“I Gave Her My Dream…”

Esther Kim forfeited her chance to be a champion in order to claim an even sweeter victory - a victory of the heart. This is her story.

Esther competed against her childhood friend, Kay Poe, in the U.S. Olympic Trials for her sport of Taekwondo. Esther lost the match, but she went on to win all her other fights, which still qualified her for the finals.

Her friend Kay also won her successive matches. But in her last fight before the finals, disaster struck. Kay dislocated her knee and went down in great pain. Her knee was reset as she lay in agony on the mat. All the while, her friend Esther encouraged her from the sidelines to finish the fight. Courageously, Kay finally stood up and, on one good leg, concluded the match for a win.

The only contestants now remaining were Kay Poe, with an injured leg, and her friend, Esther Kim. One woman would be chosen from these trials for the Olympic team. “I looked at her with one good leg against me with two good legs,” Esther Kim recalled, “and I said, ‘It’s not fair!’”

On the spot, Esther made a hard decision. She forfeited the match to her friend Kay, whose leg was sure to be fully healed for the 2000 Olympic Games. Thanks to a free ticket from the U. S. Olympic Committee to Sydney, Australia, Esther was able to watch and cheer from the stands.

“This was our dream, going to the Olympics,” Esther said. “It’s so hard!” I have cried about it.” But Esther discovered something important. “I gave her my dream,” she said, “but for the first time ever, I feel like a champ.” Esther Kim won a victory far greater than one fought on the mats. She won a victory of the spirit, which qualifies her as a true champion.

As Kay Poe’s father remarked, “The champions aren’t always the ones who have all the medals.” No, sometimes they are cheering from the sidelines. For success and winning is often about victories won in the hidden recesses of the heart. And in the end, no other kind of victory is nearly as satisfactory.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Marc

Not Just A Pipe Dream

Are your dreams and beautiful ideas just pipe dreams?

According to Webb Garrison in his book Why You Say It (Rutledge Hill Press, 1992), the term “pipe dream” has its origins in the 19th century. The drug opium was imported into Europe from Asia and was widely used in certain literary circles in Britain. Opium was smoked in a pipe and, once under the influence, people had hallucinations that were referred to as pipe dreams. So today, an unrealistic or impractical idea may be quickly discounted as a pipe dream.

But not all seemingly impossible or far-fetched ideas are merely pipe dreams. A case in point is the dream millionaire Eugene Lang gave to high school students in the impoverished neighborhood in which he was raised. Addressing a class of eighth-graders in the South Bronx, Lang threw away his prepared speech. The empty eyes of the students in attendance told him they were not interested in his “motivational” talk. Their neighborhood had become a battlefield of poverty, drugs and gangs, and a breeding ground of despair. About 80% of them would not complete high school. Few would ever leave the neighborhood. Fewer still would climb out of poverty. That is why Mr. Lang tossed aside his speech. The students didn’t need a speech; they needed a dream.

Then, the words that came from Eugene Lang’s mouth may have even astonished him! “If you graduate from high school,” he told the youth, “I will send you to college.” Send you to college!

For the next four years he worked with the school and kept the dream alive. And the results were phenomenal: all but two of the 60 teenagers finished high school! True to his word, he sent them to college. “He gave us hope,” one student said, no doubt speaking for the majority. Another one of the students, upon meeting Lang later, said to him, “Mr. Lang, we did the impossible.”

Writer Sarah Ban Breathnach says, “The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do.” Because not every seemingly unrealistic idea is a pipe dream. When that beautiful dream is combined with hard work and great expectation, then the impossible can be achieved. For when you and I believe enough in a magnificent dream, most anything can happen.

-- Steve Goodier


Image: freeimage.com/Maria Amelia Paiva Abrão

Chasing a Dream

Image by John Lee

In his book Asimov Laughs Again, author Isaac Asimov relates an incident when he was interviewed by television journalist Barbara Walters.

She asked him how many books he had written and then asked, “Don’t you ever want to do anything but write?”

He said, “No.”

She pressed on. “Don’t you want to go hunting? Fishing? Dancing? Hiking?”

This time he answered, “No! No! No! And no!”

She continued, “But what would you do if the doctor gave you only six months to live?”

He said, “Type faster.”

Isaac Asimov spent his life doing what he loved. I am aware that there are those people who find no satisfaction or joy from making a living. They don't like what they do and they live for weekends and holidays. Some of them feel trapped and believe they can't make a meaningful change because they don't have the skills, education, money or favorable circumstances. So they decide to dig in and keep on slogging forward.

