A Recipe for “Success”

Do you know what you really need? I’m not talking about material things. I mean, what do you need to make your life all you want it to be?

Author Stephen Covey says that people all share a few essential needs: the need to live, the need to love, the need to learn and the need to leave a legacy.

When he says we need to live, he is not talking about physical health. It’s certainly important to breathe, but in many ways it may be even more important to live a full and whole life. Indian mystic Osho says, “The real question is not whether life exists after death. The real question is whether you are alive before death.” A question I ask myself is, “Am I just going through the motions or am I really living my life?” I don’t want to live on the outside while I'm dying, little by little, on the inside.

Covey also says we need to love. And I believe we also need to be loved. Both are important. I am coming to appreciate that my relationships with other people may be the most significant reason for either my happiness or my unhappiness throughout my life. Studies show that social connection is vital if we are to be happy.

Then Covey tells us that we need to learn. And learning does not stop once we leave school and enter the workforce. I don’t ever want to stop growing and, hopefully, improving. I want to be a life-long learner. There is so much to discover in the world; I am saddened I can only learn the smallest fraction of it in one lifetime.

Finally, we need to leave a legacy. It’s not about leaving money. I want my life to count for something, even if it seems small in comparison to some others. I truly appreciate this thought often attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson. It may be that he did not actually pen these words, but they are nevertheless wise and worth repeating.

 “To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a little bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

How do you measure up? Are you living fully, loving completely, learning constantly and planning to leave a worthwhile legacy?

This is a recipe for “success” in the truest form of the word.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/EvaSwensen

Tell Them You Love Them

A group of four to eight-year-olds talked about love. Author Ladan Lashkari (DailyGood.org) writes that this is what some of them had to say.

 

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca - age 8

 

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5

 

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6

 

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6

 

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4

 

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget," Jessica - age 8

Jessica is right. We do need to say it a lot. Because people forget.

Abraham Lincoln knew the truth of that. He once summoned to the White House a surgeon in the Army of the Cumberland from the state of Ohio. The major assumed that he was to be commended for some exceptional work.

During the conversation Mr. Lincoln asked the officer about his widowed mother. “She is doing fine,” he responded. 

“How do you know?” asked Lincoln. “You haven't written her. But she has written me. She thinks that you are dead and she is asking that a special effort be made to return your body.” At that the Commander and Chief placed a pen in the young doctor's hand and ordered him to write a letter letting his mother know that he was alive and well.

You see, it’s about love. Like anthropologist Margaret Mead says, “One of the oldest human needs is having someone wonder where you are when you don’t come home at night.” 

It’s a need that goes unmet too much of the time.

I wonder, who needs to hear from me today?

--Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Theresa Martell

If You’re Not Loving Life

An efficiency expert once concluded her lecture with the comment, “Please don’t try these techniques at home.”

“Why not?” she was asked.

“I used to watch my husband prepare breakfast and wondered why he made so many trips to the table carrying only one item at a time,” she replied. “One day I asked him, ‘Wouldn’t it be quicker and more efficient if you organized yourself to carry several things to the table at once?’” 

“Did it work?” she was asked.

“Oh, yes, it worked,” the expert replied. “It used to take my husband twenty minutes to prepare breakfast. Now I do it in seven.”

Not all advice is readily received. And sometimes it is not heard the way it was intended. But neither should all advice be followed; rather, wisdom learns to separate kernels of truth from weeds.

Some advice worthy of consideration, though, comes from multi-billionaire Warren Buffett. These are some of his rules to live by.

1. Pay off your credit cards every month.

2. Put integrity first in your life. 

3. Be smart about whose habits you decide to copy.

4. Don’t do something just for the money. Happiness comes from loving the work.

I have a friend who believes in trying to do what you love. He says, “Seven years ago I decided to do what I loved most − loving people. Since that time my cup has slowly been filled and is now flowing over the brim with love. Simultaneously, while seeking humility and significance, I lost pride and prominence. During those seven years I have had several mottoes. Probably the most significant one is: If you are not loving life, you are not living love.”

There’s a motto worth keeping. If you are not loving life, you are not living love. 

I may never be a multi-billionaire like Warren Buffett. But if I get better at living love, I may just be about the richest person around.

--Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Marga Serrano

A Peculiar Kind Of Love

It was love at first sight. I knew how the boy felt who clambered breathlessly through his front door and cried, “Dad! I’m in love!”

“How do you know it’s love?” his father asked.

