Decision Is Destiny

“Mommy, what happens when a car gets too old and banged up to run?” a little girl asked.

“Well,” her mother said, “someone sells it to your father.”

I think I have bought a couple of cars like that. Like most people, my life is punctuated by decisions that did not turn out the way I’d hoped. But we cannot always be expected to make the best decisions. Sometimes we simply don’t have enough information. And other times, there just isn’t a good decision anywhere to be found and we go with the lesser of several evils, hoping that we know a lesser evil when we see one. All we can really do is make decisions the best way we know how and act on them. 

But making better decisions is important. Things change when decisions change.

Before his rise to political fame, Maryland Congressman Kweisi Mfume walked a path of self-destruction. He dropped out of high school. A few years later, he robbed a pedestrian in order to join a street gang. Mfume spent the following years drinking and trouble-making with the gang.

A turning point came one summer night when he abruptly decided he could no longer continue on his present course. He decided to earn his high school equivalency certificate and later graduated magna cum laude from Morgan State University in Baltimore. He then went on to earn a graduate degree at Johns Hopkins University.

When Mfume ran for Congress in 1986, his opponents tried to use his old mistakes against him. But his achievements since he left a troubled past behind captivated an electorate who voted him into office by an overwhelming 87 percent. He was on a collision course with total failure until he made an important decision.

That decision included getting an education and trying to improve the world rather than taking from it. And it was also a decision to make better decisions. He eventually became a representative to the US House of Representatives (twice), he headed up the National Associate of the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) and served as the CEO of the National Medical Association. 

What changes a life is not simply learning more, though education is important. What changes a life is making decisions − the best decisions you can make − and acting on them. It’s been accurately said: “Your decisions determine your direction, and your direction determines your destiny.” Or put another way, “The decisions you make… make you.”

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/John Mathew Smith

Where Are You Going?

An army chaplain tells of the time he was asked to preach at a church some 20 miles from the base. He took his family along, but had neglected to tell his six-year-old daughter where they were going. After a few miles on the road, she asked, “Dad, when we get to where we’re going, where will we be?” A good question! And one all of us should try to answer for ourselves.

Think of your life’s journey. When you get to where you’re going, where will you be? One year, five years, or even 20 years from now, if you keep heading in the same direction you are heading and keep doing what you are doing, what will your life look like? Not only vocationally and financially, but what kind of person will you be? Do you have a pretty clear picture of the way you would like things to turn out, or will you be as surprised when it happens as everybody else?

It has been my experience that most people do not spend much time with these questions. But as Henry David Thoreau once said, “In the long run, we only hit what we aim at.”

To live aimlessly is to waste this precious gift of life. But to live with direction is to live fully.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: Flickr.com/Peat Bakke

Looking for the Helpers

Did you know that the Arctic Tern, that lives about seven degrees south of the North Pole, leaves its home every year and flies all the way to Antarctica and back -- some 23,000 miles in all?

It flies all that distance and returns to just the same spot it left the year before. I can hardly drive across town without getting lost -- how does the little bird do it? Twenty three thousand miles! Instinctively, the Arctic Tern flies halfway around the globe, returns home every year and never makes a wrong turn.

Other animals have a similar ability. It’s well known that the salmon leaves her little mountain stream as a fingerling and swims, perhaps hundreds of miles, to the ocean where she lives most of her life. Then, when it's time to lay eggs, she swims back to her place of birth. She somehow finds just the right river, and all of the correct tributaries and streams and creeks until she arrives home. It's the trip of a lifetime -- one she may not survive. But she presses on, somehow knowing just the right paths to take along the way. Like the Arctic Tern, the salmon somehow knows the way.

When I was a child my family visited the World’s Fair in Seattle. I think my parents knew me well, because shortly after we arrived they pointed out the Space Needle in the distance. “Do you see the Space Needle?” they asked. “You can see it from anyplace at the fair. If you should get separated from us or lost, just go to the Space Needle and sit down. We will come and find you.”