I don't want to say they are wrong, for there are many reasons we each choose our individual paths. But I'm drawn to a truth expressed so clearly by Norman Cousins. “The tragedy of life is not death,” says Cousins, “but what we let die inside of us while we live.” I agree. Death is not a tragedy in itself. All of us will die. It is as natural as birth. The tragedy is what we let die inside us while we live. Like unrealized dreams. Like a passion to be or do something that is calling to us from someplace deep. The real tragedy of life is settling for less while something dies inside us.

Leaving the safety of what is known and venturing into the unknown can be one of the scariest – and best –  decisions a person can make. "There is no security in following the call to adventure,” writer Joseph Campbell says. I know what he is talking about. I've followed that call more than once. And it can be frightening. But you know what's worse? Regret. Looking back and wishing that we had risked the adventure. Or just letting the desire dry up and finally die.

Leaving what feels secure behind and following the beckoning of our hearts doesn't always end as we expect or hope. We may even fail. But here's the payoff: it can also be amazing and wonderful and immensely satisfying.

In the end, we really only have one question when it comes to chasing a significant dream. It is whether we will say yes.

– Steve Goodier


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The Magic Is Inside You

Image courtesy of Steve Knight

When Jeanne Calment turned 120 years old, she was asked what her view of the future was. "Very brief," she responded. I would imagine so at 120, but I expect I still have a future.

What is your view of the future?

A lonely frog called a psychic hotline. "You will meet a beautiful young woman who will want to learn all about you," the psychic advisor told him.

"Where will I meet her?" he asked. "Down by the old mill stream?"

"No," she said. "In biology class."

I think I would want to call another psychic for a second opinion.

Scott Adams, of “Dilbert” comic strip fame, says this about predictions: "There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as 'nutty methods.' Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as ‘a complete waste of time.’"

I received a postcard from a psychic adviser once. It said that if I call a certain number (one for which I would be charged a hefty fee), she would lead me through a hazy future to clarity and happiness. I wondered if she really could tell me important details about my life and future – I mean, clarity and happiness don’t sound half bad. Then I turned the card over. I noticed that it was addressed to the wrong house. That’s when I thought, if she doesn't even know where I am, how can she know where I am going?

But if the future is not ours to see, I’m okay with that because I go along with Dolly Parton in her song “These Old Bones.” Dolly sings, “You just remember that the magic is inside you, there ain't no crystal ball.” The magic is inside you. Maybe not the magic to see into the future, but certainly the magic to shape it.

At the end of my life, what will matter to me? Not that I ever had the ability foresee my future (I have little interest in that), but that I had a hand in shaping it. I refuse to think my life is in the hands of the fates and what will be, will be. I have dreams. I have longings. I have significant aspirations for my own future and even for the world. Much of the world I can’t influence. But I can control my thoughts and actions; I can choose my attitudes and behaviors. That is the magic inside me. I can largely shape who I will become, and when I do, I am shaping my future.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams,” said Eleanor Roosevelt, a woman who did much to change the world around her. If there is only one thing to do today, that would be it: to believe in the beauty of my dreams. Really believe in them. That’s where the magic is and anything can happen.

-- Steve Goodier

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The Best Decision You Almost Didn't Make

flickr.peter roan

Buckminster Fuller once said, "The minute you choose to do what you really want to do it's a different kind of life." He should know. He chose to do a lot of what he really wanted to do, including architecture, engineering, writing (over 30 books), inventing and more. And because he decided to actually act, to do it, he found that his life was different – fuller, more meaningful and even more joyful.

You may have heard of Fred Lebow. Fred complained to his doctor that he lacked energy. His physician advised him to take up running in order to increase his stamina. He did and he fell in love with the sport. He quickly decided that what he really wanted to do was to run races. Fred was 39 years old when he entered his first race -- and did horribly. He beat only one other contestant … a 72-year-old man. But he was doing what he loved, even if it was in his spare time, and that was all that mattered.

He joined the New York Road Runners Club and organized New York City's first marathon race in 1970. That’s when Fred discovered that what he truly wanted to do, even more than run races, was to bring people together who shared his love of the sport. So that is what he did. He believed that anybody should be able to compete – regardless of age, background or ability – and the NYC Marathon grew around his inclusive vision.

For the next twenty years Fred’s life was all about the marathon. He poured every bit of spare energy into it. What began as a hobby succeeded beyond anything he had dared hope for, all because one day he decided to find a way to do what he really wanted to do.

