Are You Waiting for Peace?

Are you waiting for “things to calm down” a bit before you can be at peace? Inner peace eludes many people who expect to discover it after things calm down, slow down or finally run down. But some wisdom from antiquity, attributed to French philosopher Montaigne, tells a different story about inner peace.

He tells that when the Greek King Pyrrhus prepared for his expedition into Italy, his wise counselor Cyness drew him aside and implored him to reconsider his aggressive activity. “Sir,” he asked the king, “to what end do you make all this mighty preparation?”

“To make myself master of Italy,” replied King Pyrrhus.

“And what after that is done?” asked his counselor.

“I will pass into Gaul and Spain.” 

“And what then?”

“I will then go to subdue Africa; and lastly, when I have brought the whole world to my subjection, I will sit down and rest content at my own ease.”

“For God’s sake, sir,” replied Cyness. “Tell me what hinders that you may not, if you please, be now in the condition you speak of? Why do you not now, at this instant, settle yourself in the state you seem to aim at and spare all the labor and hazard you interpose?”

Gratefully, we are learning different attitudes today about war and peace. But can Cyness’ advice apply to our hectic and conflicted lives?

What keeps you from the inner peace and contentment you crave now? Must life’s battles be fought and won before you can be satisfied? 

Television personality Dave Garroway spoke about finding peace. He said, “I happen to be one of those people who can afford anything he wants, but I find what I really want, I can't buy at all. I want peace of mind, peace of soul; the kind of peace you have when you don't really want anything."

Peace seems to come less from getting what we want than simply from wanting less.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Brian Auer

Worry – The Real Enemy

What does it mean to worry? The Latin concept of worry describes a turbulent force within a person. Worry is a heart and mind in turmoil.

The ancient Greeks thought of worry as something that tears a person in two and drags that person in opposite directions. It is like opposing forces in deadly conflict within the very being of the individual.

The word “worry” itself comes from an old Anglo-Saxon term meaning to choke, or strangle, and that is exactly what it does – it chokes the joy of living right out of its victim. And it chokes off the energy to improve one’s condition.

There is a place for healthy concern, but too often our concern turns into fearful worry. And worry, more than the problem, becomes our real enemy.

Some people have worried for so long that they have become good at it. Just as we can become good at any attitude or behavior if we practice it enough, we can also become good at worrying. Worry is habit – a habitual response to life’s problems.

I rather like the attitude of the late United Methodist Bishop Welch. When he reached the age of 101, he was asked if he didn’t think a lot about dying. With a twinkle in his eye, he replied, “Not at all! When was the last time you heard of a Methodist bishop dying at 101?” Maybe one reason for his longevity is that he never developed the debilitating habit of worry.

I wish I could be like a frog, you know, just eat what bugs me. I’m not a frog, but I can still do the next best thing: I can develop a better habit. Instead of reacting to problems with fearful worry, I can practice coming from a place of peace and confidence. In other words, I can develop a habit of practicing calmness in turmoil.

As Harvey Mackey has said, “Good habits are as addictive as bad habits and a lot more rewarding.” And more fun to practice, I might add.

In this case, practice may not make perfect, but I’m sure to be immensely better off.

-- Steve Goodier

image: flickr.com/Kristian Dela Cour

Three Keys You Need

A funny story tells about three high school seniors who went to New York for their senior trip. When they arrived in the city, they went immediately to one of the finest hotels and registered for a room. They were assigned a room on the 30th floor.

After settling in, they decided to go see the sights. They toured Manhattan, the Empire State Building, Wall Street and the Statue of Liberty. They finally returned to their hotel utterly exhausted.

When they asked the desk clerk for the key to their room, he said, “I am sorry, the elevators are not running.” He told them that they could either wait or use the stairway. The thought of a soft bed was irresistible, so they decided to climb the stairs – all thirty stories.

One of the boys had an idea. “On the way up, each of us will tell the funniest story we know for ten flights of stairs,” he suggested. The other two agreed and started to climb. When they reached the tenth floor, they were still going strong. By the twentieth floor, their legs were rubber and they panted for breath. The steps grew harder to climb and the one whose turn it was to tell a funny story said, “I’m sorry, I’m just too tired to talk.”

They trudged on in silence. When they reached the 29th floor, one of them began to laugh. He sat down on the steps and laughed hysterically. Finally, he said to his amazed companions, “I just thought of the funniest thing ever. And it happens to be true!”

“What is it?” they asked.

“We left the key in the lobby.”

Many people feel as if they have lost the key to getting what they want in life – meaning, happiness, success, peace, security. They have been trudging and toiling at length but feel as if they are locked out of that place they really want to be. They think, “If only I had the key to a whole and happy life.”

