Sometimes You Need to Take The Plunge

Maybe you can relate.

“Watch me dive off the high board, Dad,” my ten-year-old son called out. I looked up to the ten-foot-high diving board and waited as he stood at the edge, stooped over, arms extended. He had jumped off the high board many times before, but now his nerve seemed to falter as he contemplated streaking through the air headfirst. 

The swimming pool was vacated, so he could take his time. “You can do it, Robby,” I encouraged. But he couldn’t. Not that evening. For 20 minutes he attempted to muster the courage to make the plunge, and he finally gave up when the pool closed for the night.

“I feel disappointed in myself,” Robby said on the way home. “I feel terrible. I know I can do it, though. I know I can.” 

He persuaded me to take him swimming again the next evening. Like the night before, we happened to be the only swimmers. “I’m going to do it this time,” he said emphatically. “Watch me!”

He climbed the ladder and walked to the end of the board as I watched. Again I encouraged him. Again he hesitated. As the previous night, his nerve failed. It seemed that he would never conquer his fear and leap.

The lifeguards on duty (probably the same ones from the evening before) helped me cheer him on this night. They came alongside the diving board. “You can do it, Robby,” we all exhorted. “Just do it! Don’t think about it. Just do it!” 

For 30 minutes we encouraged him. For 30 minutes he started and stopped, he leaned and straightened and fought the fear that held him back.

And then it happened. He extended his arms, bent over the edge and fell headfirst into the water. He emerged to the sounds of laughter and congratulations. He did it! He finally did it! And before he went home, he did it three more times.

Robby learned three important lessons that evening. First, he learned about facing his fear. It won’t go away if we don’t do the thing we’re afraid to do. Diving got a little lass scary for him every time he did it.

Second, he learned that hard things are easier when people cheer us on. We can do almost anything with enough encouragement from our friends.

And he learned one final thing. He learned that some things can’t be done with less than full commitment. A chasm cannot be leaped in two small jumps and a dive cannot be made a little at a time. Sometimes you just have to take the plunge. 

Come to think about it, he may have learned something else, too. When you take the plunge and succeed at that thing you were afraid to do, is there any better feeling in the world? 

Robby didn’t think so.

--Steve Goodier

Image: Flickr.com/Dave Halberstadt

If You Had It To Do Over

Image by Fred Fokkelman

One woman announced, “I intend to live forever! So far so good….” But the length of our lives is not the real issue; it’s the quality and meaning that matter. Not the years in a life, but the life in the years.

When asked what he wanted to be remembered for when his life was over, Leo Buscaglia replied, “I want to be remembered as somebody who lived life fully and with passion. I’ve been asked to write my epitaph and I have always thought that the perfect one for my tombstone would be, ‘Here lies Leo who died living.’”

I want to die living. And I want to be remembered as one who lived with purpose, joy and feeling. I want to spend my time learning what goes into a whole and happy life, then building that life the best I can.

Sociologist Tony Campolo told about a study in which fifty people over the age of 90 were asked to reflect upon their lives. “If you had it to do over again,” they were asked, “what would you do differently?” Though there were many answers, three responses dominated. Here they are:

1. “I would reflect more.” Do you ever feel that too much time is spent in “doing” and not enough spent thinking about what you are doing and why you are doing it? Reflection on your time and your priorities, your habits and behaviors, your attitudes and beliefs, in short, reflection on your life, will reveal to you what is truly important.
2. “I would risk more.” Have you missed important opportunities because you were afraid to take a chance? Taking more calculated risks may be the only way to make an important dream come alive.
3. “I would do more things that would live on after I died.” Are you immersed in something bigger and more enduring than your own existence? What will be your legacy?

Reflect more. Risk more. Leave a legacy. These are what our elders say they would do if ever given a second chance.

And, of course, the beauty is this: we don’t need a second chance at life to get it right. We can build a life around these values beginning today. And when it comes time for us to leave this existence, we can go with no regrets. 

-- Steve Goodier


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Chasing a Dream

Image by John Lee

In his book Asimov Laughs Again, author Isaac Asimov relates an incident when he was interviewed by television journalist Barbara Walters.

She asked him how many books he had written and then asked, “Don’t you ever want to do anything but write?”

