We can live a long time without thinking about such things as “meaning” and “purpose” in life. But happy and healthy living requires that we visit these words from time to time
I have heard that Ralph Barton, a cartoonist of a former generation, left this note pinned to his pillow before taking his life: “I have had few difficulties, many friends, great successes; I have gone from wife to wife, and from house to house, visited great countries of the world, but I am fed up with inventing devices to fill up twenty-four hours of the day.”
Whatever psychological problems may have afflicted him, Ralph Barton suffered from an empty life. He tried to fill it up – with relationships and things and busyness. He was no doubt successful in his work. And probably well-liked. His problem was that he felt his life had no meaning.
Educator Morrie Schwartz helps us put meaning into our lives. In Mitch Albom’s book Tuesdays with Morrie, he chronicles the final months of Morrie’s life, as his former teacher slowly dies of Lou Gehrig’s Disease (ALS). Morrie, an irrepressible lover of life, says this: “So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep even when they are busy doing things they think are important. This is the product of chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”
Do you want to be happy? Do you want a life that matters? Then spend some extra time caring for those around you. Get busy serving your community. Become a lover of people. I guarantee, your life will never seem empty again.
-- Steve Goodier
A funny story tells about three high school seniors who went to New York for their senior trip. When they arrived in the city, they went immediately to one of the finest hotels and registered for a room. They were assigned a room on the 30th floor.
After settling in, they decided to go see the sights. They toured Manhattan, the Empire State Building, Wall Street and the Statue of Liberty. They finally returned to their hotel utterly exhausted.
When they asked the desk clerk for the key to their room, he said, “I am sorry, the elevators are not running.” He told them that they could either wait or use the stairway. The thought of a soft bed was irresistible, so they decided to climb the stairs – all thirty stories.
One of the boys had an idea. “On the way up, each of us will tell the funniest story we know for ten flights of stairs,” he suggested. The other two agreed and started to climb. When they reached the tenth floor, they were still going strong. By the twentieth floor, their legs were rubber and they panted for breath. The steps grew harder to climb and the one whose turn it was to tell a funny story said, “I’m sorry, I’m just too tired to talk.”
They trudged on in silence. When they reached the 29th floor, one of them began to laugh. He sat down on the steps and laughed hysterically. Finally, he said to his amazed companions, “I just thought of the funniest thing ever. And it happens to be true!”
“What is it?” they asked.
“We left the key in the lobby.”
Many people feel as if they have lost the key to getting what they want in life – meaning, happiness, success, peace, security. They have been trudging and toiling at length but feel as if they are locked out of that place they really want to be. They think, “If only I had the key to a whole and happy life.”
That wise and amazing woman Eleanor Roosevelt gave three keys to meaning, happiness, success and peace.
- She said to do whatever comes your way as well as you can. She knew that the key to satisfaction in life is to take pride in whatever you’re given to do, regardless how grand or humble the undertaking.
- Another key is to think as little as possible about yourself and as much as possible about other people, and also about things that are interesting. Eleanor Roosevelt knew that those who take a genuine interest in the concerns of others and in great ideas lose their desire to worry needlessly about themselves.
- The third is that, since people receive more joy back when they give joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness you are able to give. She was aware that the key to finding happiness is in giving happiness – wherever and whenever possible.
These are three keys that should neither be lost nor locked away in a safe place. Learn to use them – every day – and you’ll open doors to those important and wonderful things that will make your life worth living.
-- Steve Goodier
How are you at making decisions?
Years ago, a city family bought an American cattle ranch and moved to the wide-open country. After a month, friends visited the family in their ranch house. “What did you decide to name your ranch?” they inquired.
“Well,” the husband replied, “I wanted to call it the Flying W and my wife wanted to name it the Suzy Q, but one of our sons liked the Bar J and the other preferred the Lazy Y. So we compromised and call it the Flying W/Suzy Q/Bar J/Lazy Y.”
“I see,” said the visitor. “And where are your cattle?”
“None of them survived the branding,” said the rancher.
Frightening things happen when we can't make a decision. And I don't always make good decisions myself. That's especially true when I act on impulse. I will snatch something off the shelf of a store that I really don't want. Or I don't take the time to research an item I need before purchasing one I just happen to like. I will eat something from the fridge when I'm more bored than hungry and regret the calories later. You get what I mean. I don't always use my head. I can be like a “$40 million dollar airport with a $20 control tower,” as they say.
