I’ll Never Complain Again

I once read about a man who, back in the mid-1970s, was driving in a downpour and stopped for fuel. This was in the days of “full-service” gas stations. He sat inside his dry car while an attendant, who whistled cheerfully while he worked, filled up his tank in that awful rain.

As the customer was leaving, he said apologetically, “I’m sorry to get you out in this weather.”

The attendant replied, “It doesn’t bother me a bit. When I was fighting in Vietnam, I made up my mind in a foxhole one day that if I ever got out of this place alive, I would be so grateful I’d never complain about anything again. And I haven’t.”

One person likes to say, “Happiness consists of living each day as if it were the first day of your honeymoon and the last day of your vacation.” And Ralph Waldo Emerson puts it this way: “An individual has a healthy personality to the exact degree to which they have the propensity to look for the good in every situation."

However you say it, choosing our attitudes is part of building a whole and happy life.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Kevin Spencer

A Simple Habit That Can Change Everything

Do you remember the story of the sailor who over-imbibed and fell asleep at his table? His buddies smeared a bit of strong smelling cheese dip on his mustache, which caused him to wake up and look around. He sniffed and then walked outside, sniffed again and came back in, walked out and back in one more time and finally sat down in his seat. “It’s no use,” he said to his friend, “the whole world stinks.”

Ever felt that way? We have all experienced bad days and horrible situations. We’ve felt trapped, helpless and, at times, hopeless. And sometimes it seems that the whole world stinks.

But I heard of one woman who learned never to view things that way. She grew up in extreme poverty and had every reason to think that her world, at least, stinks. But as a girl, she was privileged to be in a Sunday School class taught by a young woman named Alice Freeman. Freeman was later to become president of Wellesley College at age 26. (As an aside, she would later marry and become known as Alice Freeman Palmer, a renown advocate for education for women.) But let me continue with the little girl’s story.

One Sunday, Freeman asked the children to find something beautiful in their homes, and then tell the other children about it the next week. The following Sunday, when the little girl was asked what she found that was beautiful at home, she thought of her impoverished condition and replied, “Nothing. There’s nothing beautiful where I live, except...except the sunshine on our baby’s curls.”

Years later, long after Alice Freeman Palmer’s untimely death, her husband George was lecturing at a university in the western United States. He was approached by a distinguished looking woman who fondly recalled that, as a child, she attended his wife’s Sunday School class. Then she related this story:

“I can remember that your wife once asked us to find something beautiful in our homes, and that I came back saying the only beautiful thing I could find was the sunshine on my sister’s curls. But that assignment your wife made was the turning point in my life. I began to look for something beautiful wherever I was, and I’ve been doing it ever since.” 

That one simple act, repeated every day, became a powerful means of lifelong transformation for that woman.

If you have been thinking your “whole world stinks,” the daily habit of looking for something beautiful can help you see the good that actually exists wherever you are. You’ll see beauty that others miss. And you’ll never view your life the same again. 

It’s a simple habit that can change everything.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/zehhhra

Two Simple, Little Words

Lecturer Charles Hobbs tells about a woman who lived in London over a century ago. She saved what little money she could working as a scullery maid and used it one evening to hear a great speaker of her day. His speech moved her deeply and she waited to visit with him afterward. “How fine it must be to have had the opportunities you have had in life,” she said.

“My dear lady,” he replied, “have you never received an opportunity?”

“No. I have never had a chance,” she said.

“What do you do?” the speaker asked.

She answered, “I peel onions and potatoes in my sister’s boarding house.”

“How long have you been doing this?” he pursued.

“Fifteen miserable years!”

“And where do you sit?” he continued. 

“Why, on the bottom step in the kitchen.” She looked puzzled.

“And where do you put your feet?”

“On the floor,” she answered, more puzzled. 

“What is the floor?”

“It is glazed brick.”

Then he said, “I will give you an assignment today. I want you to write me a letter about the bricks. Learn as much as you can about the bricks in your kitchen, then teach me.”

Against her protests about being a poor writer, he made her promise to complete the assignment.

The next day, as she sat down to peel onions, she gazed at the brick floor. That evening she pulled one loose, took it to a brick factory and asked the owner to explain to her how bricks were made.