“Because, when I kissed her good night, her dog bit me and I never even felt it ‘til I got home!”

I can relate, because even without the dog-bite test I knew love when it bit me. And it must have bit her, too, because a few weeks later she asked me to marry her (well, that’s how I remember it anyway). Before long, though, I began to notice something “peculiar” about her love. She sometimes said strange things like “I love you too much to hold on to you.” Or, “I want you to be happy...even if that means we won’t be together.”

I know what she meant. She meant that marriage was a serious commitment and she didn’t want me to regret later that we plunged into it. Another time she said, “I love you so much I want to let you go. I don’t want you to feel tied to me.”

Talk like that sounded peculiar to me. You see, my love was a little different. “I love you so much I want to always keep you with me,” better described my kind of love. “I love you too much to ever let you go,” was more typical of how I felt.

My love was a hanging-on kind of love. I wanted to hang onto her no matter what. Hers was a letting-go kind of love. She wanted me to get free now, if I needed to. My love worried about what it might do to me if I lost her. Her love worried about what it might do to us if she hung on too tightly.

One day she returned from a doctor’s appointment distraught. “He told me I can’t have babies,” she said. Her swollen eyes overflowed. “I know you want children. I’ll understand if you don’t want to marry,” she continued. “I love you too much to keep you.” There again – that peculiar letting-go kind of love.

All of this happened many years ago and, in the meantime, I learned a couple things about love.

Love can sometimes be about hanging on. Through thick and thin.

But it can also be about letting go. Like opening a hand and setting a butterfly free. It is as simple and as difficult as that.

Over the years we’ve found ourselves hanging on to one another, and it’s gotten us through some pretty rough patches. But other times we had to let one another go; to go in a new direction, to spread our wings. Love is a little bit of both...hanging on and letting go.

And I learned something else, too. The doctor was wrong about the babies.

-- Steve Goodier

image: flickr.com/blinking idiot

Love? Or Romance?

An old story reminds us of the humor of romance. A man was going to the county fair one day with a pig under one arm and a chicken under the other arm and a basket on his head. He came to a crossroads and didn’t know which way to turn. While he stood there deciding, a young woman approached him, heading the same direction.

“Please, ma’am, I’m on the way to the county fair. Can you tell me which way to go?”

“Yes,” she replied. “I’m on my way there, too. We’ll go right down this way about a mile, turn left about a mile and a half, left again about a mile and we’re right there.”

He said, “Wait a minute...down here, turn left and left again? Couldn’t we save a lot of time by walking through these woods?”

She replied, “Yes, we could. But I couldn’t walk through those woods with you. Why...you might try to kiss me!”

“Listen,” he said, “how could I possibly kiss anybody with a pig under one arm, a chicken under the other arm, and a basket on my head?”

“Well, you could put that chicken on the ground, turn the basket upside down over the chicken, and I could hold that little bitty ole pig.”

Where there is love, there’s a way. Although one would be hard-pressed to define a romantic attraction as “love.” They are really not at all the same things. They may have felt a romantic attraction for each other, but that is nothing at all like love. And as nice as it is to keep romance in our lives, in the end, isn’t it love that we are really after?

Writer Marjorie Holmes points out the difference between love and romance: “Romance is seeking perfection; love is forgiving faults. Romance is flying; love is a safe landing.  Romance is the anguish of waiting for the phone to ring to bring you a voice that will utter endearments; love is the anguish of waiting for a call that will assure you someone else is happy and safe. Romance is eager, striving always to appear attractive for each other; love is two people who find beauty in each other no matter how they look.”

Authentic love will find many expressions − the kind of love shared by spouses; love felt by longtime friends; love of a parent for a child. Authentic love is deeper than the often-fleeting feeling of being “in love.” And so much better.

Romance is wonderful, but love is essential. How are you filling your life with love?  

-- Steve Goodier 

Image: flickr.com/Petur

A Life that Makes a Difference

“How do you account for your remarkable accomplishment in life?” Queen Victoria of England asked Helen Keller. “How do you explain the fact that even though you were both blind and deaf, you were able to accomplish so much?”

Ms. Keller’s answer is a tribute to her dedicated teacher. “If it had not been for Anne Sullivan, the name of Helen Keller would have remained unknown.”

