Just Seeing What Life Brings

You’ve heard it said that what you see is what you get. But what I’ve discovered is that it’s not what you see, but what you think you see, that determines what you get.

In the “Journal of the American Medical Association,” Dr. Paul Ruskin demonstrated how our perception of reality (not actually what is going on, but how we perceive it) determines how we feel about it. While teaching a class on the psychological aspects of aging, he read the following case to his students:

The patient neither speaks nor comprehends the spoken word. Sometimes she babbles incoherently for hours on end. She is disoriented about person, place, and time. She does, however, respond to her name. I have worked with her for the past six months, but she still shows complete disregard for her physical appearance and makes no effort to assist her own care. She must be fed, bathed, and clothed by others. Because she has no teeth, her food must be pureed. Her shirt is usually soiled from almost incessant drooling. She does not walk. Her sleep pattern is erratic. Often she wakes in the middle of the night, and her screaming awakens others. Most of the time she is friendly and happy, but several times a day she gets quite agitated without apparent cause. Then she wails until someone comes to comfort her.

After presenting the case, Dr. Ruskin asked his students how they would like caring for this person. Most of them said they would not like it at all. He then said that he believed he would especially enjoy it and thought that they might, also. He passed a picture of the patient around for his puzzled students to see. It was his six-month-old daughter.

Most of the students thought that what they saw, in Ruskin’s description, was the task of caring for a difficult elderly woman with severe dementia and loss of bodily control with little or no self awareness. But when shown the picture, they realized that what they thought they saw and what they now clearly saw were quite different realities.

I have numerous tasks ahead today. How will I see them? Am I already seeing something I think I’ll dread without giving it a chance? Am I seeing something as negative when it could turn out to be rewarding or even a great opportunity for some growth? And what if I chose not to expect the worst and just see what life brings me?

I feel better about my day already.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Jason Hoang

Worry – The Real Enemy

What does it mean to worry? The Latin concept of worry describes a turbulent force within a person. Worry is a heart and mind in turmoil.

The ancient Greeks thought of worry as something that tears a person in two and drags that person in opposite directions. It is like opposing forces in deadly conflict within the very being of the individual.

The word “worry” itself comes from an old Anglo-Saxon term meaning to choke, or strangle, and that is exactly what it does – it chokes the joy of living right out of its victim. And it chokes off the energy to improve one’s condition.

There is a place for healthy concern, but too often our concern turns into fearful worry. And worry, more than the problem, becomes our real enemy.

Some people have worried for so long that they have become good at it. Just as we can become good at any attitude or behavior if we practice it enough, we can also become good at worrying. Worry is habit – a habitual response to life’s problems.

I rather like the attitude of the late United Methodist Bishop Welch. When he reached the age of 101, he was asked if he didn’t think a lot about dying. With a twinkle in his eye, he replied, “Not at all! When was the last time you heard of a Methodist bishop dying at 101?” Maybe one reason for his longevity is that he never developed the debilitating habit of worry.

I wish I could be like a frog, you know, just eat what bugs me. I’m not a frog, but I can still do the next best thing: I can develop a better habit. Instead of reacting to problems with fearful worry, I can practice coming from a place of peace and confidence. In other words, I can develop a habit of practicing calmness in turmoil.

As Harvey Mackey has said, “Good habits are as addictive as bad habits and a lot more rewarding.” And more fun to practice, I might add.

In this case, practice may not make perfect, but I’m sure to be immensely better off.

-- Steve Goodier

image: flickr.com/Kristian Dela Cour

These Are the Only Times I’ve Got

Can you believe it? This poem was actually published in The Saturday Evening Post in 1949, under the title, “Time of the Mad Atom.” See if it sounds familiar.

This is the age

Of the half-read page.

And the quick hash

And the mad dash.

The bright night

With the nerves tight.

The plane hop

With the brief stop.

The lamp tan

In a short span.

The Big Shot

In a good spot.

And the brain strain

The heart pain.

And the cat naps

Till the spring snaps −

And the fun’s done!

It seems that people were as frantic then as they are now.

Many years ago James Lachard (pen name for John James Brown) wrote a piece called “An Interview with God.” In it, the narrator asks God, “What surprises you most about mankind?”

God’s answer is telling: “Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

Are we so driven to make a living that we can’t make a life? Are we so anxious about what might happen tomorrow that we miss what is happening today? What if we decided that today is too important not to cherish?

