“I Gave Her My Dream…”

Esther Kim forfeited her chance to be a champion in order to claim an even sweeter victory - a victory of the heart. This is her story.

Esther competed against her childhood friend, Kay Poe, in the U.S. Olympic Trials for her sport of Taekwondo. Esther lost the match, but she went on to win all her other fights, which still qualified her for the finals.

Her friend Kay also won her successive matches. But in her last fight before the finals, disaster struck. Kay dislocated her knee and went down in great pain. Her knee was reset as she lay in agony on the mat. All the while, her friend Esther encouraged her from the sidelines to finish the fight. Courageously, Kay finally stood up and, on one good leg, concluded the match for a win.

The only contestants now remaining were Kay Poe, with an injured leg, and her friend, Esther Kim. One woman would be chosen from these trials for the Olympic team. “I looked at her with one good leg against me with two good legs,” Esther Kim recalled, “and I said, ‘It’s not fair!’”

On the spot, Esther made a hard decision. She forfeited the match to her friend Kay, whose leg was sure to be fully healed for the 2000 Olympic Games. Thanks to a free ticket from the U. S. Olympic Committee to Sydney, Australia, Esther was able to watch and cheer from the stands.

“This was our dream, going to the Olympics,” Esther said. “It’s so hard!” I have cried about it.” But Esther discovered something important. “I gave her my dream,” she said, “but for the first time ever, I feel like a champ.” Esther Kim won a victory far greater than one fought on the mats. She won a victory of the spirit, which qualifies her as a true champion.

As Kay Poe’s father remarked, “The champions aren’t always the ones who have all the medals.” No, sometimes they are cheering from the sidelines. For success and winning is often about victories won in the hidden recesses of the heart. And in the end, no other kind of victory is nearly as satisfactory.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Marc

Getting Where You Want to Go

A funny story has it that, late one night, a party-goer decided it would be best to walk home. He found a shortcut through a poorly lit cemetery and, in the darkness, stumbled into an open and particularly deep grave.

He tried to climb out but the walls were too slippery. Again and again he fell back into the grave. Finally, in exhaustion, he settled in a corner to wait for sunlight.

A little while later another man cutting through the cemetery fell victim to the same grave. He, too, tried desperately to climb and claw his way out, and he was equally unsuccessful.

As he was about to give up in hopeless resignation, he heard a voice from the darkness of his pit: “You’ll never get out of here.” 

He did.

When he first fell into the hole he may have wanted to get out, but after he heard the voice he suddenly HAD to get out. In fact, there was probably nothing more important in his life at that moment than escaping whatever shared the grave with him.

It’s said that every day in Africa, a gazelle wakes up and knows it must outrun the fastest lion to live. And every day in Africa, a lion also wakes up and knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle to live. One could say that, either way, you better wake up running. 

However, one could also say that the difference between whether a gazelle lives or a lion eats depends upon desire. A well-fed lion is likely never to catch a gazelle running for its life, and a daydreaming gazelle might become lunch for any determined lion.

I am learning that the best motivation, whether we want to accomplish a task, go back to school, start something new or kick a habit, usually comes from a desire deep within. To be successful, we must want to do it. Others may certainly help to encourage or to “pump us up,” but, in the end, we will usually get wherever we want to go only if we truly want to go there.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe put it better than I ever could. He said, “Love and desire are the spirit’s wings to great deeds.” Love and desire. They will get you where you want to go.

--Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Mark

Where Are You Going?

An army chaplain tells of the time he was asked to preach at a church some 20 miles from the base. He took his family along, but had neglected to tell his six-year-old daughter where they were going. After a few miles on the road, she asked, “Dad, when we get to where we’re going, where will we be?” A good question! And one all of us should try to answer for ourselves.

Think of your life’s journey. When you get to where you’re going, where will you be? One year, five years, or even 20 years from now, if you keep heading in the same direction you are heading and keep doing what you are doing, what will your life look like? Not only vocationally and financially, but what kind of person will you be? Do you have a pretty clear picture of the way you would like things to turn out, or will you be as surprised when it happens as everybody else?

It has been my experience that most people do not spend much time with these questions. But as Henry David Thoreau once said, “In the long run, we only hit what we aim at.”

