Pausing to Say WOW!

I recall a story about Noah Webster (of dictionary fame), who suddenly found himself one day in an embarrassing situation. He was caught kissing the maid in the kitchen pantry by none other than his wife.

“Why Noah!” she exclaimed. “I’m surprised!”

Always the semanticist, Noah replied, “No, my dear, you’re amazed. I’m surprised!”

No, I don’t know how they ever resolved that situation. And we all know that not every surprise is a happy incident. But I also know that I enjoy my life more when it’s punctuated by little surprises and, even more importantly, by happy moments of genuine amazement.

The poet Rumi once said, “Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.” Yes, bewilderment. Or buy wonder. Or an occasional dose of awe. 

One parent told about moving from a farmhouse into a new house in town. The children were delighted. Early the next morning, the 3 ½ -year-old ran into his parent’s bedroom to wake them up. He couldn’t wait to explore. Mommy dressed him and told him to play in the yard.

About 20 minutes later, he came running back. “Mommy, Mommy, everybody has doorbells - and they all work!"

Welcome to town. And as amazing as it seems, most of those doorbells really do work.

I’d like to get hold of some of his bewilderment and wonder. Life really can be amazing when we slow down enough to consider it.

Have you noticed? People are aching to enjoy life more. But it’s not too much to hope for to imagine that they can actually look forward to each day with genuine anticipation. Especially if they form the habit of looking for wonders everywhere they are. The world is full of amazing people and wondrous spectacles. 

I don’t want a day to pass without pausing at least once to say WOW.

--Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Torbein Rønning

Web of Love

Listen to how a simple ball of yarn became a web of love for one classroom of high school students.

Their teacher seated the students in a circle on the carpeted floor. One member of the group was instructed to toss a ball of yarn to someone across the circle, holding tightly to one end. The recipient took hold of the string and listened as the one who tossed it shared something that she especially liked about him. Keeping hold of the string, he then tossed the ball across the circle to someone else and affirmed something positive about her. The ball of yarn was tossed across and around the circle until everyone had both heard and shared encouragement...and thus the yarn became a woven web of love and good feelings....

Before they went their separate ways, the teacher took scissors and snipped through the web. Each person took a piece of yarn away as a remembrance of the special words they heard. Surprisingly, many of them wore cherished pieces of yarn around their wrists for days and weeks afterward.

Every year now, students ask their teacher to end the term with the Web of Love. It has become an annual tradition in their high school. Which goes to show how much encouragement means to most people.

Why wait? We can find opportunities to affirm others throughout the day. Few people grow weary of hearing sincere appreciation and praise. And each time you give it you help to create an invisible web of love that can last a lifetime.

--  Steve Goodier

How Happy Do You Want to Be?

Do you remember the story of the two men who were walking through a pasture and spotted an enraged bull? They instantly darted toward the nearest fence. The storming bull followed in hot pursuit and it was soon apparent they wouldn't make it in time. Terrified, one shouted to the other, "Can you pray, John? We're not going to make it!"

John answered, "I don’t know how to pray."

"You have to!" panted his companion. "The bull is catching up to us."

"All right," agreed John, Then he prayed the only prayer he knew, one he had heard his father pray often at the dinner table: 'O Lord, for what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'"

Not a bad prayer, actually, at least in other circumstances. And not a bad attitude about life. But even as important as being truly thankful, it is necessary to act truly thankful.

Italian actor, director, singer-songwriter and poet Roberto Benigni believes in the importance of acting thankful. Benigni won the 1998 Academy Award for best actor for his performance in the film "Life Is Beautiful." In his joy at receiving the honor, he actually danced over the tops of chairs and leaped up on stage, applauding the audience. The effusive Benigni believes that it's a sign of mediocrity when one demonstrates gratitude with moderation. And he is anything but moderate when showing gratitude.

How are you at showing your gratitude? Most of us are not as demonstrative as Benigni, but acting truly thankful can actually help us feel more grateful. 

William Arthur Ward said, “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” Who would wrap a present and not give it? And once the present is given, how do you feel? The truth is...the more we express our gratitude, the happier we are. For it isn’t happiness that makes us grateful, but gratitude that makes us happy. 