Fred’s life ended far too soon, however. In 1990 he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. In 1992 he ran his final marathon. Fred crossed the finish line holding the hand of his friend and Norwegian Olympic medalist, Grete Waitz. He died in 1994. A bronze statue was created of Fred in his running clothes, checking his watch. It is now placed at the finish line of every race. One sports writer summed up his life this way: "Fate handed him a short race. With his gall, with his love of life, Fred Lebow turned it into a marathon."

Fred’s life became different the day he decided to find a way to do what he really wanted to do. You may know what you want to do, but have you decided to do it? That decision is key. Perhaps the greatest power you and I possess is the power to make such a choice – to decide. I can’t guarantee success, but I know that once you make the decision to set out in a direction of your choosing, there will be no turning back. Your life will be forever different.

It may be the best decision you almost didn’t make.

-- Steve Goodier

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Dreams Are Renewable

Are you too old to get married? Several years ago, Jim Gorringe, 99, and Dinah Leach, 84, wedded at the St. James Rest Home in Christchurch, New Zealand. Both had been previously married and great, great grandchildren attended the ceremony.

Just before the wedding, the groom quipped, "We won't be having children."

I wonder if this is the same older couple who stopped by a pharmacy a couple months before their wedding. They told the pharmacist they wanted to get married. "Do you sell heart medication?" they asked. He said that of course they do.

"Then how about medicine for circulation?"

The druggist replied, "All kinds."

"Do you have drugs for rheumatism, arthritis, memory problems and scoliosis?"

The pharmacist assured them that they had a wide array of medicines for all of those problems and more.

"And you sell wheelchairs, walkers and canes?"

"Absolutely," said the druggist. "Whatever you need."

They looked at each other and smiled. "Great!" the bride-to-be said. "We’d like to register here for our wedding gifts."

You have to admire their enthusiasm. They may have old memories – that is a gift of age. But they also have young hopes.

Author and television personality Hugh Downs reported some good news for seniors. He said that when older adults are properly motivated, their intelligence does not wane. In fact, the ability to organize thinking may actually increase as folks age. Many people in their 50's, 60's and even 70's can go through college with greater efficiency than at 18.

Adults over 70 years of age have contributed richly and in varied ways.

• Emmanuel Kant wrote his finest philosophical works at age 74.
• Verdi at 80 produced "Falstaff" and at 85, "Ave Maria."
• Goethe was 80 when he completed "Faust."
• Tennyson was 80 when he wrote "Crossing the Bar."
• Michelangelo completed what may have been his greatest work at age 87.
• At age 90, Justice Holmes was still writing brilliant American Supreme Court opinions.

And then there's George Dawson. George learned to read at age 98. (He was forced to quit school when he was a small child in order to help support his family.) "I got tired of writing my name with an 'X,'" he said. Four years later, at age 102, he co-authored his autobiography, Life Is So Good, published by Random House.

Dreams are renewable. They need not expire like an over-due library book. No matter our age, we can breathe new life into old dreams. In fact, we have to renew our dreams, or else they will wither away altogether.

I don’t want to spend my life so busy looking back that I lose interest in what lies ahead. As I age, I will have old memories. But I also want a few young hopes.

After all, dreams are renewable.

-- Steve Goodier


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Dream-Busters and Dream-Builders

A little girl was asked to bring her birth certificate to school one day. Her mother wisely cautioned her about the important document and told her to be especially careful with it. But in spite of her good intentions, the child lost it. When she became aware of its loss, she began to cry.

“What’s the problem, Honey?” her teacher asked sympathetically.

The little girl wailed, “I lost my excuse for being born!”

There are enough reasons to say, “Excuse me.” I am not about to apologize for being born.

Some people live, though, as if they are sorry for being different, or for having an opposing opinion than others or for not running with the herd.

Author Linda Stafford was one of those people. When she was fifteen, Linda announced to her English class that she would someday write and illustrate her own books. She remembers that half of the class sneered and the remainder just laughed at her prophecy. To make matters worse, her English teacher responded that only geniuses become writers and then smugly added that she was on track to receive a D as a grade for the semester. Linda broke into tears.

She went home and wrote a sad, short poem about broken dreams and mailed it to a weekly paper. To her astonishment, the newspaper not only chose to print the poem but they also sent her two dollars for publishing her writing. When she shared the news with her teacher, her only reply was that "everybody experiences some blind luck from time to time." 

But as if to defy her teacher’s assertion, Linda continued to write. During the next two years, she sold dozens of poems, letters, jokes and recipes. And by the time she graduated from high school, she had a scrapbook filled with her published writing. 