That wise and amazing woman Eleanor Roosevelt gave three keys to meaning, happiness, success and peace. 

1. She said to do whatever comes your way as well as you can. She knew that the key to satisfaction in life is to take pride in whatever you’re given to do, regardless how grand or humble the undertaking.
2. Another key is to think as little as possible about yourself and as much as possible about other people, and also about things that are interesting. Eleanor Roosevelt knew that those who take a genuine interest in the concerns of others and in great ideas lose their desire to worry needlessly about themselves.
3. The third is that, since people receive more joy back when they give joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness you are able to give. She was aware that the key to finding happiness is in giving happiness – wherever and whenever possible.

These are three keys that should neither be lost nor locked away in a safe place. Learn to use them – every day – and you’ll open doors to those important and wonderful things that will make your life worth living.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/jtu

Choosing to End Anger

Angry Bale

Imagine a fine, spring day. A man is driving cheerfully along a picturesque road, which winds through the lazy countryside. Suddenly, from around the next curve, a car barrels toward him in his lane. He brakes hard, and as it swerves past, the woman driver screams at him, “Pig! Pig!”

Furious, he shouts back at her, “Sow! Sow!” Pleased with himself, he drives around the curve and runs smack into a pig.

Anyone can get angry. But like Aristotle pointed out, “To be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way is not so easy.” Which is to say, much of the time we get angry either with the wrong person, or to the wrong degree, or at the wrong time, or for the wrong purpose, or in the wrong way.

Few of us are experts here. And there is no shortage of tried and true anger management techniques. Skilled practitioners tell us to slow down and think before we speak, to take a timeout, to find an emotional “happy place,” to use humor, to learn how to relax or meditate...you may use some of these methods yourself. And these practices certainly have a place in keeping ire in check.

But a piece of advice from ancient wisdom may be the most useful of all. It gets at what is probably the most important thing we can do when we become upset and angry. The advice is this: decide to end it. That’s right; anger should be ended. Get it out, then put it down. Biblical wisdom teaches, “Don’t let the sun set on your anger.”

Anger without end is the worst. As Frederick Buechner (Wishful Thinking) observes: “To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past ... to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back – in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you."

Anyone can get angry and all of us will. But lingering acrimony hurts everyone, especially those who pick away at it. And no anger management technique will work if we don’t finally make the decision to push away from the table and leave it all behind.

Healthy people know not to gorge on anger. At the end of the day, they walk away. They choose to end it. And it’s an easier choice the next time.

-- Steve Goodier

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How Do You Know the Night Has Passed?

Many years ago Bertrand Russell, the English philosopher and mathematician, was imprisoned for opposing World War I. "When I reported to the warder," Russell said, "he asked me the customary questions - name, age, place of residence. Then he inquired, 'Religious affiliation?'”

Russell replied, "Agnostic."

The poor man looked up. "How do you spell that?"

He spelled it for him. The warder wrote the word carefully on the admission form, then sighed, "Oh, well; there are a great many sects, but I suppose they all worship the same God."

I'm sure Russell could not help but chuckle.

It is true, however, that there exist many spiritual paths. The world has always teemed with a wide variety of spiritual thought and many differing journeys of the heart. But too often the world has used these differences as a weapon. How much agony has been wrought by what should be a thing of beauty - religious passion?

I appreciate an old Jewish story that tells of a rabbi who asked his disciples, "How do you know when the night is giving way and the morning is coming?"

One of the followers stood and said, "Teacher, won't you know that night is fading when, through the dim light, you can see an animal and recognize whether it is a sheep or a dog?"

The rabbi answered, "No."

"Rabbi," asked another, "won't you know that the dawn is coming when you can see clearly enough to distinguish whether a tree is a fig or an olive?"

"No," responded the teacher. "You'll know that the night has passed when you can look at any man and any woman and discern that you are looking at a brother or a sister. Until you can see with that clarity, the night will always be with us."

The night has been long. Isn't it time for dawn to break? No matter who we are, no matter what religion we profess, isn't it time for us to see one another as the sisters and brothers we are? All of us? Only then will we know that night has passed and a new day has dawned.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/Emin Ozkan 

Choose Your Memories Wisely

Do you know that memory can be a powerful tool for spiritual and emotional rejuvenation? Memories are both helpful and hurtful, and you and I decide what to do with them. Let me explain.

I once attended a conference at a retreat center in the Rocky Mountains. We were given a long break one afternoon to relax and renew our spirits. I decided to go for a walk by myself.