He said, “No.”

She pressed on. “Don’t you want to go hunting? Fishing? Dancing? Hiking?”

This time he answered, “No! No! No! And no!”

She continued, “But what would you do if the doctor gave you only six months to live?”

He said, “Type faster.”

Isaac Asimov spent his life doing what he loved. I am aware that there are those people who find no satisfaction or joy from making a living. They don't like what they do and they live for weekends and holidays. Some of them feel trapped and believe they can't make a meaningful change because they don't have the skills, education, money or favorable circumstances. So they decide to dig in and keep on slogging forward.

I don't want to say they are wrong, for there are many reasons we each choose our individual paths. But I'm drawn to a truth expressed so clearly by Norman Cousins. “The tragedy of life is not death,” says Cousins, “but what we let die inside of us while we live.” I agree. Death is not a tragedy in itself. All of us will die. It is as natural as birth. The tragedy is what we let die inside us while we live. Like unrealized dreams. Like a passion to be or do something that is calling to us from someplace deep. The real tragedy of life is settling for less while something dies inside us.

Leaving the safety of what is known and venturing into the unknown can be one of the scariest – and best –  decisions a person can make. "There is no security in following the call to adventure,” writer Joseph Campbell says. I know what he is talking about. I've followed that call more than once. And it can be frightening. But you know what's worse? Regret. Looking back and wishing that we had risked the adventure. Or just letting the desire dry up and finally die.

Leaving what feels secure behind and following the beckoning of our hearts doesn't always end as we expect or hope. We may even fail. But here's the payoff: it can also be amazing and wonderful and immensely satisfying.

In the end, we really only have one question when it comes to chasing a significant dream. It is whether we will say yes.

– Steve Goodier


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Life As an Active Science

Image courtesy of Mikhail Medvedev

That tireless inventor Thomas Edison famously said of his various experiments, “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” Murphy's Law is much less sanguine about it: “If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of life's great disappointments.”

I have to say, though, that I like to experiment – especially with my life. I believe in self transformation and try to challenge myself regularly to adopt new attitudes and behaviors. I realize that I can be a little excessive with self change (you may know that already), but I am drawn to the exciting idea that my life is an “active science.”

I think changes in wrist watches over the past 50 years beautifully illustrate how important it is to experiment. Do you know who set the standard for fine watch-making for most of the 20th Century? If you answered, "The Swiss," you are correct. Swiss wrist watches dominated world markets for at least 60 years and Swiss companies were committed to constant refinement of their craft.
   
It was the Swiss who came forward with the minute hand and the second hand. They led the world in discovering better ways to manufacture gears, bearings, and main-springs of watches. They even led the way in waterproofing techniques and self-winding models. By 1968 the Swiss made 65 percent of all watches sold in the world and laid claim to as much as 90 percent of the profits.
   
Now...which country sold the most wrist watches in the 1980s? The answer is Japan. By 1980 Swiss companies had laid off thousands of watch-makers and controlled less than 10 percent of the world market. Between 1979 and 1981, eighty percent of Swiss watchmakers lost their jobs.
   
Why? One reason is the advent of Japanese digital watches. Another major reason is that the Swiss were reluctant to change the way they traditionally designed wrist watches. Like the fact that for too long they refused to utilize the less expensive and more accurate Quartz crystal. In short, they kept doing what they always did. Because they did not seriously experiment with radical new ways of designing timepieces, most Swiss watchmakers found themselves doing something else for a living.
   
Our lives are not so different. Of course we need to accept ourselves as we are, but we can't stop there. We also need to value ourselves enough make needed changes.  It's a simple formula: If we want to live fully we have to keep growing. If we want to keep growing we have to adapt. And if we want to adapt we have to try on new ways of thinking and new ways of doing. For me it's about making my life an active science.

I appreciate Mark Twain's encouragement. "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do," he points out. "So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Sounds like fun to me.

-- Steve Goodier

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Will You Play Your Music?

 

Image courtesy of Betsy Ray

I heard of a recruiter for jump school, the name given for military parachute training, who explains the training this way: “Jump school is three weeks long. The first week they separate the men from the boys.” (Presumably, they also separate the women from the girls.) He goes on to say, “Week two they separate the men from the fools. And week three, the fools jump.”

