Do You Know Your Own Strength?

In an interesting experiment at Amherst College (Amherst, Massachusetts) a band of steel was secured around a young squash. As the squash grew, it exerted pressure on the steel band. Researchers wanted to know just how strong a growing squash could be, so they measured the force it brought to bear on its constraints. They initially estimated that it might be able to exert as much as 500 pounds of pressure, which is a rather remarkable feat in itself.

In one month, the squash was pressing the hoped-for 500 pounds. But it didn’t stop there. In two months it was applying 1,500 pounds against the steel band and soon the researchers measured 2,000 pounds of pressure. That is when they decided to strengthen the band which was now threatening to snap. As it grew, the squash applied more and more pressure in order to free itself of the constraint. It finally achieved the astounding force of 5,000 pounds of pressure to bear on the band (ten times their original estimation) – when the rind split open.

Researchers sliced it open and found it to be inedible, as it was filled with tough, coarse fibers that had grown specifically to push against the steel which held it in. Since the plant required great amounts of nutrients to gain the strength needed to break its bonds, its roots extended unusual distances in all directions. In fact, it had grown to be so large and powerful, it single-handedly took over the garden space.

Similarly, we may have no idea just how strong we really can be when faced with great obstacles. If a squash can exert that much physical pressure, how much more strength can human beings apply to a situation? Most of us are stronger than we realize. Chilean writer Isabel Allende reminds us, “We all have an unsuspected reserve of strength inside that emerges when life puts us to the test.”

Are you being tested? Do you face an immovable obstacle? Does it seem overwhelming? If so, remember the squash. Its single-minded purpose was to break the bonds which held it. If you patiently focus your energy – what problem can stand against the great mental, spiritual and physical strength you can bring to bear?

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flicker.com/Rudi Riet

The Fear Virus

Image by Parshotam Lal Tandon

What are you afraid of? 

Are you frightened of rejection? Do you find yourself trying to please people so they won’t dislike you?

Or are you afraid of loss? Do you sometimes hang onto situations or even people too tightly? 

Do you, like many people, have a strong aversion to physical pain? Do you avoid even routine pain whenever possible? 

Or do you perhaps have an excessive fear of embarrassment or shame? Many people do. They fear speaking in public or acting in any way that might cause them to feel self-conscious.

Everyone knows fear in one form or another. In fact, unreasonable fear just may be the most powerful enemy of humanity.

A woman traveled by plane with her infant daughter. When they landed, they were met in the waiting area by her father, who took the baby while she proceeded to the baggage claim area. Standing there alone waiting to claim her luggage, she was absentmindedly holding the baby's pacifier. She noticed a flight attendant staring at her, then at the pacifier in her hand. The flight attendant finally spoke: "Excuse me, Miss. Is this your first flight?"

She wouldn't be the only person afraid of flying. Fear has kept countless people from fully enjoying life. 

Sometimes fear is disguised. It can look like anger. Or hurt. Here is an experiment. Next time you feel hurt or angry, just stop everything and ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” If you look carefully enough, you will see that fear lurks in the background most of the time you become upset.

Astronomer James Bell says, "Fear is an insidious virus. Given a breeding place in our minds...it will eat away our spirit and block the forward path of our endeavors." And that’s the problem, isn't it? Fear...eating away our spirit and blocking the way forward.

But fear does not need to infect a mind. We can actually teach ourselves to be braver. A little bit of courage, strangely enough, can inoculate us against the fear virus.

I know a woman who was terrified of public speaking. Granted, making some kind of speech is highly fearful for many people. And especially when relating something personal to strangers. But this woman agreed to speak to a group of people she did not know simply because she felt afraid. This is what happened.

I led a group of adults in a retreat setting. I asked for a couple of volunteers who would share with the group the next day something about their own personal spiritual journey. One of the volunteers was a young woman I had only just met.

During a break she found me and explained why she agreed to speak. “I was terrified when you asked for volunteers to share their stories with the group,” she said. “Because of that, I realized that this was something I had to do. So I raised my hand and volunteered. I just knew I had to do it. I had to face my fear.” Later she said to me, “You know, it wasn't at all bad!”

She did not do it because she would enjoy the experience. Just the opposite. She offered to be one of the speakers simply because it frightened her to think of doing it. She innately knew that her antidote to fear was not to give in to it. 

Maybe fear is an insidious virus. But each time we choose to be courageous, we inoculate ourselves against it. In time, we find ourselves boldly acting in ways we never dreamed possible.

Small doses of courage, drawn on a regular basis, is all we need. It’s medication for happier and healthier living.

