An Unexpected Gift

Work sometimes has a bad reputation in our world. But there is something worse than work, and that is having no work to do. Even if we don’t need the money, we still need to be productive. At least that is what Drs. Kathryn Rost and G. Richard Smith of the University of Arkansas say. After analyzing the mental health of heart attack survivors, they concluded that one factor which greatly reduced the chances of depression was going back to work.

And why not? For one thing, at work we are often around friends, and people with strong relationships will almost always fare better mentally. For another, we humans need to feel useful, and we are often most productive when we work.

The scholar Arthur Kroeger wrote in Quote magazine (August 1994) that his brother sometimes visited an Anabaptist colony in southern Alberta, Canada. During one visit he asked leaders how they dealt with the problem of misbehavior – when people rebelled against the colony’s strict rules. He was told that these people were first asked to correct their behavior. If they did not respond, they would be given a stern “talking to.”

“But what do you do when all else fails, when somebody stubbornly refuses to behave?” he pressed.

“Ah,” came the reply, “if it comes to that, then we don’t give him anything to do.”

They are given no way to meaningfully contribute to their tight-knit community, nothing productive to do. For this colony, it is an effective behavior modification strategy.

Not having anything to do may work well when we enjoy some time away, but it makes for a poor lifestyle. Industrialist Henry Ford stated, “Work is our sanity, our self-respect, our salvation. So far from being a curse, work is the greatest blessing.” 

When I am unable to participate in some activity during working hours, I often turn it down by saying, “I have to work today.” But that makes working sound like an unwelcome obligation. The truth is, I am grateful I have honest work to do and that I am able to do it. Even a feeling of exhaustion at the end of a busy day can’t mask my satisfaction of having accomplished something useful. My work is an unexpected gift, and in that I am blessed.

Dale Carnegie gives this advice: “Are you bored with life? Then throw yourself into some work you believe in with all your heart, live for it, die for it, and you will find happiness that you had thought could never be yours.” Even if that work is volunteer service, if you believe in what you’re doing, your paycheck will be measured in satisfaction rather than money. And satisfaction is something money just can't buy.

--Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Javier Kohen

Filling Up Your Life

We can live a long time without thinking about such things as “meaning” and “purpose” in life. But happy and healthy living requires that we visit these words from time to time

I have heard that Ralph Barton, a cartoonist of a former generation, left this note pinned to his pillow before taking his life: “I have had few difficulties, many friends, great successes; I have gone from wife to wife, and from house to house, visited great countries of the world, but I am fed up with inventing devices to fill up twenty-four hours of the day.”

Whatever psychological problems may have afflicted him, Ralph Barton suffered from an empty life. He tried to fill it up – with relationships and things and busyness. He was no doubt successful in his work. And probably well-liked. His problem was that he felt his life had no meaning.

Educator Morrie Schwartz helps us put meaning into our lives. In Mitch Albom’s book Tuesdays with Morrie, he chronicles the final months of Morrie’s life, as his former teacher slowly dies of Lou Gehrig’s Disease (ALS). Morrie, an irrepressible lover of life, says this: “So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep even when they are busy doing things they think are important. This is the product of chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”

Do you want to be happy? Do you want a life that matters? Then spend some extra time caring for those around you. Get busy serving your community. Become a lover of people. I guarantee, your life will never seem empty again.

-- Steve Goodier

Expect a Masterpiece

Image by Barnaby Wasson

"When love and skill work together; expect a masterpiece." -- John Ruskin

It was reported that one man was killed and another wounded in the Philippines when a fight broke out at a karaoke bar in Manila over the quality of the singing. The fighting evidently broke out when a group of drinkers claimed the man at the microphone was singing out of tune. Many karaoke clubs in the country have already removed Frank Sinatra's "My Way" from their play lists because of fistfights as the song was being performed. There was apparently no tolerance to let them sing it "their way."

