Beautiful Old People

A reporter was interviewing a 104-year-young woman. “And what do you think is the best thing about 104?” the journalist asked.
   
“No peer pressure,” she replied.
   
When I was in college, I worked in an after school daycare center with a marvelous woman in her mid-seventies. One day she was complaining about her age. “All my friends are old and crippled,” she remarked. “They’re either crippled in their legs or crippled in their minds.”
   
I know that growing older is not easy, at any age. Columnist Dave Barry talked about it when he turned 40. “If I don’t warm up before throwing a football,” he said, “I have to wait approximately until the next presidential administration before I attempt to do this again.”
   
But even with its aches and pains and a variety of other problems, aging does have an upside. Sister Mary Gemma Brunke has so beautifully written:
   
“It is the old apple trees that are decked with the loveliest blossoms. It is the ancient redwoods that rise to majestic heights. It is the old violins that produce the richest tones. It is the aged wine that tastes the sweetest. It is ancient coins, stamps and furniture that people seek. It is the old friends that are loved the best. Thank God for the blessings of age and the wisdom, patience and maturity that go with it. Old is wonderful!”
   
“Beautiful people are acts of nature,” it has been said, “but beautiful old people are works of art.”
   
I hope someday to be a work of art.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Marjan Lazarevski

Find Some Humor

Image by Andreas Herrmann

. . . especially when life takes an unexpected turn.

I once read a story, purported to be true, of a motorist who was caught in an automated speed trap. His speed was measured by a radar machine and his car was automatically photographed. In a few days he received a ticket for $40 in the mail along with a picture of his automobile. As payment, he sent the police department a snapshot of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police. It contained another picture -- of handcuffs. He promptly paid the fine.

Who hasn't received a traffic violation? There are many ways to respond to those inevitable irritations of life, and one of the best is to find some humor. (Though he's probably fortunate the police had a sense of humor, too.)

This is one of Bill Cosby’s strategies for successful living. The comedian has known hard times, yet he once summarized his attitude this way: "You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything... you can survive it."  Like aging. He says that all things shift when we age. Even the mind. It slips from the head to the behind. There’s proof of this, he tells us. When you walk into a room to get something or to do something, you forget what you went after. You see, your mind has left. “But then you sit down and – bingo! – you remember what it was you wanted. Therefore, your mind must have slipped down to your behind.”

Growing older is a wonderful thing, especially if you're young. But what if most of your years are behind you? There are some things, like growing older, that can't be changed. And one of the best ways to respond to things that can't be changed is to find some humor.

Then there's Katie. Katie was a young woman with a great, big problem. She was a teenager dying of leukemia. Katie's mother wrote to me and told me how her daughter approached her disease. She told about a time, shortly after a bone marrow transplant, when Katie's head was “slickly bald,” as she put it. One day Katie heard the doctor coming on rounds and ducked into the bathroom. Her mother heard her giggling and asked, "Katie, what is so funny?"

She put her finger to her lips, pulled a Nike ski cap onto her head and crawled into bed. 

When the doctor came in, she said, "Well, Miss Katie! How are you feeling today?"

Katie frowned and said, "I am OK, I guess... but I just have this splitting headache." She pulled off her ski cap and there on her bald head was a huge red crack, which she had drawn with a marker. As the doctor recovered from her initial shock, the room exploded in laughter.

Katie did not survive the cancer, but she conquered depression and despair and found an authentic way to live as fully as possible her last months of life.

There are many ways to respond when life takes a serious turn, but even then, perhaps especially then, one of the best is to find some humor. “It DOES help!” Katie's mother asserted at the end of her letter.

Mark Twain says that the human race “has unquestionably one really effective weapon – laughter.” Laughing at the twists and turns of life may not be your first response, but it can be one of the best.

-- Steve Goodier

SHARE this message on Facebook.
"LIKE US" on Facebook and get a powerful quote every day on your FaceBook page.
 

Not Skeered of Dyin'

Image by Lynn Cummings

Economist Jeremy Gluck speculated on US Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan’s epitaph. Picking up on the tone of so many of Greenspan's speeches, he decided the epitaph would probably read something like this: “I am guardedly optimistic about the next world, but remain cognizant of the down-side risk.”