How happy do you want to be?

-- Steve Goodier

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"Thank You!" by Moeez - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0 via Wikimedia Commons.

How to Live More Thankfully

 

Image by Hector Landaeta

You'll probably be happier!

A man lay in a hospital bed worried about whether he would live or die. He called his pastor to come pray for him. He told her that if he got well, he'd donate $20,000 to the church.

The pastor prayed and the man eventually DID get well and returned home. But no check came to the church. The pastor paid him a visit.

"I see you're doing quite well now," she observed. "I was just wondering about the promise you made."

"What promise?" he asked.

"You said you'd give $20,000 to the church if you recovered."

"I did?" he exclaimed. "That goes to show you just how sick I really was!"

It is easy to give thanks -- or to show it -- when we feel grateful. But gratitude is not a feeling we can manufacture. Nor are we born feeling especially grateful.

Children don't express much thanks by nature. Conveying appreciation is something we learn. And, here's the good news, we have a lifetime to get better at it.

We teach our children to say thanks and, in time, they develop stronger feelings of gratitude. My children could talk before they were weaned from diapers, but one thing they never said was, "Thank you for changing my dirty diapers, Dad. I know that is a messy job. I appreciate all you and Mom are doing for me." Too bad. Sometimes we deserved a BIG thank you.

Once they became car sick at the beginning of a road trip, and I think they should have written a long thank-you letter to us for cleaning it up. Even though their mother and I spent almost a half hour scrubbing the carpet in a convenience store parking lot at seven degrees below zero (our metric system readers will recognize that as -22 degrees Celsius), they never did said, "Gosh, guys, you're the greatest parents ever! We are SO lucky to be part of this family."

But that's all right. Naturally, we wouldn't expect small children to thank their parents for being parents. And for most people, feelings of gratitude come with empathy as we mature. The more we express thanks, the more gratitude we feel. The more gratitude we feel, the more we express thanks. It's circular, and it leads to a happier life.

And that's the point. People who are generally happier got that way, at least in part, through gratitude. 

Here are three simple steps to help anybody live more thankfully and to respond more authentically.

First, recognize WHEN a thankful response is appropriate. We take for granted too many of the things that we should be giving thanks for.

Second, spend a moment reflecting on how another's thoughtfulness makes you feel. Be intentional about this.

Then third, from a sincere feeling of gratitude, give thanks. Say it. Write it. It doesn't matter. But when you do, you will discover a side benefit – you are becoming a happier person.

-- Steve Goodier

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Driving Away the Shadows

Image by Frank Gruber

Here is a little habit that can make a big difference.

How do you drive away shadows?

Apparently, when Abraham Lincoln was fatally shot at Ford's Theatre in Washington, D.C., he was carrying two pairs of spectacles and a lens polisher, a pocketknife, a watch fob, a linen handkerchief, and a brown leather wallet containing a five-dollar Confederate note as well as several newspaper clippings on the Lincoln presidency.

The newspaper articles are a curiosity. Why did he carry them with him? The eight clippings found in his pockets were largely positive portrayals of his leadership, but the president was not egotistical. In fact, if we know anything about Lincoln, we know that humility was one of his most attractive virtues. Many historians stress that his possession of these clippings was less proof of a president's ego than of a man who needed reassurance. The recently- ended war had been long and costly. His re-election campaign had also been a difficult slog. Lincoln rarely knew a day without public criticism. The newspaper articles would have been affirming to him.

Historians are aware that Abraham Lincoln suffered from bouts of serious depression. Could it be that in those "dark nights of the soul," when despair settled over his mind like a cold and heavy snow, that he could reach into his pocket and find hope? Could it be that these words reminded him of what he had dedicated his life to, the good he had tried to do and the lives he had affected?

Francis of Assisi once said, "A single sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows." Maybe each newspaper article was a sunbeam that he collected and kept with him.

Have you collected sunbeams? Have you saved away letters and mementos that warm your heart and encourage you when you need a lift? They can drive away many a dark shadow.