Linda never again mentioned a word of it to her teachers or to her fellow students. Why not? Some people are "dream-busters," Linda would later say. And her dream was too important, and, at this time in her life, too fragile to risk being shattered by careless comments from people who didn’t believe in her.

Mark Twain said this about dream busters: “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

Linda made no apologies for her ambitions, for her confident belief in herself or for wanting something more out of life. Even at her young age, she somehow knew that nobody on planet earth was more (or less) valuable than she; nobody was more deserving of happiness. She knew that she needed no excuse for wanting to make the most of her brief time in this life and eventually she did become the author she desired to be.

I have found plenty of dream-busters over the years, and I imagine that you have, too. But I have also discovered a few dream-builders along the way – people who encouraged my aspirations and challenged me to take the next step. It was the dream-builders who said yes when others said no. They were the ones who held my vision before me when I wanted to turn away in discouragement. They protected my dreams and reminded me who I really was.

It has always been the dream-builders who made the greatest impact. It is to them I am most grateful.

If some people are dream-busters, others are dream-builders. And I know which ones to listen to. I also know which I want to be.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/June Yarham

Warm Worms

You may have heard the old story about the world’s most dedicated fisherman. He had out-fished his companion all morning long. They used the same live bait, the same equipment and fished together in the same mountain stream. But he had almost caught his limit of fish while his friend had yet to catch even one.

“What’s your secret?” asked the friend. “I haven’t even gotten a bite!”

The angler mumbled an unintelligible answer, causing his companion to ask again.

The successful fisherman emptied the contents of his mouth into a cupped hand and replied: “I said, ‘You have to keep your worms warm.’”

Talk about dedication. But did you know there are at least three types of fresh water fishermen (or fisherwomen, if that fits better)?

First, there are those who fish for sport. They like to “catch and release,” quickly throwing their catch back into the water. For these anglers, it’s all about recreation.

Then there are those who fish because they like the taste of fish. They are selective. They only keep the fish they will someday eat.

Finally, there are those who fish because they are hungry. If they don’t catch, they don’t eat. It is important for this group to succeed, and they are fully dedicated to what they do.

Whether or not we fish or even eat fish, there is a lesson to be learned here. We are most likely to succeed when we approach a task fully dedicated. Especially if the task before us is difficult or there seems little likelihood of success. Whether we want to patch a relationship, build a new business, write that first novel, kick a drug habit, or go back to school, we should see how willing we are to do what it takes – even if it means keeping the worms warm.

There are two important questions I ask myself to see just how dedicated I am. Question number one: “How much do I want this?” When some people fish, if they don’t catch, they don’t eat. Some things are too important for me to risk failure. So how much do I want to succeed at this relationship, this career or this dream?

The other question I ask is similar: “How hard am I willing to work?” If ‘success’ only comes before ‘work’ in the dictionary, I may have to work harder than I’ve ever worked before. But if I want it enough, the hard work will be worth it.

“Always bear in mind,” said Abraham Lincoln, “that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.” And that is where it always begins: with a whole-hearted resolution to succeed – in a task, in a calling, in a life.

How much do I want this? And, how hard am I willing to work? Start there, and great things can happen.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Agi Rydula

What Are You Dreaming About?

The agricultural school dean was interviewing a freshman. "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked.

"I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," replied the freshman.

The dean was impressed. "Your father made a million dollars in farming?"

"No," the student said. "But he always dreamed of it."

All right. That was corny. But at least this student has a dream, even if it is only a dream about money.

I especially like the story of a man who was discussing with his wife a trip he wanted to take to Alaska. He told her he’d always dreamed of such an adventure. He wanted to travel deep into the wilderness. He wanted to rough it. He talked about how exciting it would be to stay in a log cabin without electricity, to hunt caribou and drive a dog team instead of a car.

"If we decided to live there permanently, away from civilization, what would you miss the most?" he asked his partner.

She replied, "You."

His dream -- not hers. A better dream might include her.

This is a time of year we often examine our dreams and goals. I’ve found a couple of important questions helpful when I consider which dreams to chase and which to leave alone.

First, does my dream have deep meaning? Or put another way, is it significant and important enough to commit my time and energy toward? What will it ultimately mean if I accomplish this thing I think I want?

The second question is similar. Does my dream spring from the best that is within me? Does it come from a place of love or altruism? Will my life and the lives of those I love be better for it? My best dreams include those I love.