We once visited friends and sat outside where we watched  paragliders and hang gliders soaring overhead, suspended from colorful wings. They rose up into the sky upon invisible warm currents of air and floated effortlessly by -- trusting in their equipment and their ability to keep them from crashing into the earth. But isn't that risky? Maybe a little. But what a thrill to experience!

My son is a rock climber. Using toeholds and fingertip holds he makes his way up the shear face of a cliff. Though he fell once and broke his arm, he's back out there again. Why? Isn't that risky? Perhaps, but he likes the feeling of satisfaction of conquering the mountain and succeeding at a difficult endeavor.

Of course, one doesn't have to participate in sports to experience risks. Just buy stocks and bonds. I've been told that October is one of the riskiest months to buy stocks. The other dangerous months are January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, November and December.

There is risk in all of life. But aren't some things worth it? Artist Vincent van Gogh put it this way: “The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore.” There are good and valid reasons to take necessary risks. In fact, I am sure we cannot experience a full life and shy away from all risk at the same time. We usually have a choice...we can choose to live boldly or we can choose fear. But be sure of this: the one we pick is all important.

Especially when it comes to major life decisions. Deciding to pursue a compelling idea. Going back to school. Changing vocations. Marriage and family. Moving to a brand new location ... these can be chancy life choices. We can listen to our hearts, or we can decide not to take risks, not to do the scary thing and, perhaps, not to fully live.

May Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay Inc., once remarked, “Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try.” Is that true? If so, I think that is sad. Is it because most people are afraid? At the end of my life, I don't want to say I always played it safe, I want to say I played my music. I want to say I attempted to stretch my wings and jump. I want to believe I took reasonable risks at the right times.

I have not always chosen the safest path. I've made my mistakes, plenty of them. I sometimes jump too soon and fail to appreciate the consequences. But I've learned something important along the way: I've learned to heed the call of my heart. I've learned that the safest path is not always the best path and I've learned that the voice of fear is not always to be trusted. I've also learned that, if I am to live my life to the fullest, I must not let my music die inside me.

Will you just play it safe? Or will you play your music?

-- Steve Goodier

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Going for It

Columnist Dave Barry says this about his father: "My dad ... he'd try anything -- carpentry, electrical wiring, plumbing, roofing. From watching him, I learned a lesson that still applies to my life today: No matter how difficult a task may seem, if you're not afraid to try it, you can do it. And when you're done, it will leak."

I’m the King of Leaks. But there’s something to be said for taking a risk and going for it. I am convinced that one of the great necessities of life is courage.

We’ve heard it said, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” But the motto of some of us is more like "Nothing ventured, nothing lost." How often are we so afraid to try to do something new or to go in a new direction that we never venture beyond the familiar? "Better to be safe than sorry" has trapped too many unhappy people in a cocoon of their comfort zones.

What would you be doing with your life today if you had more courage yesterday? Where could you be tomorrow if you decide to take a reasonable risk today?

Humorist J. Upton Dickson once said he wanted to start a society called the “Dependent Order of Really Meek and Timid Souls.” When you make an acrostic of the first letters of its name, you have the word "Doormats." According to Dickson, the Doormats could have an official insignia -- a yellow caution light. Their official motto might be: "The meek shall inherit the earth, if that's okay with everybody."

Fear. Is there anything so crippling to the spirit as fear? How might things be different if we acted with just a little more courage? After all, who doesn’t feel fear? But the truth is that courage is not fearlessness; courage is deciding to act anyway.

Over the years I’ve enjoyed letters from some of our Life Support System family all around the world. One such friend wrote to me in response to an article and said, “I always say that anything worth doing is worth doing poorly! That way nothing scares me off. Try most anything.” Once she was able to let go of the outcome and decided not to care about whether she succeeded or failed, she found the courage to jump in and try.

U.S.A. essayist and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson said it like this: “Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.”

Boldness is not the same as carelessness. And I have made plenty of mistakes in life. But I am quite sure that my bitterest memories come because I was afraid to act. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like today if I had been a little bolder, a little more daring, when opportunities showed themselves.