To live aimlessly is to waste this precious gift of life. But to live with direction is to live fully.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: Flickr.com/Peat Bakke

Four Important Questions

Image by Shai Barzilay

The airline pilot announced over the intercom, “Folks, I've got good news and bad news for you. The bad news is...we’re lost. The good news is...we’re making great time!”

It’s too easy to live our lives like that, isn't it? Making great time, but not sure if we’re heading in the right direction. 

Susan Ertz provocatively said, “Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.” The problem is...they know they would like to accomplish something important with their lives or to somehow make a difference. But when it comes to making the journey toward those destinations, they feel stuck. In short, they are lost.

Author and speaker Danny Cox, in his book Seize The Day, tells of a man who made a great success of his life in spite of tremendous hardships. The moment that ultimately turned this man’s life around was when he sat down and asked himself four important questions:     

1. What do I really want? He didn’t want to just sleepwalk through life, nor look back someday and feel regret.
2. What will it cost? In time, money and commitment.
3. Am I willing to pay the price?    
4. When is the best time to start paying the price?

It occurs to me that one of these questions is the most difficult: What do you really want? You will need to spend enough time deciding on your answer. But once you figure it out, the other questions will be easy.

ANSWER these four questions and you will get clear on the direction you want to take your life. COMMIT to these answers and you’ll make great time.

-- Steve Goodier

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A Powerful Question

A man driving down a country road spotted a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. Sensing something was wrong, he pulled the car over to the side of the road. As he watched, the farmer just stood there doing nothing and looking at nothing.

Curiosity got the better of the motorist and he climbed from his car and approached the idle man. “Ah, excuse me mister, but is something wrong?”

“No, no,” replied the farmer, “I'm fine. I'm just trying to win a Nobel Prize.”

“You are?” asked the puzzled motorist. “But how?”

“Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field.”

(If you were expecting my humor to get better, I'm sorry to disappoint.)

It's true that few of us will ever win a Nobel Prize. But that's okay, because being the world's best is not the point. Let me ask a different kind of question.

According to John Gardner, founding chairman of Common Cause, one cheerful old man asks a fascinating question of just about everybody he meets for the first time. Once they exchange names and they get to the part where one is sure to ask the other where they work or what they do for a living, he turns the conversation in a different direction. He asks his new acquaintance an unusual question. He asks a big question – an important one. He asks, “What have you done that you believe in and you are proud of?”

The question is direct and a little unsettling. It is not as easy to answer as, “What do you do for a living?” It requires some thought. When asked why he likes to pose that question, the old man responds that he doesn't care how they answer. He just wants to put the thought into their minds. He thinks everyone should live their lives in such a way that they can have a good answer.

"What have you done that you believe in and are proud of?"

As I search for an answer, my mind goes first to family. We've raised healthy and productive children who want to make this world a better place. Not that I've been a model parent – far from it. But I'm proud of them. I also believe in the life my spouse and I have tried to put together with one another. We both chose to work hard on our relationship from the beginning.

What else have I done that I believe in and I'm proud of? Several things, I hope. But one especially is the creation of Life Support System. For me it's always been about reaching out, and I'm gratified when others in our Life Support System family write and tell me how it has made a difference. In a small way I think we're helping to bring the world together.

How would you answer that intriguing question? It may not be a big thing. Perhaps it's something that nobody but you cares about. But it cost you somehow … you're invested in it. You probably will never be awarded a Nobel Prize for your accomplishment, but it was important enough to do.

I think this can be one of the most powerful questions we can ever ask ourselves. It causes us to look deep inside and, like the old man says, prompts us to live our lives in such a way that we can have a good answer.

Now it's your turn. You may want to close your eyes and give it some thought. "What have you done that you believe in and are proud of?"

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Piotr Bizior

On Sharks and People

Image courtesy of paulabflat

One man sat at a stop light. The woman in front of him was going through papers on the seat of her car, and when the light changed to green she didn't go. A green light is not a suggestion, you know, it is more of a commandment. But she didn't notice.

When the light turned red again, she still had not moved. The man in the car behind her now started screaming epithets and beating on his steering wheel.