“Little Annie” Sullivan, as she was called when she was young, was no stranger to hardship. She was almost sightless herself, due to a childhood infection at the age of five. Her mother died three years later and her father left the children when she was ten. She and her younger brother were sent to an overcrowded home for the destitute where her brother Jimmie died in a couple of months. Little Annie was, at one time, considered hopelessly “insane” by her caregivers and locked in the basement. On occasion, she would violently attack anyone who came near. Most of the time she generally ignored everyone in her presence.

An elderly nurse believed there was hope, however, and she made it her mission to show love to the child. Every day she visited Little Annie. For the most part, the child did not acknowledge the nurse’s presence, but she still continued to visit. The kindly woman left cookies for her and spoke words of love and encouragement. She believed Little Annie could recover, if only she were shown love.

Eventually, doctors noticed a change in the girl. Where they once witnessed anger and hostility, they now noted an emerging gentleness and love. They moved her upstairs where she continued to improve. She was finally released to attend Perkins School for the Blind in Boston, Massachusetts, where she would learn to read and write. She struggled against a multitude of odds but was determined to learn. Anne eventually graduated as valedictorian of her class.

Anne Sullivan grew into a young woman with a desire to help others as she, herself, was helped by the loving nurse. It was she who saw the great potential in Helen Keller. She cared for her, disciplined her, played with her, pushed her, and worked with her until the flickering candle that was her life became a beacon of light to the world. Anne Sullivan worked wonders in Helen’s life, but it was an unknown nurse who first believed in Little Annie and patiently transformed an angry, grief-stricken child into a compassionate teacher.

“If it had not been for Anne Sullivan, the name of Helen Keller would have remained unknown.” But if it had not been for a kind and dedicated nurse, the name of Anne Sullivan would have also remained unknown. And so it goes. Just how far back does the chain of redemption extend? And how for forward will it lead?

Those you have sought to reach, whether they be in your family or elsewhere, are part of a chain of love that can extend through the generations. Your influence on their lives, whether or not you see results, is immeasurable. Your legacy of dedicated kindness and caring can transform lost and hopeless lives for years to come.

Do you want a life that makes a difference? Never overestimate the power of your love. It is a fire that, once lit, may burn forever.

-- Steve Goodier

Filling Up Your Life

We can live a long time without thinking about such things as “meaning” and “purpose” in life. But happy and healthy living requires that we visit these words from time to time

I have heard that Ralph Barton, a cartoonist of a former generation, left this note pinned to his pillow before taking his life: “I have had few difficulties, many friends, great successes; I have gone from wife to wife, and from house to house, visited great countries of the world, but I am fed up with inventing devices to fill up twenty-four hours of the day.”

Whatever psychological problems may have afflicted him, Ralph Barton suffered from an empty life. He tried to fill it up – with relationships and things and busyness. He was no doubt successful in his work. And probably well-liked. His problem was that he felt his life had no meaning.

Educator Morrie Schwartz helps us put meaning into our lives. In Mitch Albom’s book Tuesdays with Morrie, he chronicles the final months of Morrie’s life, as his former teacher slowly dies of Lou Gehrig’s Disease (ALS). Morrie, an irrepressible lover of life, says this: “So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep even when they are busy doing things they think are important. This is the product of chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”

Do you want to be happy? Do you want a life that matters? Then spend some extra time caring for those around you. Get busy serving your community. Become a lover of people. I guarantee, your life will never seem empty again.

-- Steve Goodier

Love Letter To A Cat

A love letter to a cat? Why not? At least Andrew thought it might work. This is an actual love letter written by a boy to his cat.

But before you read the letter, you must understand this about the cat. She is about as affectionate as a cactus. And besides, she goes to great lengths to avoid Andrew. She would rather sleep the day away in one of her many hiding places scattered throughout the boy’s house than be near him. And on one of those rare occasions when she makes an appearance, he can forget about touching her. If he never has anything to do with her, that is all right by the cat.

The boy tries his best to be nice. He looks for her, searching the house for an occupied hiding place, and feels abundantly grateful if he should stumble upon his treasure. He is occasionally allowed to stroke her once or twice before she flits off. He even feeds her, hoping to eventually win her confidence and perhaps even a bit of affection. But he is seldom rewarded with anything like attention.

Now that you know something about the cat, whose name is Mehitabel, by the way, what about the love letter? It was found next to the cat’s food dish. This is what it said: 

“To cat (he couldn’t spell Mehitabel): I love you. Before you love me I will love you more. Love, Andrew. Meow!”