While it's true that some people perhaps believe themselves to be talented in ways they clearly are not, that is not the case with most of us. People frequently lament that they have little or no talent; that they possess no "gifts" or unique abilities. Too many of us see ourselves as having little to contribute beyond our jobs. Too often we feel that we will make little difference in this world because we have nothing to offer.

But then there's a young woman I read about named Mary. Mary has Down syndrome. She is a volunteer teacher at a school she herself attended many years ago. Mary works with 2- and 3-year-olds, some of whom are developmentally delayed and some are not. Among other tasks, she helps with puzzles, reads stories and teaches her students a variety of athletic activities. "We care about little kids here," she says. "We set examples for them."

Mary does not say that she has nothing to offer; she knows better. And I suspect she knows that it does not matter WHAT talents and abilities any of us has, but what we DO with them that counts.

John Ruskin correctly says, "When love and skill work together; expect a masterpiece." Mary takes what skill she has, combines it with a heart full of love, and gives it away as a masterpiece.

Now … who can't do that?

-- Steve Goodier

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How to Be Happy for a Lifetime

Image courtesy of kslyesmith

Someone said this about happiness:

To be happy for an hour -- take a nap.
To be happy for a day -- go shopping.
To be happy for a week -- take a vacation.
To be happy for a month -- get married.
To be happy for a year -- inherit a fortune.
To be happy for a lifetime -- help others.

All right – I don’t agree with everything on that list. But I believe the author is exactly right about how to be happy for the rest of your life. Lasting contentment, the most satisfying kind of happiness, can always be found in helping others. And it’s a secret that many people have never discovered.

Marion Preminger stumbled upon it and wrote about where lasting happiness is to be found in her autobiography All I Want Is Everything. Born in Hungary in 1913, Marion was raised in a castle, surrounded by wealth, servants and the notoriety of an aristocratic upbringing.

At a Viennese ball, she met a handsome young man, the son of an Italian doctor. They rushed into a marriage that lasted only a year.

She returned to Vienna to embark on a career of acting. There she fell in love with the German director Otto Preminger. They married and she followed him to America where he began a promising career as a Hollywood movie director. But her new Hollywood lifestyle could not sustain her marriage and Preminger eventually divorced her.

Marion returned to Europe to live the life of a Parisian socialite until 1948. Then everything changed when she read that Dr. Albert Schweitzer was visiting Europe from his home in Africa. She determined to meet with the notable missionary doctor.

She first encountered Schweitzer doing one of the things he loved to do best while visiting Europe -- playing a church organ for his own enjoyment. He invited her to dine with him. After the meal, Marion knew she had finally found what she'd been looking for. She accompanied Schweitzer every day during the remainder of his European visit. He invited Marion to come back to Africa with him and work as an untrained staff member in the Lamberene hospital.

She left her life of status and ease and moved to Africa. Once there, the girl who was raised like a princess became a servant. She changed bandages, bathed bodies and fed lepers. She gave her life away to the poor and, in the midst of it, found the happiness she'd craved for so long.

It was Albert Schweitzer who asserted, "One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve."

However, wherever and whomever we choose to help is unimportant. There are those in need everywhere. But when we figure out how to sincerely help other people, we'll have also learned how to be happy for a lifetime.

-- Steve Goodier

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Lessons from the Court

flickr/Charis Tsevis

Life lessons can come from unexpected places. 

I played racquetball for many years, and some of the greatest lessons I learned while playing were not about the game, but about life. Here are some of the more important life lessons that that I learned on the court:

1. People play better when they are encouraged. It's true in all of life. People do better when others cheer them on, rather than criticizing, condemning and judging. My influence as a parent, a leader, a supervisor or a friend is most effective when I encourage those around me.

2. When two or more people occupy a small space, they need to get along. It’s against the rules of the game to push people around. This principle applies to any small space: homes, schools, places of work, communities and even our planet.

3. The only way to get better is to practice, on the court and off. In every area of life, the only way to improve is to practice. Confidence takes practice. Leadership takes practice. Nurturing a mind or a spirit takes practice. Improving relationships with others takes practice. Simply learning how to be happy takes practice. And remember, there are always people willing to help.

