s well known that the salmon leaves her little mountain stream as a fingerling and swims, perhaps hundreds of miles, to the ocean where she lives most of her life. Then, when it's time to lay eggs, she swims back to her place of birth. She somehow finds just the right river, and all of the correct tributaries and streams and creeks until she arrives home. It's the trip of a lifetime -- one she may not survive. But she presses on, somehow knowing just the right paths to take along the way. Like the Arctic Tern, the salmon somehow knows the way.

When I was a child my family visited the World’s Fair in Seattle. I think my parents knew me well, because shortly after we arrived they pointed out the Space Needle in the distance. “Do you see the Space Needle?” they asked. “You can see it from anyplace at the fair. If you should get separated from us or lost, just go to the Space Needle and sit down. We will come and find you.”

Unlike the tern and the salmon, I had no built-in navigation system. It wasn’t long before I turned around and discovered my family was no longer with me. I was lost. I spotted the Space Needle, headed there and sat down. Shortly, my brother (who had a better sense of direction than I) came and found me.

We don’t all have a refined sense of direction. But human beings have something else that is perhaps more important. It is also instinctual. We are born with the ability to ask for help and to give it.

Television personality Fred Rogers put it like this: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.” We are born to be helpers.

When you’re lost, look for the helpers. When your life is headed in the wrong direction, when you are afraid of making poor decisions, look for the helpers. When you don’t know if you can navigate life’s complexities by yourself, look for the helpers. You don’t have to go it alone - there is always someone close by who is ready to help. 

This life is not a long journey you have to travel by yourself. We’re made to do it with each other. Look for the helpers.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/GregVandeLeest

A Powerful Question

A man driving down a country road spotted a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. Sensing something was wrong, he pulled the car over to the side of the road. As he watched, the farmer just stood there doing nothing and looking at nothing.

Curiosity got the better of the motorist and he climbed from his car and approached the idle man. “Ah, excuse me mister, but is something wrong?”

“No, no,” replied the farmer, “I'm fine. I'm just trying to win a Nobel Prize.”

“You are?” asked the puzzled motorist. “But how?”

“Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field.”

(If you were expecting my humor to get better, I'm sorry to disappoint.)

It's true that few of us will ever win a Nobel Prize. But that's okay, because being the world's best is not the point. Let me ask a different kind of question.

According to John Gardner, founding chairman of Common Cause, one cheerful old man asks a fascinating question of just about everybody he meets for the first time. Once they exchange names and they get to the part where one is sure to ask the other where they work or what they do for a living, he turns the conversation in a different direction. He asks his new acquaintance an unusual question. He asks a big question – an important one. He asks, “What have you done that you believe in and you are proud of?”

The question is direct and a little unsettling. It is not as easy to answer as, “What do you do for a living?” It requires some thought. When asked why he likes to pose that question, the old man responds that he doesn't care how they answer. He just wants to put the thought into their minds. He thinks everyone should live their lives in such a way that they can have a good answer.

"What have you done that you believe in and are proud of?"

As I search for an answer, my mind goes first to family. We've raised healthy and productive children who want to make this world a better place. Not that I've been a model parent – far from it. But I'm proud of them. I also believe in the life my spouse and I have tried to put together with one another. We both chose to work hard on our relationship from the beginning.

What else have I done that I believe in and I'm proud of? Several things, I hope. But one especially is the creation of Life Support System. For me it's always been about reaching out, and I'm gratified when others in our Life Support System family write and tell me how it has made a difference. In a small way I think we're helping to bring the world together.

How would you answer that intriguing question? It may not be a big thing. Perhaps it's something that nobody but you cares about. But it cost you somehow … you're invested in it. You probably will never be awarded a Nobel Prize for your accomplishment, but it was important enough to do.

I think this can be one of the most powerful questions we can ever ask ourselves. It causes us to look deep inside and, like the old man says, prompts us to live our lives in such a way that we can have a good answer.

Now it's your turn. You may want to close your eyes and give it some thought. "What have you done that you believe in and are proud of?"

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Piotr Bizior

Just Ask for It

A snooty millionaire took some of his upper class friends yachting. They passed a deserted island where a man with a long beard and tattered clothes stood, waving his arms and screaming in their direction.

"Who is that?" asked the friend.

"I don't know," said the host, "but every time we sail by he goes crazy."

That may be an exception to a universal rule, which is that most people are happy to help if they can. But there is another universal principle in play, which is, unless you are stranded on a deserted island, you are probably reluctant to ask for help – especially from a stranger. Thankfully, most of the time we are not coping with a mayday emergency.

I recently learned that the word "mayday" has nothing to do with the month of May. Instead, it comes from the French word "m'aidez," which means "help me." But it is used only as a last resort. The plane is nose-diving. The ship is fatally wounded. “Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!” a voice screams over the radio. If help doesn’t arrive quickly, all will be lost.

We laugh at the notion that men are famously bad about asking for directions. But, in truth, most people do not easily ask for the help they need. They wait until they are hopelessly lost, or the marriage is on the brink of collapse or a simple job has become a nightmare before they seek help.

And it is also true that help is not usually too hard to get. But we have to ASK for it.

Entrepreneur Brian Tracy puts it well: "Ask for what you want. Ask for help, ask for input, ask for advice and ideas -- but never be afraid to ask." Or like one man is fond of saying, "You don't always get what you ask for, but you never get what you don't ask for (unless it's contagious)."

I once heard of a little girl who confidently approached a police officer. “Are you a cop?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“My mommy said that if I ever needed help I could ask you.”

“Of course you can,” the officer replied. “What do you need?”

She stuck out her foot. “Can you please tie my shoe?”

Do you need help? It may be easier to get than you think. Just ask for it.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Quinn Dombrowski

Putting It Out There

We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid," says comedy writer Gene Perret. "A girl would spin the bottle, and if the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a nickel. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home."

Gotta admire persistence. Because rejection is hard to take. Especially when it comes from someone you know. Or, come to think about it, someone you don't know.

And we all want to be appreciated. We like being valued for what we do and who we are.

American football coach Bum Phillips lives in a world where one can become a hero or a heel in an amazingly short time. One mediocre season and a coach, even a good one, can be out of a job. Like Phillips once said, "There's only two kinds of coaches -- them that's been fired and them that's about to be fired." Sounds like they might want to make friends with rejection.

Few things hold people back more than the fear of rejection. They don't ask for what they need because the answer may be no. They don't ask their boss for a raise or for more time off. They don't ask for help. They are afraid to be the first to say "I love you" (what if they don't hear "I love you" back?). They don't ask for a better deal or a lower interest rate. They don't submit that manuscript to a publisher. In short, they don't let their wants and needs be known, for fear of being turned away, turned down or turned out.

But the wonderful truth is this: If you can accept NO for an answer, you can ask for anything. ANYTHING. When no is an acceptable and okay answer to what you'd like, you can fearlessly ask for whatever you need.

I love the expression, "I'm just putting it out there." Just put it out there. Ask. And don't worry about the response. Nobody can say YES if you never asked. Just put it out there and don't be afraid -- you may be surprised at the answer you get. Sometimes people just need to be asked. And if you don't get the response you want, are you any worse off than before?

Hey -- I'm just putting it out there.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/alexis