Thermometer or Thermostat - Which Will You Be?

Do you know the difference between a thermometer and a thermostat? 

A thermometer measures the temperature. It doesn’t do anything about it. A thermostat measures the temperature and then responds. If the temperature is too high, a thermostat may shut off the heat. If the temperature is too low, a thermostat may trigger heat to turn on. It measures temperature and it does something about it. While a thermometer is passive, a thermostat is active. 

Sometimes I am more like a thermometer. It's good for me to know which problems I should respond to and which ones I should step back from. It’s good to know my boundaries; some problems are mine and some belong to others. 

At times, thermometers are just what we need. They size up a situation but don’t try to fix it.

On the other hand, if a circumstance requires me to respond, avoiding it because it is difficult or because I don’t like conflict may only make it worse. Sometimes I need to be a thermostat, not a thermometer. There is a time for action. A time to own the problem and do something about it. 

There’s wisdom in knowing when a thermometer is called for (time to stand down), and when a thermostat is needed (time to step up). 

Some questions worth considering are these:

If I don’t respond to this problem, is it because I don’t like conflict? Because I’d rather not be involved? Or do I intentionally not respond because my jumping in may be the wrong thing to do?

If I do respond to this situation, is it because the problem is truly mine and nothing will change until I act? Or is it because it’s just easier to do it myself instead of allowing others to struggle?

Thermometers and thermostats. Today – which will you be?

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/creative commons

When You’re Dead in the Water

A Life Support System reader once told me a fascinating story about the fabled USS Constitution, a 19th Century American warship affectionately called “Old Ironsides.” During the 1812 conflict between Britain and America, the crew of the Constitution sighted what appeared to be several American ships blockading a harbor. Overnight the ship joined her supposed allies, only to find in the morning that she had closed up with five enemy British vessels. The worst thing was that there was no wind, making it impossible to sail away again.

 

With the Constitution in deep danger, her captain had to come up with another way of moving. For two days he and the crew crept slowly away from the British ships by sending an anchor ahead in one of the ship's lifeboats, dropping it, and then using the capstan to pull the ship towards safety. In this fashion, hour after hour the ship inched ever-so-slightly away from the enemy. The arduous work of pulling up anchors from the bottom of the bay, loading them into small boats, rowing impossibly heavy boats toward open sea, wrestling the anchors overboard and towing the ship toward anchor must have been an excruciating and mind-wracking ordeal for the crew - and especially with the enemy so close.

The opposing captains soon realized what the Constitution was doing and employed the same tactic in pursuit. But the American ship had widened the gap just enough that, when wind finally returned, the British were unable to catch her.

In Sydney Smith’s encouraging words, "It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little - do what you can.” The crew of the Constitution did what little they could, though it may have seemed almost useless at the time. 

Maybe you feel as if you are stuck - dead in the water. Maybe all you can do is barely move the ship of your life an inch at a time. Maybe it feels as if you are getting nowhere. And maybe it seems that the almost imperceptible movement forward is the hardest thing you’ve ever done.

But will you do nothing because you can only do a little? If one tiny step is all you can take, will you take it today?

--Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Stuart Rankin

Creating the Future You

Image by Kishore Nagarigari

[Today's reading is longer than usual. I wrote it as a short chapter of a new book by Joan Herrmann titled Live A Good Life. When the book is published, I'll let you know how you can get a copy. I hope you can take a few extra minutes to enjoy today's message.]

----------

Maybe you’ve had this experience. I recall one afternoon when I attended a parent-teacher conference for my second-grade son. We sat in the children’s chairs. The seat was about a foot off the ground and certainly not made for adults. Those chairs were designed for little people. And as I sat uncomfortably waiting for the conference to begin, I had time to think about how much bigger I’ve gotten over the years. I clearly don’t fit into the small furniture anymore.

We all grow. And, whether we are aware of it or not, we all change. We not only grow physically, we change in other ways. For instance, we grow in our roles. I occasionally asked my adolescent kids, “How do you think you’re doing raising your parents?” I understood that I had to continually change my methods of parenting if I were to relate well to my children as they matured.