-- Steve Goodier

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Celebrating My Scars

Image courtesy of andyk

Po Bronson, in his book Why Do I Love These People? (Random House, 2005), tells a true story about a scarred and stately elm tree. The tree was planted in the first half of the 20th Century on a farm near Beulah, Michigan (USA). It grew to be magnificent. Today the elm spans some 60 feet across its lush, green crown. Its trunk measures about 12 feet in circumference. And a vivid scar encircles the tree.

In the 1950s the family that owned the farm kept a bull chained to the elm. The bull paced round and round the tree. The heavy iron chain scraped a trench in the bark about three feet off the ground. The trench deepened over the years threatening to kill the tree. But though damaged so severely, the tree strangely did not die.

After some years the family sold the farm and took their bull. They cut the chain, leaving the loop embedded in the trunk and one link hanging down. The elm continued to grow and bark slowly covered parts of the rusting chain that strangled it. The deep gash around the trunk became an ugly scar.

Then one year agricultural catastrophe struck Michigan -- in the form of Dutch Elm Disease. A path of death spread across vast areas of countryside. Most elm trees in the vicinity of the farm became infected and died. But that one noble elm remained untouched.

Amazingly, it had survived two hardships. It was not killed by the bull's chain years earlier, and this time it out-lasted the deadly fungus. Year after year it thrived. Nobody could understand why it was still standing in a vast area where most every other elm tree was gone.

Plant pathologists from Michigan State University came out to study the tree. They looked closely at the chain necklace buried deep in the scar. These experts reported that the chain itself actually saved the elm's life. They reasoned that the tree absorbed so much iron from the chain left to rust around its trunk that it became immune to the fungus. What certainly could have killed the tree actually made it stronger and more resilient.

As Ernest Hemingway said, “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.” The same chain that severely wounded the tree saved its life in the end.

The story of this tree reminds me that the very things that have hurt me, physically as well as emotionally, have also helped me more than I may ever know. Many of them left scars – some of the scars are visible and some not. But these days I am learning to accept my scars – even to celebrate them.

Why not? My scars remind me that I did indeed survive my deepest wounds. That in itself is an accomplishment. And they bring to mind something else, too. They remind me that the damage life has inflicted on me has, in many places, left me stronger and more resilient. What hurt me in the past has actually made me better equipped to face the present.

Yes, I have scars. I have decided to look on them as things of beauty. And I will celebrate them.

-- Steve Goodier

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Problems? No Problem

Image courtesy of  Massimo Zunino

“You're having problems? No problem.” That's what I try to tell myself when I begin to feel overwhelmed. And then I remind myself that the only people I am aware of who don’t have troubles are gathered in peaceful, little neighborhoods. There is never a care, never a moment of stress and never an obstacle to ruin a day. All is calm. All is serene. Most towns have at least one such worry-free zone. We call them cemeteries.

But if you’re still breathing, you have difficulties. It’s the way of life. And believe it or not, most of your problems may actually be better for you than you think. Let me explain.

Maybe you have seen the Great Barrier Reef, stretching some 1,800 miles from New Guinea to Australia. Tour guides regularly take visitors to view the reef. On one tour, the guide was asked an interesting question. “I notice that the lagoon side of the reef looks pale and lifeless, while the ocean side is vibrant and colorful,” a traveler observed. “Why is this?”

The guide gave an interesting answer: “The coral around the lagoon side is in still water, with no challenge for its survival. It dies early. The coral on the ocean side is constantly being tested by wind, waves, storms – surges of power. It has to fight for survival every day of its life. As it is challenged and tested it changes and adapts. It grows healthy. It grows strong. And it reproduces.” Then he added this telling note: “That’s the way it is with every living organism.”

That’s how it is with people. Challenged and tested, we come alive. Like coral pounded by the sea, we grow. Physical demands can cause us to grow stronger. Mental and emotional stress can produce tough-mindedness and resiliency. Spiritual testing can produce strength of character and faithfulness.
   
So, you have problems – no problem. Just tell yourself, “There I grow again!”

-- Steve Goodier 

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A Decision I Must Make Every Day

 

Image courtesy of Simona Dumitru

Gretchen Alexander is sightless. But she refuses to allow her blindness to limit her life activities. She enjoys archery, golf, softball, sailing and water-skiing, as well as a number of other activities that those of us who are sighted have yet to learn.

She also speaks to groups about living life fully. When speaking to a group of high school students, she was once asked if there was anything she wouldn’t try.

“I’ve decided to never skydive,” she answered. “It would scare the heck out of my dog.”

Why do some people rise above their problems and live life fully, while others become defeated? Merle Shain explains it this way: “There are only two ways to approach life, as a victim or as a gallant fighter. And every day the decision is ours.” Or put another way, we can believe we’re helpless or we can believe we’re powerful and capable. And every day we reaffirm our belief.

Another person who knew what it was like to live sightless, not to mention soundless, was Helen Keller. She famously pointed out that “although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of suffering.” Does that sound someone who believes she is helpless, or like someone who believes she is capable? 