4. Much of success is about paying attention. On the court, those who lose their focus, lose games. In life, people who are too distracted by yesterday’s regrets or tomorrow’s problems will never experience the fullness and joy of today.

5. There are always people who will do better than you. Always. But your job is not to be the best. If you simply strive to be YOUR best, you will have succeeded.

6. When playing doubles, teams that cooperate wins games. No team, no household, no small group, no faith community, no business, no enterprise will succeed that is plagued with internal squabbling.

7. Failures are lessons. When I lose a game badly, it is not a personal failure. Rather, I thank my opponent for the free lesson and figure out where I need to work. Failures are not endings; they are valuable opportunities to learn.

8. It isn't over until the last point is scored. Many victories are snatched after one comes back from almost insurmountable odds. So it is with life.

9. Work can be fun, but fun should never become merely work. A racquetball game is still a game and should be enjoyed. In life, there is always joy to be found and shared.

10. On the court, the only way to score is to serve. Likewise, service is key to life. People who make a difference find ways to serve others. And those people who are happiest and most satisfied with their lives are those who have learned the value of giving their time, energy and resources away. Great lives are built on service. 

Life lessons can come from anywhere. And I have the rest of my life to keep learning them.

-- Steve Goodier



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A Hero for Our Time

An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the impressive Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the Israel Philharmonic. He was admiring the unique architecture, the sweeping lines of the entrance, and the modern decor throughout the building. Finally he turned to his escort and asked if the building was named for Thomas Mann, the world famous author.

"No," his friend said, "it's named for Fredric Mann, from Philadelphia."

"Really? I never heard of him. What did he write?" the tourist asked.

"A check."

There are many kinds of heroes, and Fredric Mann may be considered a hero by concert goers in Tel Aviv. But I don't believe you have to be famous (or wealthy) to be heroic. Nor do you have to pull a child from a burning building or throw yourself atop a hand grenade. Heroes come in many varieties. In fact, you may have never imagined yourself much of a hero, but you could be wrong. I’m not talking about comic book super-heroes, but real people making a real difference.

And I don't believe that heroes should be confused with celebrities. Fame is fickle. Former American football coach and broadcaster Lou Holtz knew how fleeting fame can be. He once said, "I've been on the top and I've been on the bottom. At Arkansas my first year, we won the Orange Bowl. Then everybody loved me. They put me into the Arkansas Hall of Fame and issued a commemorative stamp in my honor. The next year we lost to Texas and they had to take away the stamp because people kept spitting on the wrong side of it."

Celebrities come and go, but heroes last. Some celebrities are far from heroes, and some heroes are far from famous. But well-known or not, all heroes have something in common. They make a difference.

To my way of thinking, Kenyan runner Kipchoge (Kip) Keino is a hero. Kip Keino won a gold medal in the 1,500 meters at the 1968 Olympics, in spite of suffering from a gallbladder infection. At later Olympics, he would add another gold and two silvers to his medal collection. Kenya later chose Kip to serve as the running coach for its Olympic teams from 1976 to 1986. Under his guidance, Kenyan runners continued to distinguish themselves in the world of sports.

But that is not why I consider him heroic. Yes, he was an outstanding athlete and one of the world's best in his field. And his accomplishments are enough for Kenyans, and the world, to celebrate him. But celebrities and heroes are not always the same. Kip Keino is a hero.

You see, for most of their lives together, Kip and his wife Phyllis have been running an orphanage out of their home. In addition to their own seven children, they have raised and nurtured hundreds of other youngsters who needed a loving home. Still, every child is treated like family. And on top of all of this, Kip Keino’s foundation has built a primary and secondary school in Eldoret, Kenya, to give kids the most important gift a young person can ever receive -- a chance.

Make no mistake. Kip Keino is not a millionaire. But I appreciate what he says about his work: "I think I have been lucky. Now what is important is how I use what I have to help others."

I know that what he says applies to me, too. What is important is how I use what I have to help others -- no matter how little or how much I think I have.