Dale Carnegie tells us this: “You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world’s happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.”

Here is little habit that can make a big difference. Send sunbeams. Intentionally send a word of encouragement or appreciation every day to one person. Plan ahead. Keep open to those who need a lift. A letter, card or email will suffice. Or a phone call. It can be short, but must be personal and it must be sincere. 

Occasionally you'll learn what a difference your communication made. Sometimes you won't. But know this – as you drive away the world's shadows you will also fill your life daily with a little more joy.

-- Steve Goodier

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Enough Is a Moving Target

Image by Vivek Chugh

Alfred E. Neuman, mascot for Mad magazine, once said, “Most people don’t know what they really want – but they’re sure they haven’t got it.” It might be true that a great many people do not think they have what they really want...or need.

I have a friend who likes to say, “Enough is a moving target.” When do we have enough? Enough money? Enough love? Enough time? Enough influence? Enough respect? Enough of whatever we think we need to be happier? Maybe we got that new job or bought that car we had been waiting for. Perhaps we found a relationship that was exactly what we sought for so long, or settled into a life we thought we always wanted. Maybe we got that advanced degree or finally moved away from parents and now live on our own.

We should be happy, right? And for a while, we are. But how often do we eventually discover that the shine is gone, that somehow we don't seem to have enough? What changed? Chances are, we are victims of the phenomenon that “enough is a moving target.”

The job no longer satisfies. The relationship no longer fulfills like we had expected. All those things we had for so long thought would bring lasting contentment just don't seem to be enough because somebody moved the target.

And here's the truth: our age is characterized by the ABILITY to get what we want, and the INABILITY to want what we've got. Our age is characterized by discontentment.

In 1988, one woman won twenty-two million dollars in her state lottery. Her family and friends gathered around her. Television lights blazed. Even the network news showed up. She was ecstatic. "This is the happiest day of my life!" she announced.

And you know the rest of the story. A mere five years later she was shown again on television shaking her head in disbelief. In no time at all she went through a divorce, the alienation of her children and a financial investment that turned sour. A judge garnished her lottery winnings for the rest of her life. The closing scene showed the woman sitting on the steps of an apartment building in utter despair.

She had won $22 million. Not that it should have made her happy, but it certainly was not enough to save her from unhappiness.

Don't hear me say that happiness comes from material possessions. I don't believe it for a minute. You already know that the most important things in life are probably not things at all. But happiness, at least in part, does come from a deep appreciation of what we already have, both material and immaterial. It's never about getting what we want – somebody keeps moving that target. It's about appreciating whatever it is we have.

You probably have the ability to get what you want. And you likely have everything you need to be completely satisfied. But do you also have the ability to want what you've got?

That just may be one of the most important questions you will ever answer.

-- Steve Goodier

Walking Through Life

 

Image by M Nota

An unusual thing happened to me a few years ago. I spoke casually with a woman who served tables at a restaurant I frequented. We knew each other by first name only, but usually chatted for a few minutes each time I dined there.

One day, she asked me, “Do you have a son about eight years old?”

'What has he done?' I thought. I nodded yes.

She pressed on. “Does he play soccer?”

When I said that he did, she asked if he played in a game the previous week at a particular field. Again, I answered, “Yes.”

“I thought so,” she smiled. “I saw him and thought he must be your son.”

Since there were tens of thousands of young boys in the city, I was amazed and exclaimed, “I didn't know he looked that much like me!”

“Oh, I didn't see his face,” she said smiling as if she were keeping a secret.

“Then how did you know he was my son?” Now I was puzzled.

“I was just sitting in the car, and I saw a little boy in a baseball cap walking across the field to join his team. He walks like you.”

Walks like me? Now I was curious. How do I walk? Since I'm doing the walking, I don't notice how I look to others. Maybe I could watch him amble around to get an idea.

That said, how we walk down a street and how we walk through life are very different things. Perhaps I can't help how I walk down a street, but I want to be intentional about how I walk through life.

Through life, I want to walk gently. I want to treat all of life – the earth and its people – with reverence. I want to remove my shoes in the presence of holy ground. As much as possible, I want to walk in peace.