One mother told of how she changed as a parent. She mentioned that when her first baby coughed or sneezed, they’d practically rush her to the hospital. But Mom mellowed over the years. One day her youngest swallowed a dime. No hospital visits. No histrionics. She just said, “You know, don’t you, that the dime will come out of your allowance?”

We grow in our roles. And we grow in other ways also. We grow mentally. I hope you are wiser and more knowledgeable today than you were in the past.

And we grow emotionally. Are you better at handling adversity today? Are you a kinder, more generous person? Do you find it easier to love and forgive? Dr. Karl Menninger said this about love and growth: “We do not fall in love, we grow in love and love grows in us.” Is love growing in you?

We also have the chance to grow in another important way -- spiritually. I hope your spirituality is not the same as it was when you were a child. You probably discovered that the spirituality that worked so well for you back then no longer satisfies.

Many children were taught to pray something like this: “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray thee Lord my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake, I pray thee Lord my soul to take.” (Actually, that prayer is a  little brutal when you think about it and I’m told that it originated from a time when plagues swept Europe and children feared that they indeed may not awaken from sleep.) But, if you’re like most people, your spirituality matured as you grew up. A child may pray, “Give me…” or “Help me...” When she becomes an adult, she may find herself more often praying, “Use me….” or simply “Thank you.”

We never stop growing and changing. We grow firmer or more flexible in our attitudes. We develop new skills and abilities. We grow in vision and we grow in confidence. We may also change in negative ways if we’re not careful. We may grow more fearful, more cynical or insensitive to others. We may even find ourselves becoming people we don’t like very much. Life is all about growing and changing.

There are few exceptions to this rule. In fact, the only folks I know that never change reside in communities we call cemeteries.

One woman was shopping for Thanksgiving supper. None of the turkeys she found were large enough to feed her family. “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” she asked the young man stocking the shelves. “No, ma’am,” he said. “They’re all dead.”

If we’re dead, we won’t grow. But if we’re alive, we will. The only question is, will you decide HOW you want to grow? Will you decide to take responsibility for shaping your life? Because, if you don’t make a decision about how you’re going to grow, life will make it for you. If you’re not in the process of becoming the person you want to be, you are in the process of becoming someone you had no intention of being.

I find one question that, if asked repeatedly, has an amazing power to put intentional growth on the fast track. This one question, more than anything else, can help you take control of how you will grow and change. The question is, “What would the person I want to become do in this situation?” That question alone will help you make different decisions, change the way you act and even change the way you think. That one question, asked regularly, may be the single most important way to take control of how you will grow in body, mind, emotions and spirit. Let me show you how it works.

What if you lost your job or suffered a serious financial setback? You might want to just give up. Instead, ask the question, “What would the person I want to become do in this situation?” Then decide to do it. You may not feel at all hopeful. You may even be afraid. But if the person you want to become is an optimistic and courageous person, you might decide not to react in fear. Instead, you might act as if you had no fear of failure and courageously put yourself out there for new employment opportunities. Or you may look at your job loss as an chance to go back to school instead of wasting time on regrets, depression or fearful inaction.

Or how about this? Let’s say you were betrayed or somehow deeply hurt by a trusted friend or relative. You may want to strike back in an equally hurtful way, or simply have nothing to do with her anymore. Instead, ask the question, “What would the person I want to become do in this situation?” Then act on that answer. You probably feel anger and more pain than you care to admit, but but if the person you want to become is an emotionally strong individual, you might decide to act with strength, rather than licking your wounds. You might choose an appropriate way to confront that friend and tell her how you feel, talk the problem through and even be ready to forgive if a valued relationship can be restored.

Asking yourself this question regularly and then acting on your answer will shape you bit by bit into a person you admire and respect. No situation is too big or too small. It works equally well with daily irritants and life’s bigger challenges.