I love the perspective of a shop owner in Nottingham, England. He posted this notice in the window of his coat store: "We have been established for over 100 years and have been pleasing and displeasing customers ever since. We have made money and lost money, suffered the effects of coal nationalization, coat rationing, government control and bad payers. We have been cussed and discussed, messed about, lied to, held up, robbed and swindled. The only reason we stay in business is to see what happens next." 

Though he lifts up a myriad of hardships they’ve endured, they somehow figured out how to stay in business. Does that sound like someone who believes he is helpless... or capable?

When discouraged some people will give up, give in or give out far too early. They blame their problems on difficult situations, unreasonable people or their own inabilities.

When discouraged other people will push back that first impulse to quit, push down their initial fear, push through feelings of helplessness and push ahead. They’re less likely to find something to blame and more likely to find a way through.

For me, it’s an important decision about whether I want to live my life fully and with courage or whether I will be forever defeated by harsh circumstances. It’s a decision about believing I am powerful enough and capable enough. And it’s a decision I must make every day of my life.

-- Steve Goodier

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We're Stronger Than We Think

A little boy went to the fair with his dad and saw an inflatable clown sporting a sign that read, “Try to knock me down.” He hit it, he slapped it, he pushed it – he struck it again and again, and the harder he hit, the quicker it seemed to bounce back up. No matter how hard he tried, it just would not stay down. His father watched as the boy punched the clown until he finally interrupted and asked, "How is it possible for the clown to keep standing back up, no matter how hard you hit it?"
 
The child scratched his head and said, "Dad, I think this clown is standing up on the inside."

Did you know that each of us has the ability to stand up on the inside? Let me explain.
 
A magazine article told about a woman in rural Florida who was recuperating from a lengthy illness. She enjoyed sitting on her front porch in her wheelchair and, on this day, she watched her son repair his automobile. He raised it on blocks of wood, removed the tires and slid on his back underneath the vehicle.
 
Suddenly there was a loud crack and the automobile lurched to one side, pinning the young man underneath. She screamed for her husband who ran to assist, but he couldn’t budge the car or the young man. He climbed into his own vehicle and sped off for help.
 
The mother, who hadn’t walked in months, realized that her son’s groans were growing fainter and she knew that it would be up to her to save the boy. She sensed he was dying and that she had to act immediately.

She rose to her feet and walked on shaky legs to the car. Bracing herself, she lifted. The car rose a few inches – just enough to let the boy scramble free. Then she collapsed.
 
After a thorough examination, she was found only to have suffered strained muscles. And the incredulous doctor’s words were most telling: “I will always wonder,” he said, “how far she might have lifted that car if she had been well and strong.”
 
We’ve read similar stories about persons exhibiting almost superhuman strength in times of crises. Call it a miracle. Call it providence. Or call it a physiological response to an adrenaline surge – this mother, and others like her, found the strength she needed, when she needed it, to face the crisis at hand.
 
And so it is with all of us. When life knocks us down and it seems impossible to get back up, when life demands more from us than we are able to give, then more than ever, we need to find a way to do what needs to be done. It is at just these times that we come face to face with a reserve of strength we never knew we had.
 
We are stronger than we think. Like the clown, we, too, have the ability to bounce back. We have emotional, spiritual and even physical resources at our disposal. We may get knocked down, but we don’t have to stay down.
 
It’s like standing up on the inside. And when we find strength to do that, we will be able to stand up to most anything life throws our way.
 
-- Steve Goodier


Image courtesy of Stacia Garlach

Just in Time

Novelist Vicki Baum once said, "You don't get ulcers from what you eat. You get them from what's eating you." And what's eating us much of the time is worry. It eats us from the inside out.

I wish I could always be like former baseball player Mickey Rivers. He philosophized, "Ain't no sense worrying about things you got control over, because if you got control over them, ain't no sense worrying. And there ain't no sense worrying about things you got no control over either, because if you got no control them, ain't no sense worrying."

Maybe that makes sense, I’m just not sure. But even if it does, I’ll likely wind up worried anyway. Which is why I like this story related by inspirational Dutch author and holocaust survivor Corrie ten Boom.

Corrie learned a powerful lesson as a little girl. Having encountered the lifeless body of a baby, she realized that people she loved would someday die, too. She thought about the fact that her father and mother and sister Betsie could quite possibly pass on before she does. The thought frightened and worried her.

One night her father came in to tuck her into bed. Corrie burst into tears and sobbed, “I need you. You can’t die. You can’t!”

Her father sat on the edge of the narrow bed and spoke tenderly to his daughter. “Corrie,” he said gently, “when you and I go to Amsterdam, when do I give you your ticket?”