Impulsive behavior aside, sometimes even thoughtful decision-making is still not easy. No clear choice is evident. We may want black and white but see only fifty shades of gray and no option looks all that good. "I've made up my mind, but I made it up both ways," baseball great Casey Stengel famously quipped.
What do you do when you're decidedly undecided? Or when you're struggling with a decision and you've made your mind up both ways?
When I'm stuck, I sometimes step back and take the Rocking Chair Test. It can get me through the impasse to a point where I'm making better decisions. This is how it works.
Imagine yourself near the end of your life. You are relaxing in a rocking chair reflecting on the decision you presently want to make. As the older, wiser you thinks about the outcome of your choice, ask yourself three simple questions.
1. Did it cause harm?
2. Did it bring about good?
3. How did it shape the person I became?
The Rocking Chair Test helps you to take a long view of your options. After imagining your answers to those questions, you should know better which way to go.
Try asking yourself those three questions. You may be amazed at how quickly you make better decisions.
And the cattle will appreciate your decisiveness.
– Steve Goodier
The agricultural school dean was interviewing a freshman. "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked.
"I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," replied the freshman.
The dean was impressed. "Your father made a million dollars in farming?"
"No," the student said. "But he always dreamed of it."
All right. That was corny. But at least this student has a dream, even if it is only a dream about money.
I especially like the story of a man who was discussing with his wife a trip he wanted to take to Alaska. He told her he’d always dreamed of such an adventure. He wanted to travel deep into the wilderness. He wanted to rough it. He talked about how exciting it would be to stay in a log cabin without electricity, to hunt caribou and drive a dog team instead of a car.
"If we decided to live there permanently, away from civilization, what would you miss the most?" he asked his partner.
She replied, "You."
His dream -- not hers. A better dream might include her.
This is a time of year we often examine our dreams and goals. I’ve found a couple of important questions helpful when I consider which dreams to chase and which to leave alone.
First, does my dream have deep meaning? Or put another way, is it significant and important enough to commit my time and energy toward? What will it ultimately mean if I accomplish this thing I think I want?
The second question is similar. Does my dream spring from the best that is within me? Does it come from a place of love or altruism? Will my life and the lives of those I love be better for it? My best dreams include those I love.
Does my dream have deep meaning and does it spring from the best that is within me? Take the time you need to answer these questions well and you'll find yourself pursuing something that is truly significant. When that happens, everything can change.
Now, as you look ahead...what are you dreaming about?
-- Steve Goodier
Image: flickr.com/Guillaume Baviere
Rabbi Harold Kushner tells a wonderful story about a bright young man who was a sophomore Stanford pre-med student. To reward him for having done so well in school, his parents gave him a trip to the Asia for the summer.
While there he met a guru who said to him, "Don't you see how you are poisoning your soul with this success-oriented way of life? Your idea of happiness is to stay up all night studying for an exam so you can get a better grade than your best friend. Your idea of a good marriage is not to find the woman who will make you whole, but to win the girl that everyone else wants.
"That's not how people are supposed to live," the sage admonished. "Give it up; come join us in an atmosphere where we all share and love each other."
The young man had completed four years at a competitive high school to get into Stanford, plus two years of pre-med courses at the university. He was ripe for this sort of approach. He called his parents from Tokyo and told them he would not be coming home. He was dropping out of school to live in an ashram (a spiritual retreat).
Six months later, his parents got this letter from him:
Dear Mom and Dad,
I know you weren't happy with the decision I made last summer, but I want to tell you how happy it has made me. For the first time in my life, I am at peace. Here there is no competing, no hustling, no trying to get ahead of anyone else. Here we are all equal and we all share. This way of life is so much in harmony with the inner essence of my soul that in only six months I've become the number two disciple in the entire ashram, and I think I can be number one by June!
You can take the boy out of the rat race, but can you take the rat race out of the boy?
I am concerned about some people’s narrow and dangerous ideas about success. Achieving more, getting more, becoming number one. Not that there is anything wrong with healthy achievement. It’s just that there is a difference between earning well and living well.