Though many people feel at peace about their own eventual death, others are concerned about the possible “downside risk.” One of humankind’s greatest fears is around death and the process of dying. Like the song “Old Man River” says:

“Ah gits weary an’ sick of tryin’
 Ah’m tired of livin’ an’ skeered of dyin’”

Some people believe that the most basic of human fears is the fear of death. “Skeered of dyin’.” Maybe you feel it a little, too.

I take heart in a story about John Quincy Adams. In his later years, Adams spoke about growing old. He said, “I inhabit a weak, frail, decayed tenement battered by the winds and broken in on by the storms and, from all I can learn, the landlord does not intend to repair.”

Though he may have held out no hope that he would not die, he approached his own death with acceptance and a remarkable lack of concern. When the elderly statesman fast approached his 80th birthday, he succinctly related his philosophy of death. The occasion happened as he hobbled down the street one day in his favorite city of Boston, leaning heavily on a cane, and a friend suddenly approached and slapped him on the shoulder.

“Well, how’s John Quincy Adams this morning?” the friend inquired.

The old man turned slowly, smiled and replied, “Fine, sir, fine! But this old tenement that John Quincy lives in is not so good. The underpinning is about to fall away. The thatch is all gone off the roof, and the windows are so dim John Quincy can hardly see out anymore. As a matter of fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if, before the winter’s over, he had to move out. But as for John Quincy Adams, he never was better...never was better!”

I have spent much of my life around death. I have sat with people as they died. I have listened to others relate near-death experiences. I have studied theology and am aware of what scriptures and religions say about life and death. And I have come to the conclusion that death is not to be feared. Moreover, when it is time for me to move out of this tenement in which I am housed, I intend to look forward to it joyfully. I want to say, “I never was better...never was better!”

– Steve Goodier

SHARE this message on Facebook.
"LIKE US" on Facebook and get powerful quotes every day on your FaceBook page. 

Dreams Are Renewable

Are you too old to get married? Several years ago, Jim Gorringe, 99, and Dinah Leach, 84, wedded at the St. James Rest Home in Christchurch, New Zealand. Both had been previously married and great, great grandchildren attended the ceremony.

Just before the wedding, the groom quipped, "We won't be having children."

I wonder if this is the same older couple who stopped by a pharmacy a couple months before their wedding. They told the pharmacist they wanted to get married. "Do you sell heart medication?" they asked. He said that of course they do.

"Then how about medicine for circulation?"

The druggist replied, "All kinds."

"Do you have drugs for rheumatism, arthritis, memory problems and scoliosis?"

The pharmacist assured them that they had a wide array of medicines for all of those problems and more.

"And you sell wheelchairs, walkers and canes?"

"Absolutely," said the druggist. "Whatever you need."

They looked at each other and smiled. "Great!" the bride-to-be said. "We’d like to register here for our wedding gifts."

You have to admire their enthusiasm. They may have old memories – that is a gift of age. But they also have young hopes.

Author and television personality Hugh Downs reported some good news for seniors. He said that when older adults are properly motivated, their intelligence does not wane. In fact, the ability to organize thinking may actually increase as folks age. Many people in their 50's, 60's and even 70's can go through college with greater efficiency than at 18.

Adults over 70 years of age have contributed richly and in varied ways.

• Emmanuel Kant wrote his finest philosophical works at age 74.
• Verdi at 80 produced "Falstaff" and at 85, "Ave Maria."
• Goethe was 80 when he completed "Faust."
• Tennyson was 80 when he wrote "Crossing the Bar."
• Michelangelo completed what may have been his greatest work at age 87.
• At age 90, Justice Holmes was still writing brilliant American Supreme Court opinions.

And then there's George Dawson. George learned to read at age 98. (He was forced to quit school when he was a small child in order to help support his family.) "I got tired of writing my name with an 'X,'" he said. Four years later, at age 102, he co-authored his autobiography, Life Is So Good, published by Random House.

Dreams are renewable. They need not expire like an over-due library book. No matter our age, we can breathe new life into old dreams. In fact, we have to renew our dreams, or else they will wither away altogether.