I admire his love for a cat that will not return it. I love you. Before you love me I will love you more. That is the kind of patient love of, perhaps, a parent for a child. 

Or anyone persistently waiting for love to be returned. It’s single-minded. Persevering.

And I think there’s something spiritual about an unrequited love. It’s a little like the dogged love of God for people everywhere. 

There is also something beautifully excessive about a love that says before you love me I will love you more. And to be a little excessive in love is probably okay.

Thank you for teaching us, Andrew.

-- Steve Goodier

Three Messages Heard in Strong Families

Family expert Nick Stinnett said, “When you have a strong family life you receive the message that you are loved, that you are cared for, that you are important. The positive intake of love and affection and respect … gives you inner resources to deal with life more successfully.”

Here is a family that shows us what it is like to receive the messages that you are loved and cared for and that you are important.

Once her kids were in school, one woman decided to go back to school for more education. After several years of hard work and late nights, she finally completed her Master’s Degree program.

Her husband planned a graduation party for her. He invited all of their friends to their home to congratulate his wife on her hard work.

But she turned the tables on him. She got a list of the invitees to her party and called each one. “I’d like to surprise my husband,” she told them. Then she explained what he sacrificed for her to go back to school. He supported her emotionally when she felt like quitting. Much like a single parent, he juggled his own work with picking the children up from school, caring for them in the evenings, shouldering much of the housework and preparing meals for the family. And besides, her education was expensive and the family needed to take out a student loan. “I’d like this to be a surprise party for him instead of a graduation party for me,” she told all of her guests.

So they came with cards and food, all of which he expected. But when he learned that it was all for him, he was stunned! And for her, it turned out to be the greatest graduation party ever.

He told her by his actions and by his willingness to sacrifice that, as Nick Stinnett says, she is loved,  she is cared for and she is important. And this gave her the courage to jump into a demanding program that others may never have attempted.

You are loved...you are cared for...you are important. Where love exists there is warmth. Where everyone’s physical and emotional needs are met, there is safety and security. And where respect for one another is the norm, the mind and spirit can flourish.

It doesn’t get much better than that.

-- Steve Goodier Image: flickr.com/Kannon B

May You Be Known By Your Love

Henry Drummond has said, “The moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.”

Here is a story (possibly apocryphal, but powerful nevertheless) about a man who acted in the spirit of love and about what he consequently learned.

Many years ago an old man stood on a Virginia riverbank. He was waiting to cross the river and, since it was bitterly cold and there were no bridges, he was hoping to get a ride across on horseback. After a lengthy wait he spotted a group of horsemen approaching. He let the first one pass, then the second, third, fourth and fifth. One rider remained. As he drew abreast, the old man looked him in the eye and said, “Sir, would you give me a ride across the river?”

The rider immediately replied, “Certainly.” Once across the river, the old man slid to the ground. “Sir,” the rider said before leaving. “I could not help but notice that you permitted all the other men to pass without asking for a ride. Then, when I drew abreast, you immediately asked me to carry you across. I am curious as to why you didn’t ask them and you did ask me.”

The old man quietly responded, “I looked into their eyes and could see no love and knew in my own heart it would be useless to ask for a ride. But when I looked into your eyes, I saw compassion, love and the willingness to help. I knew you would be glad to give me a ride across the river.”

The rider was touched. “I’m grateful for what you are saying,” he said. “I appreciate it very much.” With that, Thomas Jefferson turned and rode off to the White House.

It is often said that our eyes are the windows to our souls. If that is true, what is it that our eyes show about us? Or let me ask it a different way: if you had been the last rider, would the old man have asked you for a ride?

A good question. For it is said that others will know us by our love. Some will see it in the things we do and some in the things we say. And a few perceptive souls, like the old man in the story, may catch a glimmer of a loving and generous spirit in the expression of kind eyes.

May you be easily recognized by your love.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: Freeimage.com/sofamonkez 

How Will You Be Remembered?

Three friends were discussing death and one of them asked, "What would you like people to say about you at your funeral?"

The first of the friends said, "I would like them to say, 'He was a great humanitarian, who cared about his community.'"

The second answered, "I hope they say, 'She was a great wife and mother, who was an example for her family."'

The third friend responded, "I would like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

Other than "Look! He's moving!" -- what would you hope others might say about you at your funeral?

A friend once told me of a caring and much-loved school nurse who died. She was well known by the faculty and students, as she had been there 35 years. When the principal announced her death to the children, many of them began to cry.