Still not satisfied, she went to a library and found a book on bricks. She learned that 120 different kinds of brick and tile were being produced in England at the time. Now curious, she discovered how clay beds, which existed for millions of years, were formed. Her research captivated her imagination and she spent every spare moment learning more. She returned to the library night after night until she became something of an expert on bricks.

After months of study, she set out to write her letter as promised. She sent a 36-page document about English bricks and, to her surprise, she received a letter back. Enclosed was payment for her research. He had published her letter. And along with the money came a new assignment – this time he asked her to write about what she found underneath the brick.

For the first time in her life she could hardly wait to get back to the kitchen. She pulled up the brick and there was an ant. She held it in her hand and examined it.

That evening, she hurried back to the library to study ants. She learned that there were hundreds of different kinds of ants. Some were so small they could stand on the head of a pin; while others were so large one could feel the weight of them in one’s hand. She started her own ant colony and examined ants underneath a lens.

Several months later she wrote what she learned about ants in another long letter.  It, too, was eventually published. For the first time, she began to think that she might be able to do something different with her life. She was thrilled to discover that her future was not predetermined. And in time, the woman quit her kitchen job to take up writing.

Before she died, she had traveled to distant lands and had experienced more than she ever imagined possible. 

Two of the saddest words in the language are “if only.” If only I had a chance. If only I had the time. If only I had more education. If only I had connections. If only I had more money. If only things were different. If only...

And two of the most inspirational words are “I can.” I can try. I can learn. I can adjust. I can heal. I can change. I can grow. I  can do it.

Two simple, little words. Yet they can change a life.

--Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Janice Staines

Setting Your Outlook

A man who fell off a skyscraper was heard to say as he passed the 12th floor, “So far, so good!” An optimist. 

Actually, I believe in optimism. I believe that there is considerable power in an upbeat attitude, especially when it is grounded in reality.

The late Brian Johnston, a well-known British broadcaster, demonstrated the power of a hopeful outlook. He delighted millions of listeners with his radio programs. He was also a top-class cricket commentator and enthusiast for the game. He once said, “I am a great optimist. Every time I go to a cricket match, I think it is going to be the best game I have ever seen. Of course, it never is, but what pleasure it gives me in anticipation!”

And maybe that is the point. Is he simply playing silly mind games? I don’t think so. Imagine how much more we might enjoy a meal, a book, an outing, a concert, a holiday – if we think these just may be the best we have ever experienced. Maybe they won’t be. But anticipating something no less than wonderful can make all the difference.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox poetically wrote:

One ship sails East,

And another West,

By the self-same winds that blow,

'Tis the set of the sails

And not the gales,

That tells the way we go.

Set your mental sails to catch favorable winds. Whenever possible, try to look for - and expect - the best. You may discover that things turn out better again and again just because you’ve set higher expectations.  And even if you don’t realize the very best, what have you lost? You still get to enjoy the amazing pleasure of anticipation.

-- Steve Goodier 

Image: flickr.com/Jon Pinder

An Encouraging Word

 

Image courtesy of Brian Lary

"Home on the Range" is a familiar American song that has become something of an unofficial anthem of the American west. Words to the song are adapted from Brewster Higley's original poem:

Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam,
Where the deer and the antelope play,
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day.

Since I live in the American west myself, I know something about skies that are not cloudy all day. But I sometimes find myself reflecting on a time when bison roamed the grassy prairie. And though I think I'd like to at least visit where the deer and the antelope play, I know I'd enjoy a place where seldom is heard a discouraging word. I wonder if there is such a place. Or how about somewhere that oft is heard an encouraging word? Can a place like that be found? A place of encouragement?

One man thought he might have found such a place in a bookstore where he waited in line for a guest author to autograph a  copy of his latest novel. An encouraging, elderly woman at the front of the line turned around and said with obvious enthusiasm, “I just have to say – this is the BEST book I've ever read. Why, I couldn't put it down until the very last page.”

Before anyone could respond, the author glanced up and said, “All right, Mother, that's enough!”

I realize that a mother's praise is a bit on the biased side. Besides, if we're looking for more warm vibes and verbal support, we certainly can't take our mothers with us wherever we go. That said, there is tremendous power in words of encouragement. Power to change lives.

A young Polish boy wanted to play piano, but his teacher told him that his fingers were too stubby and that he would never play well. The boy was advised to try the cornet, but was later told by an expert musician that he did not have the lip to ever be good. Discouraging words.