A little way down a secluded, dirt road, I spotted horses in a corral. I carefully approached, so as not to frighten them. When I neared, I breathed in horse smells. With the scent of the horses and the corral came something I didn't expect – a flood of memories.

I took another breath and vividly recalled visiting my grandparents' guest ranch every summer as a child. When I was a teenager, I worked on the ranch. Some of my happiest childhood memories involved horses.

I inhaled deeply. I recalled hot afternoons of pulling saddles and blankets off perspiring horses then brushing down their backs. The pungent smell of horse sweat filled my mind and let loose a flood of memories I hadn't recalled for many years. I thought about the soft touch of a horse's nose sniffing my hand for a sugar cube, and the warmth of a furry neck as I put my arms around it and hugged it close. Even manure smells brought back good memories – thoughts of hours spent in corrals saddling, bridling and working with horses.

For two hours I let myself think and remember and feel. The memories worked some kind of magic inside me, healing and rejuvenating. I recalled day-long horseback rides, valley vistas of tall grass and pristine mountain creeks running beside horse trails carved in red earth. I fondly remembered those mornings I rose before dawn, saddled up a horse and scoured forest land searching for wandering horses, let out to roam and graze at night, to round up and bring in to the ranch before breakfast.

Until I smelled the horses, I had almost forgotten. And it occurred to me that these memories are important. They give me energy and new life. I should never lose them and I'd do well to visit them from time to time.

Memories are both helpful and hurtful and we decide which to keep alive.

Some people look back and feel guilty. Again and again they remember their failings and mistakes. They scrutinize these painful memories in detail. Like a child with a bag of marbles who holds them up to a strong light, one by one, examining their chips and flaws before carefully placing them back. When they take time to remember, they choose memories that are flawed; memories that evoke guilt and regret and steal peace of mind.

People similarly revisit memories of past loss, or personal rejection or any number of other hurts inflicted upon them over the years. They bitterly remember each incident and relive old feelings of loss and grief before locking the memory back into a secure place where it can be easily retrieved. The memories they choose to call up leave them sad and forlorn and rob the present of its power.

I don't suggest that you ignore pain. Feel it, understand it and do whatever is necessary to heal from it. Guilt, mistakes and pain are part of living. But why cultivate a habit of regret or bitterness? Those memories you choose to visit day after day will either flood your mind with strength-giving energy or drain it of power to live.

Choose wisely which memories to call up. Pick memories that will rejuvenate your spirit with new life. Revisit them often. You earned them, and they are a treasure nobody can steal.

-- Steve Goodier

An Important Word to Learn

Image by Max Straeten

An office reports that they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words.

Early one Monday when an assistant was reviewing weekend messages, she heard an enthusiastic woman recite her name and address and then confidently say, "My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N."

Everyone's a comic. (And I love that.) But in another sense, reconciliation IS a difficult word. If not difficult to spell, then difficult to carry out. But it's also an important word.

When my son was eleven years old he came home from school in tears one day. A couple of the older kids had bullied him at the bus stop.

We soon learned that tension had been brewing for some time. For several days there had been taunts, then pushing and shoving. And now the conflict escalated to fists. Rob wanted to stay home from school so he wouldn't have to confront the boys in the future.

We called the school and found great support. "We'll be happy to call the boys' parents," we were told. "And you should call the police."

"We don't know what we will do yet," I said. I felt that calling the police was a resort to be used when everything else failed, and I wanted first to consider other ways of handling the situation. I asked him to hold off calling the boy's parents.

The next day was Saturday. Rob happened to look out the window and said in alarm, "There are the boys who beat me up!" Two older boys were standing in front of our house, as if they were waiting for Rob to step outside.

I immediately began to think of what I wanted to say to them, but my wife Bev, a natural peacemaker, acted first. She opened the door and said with a smile, "Hi guys. Would you like some ice cream?"

They looked at each other in puzzlement. But they were teenagers, after all, so they shrugged their shoulders and one of them said, "Sure. Why not?"

They followed her indoors and Bev promptly introduced herself, Rob's younger brothers and me. She even introduced Rusty the dog. "And I think you already know Rob," she said, pointing to our son. Her idea was to help them to see that Rob was a person, not a target. He had a family; he lived in a neighborhood and even owned a family pet.

Bev drew the boys into conversation while we ate ice cream. After a few minutes, she said, "I know there's been some trouble at the bus stop. I think there may be a misunderstanding."

They nodded that there had indeed been trouble at the bus stop.

She continued, "Maybe we can talk about the misunderstanding so you can be friends."

They nodded their agreement and we talked until the ice cream was finished. Eventually the boys apologized and said there would be no more trouble. And there wasn't. Ever.