To help ease their grief, the school counselor had a group of children draw a picture of what the nurse meant to them. One child filled in her paper with red. "This is her heart," she explained. "It's too big for the paper."

At her funeral her friends and family clapped and celebrated her life. She left behind a great legacy of love.

How will you be remembered? What legacy will you leave behind?

Toward the end of his life, author and theologian Elton Trueblood made this observation: "At the age of 93, I am well aware that I do not have many years to live. Consequently, I try very hard to live my remaining years in such a manner that I really make a difference in as many lives as possible. How do I want to be remembered? Not primarily as a Christian scholar, but rather as a loving person. This can be the goal of every individual. If I can be remembered as a truly loving person, I shall be satisfied."

After you are gone, people may forget most of what you have said and done. But they will remember that you loved them.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Jetske

Relationship Basics

One man said of his marriage "I very distinctly remember our wedding day. As we unloaded the moving van into our little house, I said, 'Darling, this is your and my little world.'” Then he became pensive. “Problem is, we’ve been fighting for the world's championship ever since," he said. 

One woman was tired of the marital conflict. "Why don't we just ask God to strike one of us dead tonight,” she suggested, “then this marriage would have peace at last.” After a moment she added, “And I could go live with my sister."

All relationships experience conflict. Marriages, friendships, parents and children. But too many beleaguered relationships suffer when well-meaning people are unable to resolve their differences. Their relationships dry up, become brittle and break apart like an old and valuable photograph left in the hot sun. A union that once seemed a work of art eventually resembles a discolored and crumbling canvas. Finding and restoring those pieces to anything attractive can be a near-impossible task.

And the amazing realization is this: the incidents that finally destroy a relationship are usually small and insignificant! Momentous decisions and huge obstacles generally don't pull people apart. Most people in committed relationships can stand united when disaster strikes. It is the little problems, the insignificant stressors, that do the most damage when allowed to fester.

Do you know what issue causes the greatest number of conflicts in households? According to a recent report, people argue most often about which television show or movie to watch. Would any couple or family have believed that the selection of television programs would become their major source of conflict?

Somewhere along the line we forget to just stop and ask ourselves what is important. Sometimes we just need to remember why we got together in the first place. And remember the difference between minor inconveniences and major issues. In short, we forget the basics. And we can end up paying a high price for our forgetfulness.

For healthy and satisfying relationships, it's vital to remember these simple basics:

• The people you love are more valuable than the things you own. Put them first.
• Most problems are just inconveniences. Let them go.
• Little things, if left unattended, will grow into big things. Working through conflicts are the dues we pay for long-lasting relationships.
• Treat love as if it’s fragile. Tend it and care for it. That love, properly nurtured, will grow into one of  the strongest forces in your life.

Those are the basics. Simple, really. But they are the stuff satisfying relationships are made of.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Vic

What Children Really Need

Should we chain our children to the bedpost until they reach adulthood? Should we shield them from all negative influences until they can make mature decisions? 

When Dr. Willis Tate was at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas, he told of a mother who gallantly tried to protect her son. She wrote a long letter to Dr. Tate about her son who was coming to enroll as a freshman. She wanted the president to make sure that the boy had a “good” roommate who would encourage him to go to church and not use bad language. She did not want the roommate to smoke or otherwise negatively influence her son. 

But the mother’s closing remarks make the letter unforgettable: “The reason all of this is so important is that it is the first time my boy has been away from home, except for the three years he spent in the Marines.”

Parents want to protect their children. But perhaps more importantly, most parents want their children to develop sufficient inner resources to protect themselves in potentially destructive situations. They want to equip them to be independent, to make responsible decisions on their own. 

Educator Leo Buscaglia said, “Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade.” Which means that, as their children grow into adulthood, parents must gradually learn to give up thinking that they can protect them and learn better ways to be helpful. Maybe their most important job is just to love them. And isn’t love really what children of any age truly need from their parents?

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/sarah bruker

Another Word for Love

I knew a woman who always found an excuse to love.

I met her working at the most difficult job of my life - as a helper in an after-school daycare center. I was completely unprepared for the work; I had no training and my temperament seemed to be particularly unsuited to the position.

I reminded myself that I was hired to watch the children, play with them and lead arts and crafts - not fix all of their problems, of which there were many. And my only help was Mrs. Tucker, a 73-year-old retired social worker who worked with me. All that stood between the kids and disaster was me and a 73-year-old woman. And I wasn't that sturdy a defense. But I soon learned that Mrs. Tucker was a master with these children.