This last part of my life I will err on the side of boldness. And if I overstep, I can at least rest assured that I didn’t squander whatever gifts I have because I was afraid to venture into the unknown.

-- Steve Goodier


Image: 1001FreeDownloads.com/Tzunghaor

The Dues Paid for a Full Life

I get this story.

A computer support technician worked with a gentleman for about hour before giving up. He filed an incident report. In the space where he was asked to define the situation, he wrote, "The problem resides between the keyboard and the chair."

I get that. Between the keyboard and the chair is where most of my computer problems reside, and probably most of my other problems, too. As much as I may like to blame things that go wrong in my life on other people or on situations out of my control ("I can’t help it..." "It wasn’t my fault..."), I am aware that they are too often a result my own mistakes. And I’ve made plenty of mistakes.

Like an embarrassing goof that occurred a few years ago. Driving home through one of the seedier sides of town, I spotted a young woman hitching a ride. Yes, I believed she needed a ride. No, I am not so naïve these days. So, in a spirit of generosity, I slowed to a stop.

It happened during rush hour heavy traffic. Understand that all of the cars on this congested street came to a stop behind me as I let her in. But I excused the inconvenience with the thought, ‘They can wait a minute. I’m just helping somebody out here.’

Once we started up again I asked, "Where are you going?"

That’s when she looked at me and said, "Do you want a date?

Honest. I didn’t see that one coming. Trying to figure out what was going on here, I responded in my normal eloquent manner, "Huh?"

"Do you want a date?" she asked again. "Do you want to have fun?"

By this time the dimmest of lights switched on in my head. I was finally beginning to see what this was all about. I felt a little foolish thinking she actually wanted a lift. And when I told her no and she said, "Then you better let me out."

We had only traveled about two blocks when I slowed to a stop for a second time. The same cars that had to wait for me before were waiting again, and I realized that I was probably the last person on the street that day to understand what was going on.

Former mayor Filorello LaGuardia of New York City once said, "I don't make many mistakes, but when I do, it's a beaut." I, on the other hand, make plenty of mistakes, and a surprising number of them are beauts. Actually, the incident with the hitch-hiker scores fairly low on my list of goof-ups.

Unless permanent damage is done, I don’t mind a certain number of blunders, slip-ups, errors, missteps and the like. Actually, I think mistakes are under-rated as opportunities to learn. Actress Sophia Loren's philosophy works well for me: "Mistakes," she says, "are part of the dues one pays for a full life." And I suspect, the fuller the life, the more dues were paid.

So I'll take the risks, try new things and make more mistakes if it means a fuller and richer life. After all, the greater mistake could be to never risk at all.

-- Steve Goodier


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What Is Your Rope Tied To?

You may have heard of the man who decided to repair the roof of his house. The pitch was steep, and to be safe, he tied a rope around his waist and threw the other end of it over the top of the house. He called his son and asked him to tie it to something secure. The boy fastened the safety rope to the bumper of their car parked in the driveway. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

But a little while later, his wife needed to run a few errands with the automobile. Unaware of the line securing her husband, she started the car and proceeded to drive away. The rope immediately tightened and jerked the man over the roof and into thin air. Now before you become alarmed, let me assure you that this never really happened. But I chuckle at the image of the poor guy sailing over the top of his house like Evel Knievel without a motorcycle.

This story, factual or not, points to a great truth. It is a truth about where we place our security; about those things to which we’ve tied our safety lines. What is your rope tied to?

Think about it. What do you depend on to keep you from disaster? Is your rope tied to a good job? Is it tied to a relationship with somebody you rely on? Is it tied to a company or an organization?

In her wise and sensitive audio Lessons in Living, writer Susan Taylor tells of discovering how unreliable some of our safety lines really are. She tells of lying in bed in the early hours of the morning when an earthquake struck. As her house shook, she tumbled out of bed and managed to stand underneath an arched door-way in her hall, watching in horror as her whole house tumbled down around her. Where her bed had once stood, she later discovered nothing but a pile of rubble. She lost everything – every button, every dish, her automobile, every stitch of clothing.

Susan huddled, scared and crying, in the darkness. In the predawn morning she cried and called out for help.