Take road rage. It is irritating to be honked at or cut off in traffic by an angry driver. You may find yourself reacting in a flash of temper. Next time that occurs, ask the question, “What would the person I want to become do in this situation?” Then choose, in that moment, a different way to respond. If the future you, the person you want to become, were abundantly patient and understanding, you might decide to laugh it off and use the opportunity to work on your sense of humor or to spend the next 15 minutes practicing peace of mind.

Or perhaps you are concerned about some of life’s weightier problems, such as the plight of the poor. But the problems seem overwhelming you feel stymied. As a result, you do little to help. Instead, ask the question, “What would the person I want to become do in this situation?” Then actually do it. If you imagine that the person you want to become is generous and engaged in social problems, you might find a local project and volunteer time and, if possible, money. You would figure out how to make volunteer service and generosity, or even advocacy for the poor, part of your increasingly engaged lifestyle.

I think George Bernard Shaw was right when he said, “Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” Creating yourself may be the most vital and important job you do. It is the task of every day. And it is also an important gift you give yourself -- the gift of creating the person you want to be.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that you’re not wonderful now. You might be just the person you need to be in this moment. Enjoy yourself. Even celebrate yourself. After all, it took a lifetime to get where you are today! But remember...someone else is waiting ahead -- a different version of you. And you have the opportunity to create that person, little by little, every day.

-- Steve Goodier

SHARE this message on Facebook.
"LIKE US" on Facebook and get a powerful quote every day on your Facebook page.

When Luck Isn't Luck

Image by Jasmaine Mathews

  Ever wonder why some people seem to be luckier than others?

A little boy wanted a taste of molasses from the large barrel by the door of an old-fashioned country store. He slid a box beside the barrel, stepped up on it and leaned over the rim as far as possible, stretching out his finger toward the sweet goo below. He stretched and strained and toppled headfirst into the barrel.

Dripping with molasses, he stood up, lifted his eyes heavenward and was heard to utter, “Lord, help me to make the most of this fantastic opportunity!”

Most of us will never fall into a barrel of opportunity. We won't be awarded a great sum of money (though I am never sure that is in our best interest), we won't be offered a “dream job,” we won't have all of our needs suddenly provided for. We can spend years waiting for opportunity to knock only to find that we wasted precious time wishing for something to happen that never was to be.

Yet some people seem to luck into these things, don't they? It's as if they were in the right place at the right time and they just fell into it.

But that is not the way it happens. Those people who seize opportunities others seem to miss, find them for one specific reason: they have trained themselves. People who seem more fortunate than the rest of us are those who have taught themselves to look for possibilities in every circumstance and every obstacle.

I think David Boren, president of the University of Oklahoma, is such a man. Years ago, Boren learned from professional pollsters that he would most likely lose his state gubernatorial race, and lose it big. The professional polling agency he hired reported his strength to be only about two percent of the population.
   
Many people would quit the moment they receive such news. And in truth, that was his first reaction. Could anything good come out of such a bleak situation? But he had trained himself to look for opportunities, even when confronting great obstacles. He stayed in the race and approached his campaign in a different way. He told his listeners, “I had a professional poll taken and it shows I’ve got great potential for increasing my support!”    
   
That may sound a good deal better than it is. But he didn't give up and people began to listen to what he had to say. Boren eventually won the election and served as governor of the US state of Oklahoma.

People who spot opportunities may simply be people who have trained themselves to look for the best possible outcome in every situation and act on it. It takes a different way of thinking.

To everyone else it may just look like you're lucky. But you will know better.

-- Steve Goodier

SHARE this message with your Facebook friends.
"LIKE US" on Facebook where you can find a powerful daily quote.