"Some children just need more love," she always said. A case in point  was Timmy. Timmy received special help at school because of his emotional problems. He was developmentally delayed. He often fought  with other children and was a compulsive hair-puller. I could never get close to Timmy - he did not trust anyone. Anyone, that is, except Mrs. Tucker. He responded her. He genuinely loved her because, I came to believe, she loved him.

One day a fight broke out between Timmy and one of the other children. After separating them, Mrs. Tucker directed Timmy to sit in a chair. He screamed, "I HATE YOU, Mrs. Tucker! You're a mean, old lady! I hate you!"

"I know you hate me right now, Timmy," she said firmly, "but I'm sure not going to let you pull the other children's hair."

After a while Timmy had calmed down and Mrs. Tucker called him over. His cheeks were still dirty and bore dried tear streaks. I could not hear their conversation, but I saw Timmy put his arms around her neck. When I walked by I heard him say, "I'm sorry I called you a mean old lady, Mrs. Tucker." I knew he meant it.

A little later Mrs. Tucker said to me, "Timmy just needs more love than other children."

On another occasion I heard Timmy's mother say, "You work magic with him, Mrs. Tucker. He doesn't respond to anybody like he does to you."

Maybe so, but sometimes "magic" is just another word for "love." 

-- Steve Goodier

Image: Flickr.com/Lance Neilson

Live Your Love

Imagine four Army chaplains during an icy storm at sea; four men in uniform holding hands as they gaze over the rail of their sinking vessel. They are watching lifeboats pulling away from their reeling ship, the U.S. transport Dorchester. The story of these chaplains is a remarkable account of love and sacrifice. 
    
The scene takes place February 3, 1943, off the southern tip of Greenland. The winter night covers the ship like a blanket. Most of the 909 aboard ship are asleep below the decks. 

Suddenly the Dorchester jerks and shudders. A German torpedo has smashed through her starboard side! In a raging torrent, the sea spurts through the gaping wound. The Dorchester has been dealt a mortal blow. She is sinking. 

An order is given to abandon ship. Aboard the dying vessel, men – many of them injured – search frantically for life jackets. Some stand in shock, not knowing how to react to the catastrophe.

Amidst the chaos stand four pillars of strength, four Army chaplains: George L. Fox, Methodist; Alexander Goode, Jewish; Clark V. Poling, Reformed; and John P. Washington, Roman Catholic. They calm the panic-stricken, help the confused search for life jackets and aid the soldiers into the lifeboats swinging out from the tilting deck.  

When no more jackets can be found, each chaplain takes off his own and straps it onto a soldier who has none. The lifeboats pull slowly away from the doomed vessel. Only 299 will finally survive this night. 

As the Dorchester slides beneath the icy water, some can see the four chaplains, hand in hand, praying to the God of them all. The chaplains’ different theological opinions did not seem to matter much on a sinking ship. All that mattered was that, at a time of crisis, they lived their love. Yet even for us, every day in lesser ways, I suspect that’s all that ever matters.

-- Steve Goodier

freeimages.com/Rebecca Phillips

Let It Shine

While attending a conference, I returned to my motel room late one evening. The overhead light outside my door was burned out and I had difficulty finding the keyhole. When I managed to open the door, I felt around the wall for a light switch. I found a plate where a switch was once installed... but no switch.

Not discouraged easily, I remembered spotting a lamp by the bed when I deposited my luggage earlier in the day. I found the bed in the dark and felt around until I found the lamp, but when I switched it on, nothing happened. Now what?

Though I knew that it was dark outside my window since the outdoor light was broken, I thought that perhaps if I opened the curtains I might be able to use the light from the street to find another lamp. So I made my way slowly across the room to the drapes and... no drawstring! (Have you ever had days like that?)

I finally stumbled around until I found a desk lamp I could turn on and, once again, my world was lighted. 

Physical light is important, of course. Especially when you’re in an unfamiliar space. But there is another kind of light that is even more vital -- inner light. Inner light shines from love and compassion and faith. It illuminates and warms a world that, for many people, can be dark and lonely and confusing.

