The Person in a Different Skin

A woman shopping for groceries noticed an employee, a teenager, staring at her and her two small children. She was used to the attention, as both of her children were adopted and looked vastly different from each other. One had the dark chocolate skin of her Haitian parents and the other, a boy who hailed from Russia, was lightly complected with blonde hair. “Those your kids?” the youth eventually asked.

The proud mother answered, “Yes, they are!”

“They adopted?” he continued.

“Yes.”

“I thought so,” he surmised. “I figured you’re too old to have kids that small.”

I don’t imagine the young man meant any disrespect; it was an observation. He was struck by the age difference between the children and their mother, but didn’t seem to give much regard to what would have seemed obvious to others - the different races of the children. I find it gratifying in that our world has been shaped far too long by values we place on skin color.

I’m reminded of an email I received from a reader, Jeanne Green, who told me she is Caucasian and is married to a man of another race. They raised two mixed-race children, a boy and a girl. Their girl had no problem growing up biracial, but it was more difficult for her boy. He wrote a paper in school about living in a world that too often only pays attention to color.

"I am a person who was born to live in a skin with a different color from yours.

Thus, the color pigments embedded by the unchangeable hands of nature in your skin are perchance white while mine are black or brown or yellow.

But underneath I am just like you.

My muscles ripple in the same waves of power and thrill to the same throb of joyous action.

My mind has the same functions as yours.

I reach out, just the same as you do, in aspirations of the soul.

I love and hate, hope and despair, rejoice and suffer along with you. 

When my children lose their fair chances at life and become aware of the bitter road of prejudice they must tread, then I know what my color has cost. 

I offer you my hand in rebuilding an unjust world that you and I can make better than we found it. 

I am the person in a different skin." 

Mahatma Gandhi accurately said, “Our ability to reach unity in diversity will be the beauty and the test of our civilization.” My only question is, will we pass that test?

--Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Defence Images (used by permission)

Walking Together in the Light

Image by Gabriella Fabbri

A funny story tells about a rabbi and a priest that met at the town picnic and began their usual “kibitzing.”

“This baked ham is just delicious,” the priest teased the rabbi. “You really should try some. I know it’s against your religion, but I can’t understand why such a wonderful thing should be forbidden. You just don’t know what you’re missing. You haven’t lived until you’ve tried Mrs. Kennedy’s baked ham. Tell me, when are you going to break down and try a little ham?”

The rabbi looked at the priest, smiled and said, “At your wedding.”

It's clear that much of the conflict between people of differing religious beliefs, particularly deeply-held religious beliefs, stems from the assertion that “we” are right and “they” are wrong. Our beliefs, our history, our practices are true, theirs are false. But can one group have a monopoly on truth?

Truth is light, wherever it is found. It is the sun in the noonday sky, shining on all universally. It cannot be bottled and sold or dispensed in secret tomes and ceremonies. It cannot be stolen, hidden or possessed by one group over another. Truth, like the sun, is viewed in different ways and known by different names. It is seen differently from different angles, but it shines in all directions.

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark,” said Plato. “The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” Afraid of truth. And afraid of one another.

I await the day that all people, all religions, walk in the light. And as they walk, they listen and understand. And in their understanding, they laugh. 

When the day comes that they laugh, they'll know how to walk together in light.

-- Steve Goodier

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Bringing Harmony to Discord

I once talked with a couple about their marriage. They completed personality “testing” and were discussing some differences that had frustrated them both over the years. I summarized some of those differences for them.

“You are sensitive,” I said to the husband. He nodded affirmatively. “You try to keep harmony in the relationship. It is important to you that you don’t have too much conflict, so you tend to give in often in order to keep the peace.” He agreed.

“You like affection and will often reach out and hold your wife’s hand for no reason at all.” He smiled and nodded.

“And you remember birthdays and special days – these are important to you.” He continued to smile and nod.

“And you particularly appreciate it when she says, ‘I love you.’ In fact, you need her to say that at least once a day.”

“EXACTLY!” he exclaimed with a broad smile, looking at his wife.

Then I spoke to her. “And you appreciate his sensitivity, but you tend to be more rational and logical.” She smiled and nodded.

“You can be more objective than he can about personal criticism and may sometimes be too blunt with him.” They both agreed.

“You like affection, but you don’t require it like he does. If you hold hands or not, that is unimportant to you.” She continued to nod.

“And you also appreciate the fact that he remembers those special days, but if he were to forget one, that would not upset you. In fact, you have to remember to say, ‘I love you’ to him, not because you don’t love him, but because saying it is just something you don’t think about often.” She agreed, looking at her husband.

“Saying words like ‘I love you’ does not mean the same thing to you as it does to him. You know you love him. In fact, you looked into his eyes when you got married and said, ‘I love you’ and figured that, if you ever change your mind, you’ll let him know.”

“EXACTLY!” she exclaimed, with a smile.

They told me that the discussion helped them to simply understand one another and to accept themselves. Rather than trying to change the other to get their own needs met, they could more easily appreciate their differences and also appreciate themselves as they are.

They found harmony where there used to be discord.

We don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note. Only notes that are different can harmonize. The same is true with people.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Jason Jacobs

God Loves Variety

I like the story about three ministers and a priest who played golf together every week. They decided to visit each other’s churches. So the following day, the three ministers showed up at an early morning mass at their friend’s church. There were no empty pews, so they stood in the back.

When the priest saw them, he whispered to the little acolyte, "Get three chairs for the Protestants!" The boy looked stunned and sat down.

The priest pointed in the back to where the clergymen were standing and repeated, "Get three chairs for the Protestants." The confused boy still stared back blankly.

Exasperated, the priest said emphatically, "Please! Get three chairs for the Protestants!"

The dismayed acolyte stood before the congregation and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen. This is the first time this has ever been done in a Catholic church, but let’s all stand and give three cheers for the Protestants!"

Perhaps it’s time to give three cheers to those of another faith. And while we’re at it, let’s applaud those of other cultures and races, too! What a beautiful world it is when all are truly part of one glorious family! And after all, if God doesn’t love variety, why is there so much of it?

-- Steve Goodier


Image: flickr.com/Mike Lindsey