American celebrity Ben Stein put it similarly. He said, "I came to realize that a life lived to help others is the only one that matters."

I believe that is what it means to be a hero. Real heroes are not always famous. Real heroes may not be flashy. They may have never saved a life nor shown extraordinary bravery. But they ardently, even obsessively, live their lives to help others. And they make a difference.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/evan earwicker

The Way to Be Happy

Image by Phalinn Ooi

Even in religious education one doesn’t always get the answer they expect. In order to teach compassion, one teacher began her class with the question: “What would you do if you were walking along a road and saw a person who was terribly beaten and bruised and covered with blood?” 

In a moment of honesty, a little girl replied, “I'd probably throw up.”

There are many professions I should leave alone. I have neither the constitution nor the aptitude for them. And one of those occupations is nursing. Like the little girl, I might seriously embarrass myself. But I deeply admire those compassionate women and men who labor in the nursing profession.

Some years ago, a six-year-old boy from Corvallis, Oregon (United States) suffered burns over 85% of his body. His condition was so severe that several doctors gave up and one hospital would not admit him because they thought he would die anyway.

His life was saved, however, by eight courageous and committed people – his parents, three nurses and three doctors. The nurses emerged as the true heroines in this real-life drama. After other nurses had quit, these women took eight-hour shifts with the boy, seeing him through skin grafts, operations, crucial periods in which death almost gained victory, and dull, dragging days of rehabilitation. The boy grew to dislike them, as he innocently thought they caused his intense pain.

His room was like a dungeon. It measured 12 feet by 12 feet. The door was tightly shut, shades were drawn, heat blazed from a gooseneck lamp shining as a substitute for blankets. The humidity was so high the walls dripped with moisture, and dank air smelled of burned flesh and chlorine-soaked dressings.

The nurses stayed with him, dressed in caps, gowns, masks and gloves as if they were assisting an operation. Within an hour they would be soaked with perspiration. For 14 desperately long months these dedicated three gave their all to the ailing boy. Then, one day, he finally climbed from his bed and walked.

It was a great day! The nurses were rewarded for their tireless effort. The lives of all three were so deepened and their sense of satisfaction so great after fighting off the temptation to quit for 14 months, that each said they’d put forth the effort again.

What caused them to feel so satisfied? I think it was more than simply the fact that the boy lived. Together they attempted something nearly impossible, but also truly worthwhile. They poured their lives out for the sake of someone else.

It is like something American educator Booker T. Washington once said: “Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” What these nurses did was significant. They worked hard and they worked selflessly. And in doing so, they found contentment.

Do you want to be happier?

Don't pray for blessings; pray for important work to do.
Don't pray for prestige; pray for a place to serve.
Don't pray for more things to use; pray to become more useful.
Don't pray for greater pleasure; pray for greater purpose.
Don't pray for an easier path; pray for joy on the journey, wherever it leads.

If you do, I believe your prayers will be answered.

-- Steve Goodier

Getting Up When You're Feeling Down

Do you ever feel blah? Ever wish you had a permanent "picker-upper"? If so, this may be for you.

In the 1920s, if you were looking for a little pick-me-up with your mid-afternoon snack, you might have reached for a cold, refreshing glass of 7-Up. Well, it wasn't called 7-Up back then, it was called "Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda." (Say THAT three times fast!)

Inventor C. L. Griggs’ original recipe included the antidepressant lithium until the 1940s as a "picker-upper" (www.cadburyschweppes.com). The original Coca-Cola formula also included a “picker-upper” -- cocaine.

Today, people not suffering from serious depression understand that they usually don't need mood-altering drugs to cope with daily life. But most folks struggle with bouts of mild depression, despondency or "the blahs" from time to time. How do you pick yourself up when you're feeling down, without the aid of Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda?

I hope I’m not telling you anything new when I say that talking about the reasons you're down, making needed changes, watching your diet, getting enough exercise and sleep, developing a positive mental outlook and utilizing spiritual resources are all important pieces of our emotional puzzles. But one important strategy for feeling better (and one that's LEAST used) is as important as the rest. It is helping others in need.