One December I received a letter from a reader in Mexico City who said this about the darkness around her: “Yesterday I bought a Christmas decoration. It’s a plastic star, maybe 18 inches across, strung with small white and gold Christmas lights. I hung it in my living room window last night. It looks so beautiful from outside – even better than I had hoped! I live on the second floor of a five-story government housing project building. The building where I live is tucked away where few people go. Not a whole lot of folks see my lighted star. As long as I have it plugged in, that star shines bravely and brightly out into the cold night. It shines on regardless of whether anyone is around to see it or not. And I know that anyone who does see it must be heartened by it – it’s that lovely.”

She ended with this observation: “I got to thinking, ‘Isn’t that the way we should be? Shouldn’t our lives in some way shine out into the cold night – regardless of whether or not anyone admires them? It’s certainly nice when someone notices us and is encouraged or heartened. But, after all, isn’t it the shining itself that is most important?”

It is the shining that is important, whether or not you feel as if you are making a difference. For someone today just may be stumbling in discouragement or sadness or fear and in need of some light.

So let your light shine. Whatever light you offer may be a beacon of hope and encouragement in someone’s darkness. And if you feel that your light is no more than a candle in a forest, remember this – there isn’t enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of one small candle.

Will you let your light shine?

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Leland Fransisco

One Light

Imagine an artist painting a winter scene. She depicts a white, frozen ground and evergreens draped in snow. Her hand brings the day to a close as she paints night falling on the canvas. In the deep shadows of dusk, she has painted a grim, log cabin, barely visible to the casual observer. 

Then she dips her brush in yellow paint and, with a few quick strokes, places a brightly burning lamp in one of the cabin’s windows. Warm rays dance on white snow, now made brighter by the light. The lonely lamp wholly changes the tone of the picture, replacing feelings of dark and gloom with warmth and security. 

Edith Wharton has said that there are two ways of spreading the light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. Sometimes we are the candle. We shed light of love and hope. We shine encouragement into dark souls, for this is a bleak and cold world for too many people, a frightening and lonely place in need of light. Francis of Assisi got it right: “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” 

But sometimes we are the mirror that reflects light. We reflect back what we see in others to help them see their own light -- their own goodness and beauty, their own strength and resiliency and resourcefulness. 

There are two ways of spreading light -- to be the candle or the mirror. Which are you?

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Ath-har Saeed

Potatoes Spoil, People Don’t Spoil

 

Flickr Creative Commons

I knew a woman who worked with children all her life. She was especially good with children we would call “at risk” -- children who acted out, children from rough backgrounds, children who built impenetrable walls to keep others out. In time, she always found a way into their hearts. Children acted differently around her than around others, even their parents. I often remarked on it and she would sometimes say, “Children need a lot of love. You can’t spoil a child with too much love. Potatoes spoil, children don’t spoil.”

Don’t get me wrong. She had boundaries, and when children misbehaved, there were consequences. But the consequences were fair. And the kids she worked with eventually learned that they could depend on her constant love and concern for them through it all. At the end of the day, no matter what kind of day it was, she would be there with arms open.

Can you love someone too much? Perhaps you can show the wrong kind of love, but I’m sure you can’t show too much.

One of my favorite stories tells of a woman who finally decided to ask her boss for a raise in salary. All day she felt nervous and apprehensive. Late in the afternoon she summoned the courage to approach her employer. To her delight, the boss agreed to a raise.

The woman arrived home that evening to a beautiful table set with their best dishes. Candles were softly glowing. Her husband had come home early and prepared a festive meal. She wondered if someone from the office had tipped him off. Or did he just somehow know that she would not get turned down?

She found him in the kitchen and told him the good news. They embraced and kissed, then sat down to the wonderful meal. Next to her plate the woman found a beautifully lettered note. It read: "Congratulations, darling! I knew you'd get the raise! These things will tell you how much I love you."

The supper was perfect. Afterward, her husband went into the kitchen to clean up, and as he left the room she noticed a second card that had fallen from his pocket. Picking it off the floor, she read: "Don't worry about not getting the raise. You deserve it anyway! These things will tell you how much I love you."

Someone has said that the measure of love is when you love without measure. What this man tried to convey to his spouse was total acceptance and love. Whether she succeeded or failed, whether she won or lost, he loved her regardless. Love without measure. Sometimes his love might celebrate her victories and other times it was there to soothe and comfort.

Upon receiving the Nobel Peace Prize, Mother Teresa said: "What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family."

Yes, love your family, and also love your friends. For some friends are truly family. Love the people in your life. Love them without measure. And don’t worry about spoilage. Potatoes spoil, people don’t spoil.