I don’t want to get addicted to being busy. And I don’t want to die before I’ve ever really lived. To paraphrase Art Buchwald, whether these are the worst of times or the best of times, I know these are the only times I’ve got, and I want to live them with intention.

I think I can start that today. -- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/ukg.photographerflickr.com/ukg.photographer

Needless Worry

A story worth dusting off is about a man who bragged: “I only worry about two things – whether I am sick or well. If I’m well, I have nothing to worry about. And if I’m sick, I’ve only got two things to worry about – whether I get better or whether I die. If I get better, I have nothing to worry about. And if I die, I’ve only got two things to worry about – whether I go to heaven or hell. If I go to heaven, I have nothing to worry about. And if I go to hell, I’ll be so busy greeting my friends I won’t have time to worry. So why worry?”

Regardless of how you feel about his view of life after life, he makes a good point about worry. There is really no room for needless concern about the future. I like what Ralph Waldo Emerson said about worry:

"Some of your hurts you have cured,
And the sharpest you still have survived,
But what torments of grief you endured
From evil that never arrived."

If you’re like me, more than once you’ve found yourself enduring “torments of grief” from evil that has not yet arrived and probably never will. Almost without our being aware, healthy concern for the future can be transformed into cancerous worry. “What if?” we ask. “What if something happens?” “What if things don’t turn out?” “What if…?” Worry can become an all-too-constant companion we might wish would just go away and leave us alone.

And I’m sure about one thing: that my high anxiety about the future doesn't help me with tomorrow's troubles; it only succeeds in ruining today's happiness. I am sure that needless worry, more than anything else, has kept me from really living. It has never helped me solve real problems; it has only destroyed what happiness I might have found in the present. What is worry other than habitual fear of the future? It is a habit of feeling fear. And, like any other habit, it can be hard to break. But also, like any other habit, it CAN be replaced with a better one.

So, what might happen if you should decide to let go of that needless worry - just for today? Can you do it, for one day? What do you have to lose besides anxiety? And look what you may gain – a chance to REALLY LIVE.

Sounds like decent trade to me.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/E Greens

Just in Time

Novelist Vicki Baum once said, "You don't get ulcers from what you eat. You get them from what's eating you." And what's eating us much of the time is worry. It eats us from the inside out.

I wish I could always be like former baseball player Mickey Rivers. He philosophized, "Ain't no sense worrying about things you got control over, because if you got control over them, ain't no sense worrying. And there ain't no sense worrying about things you got no control over either, because if you got no control them, ain't no sense worrying."

Maybe that makes sense, I’m just not sure. But even if it does, I’ll likely wind up worried anyway. Which is why I like this story related by inspirational Dutch author and holocaust survivor Corrie ten Boom.

Corrie learned a powerful lesson as a little girl. Having encountered the lifeless body of a baby, she realized that people she loved would someday die, too. She thought about the fact that her father and mother and sister Betsie could quite possibly pass on before she does. The thought frightened and worried her.

One night her father came in to tuck her into bed. Corrie burst into tears and sobbed, “I need you. You can’t die. You can’t!”

Her father sat on the edge of the narrow bed and spoke tenderly to his daughter. “Corrie,” he said gently, “when you and I go to Amsterdam, when do I give you your ticket?”

She sniffed a few times and considered the question. “Why, just before I get on the train,” she answered.

“Exactly,” he continued. Then he gave her assurance that was to last a lifetime. “When the time comes that some of us have to die, you will look into your heart and find the strength you need – just in time.”

Some years later Corrie and her family, arrested for sheltering Jews and members of the Dutch resistance, were sent to Nazi concentration camps. She, indeed, experienced the deaths of her parents and sister, as well as numerous friends. She endured hardships that she could never have imagined as a young child. But the words of her father stayed with her and proved to be true. “You will look into your heart and find the strength you need – just in time.” She always did. Regardless of the suffering or hardship she encountered, when she looked inside her heart she found the strength she needed – just in time.

If you worry and fret, or if you feel anxious about your future, you may find Corrie’s experience helpful. And if that thing you dread should ever arrive, then you need only look inside your heart. The strength you need can be found there – just in time.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/Ruben Martinez

And It Came to Pass

As I stared out the rear window of the bus, I thought, 'What if I die? This may be my last night ever.'