As exhaustion set in, she thought that maybe she should be listening for rescuers rather than making so much commotion. So she grew still and listened. In the silence around her, the only sound she heard was the beating of her own heart. It occurred to her then that at least she was still alive and, amazingly enough, unhurt. She thought about her situation. In the stillness, fear abandoned her and a feeling of indescribable peace and happiness flooded in, the likes of which she had never before known. It was an experience that was to permanently change her life.

In the deepest part of her being, Susan realized a remarkable truth. She realized she had nothing to fear. Amazingly, whether or not she was ever rescued, whether she even made it out alive, she sensed she had nothing to fear.

For the first time in her life she understood that her true security did not depend on those things in which she had placed her trust. It lay deep within. And also for the first time, she knew what it was to be content in all circumstances. She realized that, in an ultimate sense, whether she had plenty or hardly enough, somehow she would be all right. She just knew it.

She later wrote, "Before the quake I had all the trappings of success, but my life was out of balance. I wasn’t happy because I was clinging to things in my life and always wanting more. My home, my job, my clothes, a relationship – I thought they were my security. It took an earthquake and losing everything I owned for me to discover that my security had been with me all along . . . There’s a power within us that we can depend upon no matter what is happening around us."

She had tied her rope to the wrong things. It took a disaster for her to understand that those things are untrustworthy. So she let go of the rope and discovered peace. She found that her true security was a power within – dependable and sure.

What is your rope tied to? And what would happen if you found the courage to let go of it?

-- Steve Goodier


Image: flickr.com/Doug Wheller
　

Playing It Safe

A young reporter wanted to get a feel for agriculture, so he called upon a farmer and said, “How’s your wheat coming along?”

The farmer replied, “I didn’t plant any.”

“Really?” asked the reporter. “I thought this was supposed to be wheat country.”

“Some say it is,” came the reply. “But I was afraid we might not see enough rain this year.”

“Well, what about your corn. How is it doing?” the young man inquired.

“Didn’t plant corn this year. I was afraid of corn blight.”

“Alfalfa?”

“Nope. Afraid the price might drop.”

“Well, then,” asked the reporter, “what did you plant?”

“Nothin’,” the farmer said. “I just played it safe.”

Here is a couple who REALLY played it safe:

The bride, white of hair, is stooped over her cane,
Her footsteps – uncertain – need guiding,
While down the opposite church aisle
With a wan, toothless smile
The bridegroom in wheelchair comes riding.

Now who is this elderly couple, thus wed?
Well, you'll find when you've closely explored it
That here is that rare,
Most conservative pair
Who waited 'til they could afford it!

Do you like playing it safe? If so, I found a Web site you just might love: Dull Men's Club. No excitement there. You’ll never have to leave your comfort zone. The Dull Men's Club, found at http://www.dullmensclub.com, is a place in cyberspace for guys who feel "born to be mild" and enjoy adventure of such activities as watching grass grow and paint dry. I think dull women will like it, too.

But, as most of you know, some of the best things in life can only be found after we cast aside a bit of caution. I learned that lesson playing baseball as a child. Ninety feet never seems so long as when you're trying to steal second base. And more than once I was thrown out trying to steal, but what a feeling those times I slid in safely. Joy. Exhilaration. The downside was worth it.

There is a life lesson here: you can't steal second base unless you run away from first. In some things, it is all or nothing. Run flat out or stay back, for there is no changing your mind.

Sometimes it takes courage to do what you’ve never done and go where you’ve never been. It’s like stealing second base – whatever huge decision looms before you, your best solution will likely be made from the side of courage, rather than fear.

If you have any regrets 20 or 30 years from now, what will they be about? I don’t think mine will be about the things I did. I think they will be more about the things I could have done, but was afraid to try. Those times I was afraid to take a chance because I might be rejected or thought to be silly. Those times I was afraid to do something new – make a change – because I was afraid I might fail.

Canadian Claude Thomas Bissell is credited with saying something profound about living life fully. He said,

“Risk more than others think is safe.
Care more than others think is wise.
Dream more than others think is practical.
Expect more than others think is possible.”

You can’t always play it safe if you want to LIVE.

-- Steve Goodier