I don’t want to spend my life so busy looking back that I lose interest in what lies ahead. As I age, I will have old memories. But I also want a few young hopes.

After all, dreams are renewable.

-- Steve Goodier


 Share this on FaceBook and Twitter / Read more /Post a comment 

The Gifts of Age

I love young people. I feel the same way as Archbishop Desmond Tutu who once said, "I have the highest regard for young people… Young people are idealistic. They dream dreams about a better world."

They not only dream dreams, they have the audacity to believe in those dreams and often enough enthusiasm to nurture them into something close to real life.

I love young people. What fun I could have "back in the day" – ridiculous fun. And what hope. I was changing so quickly and it seemed I could be limited only by my dreams. If I believed it might be possible, I felt I could make it so.

There are tremendous gifts that come with youth. Like optimism and the ability to change. When anything seems possible, more than a little of it becomes possible if one only believes enough and adapts quickly.

And then we age. Please don’t hear a note of discouragement – it’s just that aging is something I am only slowly coming to embrace. It creeps up on a person like silent fog in the night; we awaken one morning in the midst of it and wonder how it got there.

We age, whether we choose to or not. And some people dread it. Singer Doris Day once said, "The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it." That fear can be all too real.

Some people dread aging. And some people deny it. They try to avoid the fact that they are growing older and their bodies are in decline. One woman who had ignored her failing eyesight for too long was asked, "How long have you worn glasses?"

"Since yesterday," she replied. "As I was baking some tollhouse cookies I picked up the fly swatter and killed four chocolate chips." Some people deny aging and live as if nothing has changed.

And some people avoid it – or try to. They idealize youth and never become comfortable in their older, looser-fitting skin. One man quipped: "A few years ago my wife started to wear tight jeans. I went out and bought a convertible. Then she bleached her hair. I took a lot of multiple vitamin shots. Just a few months ago, she had a face lift and a "tummy tuck." I got an implant. And that's the way it’s been for the two of us: side by side -- growing young together."

Since age can’t really be avoided, there are those, also, who learn to laugh at it. Humor won’t chase old age away, but laughter certainly makes it more bearable.

A parody of the musical hit "My Favorite Things" is making the rounds among oldsters. The song, inaccurately attributed to Julie Andrews, reminds us that it helps to laugh at what we can’t change.

"Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string;
These are a few of my favorite things…"

You get the idea.

We may try to deny it or avoid it. We may dread it or learn to laugh at it. But unless an accident or illness robs us of the chance to grow old, we’ll all experience it.

Which is okay. For if youth has its gifts, I believe age does, too. When aged well, the idealism of youth is tempered now with solid experience. Youth’s enthusiasm is made more valuable when combined in old age with good judgment. And youth’s ability to become anything they can imagine, in old age takes the form of character; trustworthy and reliable – character so rich only decades of living could ever grow and refine it.

These are the gifts of age. They are gifts found in those who live their lives intentionally and well. They take a lifetime to acquire and they are precious beyond belief. 

-- Steve Goodier

What I've Learned

Here is one brief summary of a life's learnings:

Age 5: I learned that things are easier when someone is holding your hand.

Age 10: I learned to never blow in a cat's ear.

Age 15: I learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me.

Age 20: I learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.

Age 25: I learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

Age 30: I learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it.

Age 35: I learned that if I want to do something positive for my children, I should work to improve my marriage.

Age 40: I learned that the greater people's sense of guilt, the greater their need to blame others.

Age 45: I learned that I can never allow the disappointments of life to steal my enthusiasm.

Age 50: I learned that I can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

Age 55: I learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills.

Age 60: I learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

Age 65: I learned that I shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. I need to be able to throw something back.

Age 70: I learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die.

Age 75: I learned that children and grandparents are natural allies.

Age 80: I learned that even suffering has its gifts.

Age 85: I learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.

Age 90: I learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

Isn't it true? If we're not learning, we're not improving. If we're not improving, we're not growing. And if we're not growing, we're not living.

Some people worry about dying. I am more concerned with living - as well and as fully as possible.

Learn - improve - grow - live. Learn as if you might live forever and you'll live as if you might die tomorrow.

-- Steve Goodier