A policeman tapped on his windshield. "You can't arrest me for hollering in my car," the man said. The cop asked for his license and registration, returned to his car, talked on the radio for a while and finally handed the papers back. The driver protested, "I knew you couldn't cite me for yelling in my own car!"

The officer replied, "I didn't want to cite you for shouting in your car. But I was behind you at the light and saw you screaming and beating your steering wheel. I said to myself, 'That guy is out of control. He's going to hurt someone.' Then I noticed your 'Love Is a Choice' and 'Give Peace a Chance' bumper stickers and I was sure you stole the car."

What the signs on his vehicle said about him and the way he actually behaved looked like, well, two different people. But let's not be too critical. Are we always the people we want to be? I believe in love and justice, forgiveness and second chances and generosity – but I don't always live up to the ideals I profess. 

It helps me to think of sharks. We're told that some kinds of sharks can't breathe unless they swim. They get oxygen from the movement of the sea over their gills and they can only make this happen by constantly moving through the water. In other words, they must keep moving forward to live.

Likewise, humans who want to live well must also keep moving forward. Forward toward the people we want to be. Forward toward our goals and ideals. Change is almost always incremental – a little bit each day. But we must keep moving forward.

As author Marianne Williamson says, “There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” But I find great passion in stretching a little farther than I think I can. I hang on to the belief that it is better to reach too far and fall short than to settle for mediocrity and succeed.

Yes, I don't always give peace a chance and I don't always choose love first. And more often than I care to admit, the person I am today doesn't wholly resemble the one I hope to be tomorrow. But all of that is all right, so long as I keep moving forward, little by little, every day.

Life demands that sharks and people keep moving forward.

-- Steve Goodier

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Warm Worms

You may have heard the old story about the world’s most dedicated fisherman. He had out-fished his companion all morning long. They used the same live bait, the same equipment and fished together in the same mountain stream. But he had almost caught his limit of fish while his friend had yet to catch even one.

“What’s your secret?” asked the friend. “I haven’t even gotten a bite!”

The angler mumbled an unintelligible answer, causing his companion to ask again.

The successful fisherman emptied the contents of his mouth into a cupped hand and replied: “I said, ‘You have to keep your worms warm.’”

Talk about dedication. But did you know there are at least three types of fresh water fishermen (or fisherwomen, if that fits better)?

First, there are those who fish for sport. They like to “catch and release,” quickly throwing their catch back into the water. For these anglers, it’s all about recreation.

Then there are those who fish because they like the taste of fish. They are selective. They only keep the fish they will someday eat.

Finally, there are those who fish because they are hungry. If they don’t catch, they don’t eat. It is important for this group to succeed, and they are fully dedicated to what they do.

Whether or not we fish or even eat fish, there is a lesson to be learned here. We are most likely to succeed when we approach a task fully dedicated. Especially if the task before us is difficult or there seems little likelihood of success. Whether we want to patch a relationship, build a new business, write that first novel, kick a drug habit, or go back to school, we should see how willing we are to do what it takes – even if it means keeping the worms warm.

There are two important questions I ask myself to see just how dedicated I am. Question number one: “How much do I want this?” When some people fish, if they don’t catch, they don’t eat. Some things are too important for me to risk failure. So how much do I want to succeed at this relationship, this career or this dream?

The other question I ask is similar: “How hard am I willing to work?” If ‘success’ only comes before ‘work’ in the dictionary, I may have to work harder than I’ve ever worked before. But if I want it enough, the hard work will be worth it.

“Always bear in mind,” said Abraham Lincoln, “that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.” And that is where it always begins: with a whole-hearted resolution to succeed – in a task, in a calling, in a life.

How much do I want this? And, how hard am I willing to work? Start there, and great things can happen.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Agi Rydula

What Are You Dreaming About?

The agricultural school dean was interviewing a freshman. "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked.

"I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," replied the freshman.

The dean was impressed. "Your father made a million dollars in farming?"

"No," the student said. "But he always dreamed of it."

All right. That was corny. But at least this student has a dream, even if it is only a dream about money.