Unlike the tern and the salmon, I had no built-in navigation system. It wasn’t long before I turned around and discovered my family was no longer with me. I was lost. I spotted the Space Needle, headed there and sat down. Shortly, my brother (who had a better sense of direction than I) came and found me.

We don’t all have a refined sense of direction. But human beings have something else that is perhaps more important. It is also instinctual. We are born with the ability to ask for help and to give it.

Television personality Fred Rogers put it like this: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.” We are born to be helpers.

When you’re lost, look for the helpers. When your life is headed in the wrong direction, when you are afraid of making poor decisions, look for the helpers. When you don’t know if you can navigate life’s complexities by yourself, look for the helpers. You don’t have to go it alone - there is always someone close by who is ready to help. 

This life is not a long journey you have to travel by yourself. We’re made to do it with each other. Look for the helpers.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/GregVandeLeest

Four Important Questions

Image by Shai Barzilay

The airline pilot announced over the intercom, “Folks, I've got good news and bad news for you. The bad news is...we’re lost. The good news is...we’re making great time!”

It’s too easy to live our lives like that, isn't it? Making great time, but not sure if we’re heading in the right direction. 

Susan Ertz provocatively said, “Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.” The problem is...they know they would like to accomplish something important with their lives or to somehow make a difference. But when it comes to making the journey toward those destinations, they feel stuck. In short, they are lost.

Author and speaker Danny Cox, in his book Seize The Day, tells of a man who made a great success of his life in spite of tremendous hardships. The moment that ultimately turned this man’s life around was when he sat down and asked himself four important questions:     

1. What do I really want? He didn’t want to just sleepwalk through life, nor look back someday and feel regret.
2. What will it cost? In time, money and commitment.
3. Am I willing to pay the price?    
4. When is the best time to start paying the price?

It occurs to me that one of these questions is the most difficult: What do you really want? You will need to spend enough time deciding on your answer. But once you figure it out, the other questions will be easy.

ANSWER these four questions and you will get clear on the direction you want to take your life. COMMIT to these answers and you’ll make great time.

-- Steve Goodier

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The Rocking Chair Test

How are you at making decisions?

Years ago, a city family bought an American cattle ranch and moved to the wide-open country. After a month, friends visited the family in their ranch house. “What did you decide to name your ranch?” they inquired.

“Well,” the husband replied, “I wanted to call it the Flying W and my wife wanted to name it the Suzy Q, but one of our sons liked the Bar J and the other preferred the Lazy Y. So we compromised and call it the Flying W/Suzy Q/Bar J/Lazy Y.”

“I see,” said the visitor. “And where are your cattle?”

“None of them survived the branding,” said the rancher.

Frightening things happen when we can't make a decision. And I don't always make good decisions myself. That's especially true when I act on impulse. I will snatch something off the shelf of a store that I really don't want. Or I don't take the time to research an item I need before purchasing one I just happen to like. I will eat something from the fridge when I'm more bored than hungry and regret the calories later. You get what I mean. I don't always use my head. I can be like a “$40 million dollar airport with a $20 control tower,” as they say.

Impulsive behavior aside, sometimes even thoughtful decision-making is still not easy. No clear choice is evident. We may want black and white but see only fifty shades of gray and no option looks all that good. "I've made up my mind, but I made it up both ways," baseball great Casey Stengel famously quipped.

What do you do when you're decidedly undecided? Or when you're struggling with a decision and you've made your mind up both ways?

When I'm stuck, I sometimes step back and take the Rocking Chair Test. It can get me through the impasse to a point where I'm making better decisions. This is how it works.

Imagine yourself near the end of your life. You are relaxing in a rocking chair reflecting on the decision you presently want to make. As the older, wiser you thinks about the outcome of your choice, ask yourself three simple questions.