Then one day he met the great pianist Anton Rubinstein. The famous musician gave this young boy the first bit of musical encouragement he ever received. “Young man,” Rubinstein said, “you might be able to play the piano. In fact, I think you can...if you will practice seven hours a day.”

Seven hours a day might sound daunting. But that was all the boost this boy needed. The great Rubinstein had told him he could do it. He might have to dedicate most of his time to practice, but he could do it. He could be good. After all, Anton Rubinstein said so.

He did practice for many hours every day and his hard work was rewarded. Years later, Jan Paderewski became one of the most famous pianists of his time. An encouraging word carried with it enough power to ignite a young boy’s eager spirit, and the resulting fire of passion burned brightly in the musician's heart for decades.

Your encouraging word, given today, may forever change a receptive life. I wonder who needs to hear it.

-- Steve Goodier

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Ten Leadership Blunders

Comedian Bill Cosby once said, “I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss' job...and I don't want it!"

Like it or not, there are times we are in charge. There are times we are all leaders – as a parent, in the classroom, through work, in a club, on a sports team or in a volunteer organization. And we can always become better leaders. Here are ten common leadership blunders better leaders avoid.

1. Some leaders are blind to the current situation. They solve the wrong problems in the wrong way. They bandage an infected thumb but do not pull the splinter. Better leaders work hard to understand the real problem before responding.

2. Some leaders discourage those they lead. They find fault and blame. They criticize when things don't go right. Better leaders encourage. They give credit when things go well and take responsibility for problems.

3. Some leaders believe they have all the answers they need. Better leaders keep learning. A cross-discipline study of leadership indicated that effective leaders in all fields are always learning. They understand that a spurt here and a spurt there does not make an expert.

4. Some leaders shy away from courageous decisions. They prefer to keep things as they are, even if the system is not working all that well. They will almost always follow the well-worn path. Better leaders will often go where there is no path and leave a trail. They trust their instincts and act boldly.

5. Some leaders keep others in their place. They remind them who is boss. Better leaders know that authority earned trumps authority granted.

6. Some leaders would rather do the work themselves. They are slow to delegate. They micro-manage and control. Better leaders identify strengths and limitations of those they lead. They assign, train, encourage and then get out of the way.

7. Some leaders sabotage the successes of others. When those around them succeed, they feel threatened. Better leaders help others find success. They give a hand up. They realize that when one is lifted onto another's shoulders, both stand taller.

8. Some leaders ask others to do what they are not willing to do themselves, and try to get others to go places they have not been. Better leaders always lead by example. They get out in front and lead, they don’t push from behind.

9. Some leaders motivate by force. They cajole, intimidate, threaten and issue ultimatums. Better leaders understand that people respond best to positive incentive. They build morale.

10. Some leaders do not listen well to those they lead. Their minds are already made up and they charge recklessly ahead. Better leaders listen closely to those they want to influence.

U.S. Secretary of State Dean Rusk once said, "One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears -- by listening to them." Great salespeople know this. Great motivators know this. Great leaders know this.

Maybe you've seen the boss' job and you don't want it, but we are all in charge at times. Be a better leader and you will help build a better world.

-- Steve Goodier

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No Hopeless Situations

There is a wonderful urban legend circulating about a man who is trying to land a job as an assistant professor in a university. His application was rejected and he writes the following response:

 Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412 A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA  34109

Dear Professor Millington,

   Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

   This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

   Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

   Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,

Chris L. Jensen

If it is true that you can tell how big someone is by what it takes to discourage that person, then this is a man who must be massive. I might say the same thing about a boy who, in real life, was not so big. But he was difficult to discourage and so he showed himself to be a giant on the inside.

Some 40 years ago, when he was only 11 years old, Morgan Rowe lost his left arm and much of the use of his right arm. It happened when he fell off a tractor at his father's fence company in Valdosta, Georgia, and was dragged beneath the machine. Morgan's left arm was destroyed and his right, mangled.

Young Morgan was released from the hospital after three-and-a-half months. The first thing he set out to do was to help pay the bills -- $30,000 worth. That was a lot of money back then as it is now. For a boy of 11 to accomplish such a task, the situation seemed hopeless.

For five years Morgan scoured roadsides picking up cans and bottles. He collected thousands of cans and collected and sold newspapers. He never gave up hope. First, he paid off the $455 ambulance bill. Then he put $2,500 down on the hospital bill.