She sniffed a few times and considered the question. “Why, just before I get on the train,” she answered.

“Exactly,” he continued. Then he gave her assurance that was to last a lifetime. “When the time comes that some of us have to die, you will look into your heart and find the strength you need – just in time.”

Some years later Corrie and her family, arrested for sheltering Jews and members of the Dutch resistance, were sent to Nazi concentration camps. She, indeed, experienced the deaths of her parents and sister, as well as numerous friends. She endured hardships that she could never have imagined as a young child. But the words of her father stayed with her and proved to be true. “You will look into your heart and find the strength you need – just in time.” She always did. Regardless of the suffering or hardship she encountered, when she looked inside her heart she found the strength she needed – just in time.

If you worry and fret, or if you feel anxious about your future, you may find Corrie’s experience helpful. And if that thing you dread should ever arrive, then you need only look inside your heart. The strength you need can be found there – just in time.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/Ruben Martinez

Leafage and Rootage

American President Woodrow Wilson once pointed out that “a man’s rootage is more important than his leafage.” What others see are the leaves, the outside. What they can’t see are the roots, the values and principles that ground a person. A happy and fulfilled life grows from a good system of roots.

No one believed in the solid “rootage” of President Jimmy Carter more than his own mother “Miss Lillian,” as she was fondly called. For one thing, she was aware of her son’s reputation for honesty, which had become a topic of curiosity among many politicians and even reporters. During a 1986 speech at the University of Tennessee, Press Secretary Jody Powell told a story about a television reporter who grilled Miss Lillian on this topic.

“Is it true,” asked the reporter, “that your son doesn’t lie? Can you tell me he has never told a lie?”

“Well, I reckon he might have told a little white lie now and then,” replied Miss Lillian.

The reporter spotted the opening. “I thought you said he didn’t lie!” she exclaimed. “Are you telling me that white lies aren’t as bad as black lies? Just what do you mean by a white lie?”

“Well,” drawled Miss Lillian, “do you remember when you came in this morning and I told you how nice you looked and how glad I was to see you...?”

She got the point.

Those people who care about strong and principled inner lives leave an important mark on the world. They actually live from the inside out. Their inner convictions guide their actions. Their inner principles govern their lives. It’s like roots which are sunk deep into lasting values and sustain the tree through whatever hard times may come along.

What does it mean to have good roots? I think it means to be strong enough and healthy enough to do whatever you truly want to do. It means to be strong enough, at least most of the time, to give your best to the world.

I would like to have roots that grow deep and strong. I would like a system of roots that could give me:

• enough strength to forgive those who hurt me;
• enough confidence to overcome any amount of fear;
• enough courage to accept whatever obstacles life throws my way;
• enough compassion to love even the unlovable;
• enough faith that nothing can shatter my peace of mind.

I believe that if I grow good roots, I won’t need to worry about the leafage.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Michael Levine-Clark

A Monster to Hug

One couple spent a holiday driving in the mountains. “Every time you race around one of those narrow curves,” exclaimed the wife, “I just get terrified.”

“Then do what I do,” suggested her husband. “Close your eyes!”

We are all afraid at times, but closing our eyes may not be the best way through fear. I’ve found it better to open my eyes and try to experience those fears.

You’ve heard of facing your fears; how about embracing them?

I think one man’s experience with fear can help.

In 1972 David Miln Smith had such an opportunity. Smith, an adventurer, author and professional speaker, decided to spend a night alone in the famous St. Michael’s Cave on the island of Gibraltar as a test of courage. In his book Hug the Monster (Andrews and McMeel, 1996), he tells of hearing strange sounds all around him as he lay there in the pitch-black, damp, deserted cave. Most frightening was the fact that he came to believe he was not alone!

Fear became panic and he was afraid he was losing his mind. Then suddenly, as he was approaching his psychological breaking point, Smith thought to himself, “Whatever the monster looks like, I will hug it.” That simple, almost silly thought brought great relief to his restless mind. He soon fell into a deep and peaceful sleep until morning. He learned that embracing his fear, literally or figuratively, allowed him to subdue it.

We each have our nights of fear, don’t we? We all encounter monsters of some sort. We may fear spiders or insects, heights or crowds, abandonment or loneliness, the future or death. And most of us are occasionally visited by shadows of these monsters in the dark of night.

The next time you’re afraid, try “hugging the monster.” Face it and embrace it. It’s hard to feel afraid of something you’re hugging! And you just might be surprised at how quickly it slips away and at how confident you begin to feel.

That beautiful spirit Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.” But after looking it in the face, how about embracing it? Just imagine yourself putting your arms around whatever is keeping you awake in the night. Make it your friend… because it is! Whatever you fear, once faced and embraced, will actually make you a better person.

Now… do you have a monster to hug?

-- Steve Goodier