At the last minute, we decided to take an all-night bus through the Peruvian Andes down to the coast. Now I was being driven over high mountain passes and on winding, too-narrow and (I was certain) unsafe roads. We live in the Rocky Mountains of western United States. But still I was not prepared for roads too narrow for oncoming traffic to pass by. Every time another vehicle hurled toward us, one of us was forced to pull over and let the other by. Nor was I ready for the supersonic speeds at which our bus rollicked around hairpin curves, or an all-night white-knuckle ride on a too-often unpaved shoulder-less mountain road carved out of the side of sheer vertical slopes lost in clouds. And I wasn't ready to die – at least not that particular night.

I thought that maybe I could sleep during the trip, but all the anxiety of what reminded me of an out-of-control amusement park ride kept me staring out into the night as if by sheer willpower I could keep the bus upright. 'What if we crash?' I thought, and began to count all the possible ways this bus would slide off the mountainside. I worried about the driver, who was apparently working a 12-hour shift. What if he fell asleep? My mind was just too filled with "what ifs..." to find rest. I needed an antidote to worry.

Then I remembered five comforting words: "And it came to pass..." Not coincidentally, the phrase is found throughout the Bible. It's an intriguing phrase..."and it came to pass." I've never read, "And it came to stay." It's always, "And it came to pass..."

Whenever I have encountered problems over the years, they came to pass. My anxieties and worries also came to pass. In fact, I have forgotten most of the fears that once kept me awake over the years. I've learned that most of my toughest times and seemingly impossible situations are not forever. And sufficient strength can be found for those few that may linger awhile.

Besides, what could I do? The bus would either make it or not. Like New York Yankees outfielder Mickey Rivers once said, "Ain't no sense in worrying about things you got control over, 'cause if you got control over them, ain't no sense worrying. And there ain't no sense worrying about things you got no control over, 'cause if you got no control over them, ain't no sense worrying about them."

So I rested in the peace that, like most of what I worry about, this will come to pass. And before long, the sun rose on a beautiful Peruvian landscape. It was true, my worries came to pass.

Can the same be said about problems that worry you?

-- Steve Goodier


Image: flickr.com/rl gnzlz

Bluebird of Happiness

A sign in a pet store read, “If anybody has seen the Bluebird of Happiness, would you please notify this pet store?”

Happiness seems to be in short supply for many people. If the results of recent surveys can be trusted, there is a general decline of happiness in to­day’s world. And people were not all that cheerful a few years back! It was Oliver Wendell Holmes who stated, “I might have been a minister for aught I know, if a certain clergyman had not looked and talked like an undertaker.” (I have to say, though, that some clergy and undertakers I’ve known could teach the rest of us something about joy.)

Joy and happiness are not always the same things. Happiness can be thought of as more of a temporary, emotional condition, often based on outside circumstances. Joy, on the other hand, is deeper. It is often contentment in spite of the unsettling present. We can be basically joyful, re­gardless of a particular unhappy situation that we may be endur­ing. It is sometimes just a matter of keeping per­spective on our troubles, and especially when those troubles seem to be in long supply.

You may know the story of the man who had a marvelous way of keeping joy in his life. He was a carpenter. He followed the same ritual every day when he came home from the job. He stopped by a small tree in his front yard and placed his hand on a couple of branches. Then, when he walked into his home, it was as if a magical transformation had oc­curred. All of a sudden, the stress was lifted from him. He became energetic and joyful, able to fully interact with his children and his wife.

He explained it this way: “That tree is my trouble tree. When I come home I stop by the tree and, just like I leave my tools in the truck, I leave my troubles outside of my home. I hang them on that tree before greeting my family. Anything that does not have to come into my house stays outside. Anything that I do not have to deal with at home, I leave on that tree. And in the morning, I stop by the tree and pick up the troubles I left there in the evening.”

Then he adds, “It’s a funny thing, though. Every morning I always find fewer troubles remaining than I hung the night before.”

Here is a man who has no doubt seen the Bluebird of Happiness. Chances are, it is nesting in a tree just outside his home.

There is wisdom in knowing that some problems can wait until tomorrow. And more wis­dom in knowing what to hang on the tree and what to bring in. Managing daily problems well is vital to maintaining joy.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Vicki DeLoach