He was still a long way off though his parents raised another $9,000 toward the debt.

People began to hear about the injured boy and eventually some 2,000 donations poured in, totaling $25,000. The bill was paid in full! Morgan set aside the additional money for future education.

What then? Though the bill was paid up, Morgan kept his projects going to collect money for the hospital so he could help others.

Someone forgot to tell the boy he was too injured for that kind of work. Someone forgot to tell him that the situation was hopeless. Somehow young Morgan didn't realize that an 11-year-old boy could never pay off a hospital bill so large.

Church reformer Martin Luther once said, “Everything that is done in the world is done by the hopeful.” And entertainer Dinah Shore observed, “There are no hopeless situations – only people who are hopeless about them.” Morgan Rowe should know.

I will not always be young and strong. My life circumstances can change in an instant. My health may leave me and I may lose people who are important in my life. But there are no hopeless situations. So I won’t easily turn loose of my hopeful outlook, even when things seem bleak. Without hope, I’m lost. But with it, I suspect that any situation can be creatively redeemed.

-- Steve Goodier

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Image: flickr.com/C. Ryan

Believe It

Writer Norman Cousins tells about a football game at which a doctor found himself treating five spectators for stomach disorder. Each complained of nausea, dizziness and cramps. Upon checking, the doctor learned that all five had previously consumed soft drinks from the arena’s concession stands. In the interest of protecting public safety, an announcement was made to the crowd that it would be wise to forego drinks in the stadium because certain people were becoming ill.

By the third quarter of the game, 200 people – all of whom had been slurping sodas – were reporting the same symptoms. Half of these hurried off to a nearby hospital. Later in the afternoon the doctor determined that his five original patients had also eaten potato salad from the same delicatessen on the way to the game. The potato salad, not the drinks, was apparently the culprit.

An announcement was made. Almost immediately those who were sick felt remarkably better. The fans taken to the hospital were sent home as their symptoms quickly disappeared.

All of this goes to show the tremendous power of belief. What we believe to be true will often become true.

The power of our beliefs will dramatically affect our future. Like automaker Henry Ford said, "Whether you think you can or not, you are right." If you believe you will succeed or fail, you are probably right. If you believe strongly enough that something good or bad will surely happen to you, it likely will.

Mahatma Gandhi found this principle to be true in his own experience. "If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it," the Indian leader said. "But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it, even if I did not have the ability in the beginning."

Where did that ability come from? Was it the sheer power of his belief that gave him the capacity to do what seemed impossible? He was sure that was the case.

Your belief is power. And probably more than any other single factor, your belief that something just might be possible … can bring about what you want in life.

Believe it.

-- Steve Goodier 

Image: flickr.comThai Jasmine

Finding the Good News

A few years ago I read of a Ukraine businessman who bought a pager for each member of his staff as a New Year’s gift. As he was returning from the pager shop, all 50 beepers on the back seat of his automobile simultaneously burst out screeching. He was so alarmed that he drove his car into a lamp post, just 100 meters from his office.

After he assessed the damage to the car, the businessman turned his attention to the message on the 50 pagers. It read: “Congratulations on a successful purchase!” (Reuters, Jan. 14, 1999)

That got his attention. Unfortunately, it’s the bad news – newspaper headlines and world events – that generally clamor the loudest to get noticed.

And there is enough bad news all around. I came across an article that reported a study of a large group of people who were instructed to evaluate all the information they received for a year and a half. They were asked to record whether what they were seeing and hearing all day long was positive or negative. These researchers determined that ninety percent of the input the group received was negative – bad news.

That may not come as a surprise to everyone. Over a half-century ago, Franklin Roosevelt told about an old man who was losing his hearing and went to the doctor for help. He was advised to quit drinking alcohol. When his family asked him what he was going to do, he replied, “Well, I’ve given it a lot of thought and I’ve decided I like what I’ve been drinkin’ so much better than what I’ve been hearin’, I’m just gonna keep on gettin’ deaf.”

But there is still good news aplenty. We can still hear encouraging words from friends. Any day we can witness numerous acts of generosity and kindness. And we can still spot signs all around us of love and hope. Sometimes we may have to look a little more closely, but the good news is there.

Are you finding it? It’s worth the effort.

-- Steve Goodier


Image: flickr.com/David Schroeder, image adapted