When The World Says, “No!”

When 19th Century clergyman Henry Ward Beecher was a young boy in school, he learned a powerful lesson in self-confidence. He was called to stand and recite in front of the class. He had hardly begun when the schoolteacher interrupted with an emphatic, “No!” The startled boy began again. After a moment the teacher once more thundered, “No!” Now humiliated, the student sat down. The next boy rose to recite and had just begun when the teacher likewise shouted, “No!” This student, however, kept on with the recitation until he completed it. As he sat down, the instructor responded, “Very good!” Confused and irritated, the young Henry Beecher complained to the schoolteacher, “I recited just as he did.” But the instructor replied, “It is not enough to know your lesson, you must be sure. When you allowed me to stop you, it meant that you were uncertain. If all the world says, ‘No!’ it is your business to say, ‘Yes!’ and prove it.” It is clear to us that the world says, “No!” in a thousand ways:

“No! You can’t do that.” 

“No! You are wrong.”

“No! You are too old.”

“No! You are too young.”

“No! You aren’t strong enough.”

“No! You can’t do it that way.”

“No! You don’t have the right education.”

“No! You don’t have the background you need.”

“No! You don’t have enough money.”

“No! You’ll never succeed.”

And each “No!” you hear has the potential to erode your confidence bit by bit until you quit altogether.     

     

Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best: “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” 

The world may say “No!,” but if you have a bigger “Yes!” burning deep inside, the world won’t know what to do with you.

And you will always prevail.

--Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Kevin Spencer

Putting It Out There

We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid," says comedy writer Gene Perret. "A girl would spin the bottle, and if the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a nickel. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home."

Gotta admire persistence. Because rejection is hard to take. Especially when it comes from someone you know. Or, come to think about it, someone you don't know.

And we all want to be appreciated. We like being valued for what we do and who we are.

American football coach Bum Phillips lives in a world where one can become a hero or a heel in an amazingly short time. One mediocre season and a coach, even a good one, can be out of a job. Like Phillips once said, "There's only two kinds of coaches -- them that's been fired and them that's about to be fired." Sounds like they might want to make friends with rejection.

Few things hold people back more than the fear of rejection. They don't ask for what they need because the answer may be no. They don't ask their boss for a raise or for more time off. They don't ask for help. They are afraid to be the first to say "I love you" (what if they don't hear "I love you" back?). They don't ask for a better deal or a lower interest rate. They don't submit that manuscript to a publisher. In short, they don't let their wants and needs be known, for fear of being turned away, turned down or turned out.

But the wonderful truth is this: If you can accept NO for an answer, you can ask for anything. ANYTHING. When no is an acceptable and okay answer to what you'd like, you can fearlessly ask for whatever you need.

I love the expression, "I'm just putting it out there." Just put it out there. Ask. And don't worry about the response. Nobody can say YES if you never asked. Just put it out there and don't be afraid -- you may be surprised at the answer you get. Sometimes people just need to be asked. And if you don't get the response you want, are you any worse off than before?

Hey -- I'm just putting it out there.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/alexis

Who Owns the Backyard?

Vicki Huffman, in Plus Living (Harold Shaw Publishers, 1989), tells about a man who loved to hunt and bought two pedigreed setters that he trained to be fine bird dogs. He kept them in a large, fenced pen in his backyard.

One morning he observed a little bulldog trotting down the alley behind his home. It saw the two dogs and squeezed under the fence. The man thought he should perhaps lock up the setters so they wouldn't hurt the little dog, but changed his mind. Maybe they would "teach that bulldog a lesson," he reasoned.

As he predicted, fur began to fly, and all of it was bulldog fur. The feisty intruder soon had enough and squeezed back under the fence to get away.

To the man's surprise, the visitor returned again the next morning. He crawled under the fence and once again took on the tag-team of setters. And like the day before, he soon quit and squeezed out of the pen.

The incident was repeated the following day, with the same results.

The man left early the next morning on a business trip and returned after several weeks. He asked his wife what finally became of the bulldog.

"You won't believe it," she replied. "At the same time every day that little dog came to the backyard and fought with our setters. He never missed a day! It has come to the point now that when our setters simply hear him snorting down the alley, they start whining and run down into the basement. Then the little bulldog struts around our backyard as if he owns it."

That bulldog inspires me when it comes to managing problems. Not that think I have to fight and impose my will on whatever is in my way. But I appreciate that little dog's perseverance. He persisted with his problem until it disappeared.

Dale Carnegie made this observation: "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." In the end, it's the persistent bulldog that will own the backyard.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Julian King