• Visit a shut-in neighbor.
• Write a letter.
• Call a friend who has been struggling.
• Volunteer at church, synagogue or the local food pantry.
• Rake someone's leaves.
• Bake homemade bread for a new neighbor.
• Wash your spouse's car.
• Volunteer to baby-sit for a young mother.
• Plan an unexpected act of kindness.
• Give a gift for no reason at all.

The needs are abundant, and those who put aside some regular time to do something kind for others will often forget they were feeling low. Why does is work? I don’t know ... it just does. Reach out and lift somebody else up and for some wondrous and magical reason, you lift yourself up, too.

Corrie Ten Boom beautifully said, "The measure of a life, after all, is not its duration, but its donation." And if you've been feeling low, the best time to donate a piece of yourself is now.

-- Steve Goodier

Image:flickr.com/Pennsylvania National Guard

What Do You Want Most?

You've heard it said that the best things in life aren't things. This truth is illustrated well by Andrea Jaeger.

At age 14 Andrea won her first professional tennis tournament. At 15, she was the youngest player ever to be seeded at Wimbledon, a record she held for 10 years. She won again and again until, at 18 years old, she reached the finals of Wimbledon. But at age 19, a shoulder injury brought her career to an end.

Her body was injured, but not her spirit. Andrea Jaeger no longer serves up aces on the court, but she is serving society. She has dedicated her time and money to bringing hope and joy to children who are suffering from cancer or other life-threatening illnesses. She runs her own organization full time, year-round, unpaid.

"You get very spoiled on the pro tour," she says. "The courtesy cars, the five-star hotels, all the people clapping because you hit a good shot. It's easy to forget what's important in life."

She forgets a lot less lately.

Her life is an example of what can happen when one concentrates on “what’s important in life.” It has been said that the main cause for failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want at the moment. And if the best things in life are not things, then what do you want most? What Andrea wants most in life is to help other people. And I'll wager she is fulfilled and happy because of her dedication to a purpose bigger than herself.

What if you traded what you want at the moment for what you want most -- if you remember what is important in life and try to do that? The life you build would be no less than incredible.

-- Steve Goodier


image: freeimages.com/Uschi Hering

How to Have a Life of Joy

Do you know how to have a life of joy?

A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." 

"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?" 

The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them as taxes to the government and write on the envelope, 'NOW YOU HAVE EVERYTHING!'"

Paying taxes is not usually a joy. But giving can be joyful. We pay the taxes because we have to. But when we choose to give time or money, then giving can add to our overall happiness.

Mother Teresa teaches us an important lesson about happiness. She was one of those people who emanated joy. Born in 1910 in Skopje, Macedonia, she felt called as a teenager to move to Calcutta, India. Some months later she saw a sight that completely revolutionized her life.

Shortly after moving to Calcutta she spotted a homeless, dying woman lying in the gutter, being eaten by rats. After seeing that, compassion compelled her to beg an abandoned Hindu temple from the government and convert it into a crude, make-shift hospital for the dying. "Nobody should die alone" she would later say. Mother Teresa went on to establish homes for the destitute dying in numerous cities. But in spite of devoting her life to people in such dire straits, she radiated joy and happiness.

This incredible woman was once interviewed by Malcolm Muggeridge from the BBC News. He asked her an unusual question: "Mother Teresa, the thing I noticed about you and the hundreds of sisters who now form your team is that you all look so happy. Is that a put-on?"

Here was a woman who had none of the things we like to think of as bringing happiness: a home, a family, prosperity. Rather, she lived in near-poverty and spent her time wiping dirt and various body fluids from half-dead cancer and leprosy victims -- and appeared to be blissfully happy. "Is that a put-on?" she was asked.

She replied, "Oh no, not at all. Nothing makes you happier than when you really reach out in mercy to someone who is badly hurt."

She would agree that happiness does not come from acquiring, but is a by-product of giving something of yourself away: time, money, love. Do you want a life of joy? Start by looking outside yourself.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/WH