Just Seeing What Life Brings

You’ve heard it said that what you see is what you get. But what I’ve discovered is that it’s not what you see, but what you think you see, that determines what you get.

In the “Journal of the American Medical Association,” Dr. Paul Ruskin demonstrated how our perception of reality (not actually what is going on, but how we perceive it) determines how we feel about it. While teaching a class on the psychological aspects of aging, he read the following case to his students:

The patient neither speaks nor comprehends the spoken word. Sometimes she babbles incoherently for hours on end. She is disoriented about person, place, and time. She does, however, respond to her name. I have worked with her for the past six months, but she still shows complete disregard for her physical appearance and makes no effort to assist her own care. She must be fed, bathed, and clothed by others. Because she has no teeth, her food must be pureed. Her shirt is usually soiled from almost incessant drooling. She does not walk. Her sleep pattern is erratic. Often she wakes in the middle of the night, and her screaming awakens others. Most of the time she is friendly and happy, but several times a day she gets quite agitated without apparent cause. Then she wails until someone comes to comfort her.

After presenting the case, Dr. Ruskin asked his students how they would like caring for this person. Most of them said they would not like it at all. He then said that he believed he would especially enjoy it and thought that they might, also. He passed a picture of the patient around for his puzzled students to see. It was his six-month-old daughter.

Most of the students thought that what they saw, in Ruskin’s description, was the task of caring for a difficult elderly woman with severe dementia and loss of bodily control with little or no self awareness. But when shown the picture, they realized that what they thought they saw and what they now clearly saw were quite different realities.

I have numerous tasks ahead today. How will I see them? Am I already seeing something I think I’ll dread without giving it a chance? Am I seeing something as negative when it could turn out to be rewarding or even a great opportunity for some growth? And what if I chose not to expect the worst and just see what life brings me?

I feel better about my day already.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Jason Hoang

Two Windows to Truth

You may be familiar with the story. Harry Truman and Tom Dewey faced off in the 1948 US presidential elections. Dewey went to bed convinced, by early election results, that he was the next president of the United States. But when he awoke, he learned that Harry Truman had won. What may not be as well known is that Dewey said to his wife on election day, "Dear, tonight you'll be sleeping with the President of the United States." When they learned that Harry Truman actually won, Mrs. Dewey said to her husband, "Tom, will I be going to Washington or is Mr. Truman coming here?"

It is difficult to predict the future. But one group that has had some success with gazing at the "crystal ball" is the World Future Society. In 1987 the society met in Cambridge, Massachusetts and predicted that the 21st century will include:

1. A transition from an industrial to an information and service society.
2. A terrific increase in the rate of change.
3. Globalizations in every area of business and life.
4. Re-spiritualization of society (reversing the secularization trend of recent centuries), tying knowledge to vision and direction.

Early in the 21st century we have already seen these trends evolving. I find all four fascinating, but the last one particularly intrigues me. A reader sent me this quote from anthropologist Jane Goodall. Goodall, a scientist, says this about spirituality:

"Thinking back over my life, it seems to me that there are different ways of looking out and trying to understand the world around us. There's a very clear scientific window. And it does enable us to understand an awful lot about what's out there. There's another window; it's the window through which the wise men, the holy men, the masters of the different and great religions look as they try to understand the meaning in the world. My own preference is the window of the mystic."

That is a remarkable statement coming from a scientist, but both windows are necessary if we are to understand the world.

Some of us more naturally gravitate toward reason and logic. It is an important window on the world. Raised by a scientist, I understand that and appreciate it. Others more easily understand the world through spiritual eyes. I married one of these people and deeply appreciate her view of reality. The eyes of the soul, looking through a spiritual window, can often see things the mind misses. We shouldn’t discount one method of arriving at truth because we are not as familiar with using it.

I don’t want to under-appreciate the window of science, nor do I want to neglect the window of the mystic. If I spend time gazing out both windows, I’ll see with my mind as well as with my heart. I expect to be amazed.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimage.com/Griszka Niewiadomski

Treasure at Your Fingertips

A century ago, Russell Conwell traveled the United States with a speech he called, “Acres of Diamonds.” Of the many stories he told, one was of a young man who studied at Yale to become a mining engineer. Upon graduation, “gold fever” struck him and he set off to California to seek his fortune. 
    
Yale had offered him a position as an instructor, which he turned down. He persuaded his mother to sell their Massachusetts farm and accompany him. But the trip was futile as he found no gold and eventually accepted a job in Minnesota working for a mining company – at a lower salary than he would have received at Yale.

More interesting is that the man who bought the family farm from the widowed mother was harvesting potatoes one day. As he slid a heavy bushel through an opening in the stone wall, he noticed a shiny stone. He had it assayed and learned it was native silver. The farm was sitting on a fortune in silver!

Why had the mining engineer, who had undoubtedly passed by that same rock and others like it hundreds of times, not discovered the ore? Could it be that he never dreamed a treasure could be found so easily? Was it because he believed that one must go elsewhere to fulfill a dream?

A profound life truth is this: what we are seeking may be found right where we are. Think about it. Do you need to go somewhere else to find happiness? Chances are, if you were truly aware of what you have in your life now you could be happy. Or do you think you’ll find love if you only search for somebody else? Look more carefully, through appreciative eyes, at who is in your life today. 

It’s easy to miss what you have when you are busy searching someplace else. Sometimes it’s just about changing our thinking. What you seek (happiness, security, fulfillment, challenge, love, meaning, purpose -- the list is practically endless) may be right in front of you. You likely just don’t see it. It may be hidden in plain sight. 

Before you search someplace else, look carefully! You just might be amazed at what you see.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Timitrius

The Real You

One woman describes herself as "Five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump." After she had a minor accident, her mother accompanied her to the hospital emergency room. The admitting nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted out,"Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."

The nurse pondered over this information and looked over the patient. Then the woman's mother leaned over to her and gently chided, "Sweetheart, this is not the Internet."

If you could change your appearance in life as easily as you can make one up on the Internet, would you remake yourself? It's tempting to think so. We live in an age when most of us are increasingly dissatisfied with our bodies. We want liposuction, face lifts, tummy tucks, silicon implants and cosmetic surgery - too often for no other reason than to look like someone else!

And don't think I am only talking about women. Men too place great emphasis on their bodies. Studies show that in 1972, one in six men didn't like their appearance; today, almost 50% of men surveyed reported being unhappy with their looks.

Of course, our bodies keep changing. I have less hair on top than twenty years ago. An older man who happens to be bald looked at my head recently and said, "It looks like you go to the same barber as I do."

According to the book The Adonis Complex (The Free Press, 2000), more and more men are feeling insecure about their appearance. In 1996, over 700,000 men had some cosmetic surgery - often in an unhealthy attempt to fix a perceived flaw that nobody else noticed. Eating disorders and steroid abuse are common among males.

The book's authors Harrison Pope, Katharine Phillips, and Robert Olivardia did an experiment in which men were asked to take a computer image of an ordinary man and add muscle mass to him until he was the size these men wanted to be. On average, the men packed about 28 more pounds of muscle mass on the computer image; women, on the other hand, only added a negligible amount of muscles to the image to create their ideal guy.

Poet Khalil Gibran said, "Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart." When you and I choose to believe that our most attractive qualities lie within, we can let go of those unrealistic expectations of our bodies.

Let's care for our bodies; we'll keep them for the rest of our lives. Let's be thankful for them and treat them well.

But remember, the real you, the essence of you, cannot be improved by a bottle or a pill or a salon. It is a beautiful and glorious light shining from your heart to the heart of the world. Cherish the real you - it's pretty terrific. And let it shine.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/Waldemo