I especially like the story of a man who was discussing with his wife a trip he wanted to take to Alaska. He told her he’d always dreamed of such an adventure. He wanted to travel deep into the wilderness. He wanted to rough it. He talked about how exciting it would be to stay in a log cabin without electricity, to hunt caribou and drive a dog team instead of a car.

"If we decided to live there permanently, away from civilization, what would you miss the most?" he asked his partner.

She replied, "You."

His dream -- not hers. A better dream might include her.

This is a time of year we often examine our dreams and goals. I’ve found a couple of important questions helpful when I consider which dreams to chase and which to leave alone.

First, does my dream have deep meaning? Or put another way, is it significant and important enough to commit my time and energy toward? What will it ultimately mean if I accomplish this thing I think I want?

The second question is similar. Does my dream spring from the best that is within me? Does it come from a place of love or altruism? Will my life and the lives of those I love be better for it? My best dreams include those I love.

Does my dream have deep meaning and does it spring from the best that is within me? Take the time you need to answer these questions well and you'll find yourself pursuing something that is truly significant. When that happens, everything can change. 

Now, as you look ahead...what are you dreaming about?

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Guillaume Baviere

Joy In The Journey

Anonymous did it again. Whoever this person is put it well: “Follow your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in your underwear during a fire drill.” Yes – some dreams should be forgotten as soon as possible. 

But when it comes to life dreams, rather than sleep dreams, I am coming to believe that it is less important whether you actually reach a goal or achieve a beautiful dream than just to follow. Simply start following and see where it leads.

Let me explain. 

Two brothers decided to dig a deep hole behind their house. As they were working, a couple of older boys stopped by to watch.

“What are you doing?” asked one of the visitors.

“We plan to dig a hole all the way through the earth!” one of the brothers volunteered excitedly.

The older boys began to laugh, telling the younger ones that digging a hole all the way through the earth was impossible. After a long silence, one of the diggers picked up jar full shiny pebbles, worms and a wide assortment of odd insects. He showed it to the scoffing visitors and said quietly and confidently, “Even if we don’t dig all the way through the earth, look what we found along the way.”

Maybe their goal was too ambitious, but it did get them to dig. And that is what following a dream is about – our best dreams point us where we want to go and then nudge us in that direction. In other words, they set us to digging.

But you know how it goes – you just won’t achieve everything you attempt. You may shoot for the moon and only hit the neighbor’s window. 

You may fully intend to be in love for a lifetime. But not every relationship will endure. Not every hope will come to pass. Not every endeavor will be completed. Not every dream will be realized.

But here is the wonder of it all ... when you fall short of your aim, perhaps you can say, “Yes, but look at what I found along the way. Look at the wonderful things which have come into my life because I tried to do something.”

I think those boys got it right. It is in the digging that life is lived. It’s the joy in the journey that matters most.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Brian Dewey

Eyes on the Shore

A story is told about a bloodhound chasing a stag. A fox crossed the path, so the hound chased the fox. After a while a rabbit crossed the path, so the hound chased it. Later, a mouse crossed the path and the hound chased the mouse into a hole. The hound began his hunt on the trail of a magnificent stag and ended up watching a mouse hole!

Not that there is anything wrong with spontaneity. Some of the most wonderful things have come into my life by beautiful accident. But there is also something to be said for knowing where we want to go.

Florence Chadwick learned the importance of keeping a goal in mind on July 4, 1952. She waded into the Pacific Ocean off Catalina Island and began swimming toward the California coast 26 miles away. The day was cold and her attendants drove off sharks throughout the journey.

Florence had already swum the English Channel twice and, if she could finish today, she would be the first woman to have swum both. But after fifteen hours in the water, for the first and only time in her long-distance swimming career, she gave up and climbed into the escort boat. Others had urged her on, but in the fog they could not tell her how near she was to the coast. She later learned that she was less than half a mile from shore.

When asked by a reporter why she gave up, Florence replied: “It was the fog. If I could have seen land, I could have finished. But when you can’t see your goal, you lose all sense of progress and you begin to give up.”

On a warm, sunny day two months later Florence Chadwick swam the Catalina Channel, handily beating the men’s record. Only when she kept her eyes on the shore did she eventually arrive there.

Keeping that goal constantly in sight will get you where you want to go.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/John Boyer