I want to walk lightly, even joyfully, through whatever days I am given. I want to laugh easily. I want to step carefully in and out of people's lives and relationships. I don't want to tread any heavier than necessary.

And throughout life, I think I would like to walk with more humility and less anger, more love and less fear. I want to walk confidently, but without arrogance. I want to walk in deep appreciation. I want to be genuinely thankful for life's extravagant, yet simple, gifts – a star-splattered night sky or a hot drink on an ice-cold day.

If life is a journey, then how I make that journey is important. How I walk through life.

But still I wonder how I look when I walk down a street.

– Steve Goodier

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Un-Thanked People

 

Image courtesy of Stephanie Hofschlaeger

When William Stidger taught at Boston University, he once reflected upon the great number of un-thanked people in his life. Those who had helped nurture him, inspire him or who cared enough about him to leave a lasting impression.

One was a schoolteacher he'd not heard of in many years. But he remembered that she had gone out of her way to put a love of verse in him, and Will had loved poetry all his life. He wrote a letter of thanks to her.

The reply he received, written in the feeble scrawl of the aged, began, "My dear Willie." He was delighted. Now over 50, bald and a professor, he didn't think there was a person left in the world who would call him "Willie." Here is that letter:

"My dear Willie,
I cannot tell you how much your note meant to me. I am in my eighties, living alone in a small room, cooking my own meals, lonely and, like the last leaf of autumn, lingering behind. You will be interested to know that I taught school for 50 years and yours is the first note of appreciation I ever received. It came on a blue-cold morning and it cheered me as nothing has in many years."

Not prone to cry easily, Bill wept over that note. She was one of the great un-thanked people from Bill's past. You know them. We all do. The teacher who made a difference. That coach we'll never forget. The music instructor or Sunday school worker who helped us to believe in ourselves. That scout leader who cared.

We all remember people who shaped our lives in various ways. People whose influence changed us. Bill Stidger found a way to show his appreciation – he wrote them letters.

Who are some of the un-thanked people from your past? It may not be too late to say, "Thanks."

-- Steve Goodier

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The Finer Points of Positive Motivation

Image courtesy of arte ram

One wife waited patiently, then impatiently, for her husband to repair the lawn mower as he had promised. One day, not wanting to confront him in anger, she tried another tack. That was the day he came home and found her seated on the ground snipping grass with sewing scissors, one blade at a time. He watched in absolute amazement. Then he went into the house and returned with a toothbrush.

"Honey," he said, "when you finish cutting the grass would you mind sweeping the sidewalks?"

They both laughed. And, more importantly, he turned his attention to the mower.

We've all been there. We want to encourage a child to do her homework, or a spouse to complete a project, or a colleague to follow through. How can we encourage without criticizing, nagging, berating or pushing?

Maybe because I'm the one that occasionally has to be nudged, I've learned a few important things about the finer points of positive motivation.

First, whenever possible, try to keep it light-hearted. The careful use of humor can work in any relationship to make the point in a way it will be heard. Sometimes we are so frustrated we know that however we say it, it will be bound to come out wrong. These are especially the times when humor may be needed.

Second, without exception, be polite and respectful. Sometimes it's more about how we say it than what we say. Too much of the world is run on the theory that you don't need road manners if you drive a five-ton truck. No one wants to be forced, pushed, run over, cajoled or manipulated. They want to be respected.

Finally, as often as you can, show appreciation. Novelist Arnold Bennett had a publisher who boasted about the consistently exceptional work of his assistant. One day while visiting the publisher's office, Bennett struck up a conversation with the valued employee. He told her what her boss said about her work. "What's your secret?" he asked.

"It's not my secret," said the assistant, "it's his." She went on to tell him that her boss always acknowledges and appreciates everything she does, regardless how insignificant. That is why she finds it so easy to take pride in her work. The appreciation of her employer nudges her toward constant improvement.

These are a few of the finer points of positive motivation. And even if motivation is not your purpose, respect and appreciation, topped off with a little humor is bound to improve any relationship.

-- Steve Goodier


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