1. Did it cause harm?
2. Did it bring about good?
3. How did it shape the person I became?

The Rocking Chair Test helps you to take a long view of your options. After imagining your answers to those questions, you should know better which way to go.

Try asking yourself those three questions. You may be amazed at how quickly you make better decisions.

And the cattle will appreciate your decisiveness.

– Steve Goodier

Your Invisible Compass

Image courtesy of angelalola

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one noticed that his partner had only one golf ball. "Don't you have at least one other ball in case yours gets lost?” he asked.

The man replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one."

His friend looked skeptical. “Really? Well, what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"

"That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll get it back."

"Then what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?"

The other replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll find it – no problem."

"Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you slice it off the fairway. What are you going to do then?"

"No problem, this ball is florescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."

His friend seemed convinced. “Wow, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"

"I found it."

Have you ever wished you had a guidance system like that golf ball? Who among us doesn’t know how it feels to be lost? And there are many different we ways can get lost. One of my sons, now a young man, spoke with some sadness about his teen-age years. He made some poor choices for a while. That day, while looking back at those difficult years, he commented, “I lost my way.” At one time or another we’ve all lost our way.

Have you ever wished you had a guidance system so that, when you lose your way, you know you won’t be lost for long? And the truth is – we do. We each have an inner guidance system, an invisible compass, hidden deep inside. We each have the ability to find the answers we need, to find our way in life when we’re lost – to find our way back home.

Life coaches remind us that we are naturally creative, resourceful and whole. Therefore, the best coaches don’t give answers. They stimulate our creativity and remind us that we are already resourceful and whole and can come up with solutions ourselves.

Similarly, we may pay a lot of money for psychological counseling, but, as any good counselor knows, it's not advice most of us require. So a skilled therapist will help us to find the way…by ourselves…back to ourselves. They help us look inside where we will find what guidance we need.

Call it an inner voice. Call it spiritual guidance. Call it a gift.

When I’ve lost my way or when I am confused about a path to take, I remember that most answers I need I already possess – deep inside. I am naturally creative, resourceful and whole. If I consult my invisible compass, I’ll know what to do. I think that is what author Vernon Howard meant when he said, “Inner guidance is heard like soft music in the night by those who have learned to listen.”

Can you hear the music? Are you learning to listen?

-- Steve Goodier

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Listening to Your Heart

I sometimes wish I had a road map for living. If only someone would occasionally show me a way to go, a direction to take, it seems things could be easier. Have you ever thought like that?

But it doesn't take me long to remember that others probably feel as confused as I do.

Passengers on a regular flight from Detroit to Tri-City Airport (which is situated between the Michigan cities of Saginaw, Bay City and Midland), must have felt a little more than confused during a flight attendant's greeting. Obviously not familiar with the area, she welcomed everyone warmly and stated that the destination would be Midland. A few concerned passengers alerted her to the mistake, so she quickly corrected herself by saying they were headed to Tri-City and Bay City.

Chuckles rippled along the aisle as she bravely tried again. This time she informed passengers that their destination was Saginaw. Now laughter broke out.

At that point, an authoritative voice came over the intercom and rescued her. "I'm your pilot, folks," he said, "and don't worry -- I know where we're going."

It's nice when someone knows the way. But does anyone know the way YOU should be going? The way you should go in your life?

The truth is -- we really can't depend on others for the most important answers about living our lives. People can help, but nobody can truly decide what is best for us; nobody else can steer us along that individual path that we should take.

But the good news is this: we will eventually find the way ourselves. And I believe we'll find it best by listening. Listening to our hearts; listening to an inner voice.

I've learned that if I listen well, I will discover that the solution I need is usually there, hiding within. It may be irritatingly well hidden, but it is there nevertheless.

Perhaps you feel a bit lost. Most of us do at times. And if so, don't worry. This may be a perfect time to listen. Listen to that quiet voice within. And while you listen, remember this -- your inner pilot knows where you're going.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/Ulrik De Wachter