Making a Difference

Image courtesy of OBMonkey

The poet maryam kazmi wrote a piece she calls “Just One” that has gotten quite a bit of traction on the Internet. Here is her original:

One song can spark a moment 
One flower can wake a dream 
One tree can start a forest 
One bird can herald spring 

One smile begins friendship 
One handclasp lifts a soul 
One star can guide a ship at the sea
One word can frame a goal

One vote can change a nation 
One sunbeam lights a room 
One candle wipes all the darkness
One laugh will conquer gloom

One step must start each journey 
One word must start each prayer 
One hope will raise our spirits 
One touch can show you care 

One voice can speak with wisdom 
One heart can know what’s true 
One life can make a difference 
You see it’s up to you 

Do you ever think that one person really doesn’t matter? Tabitha Brown proved that one person can make a difference. 

It was 1846. Grandma Brown, as she was affectionately called, joined one of the wagon trains of adventurers hoping to start a life in America’s west. She was 62 years old, only five feet tall and weighed all of 108 pounds when well-fed. Because she was partly paralyzed, she leaned on a cane and walked with a limp.

Along the way, Grandma Brown showed great courage and stamina. As she crossed the American Great Plains and the Rocky Mountains, she nursed the wagon train’s sick. At one point she neared starvation herself after the caravan’s cattle were rustled off by Rogue River Indians.

Once they arrived in Oregon, she started an orphanage and one of the first schools in that part of the country. The so-called academy was established for all people, both rich and poor. The poor attended free while those who could afford paid a dollar a week for tuition and board.

As long as Grandma Brown was able, she worked to keep the institution alive. She attended to the students. She convinced would-be faculty of the need for teachers at the school. Many days found her hobbling about on her lame leg in the kitchen, kneading and baking the necessary daily bread.

Grandma Brown believed that one person can make a difference. Today, the institution she helped to build is still very much alive and well. It is known as Pacific University.

I particularly like how Sydney Smith once put it: "It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little - do what you can.”

I think Grandma Brown got that.

-- Steve Goodier

Share this on FaceBook or Twitter or your favorite blog / Read more / Post a comment  

  

The Best Decision You Almost Didn't Make

flickr.peter roan

Buckminster Fuller once said, "The minute you choose to do what you really want to do it's a different kind of life." He should know. He chose to do a lot of what he really wanted to do, including architecture, engineering, writing (over 30 books), inventing and more. And because he decided to actually act, to do it, he found that his life was different – fuller, more meaningful and even more joyful.

You may have heard of Fred Lebow. Fred complained to his doctor that he lacked energy. His physician advised him to take up running in order to increase his stamina. He did and he fell in love with the sport. He quickly decided that what he really wanted to do was to run races. Fred was 39 years old when he entered his first race -- and did horribly. He beat only one other contestant … a 72-year-old man. But he was doing what he loved, even if it was in his spare time, and that was all that mattered.

He joined the New York Road Runners Club and organized New York City's first marathon race in 1970. That’s when Fred discovered that what he truly wanted to do, even more than run races, was to bring people together who shared his love of the sport. So that is what he did. He believed that anybody should be able to compete – regardless of age, background or ability – and the NYC Marathon grew around his inclusive vision.

For the next twenty years Fred’s life was all about the marathon. He poured every bit of spare energy into it. What began as a hobby succeeded beyond anything he had dared hope for, all because one day he decided to find a way to do what he really wanted to do.

Fred’s life ended far too soon, however. In 1990 he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. In 1992 he ran his final marathon. Fred crossed the finish line holding the hand of his friend and Norwegian Olympic medalist, Grete Waitz. He died in 1994. A bronze statue was created of Fred in his running clothes, checking his watch. It is now placed at the finish line of every race. One sports writer summed up his life this way: "Fate handed him a short race. With his gall, with his love of life, Fred Lebow turned it into a marathon."

Fred’s life became different the day he decided to find a way to do what he really wanted to do. You may know what you want to do, but have you decided to do it? That decision is key. Perhaps the greatest power you and I possess is the power to make such a choice – to decide. I can’t guarantee success, but I know that once you make the decision to set out in a direction of your choosing, there will be no turning back. Your life will be forever different.

It may be the best decision you almost didn’t make.

-- Steve Goodier

Share this on FaceBook and Twitter / Read more /Post a comment