Does my dream have deep meaning and does it spring from the best that is within me? Take the time you need to answer these questions well and you'll find yourself pursuing something that is truly significant. When that happens, everything can change. 

Now, as you look ahead...what are you dreaming about?

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Guillaume Baviere

Following Your Bliss

Who was it that said, “Follow your dream – unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill…”?

Author Joseph Campbell’s advice was to “follow your bliss.” American painter Grandma Moses did that. She actually started painting at age 76, after arthritis forced her to give up embroidery. “If I hadn't started painting, I would have raised chickens,” she once said.

And I heard of a bus driver in Chicago who followed his bliss with some surprising results. He sings while he drives. That’s right... sings. And I don’t mean he sings softly to himself, either. He sings so that the whole bus can hear. All day long he drives and sings.

He was once interviewed on Chicago television. He said that he is not actually a bus driver. “I’m a professional singer,” he asserted. “I only drive the bus to get a captive audience every single day.”

His “bliss” is not driving a bus, though that may be a source of enjoyment for some people. His bliss is singing. And the supervisors at the Chicago Transit Authority are perfectly happy about the whole arrangement. People actually let other buses pass by so they can ride with the “singing bus driver.” They love it.

Here is a man who believes he knows why he was put here on earth. For him, it is to make people happy. And the more he sings, the more people he makes happy. He has found a way to align his purpose in living with his occupation. By following his bliss, he is actually living the kind of life he believes he was meant to live.

Are you following your bliss? When you do, you may discover that you are experiencing the kind of life you feel you were meant to live. And what’s more, you will be happy.

-- Steve Goodier

Image by Kevin Zolkiewicz

Joy In The Journey

Anonymous did it again. Whoever this person is put it well: “Follow your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in your underwear during a fire drill.” Yes – some dreams should be forgotten as soon as possible. 

But when it comes to life dreams, rather than sleep dreams, I am coming to believe that it is less important whether you actually reach a goal or achieve a beautiful dream than just to follow. Simply start following and see where it leads.

Let me explain. 

Two brothers decided to dig a deep hole behind their house. As they were working, a couple of older boys stopped by to watch.

“What are you doing?” asked one of the visitors.

“We plan to dig a hole all the way through the earth!” one of the brothers volunteered excitedly.

The older boys began to laugh, telling the younger ones that digging a hole all the way through the earth was impossible. After a long silence, one of the diggers picked up jar full shiny pebbles, worms and a wide assortment of odd insects. He showed it to the scoffing visitors and said quietly and confidently, “Even if we don’t dig all the way through the earth, look what we found along the way.”

Maybe their goal was too ambitious, but it did get them to dig. And that is what following a dream is about – our best dreams point us where we want to go and then nudge us in that direction. In other words, they set us to digging.

But you know how it goes – you just won’t achieve everything you attempt. You may shoot for the moon and only hit the neighbor’s window. 

You may fully intend to be in love for a lifetime. But not every relationship will endure. Not every hope will come to pass. Not every endeavor will be completed. Not every dream will be realized.

But here is the wonder of it all ... when you fall short of your aim, perhaps you can say, “Yes, but look at what I found along the way. Look at the wonderful things which have come into my life because I tried to do something.”

I think those boys got it right. It is in the digging that life is lived. It’s the joy in the journey that matters most.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Brian Dewey

Dream Something Beautiful

A mother of a vivacious five-year-old just returned from a meeting of the National Organization for Women. Stirred by exciting dreams for the possibilities of womanhood, she asked her daughter what she wanted to be when she grew up. Little Lisa quickly answered, "A nurse."

There was a time when nursing was thought of as a woman’s profession and the answer somehow seemed not to satisfy. She had, after all, just returned from a NOW conference.

"You can be anything you want to be," she reminded her daughter. "You can be a lawyer, a surgeon, a banker, president of the country – you can be anything."

"Anything?" Lisa asked.

"Anything!" her mother smiled.

"I know," Lisa said. "I want to be a horse!"

Lisa’s dream may need some refinement, but there is plenty of time for that. When do we quit dreaming about the future? When do we resign ourselves to simply replaying dreams from the past?

Maybe her dream needs to mature a bit, but would you rather have the optimism of a five-year-old girl who wants to be a horse, or the pessimism of an adult who says in despair, "I can’t be anything at all"?

Teddy Roosevelt said, "Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground." I believe that is the way to make those dreams come true. It begins with looking up and dreaming something beautiful.

-- Steve Goodier

flickr.com/Jan De Bondt