-- Steve Goodier

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A Beautiful Heart

Image by Robert Proska

One grandfather quipped about his grandchildren: "My grandkids are four and six. The Pulitzer Prize winner is four and the brain surgeon is six."

Parents and grandparents are understandably proud of the quick minds and impressive talents of their little ones. But let me tell you about another quality, perhaps even more important. A grandmother wrote to me and told me this story about her four-year-old granddaughter Skylar.

It was Christmastime. Skylar had saved coins in a piggy bank all year and decided to buy presents for her family with her savings. But she also learned from announcements on television about a local homeless shelter called "The Road House." She repeatedly asked her mother what "homeless" meant and why those children needed coats and warm clothes. The concept of people in such physical need deeply affected her.

Skylar’s mother took her to the store to buy Christmas presents. But instead of buying for herself or her family, she decided to use her savings for somebody at the shelter. They learned that there was a little girl staying there about Skylar’s age, and she purchased a warm coat, socks, gloves and crayons for the child. She also wanted to buy her a doll (a "baby," as she called it), but when she discovered she didn't have enough money, she left the doll behind. When Skylar got home, she selected one of her own much-loved dolls to give away. The baby went into a box with the other items.

She could hardly wait for Christmas. Skylar was not thinking about Santa Claus or any presents she might be getting. She was thinking only about going to the shelter and giving her carefully selected gifts to a little girl she had never met.

On Christmas Eve she and her family finally made the trip Skylar had been anticipating for so long. They drove to the shelter. There she presented her Christmas box to a grateful child. She was so filled with joy at truly touching someone else’s life that her family decided to make the journey to the shelter an annual tradition.

"Perhaps it's good to have a beautiful mind, but an even greater gift is to have a beautiful heart," says Nobel Laureate John Nash ("A Beautiful Mind"). He would have appreciated young Skylar’s heart.

Beautiful hearts don’t just happen. Nash calls it a gift, but it’s a gift in the way that faith or hope or love are gifts. And I’m convinced we have each been endowed with a beautiful heart. We may not always see it. We may not even believe it. But it’s a gift that came with birth and, every time we act selflessly, it grows a little.

-- Steve Goodier

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A Conspiracy of Love

Almost a century ago, two young medical school graduates, along with their doctor father, tried an important experiment. They built a small sanitarium on a farm outside Topeka, Kansas (USA). This was a time when the "rest cure" was in vogue as a treatment for psychiatric disorders as well as for a few physical ailments. Oftentimes patients were sent to impersonal institutions where they might remain their entire lives.  

The doctors were Charles Menninger and his sons Karl and William. The Menningers had a different idea. Their sanitarium would not be impersonal. They were determined to create a loving, family atmosphere among their patients and staff. Their vision was to grow a community of doctors, nurses and support staff that would cooperate to heal patients; a place where a patient’s mental health would be as important as her physical health.

To this end, nurses were given special training and were told, "Let each person know how much you value them. Shower these people with love." Rather than being sent to a place where they were warehoused for life, many of the patients received more love and kindness at the Menninger Sanitarium than they had ever experienced before.

The treatment worked - spectacularly. The experiment was a resounding success and the Menninger's revolutionary approach to healing and their radical (for that daytime) methods became world famous.

Karl Menninger later wrote numerous books and became a leading figure in American psychiatry. "Love cures people,” Menninger wrote, “both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.” His work demonstrated just how true that statement is.

Essayist Hamilton Wright Mabie said, “Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.” I'm attracted to that phrase... conspiracy of love. For many people around the world, Christmas is such a season. This time of year is an annual celebration where folks agree to put aside destructive differences and toxic behavior and allow love to take center stage. When that happens, it can be a beautiful thing. And even more beautiful if the season can truly engage the whole world in such a conspiracy.

I would like to be part of the plot. And not only for a season. If enough of us join together, the movement will become an irresistible and unstoppable force for good.

Spiritual writer Emmett Fox put it like this:

There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer.

No disease that enough love will not heal.
No door that enough love will not open.
No gulf that enough love will not bridge.
No wall that enough love will not throw down.
No sin that enough love will not redeem.

What could happen if you let each person in your life know how much you value them? What might happen if you were to, as Menninger says, shower everyone with love? And not just friends and family, though they may need to hear it from you. But everyone? Especially those hardest to love?

Does it sound unrealistic? Maybe it is. But remember, love cures people. And it can cure a world.

The only real question is, will you join the conspiracy?

-- Steve Goodier

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