Setting Your Outlook

A man who fell off a skyscraper was heard to say as he passed the 12th floor, “So far, so good!” An optimist. 

Actually, I believe in optimism. I believe that there is considerable power in an upbeat attitude, especially when it is grounded in reality.

The late Brian Johnston, a well-known British broadcaster, demonstrated the power of a hopeful outlook. He delighted millions of listeners with his radio programs. He was also a top-class cricket commentator and enthusiast for the game. He once said, “I am a great optimist. Every time I go to a cricket match, I think it is going to be the best game I have ever seen. Of course, it never is, but what pleasure it gives me in anticipation!”

And maybe that is the point. Is he simply playing silly mind games? I don’t think so. Imagine how much more we might enjoy a meal, a book, an outing, a concert, a holiday – if we think these just may be the best we have ever experienced. Maybe they won’t be. But anticipating something no less than wonderful can make all the difference.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox poetically wrote:

One ship sails East,

And another West,

By the self-same winds that blow,

'Tis the set of the sails

And not the gales,

That tells the way we go.

Set your mental sails to catch favorable winds. Whenever possible, try to look for - and expect - the best. You may discover that things turn out better again and again just because you’ve set higher expectations.  And even if you don’t realize the very best, what have you lost? You still get to enjoy the amazing pleasure of anticipation.

-- Steve Goodier 

Image: flickr.com/Jon Pinder

Who Sets Your Standards?

Image by Ariel da Silva Parreira

Who sets your standards for you?

A true story has it that one older man decided to jog around the local high school football field. As he huffed and puffed along, the team was in practice.

The players soon started running sprints up and down the field. The man told himself, "I'll just keep running until they quit." So he ran. And they ran. And he ran some more. And they kept running. And he kept running until he could finally run no more. He stopped in exhaustion. One of the players, equally exhausted, approached him and said, "Boy, I'm glad you finally stopped, Mister. Coach told us we had to keep running wind sprints as long as the old guy was jogging!"

He was watching them. They were watching him. He was letting them set his standard. They allowed him to set theirs.

My question is this: are you keeping pace with somebody else? Are you allowing other people to set your standards for you?

What about your standards, or principles, for moral behavior? Humorist Mark Twain said, “I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.” Do you decide for yourself what is right and wrong or do you find yourself going along with others?

And how about attitudinal standards? When confronted with negativity and cynicism, how do you respond? Do you choose your attitudes, or do you just react to circumstances?

What about your relationships? What do you expect to get out of relationships? Who sets the standard for how fulfilling, or even how important, a relationship will be to you?

In short, do you keep pace with those around you, or do you decide yourself just how you will live your life? The truth is...only you are qualified to set your standards.  Only you can determine how you should live and what you will finally expect from yourself.

Set your own standards. It beats jogging until your legs fall off.

– Steve Goodier

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Free to Be Me

I like what Quentin Crisp said about social mobility: "Keeping up with the Joneses was a full-time job with my mother and father. It was not until many years later when I lived alone that I realized how much cheaper it was to drag the Joneses down to my level."

And speaking of social mobility…two women happened to be seated next to each other on a plane and struck up an earnest conversation about their respective hometowns.

“Where I’m from,” one woman sniveled, “we place all our emphasis on breeding.”

Her new companion, unimpressed and uninterested in this yardstick for measuring the value of a person, just smiled. “We think that’s a lot of fun, too – but we do find time for other pursuits.”

Some people try to impress. They want to elevate themselves by conspicuous breeding, social standing, education and life-style. They believe that to be “well-bred, well-fed, well-read and well-wed” just may help them find some happiness (and a satisfying bit of deference from others).

These symbols have little meaning for other individuals. They care little about how people see them. The only standards which concern them are those they set themselves. The person they really want to please and impress most is the one looking back from the mirror.

I believe that, more than anyone else, these people know what it is to be free. Why? Because they’re free from what others think about them. They are free from feeling like they always have to please other people. They are not programmed to behave a certain way because others expect it.

One man I know likes to say, “Be yourself.  Everybody else is already taken.” But I think that author and educator Leo Buscaglia may have said it best. “The easiest thing to be in the world is you,” he said. “The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don't let them put you in that position.” And that’s advice worth following.

Who decides what you will do? Who decides who you will be? Who decides what is important to you? Who sets your standards? Ultimately, who do you REALLY want to impress? Somebody else … or yourself?

The point is this: you can’t please everybody, nor should you try. So why not be sure you at least try to please the right person? That’s REAL freedom.

-- Steve Goodier

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What Do You Expect?

“Well, what do you expect?” Has anybody ever asked you that?

Sometimes, my greatest disappointments have come because I expected something that was simply not realistic.

You may know that Robert Lucas won the 1995 Nobel Memorial Prize in economics. His ex-wife received half of his $1 million award. Yes, his EX-wife. As it happened, when they were divorcing in 1988, she had her lawyer add one tiny clause to the property settlement: “Wife shall receive 50 percent of any Nobel prize.” And her clause had an expiration date: October 31, 1995. He won the prize on October 10.

One would think that her expectation of him winning a Nobel Prize might be irrational. How many people do that? It’s something like my winning the Iron Man Marathon by the year 3000. That just won’t happen.

But the difference is that I don’t train, and she seemed to be sure that it was only a matter of time before his outstanding work would be recognized in such a way. Within seven years, she thought. So it turned out her expectation was entirely rational. (Ironically, Lucas was honored for an economic theory he called “Rational Expectations.”)

I admittedly know nothing about Lucas’ Theory of Rational Expectations in economics. But I do know something about irrational expectations among people. And I know that irrational expectations can cause untold disappointment.

Like the expectation that someone else will make me happy. This is irrational. Nobody can make me happy. That is my job. If I expect others to make me happy or to keep me happy, I know I will be disappointed again and again.

Or the expectation that life should be, for the most part, relatively easy and problem free. This, too, is irrational. Bad things happen. Living can be difficult. If I expect things to be easy, if I expect NOT to have problems, if I expect to avoid pain and heartache, I know I will be in for serious disappointment. Problems are here to stay.

I don’t mean to paint a picture of life as bleak and miserable. It isn’t. In fact, I think it is amazingly wonderful. And all the more wonderful when I don’t expect too much out of it. I expect problems, but I also expect to find joy. I do not expect others to always please me, but I do expect to be responsible for my own well-being.

So…what did you expect? I think if you can answer that question well, you can expect to be much happier.

-- Steve Goodier