The vice-principal of the school called back the following week and asked about the fighting. "Did you call the police?" he asked.

"No, but we've taken care of it," I said.

"What did you do?" he wondered.

I said, "We fed them ice cream."

Reconciliation is a difficult word...a difficult task. But what could be more important? It may be easier to control conflict by force than to persevere and find a way through to harmony and cooperation. Force can stabilize a situation; it can impose a truce. But reconciliation leads to peace, which is a far better outcome.

Blessed are the reconcilers. May they be given all the ice cream they can ever eat!

-- Steve Goodier

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Living Like a Turtle

Image courtesy of Crystal Church

A high-powered corporate executive came into a doctor's office for a checkup. He showed signs of overwork and stress. The doc warned him to slow down, to take up a hobby – perhaps painting – to relax. He agreed and started right away.

The next day the high-achieving businessman phoned and announced enthusiastically, "Doc, this painting is wonderful. I've already done ten!"

We don't need to be CEO's or high achievers to suffer from too much negative stress. It's easy to feel overwhelmed. In fact, you may be wondering this very minute whether you have time to read this page.

When I feel all-too-busy, I sometimes envy the turtle. The turtle lives as if time is no obstacle; a turtle seems to have all the time in the world and then some.

I think we have something to learn from turtles. Point in fact: turtles live an exceptionally long life. Humorist E. B. White tells us that scientists are searching their blood for some clues to their longevity. He speculates that
perhaps the turtles' blood vessels stay in such nice shape because of the way they conduct their lives. They rarely miss an opportunity to swim and relax in the sun. No two turtles ever lunched together with the idea of promoting something.

I think he is right about this. Turtles do not attend meetings and conferences. No turtle ever texted while driving, tweeted while eating or complained about too much email. They never use words and phrases like "implementation," "multi-tasking," or "thinking out of the box."

Some days the life of a turtle sounds just about right. Non-anxious and calm.

But in truth I suspect that merely slowing down is not a very satisfying answer. What I need has less to do with my pace of life than my peace of life. At any speed, I crave a deep and lasting inner peace. And if it's solace I'm after, I don't need to pace myself like a turtle, change jobs or set up house on a quiet island. It is usually frenetic living, not high energy, that robs my peace of mind.

I actually feel my best when I am energized and enthusiastic about the next thing ahead. I feel fully alive when I am busy, sometimes even too busy, doing what I love the most. It's not about slowing down or living like a turtle – it's about enjoying my life and finding meaning in it.

I believe we can stay active and engaged and still come from a deep and peaceful place within. We can live in the excitement of the moment without undue stress about the future. And at any pace of life, we can come from the calmness of love rather than anxiety and fear.

Even a turtle can go for that.

-- Steve Goodier


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We Are Meant to Be One

Where is true peace to be found? Archbishop Desmond Tutu might say it can be found in the African concept of “ubuntu.”

He says, "Ubuntu is a concept that we have in our Bantu languages at home. Ubuntu is the essence of being a person. It means that we are people through other people. We cannot be fully human alone. We are made for interdependence, we are made for family. When you have ubuntu, you embrace others. You are generous, compassionate.”

He also says that if the world had more ubuntu, there would be no war. The powerful would help the weak. That is where peace is to be found.

A story from World War II shines a spotlight on ubuntu. In 1942, the American consul ordered citizens home from the Persian Gulf, for fear they might get caught in the spreading conflict. Travel was difficult, and some civilians secured passage on the troop ship Mauretania. Passengers included thousands of Allied soldiers, 500 German prisoners of war and 25 civilian women and children.

The ship traveled slowly and cautiously, constantly in danger from hostile submarines patrolling the ocean depths. It was Christmas Eve and they had traveled for a full two months. They had only made it as far as the coastal waters of New Zealand and all on board were homesick, anxious and frightened. 

Someone came up with the idea of asking the captain for permission to sing Christmas carols for the German prisoners, who were surely as homesick and lonely as the passengers. Permission was granted and a small choral group made its way to the quarters where the unsuspecting prisoners were held. They decided to sing “Silent Night” first, as it was written in Germany by Joseph Mohr and was equally well known by the prisoners.

Within seconds of beginning the carol, a deafening clatter shook the floor. Hundreds of German soldiers sprang up and crowded the tiny windows in order to better see and hear the choristers. Tears streamed unashamedly down their faces. At that moment, everyone on both sides of the wall experienced the universal truth – that at the core of our being, all people everywhere are one. They experienced ubuntu. Hope and love broke down the barriers between warring nations and, for that moment at least, all were one family.

We are meant to be one. And only after we realize that amazing truth can we find what we need – true peace. 

-- Steve Goodier

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