A successful life is not always a high-achieving life. Sometimes it is about accomplishing a worthwhile goal, even a private, personal victory. Sometimes it is about improving one’s character. Sometimes success is best defined by living into one’s own personal mission, or finding a meaningful purpose to organize one’s life around. And sometimes it is about learning how to live in peace, happiness, generosity and love.
Someone put it like this: "I spent my life frantically climbing the ladder of success. When I got to the top I realized it was leaning against the wrong building." Even if she got to the top first, it made no difference. There is no merit in being first to arrive at the wrong place in life.
You CAN BE successful in ways that matter. And your life can be truly meaningful. If you’re leaning your ladder against the right building, it doesn’t even matter if you make it to the top. Any life spent going after things that count, will count as a life well spent.
-- Steve Goodier
Image: flickr.com/edward musiak
You've heard it said that the best things in life aren't things. This truth is illustrated well by Andrea Jaeger.
At age 14 Andrea won her first professional tennis tournament. At 15, she was the youngest player ever to be seeded at Wimbledon, a record she held for 10 years. She won again and again until, at 18 years old, she reached the finals of Wimbledon. But at age 19, a shoulder injury brought her career to an end.
Her body was injured, but not her spirit. Andrea Jaeger no longer serves up aces on the court, but she is serving society. She has dedicated her time and money to bringing hope and joy to children who are suffering from cancer or other life-threatening illnesses. She runs her own organization full time, year-round, unpaid.
"You get very spoiled on the pro tour," she says. "The courtesy cars, the five-star hotels, all the people clapping because you hit a good shot. It's easy to forget what's important in life."
She forgets a lot less lately.
Her life is an example of what can happen when one concentrates on “what’s important in life.” It has been said that the main cause for failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want at the moment. And if the best things in life are not things, then what do you want most? What Andrea wants most in life is to help other people. And I'll wager she is fulfilled and happy because of her dedication to a purpose bigger than herself.
What if you traded what you want at the moment for what you want most -- if you remember what is important in life and try to do that? The life you build would be no less than incredible.
-- Steve Goodier
image: freeimages.com/Uschi Hering
One man quipped: "It's not that I'm afraid of dying. It's just that I've been alive for as long as I can remember, and I'm kind of set in my ways."
Some people ARE afraid of dying. Others are not concerned about their death ... but they worry about how they're going to get there. Will illness linger? Or will it be sudden?
I can't even guess how or when I might die, but knowing my life will end has actually helped me to live more passionately. I think others have discovered the same phenomenon.
Journalists Bill and Judith Moyers documented death and dying in the U.S. They discovered that many terminal patients they interviewed actually began to live with joy and passion only after they learned they were dying. Like one man said, "If you are told you will never see spring again, and you live to see spring, spring takes on a whole new life." ("Modern Maturity," Sept. /Oct. 2000)
Psychologist Abraham Maslow had a similar experience. After his first heart attack he realized that his remaining days on earth were short. He wrote about it to a friend: "My river never seemed so beautiful (Maslow lived in Cambridge, Massachusetts, on the Charles River). The confrontation with death -- and reprieve from it -- makes everything look so precious, so sacred, so beautiful and I feel more strongly than ever the impulse to love it, to embrace it, and to let myself be overwhelmed by it...."
Can you imagine feeling that way? He ends with this remarkable statement: "Death and its ever present possibility makes love, passionate love, more possible. I wonder if we could love passionately, if ecstasy would be possible at all, if we knew we'd never die."
Why wait until we are told by a doctor that we may not have much time to live. Aren’t we all terminal? We became so at birth. And that is a wonderful thing to know. For strange as it may seem, knowing life is all too short can help us to live ... beautifully, meaningfully, passionately.
It is a matter of embracing every day as if it were your last. Saying what needs to be said today. Making plans to do today what you’ve been putting off. And taking some time maybe just to do nothing but appreciate life.
Like Emily says in Thornton Wilder’s play “Our Town”: “Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it -- every, every minute?” I hope that I can say, “Yes, at least a few times, I think I really did.”
--
Steve Goodier
Image: freeimages.com/Enrique Velazco
A great story comes out of American baseball. Even if you don’t like or understand the game, I think you will enjoy this story.
One night, a Dodgers minor league team coached by legendary Tommy Lasorda was leading a Tucson, Arizona team by one run in the eighth inning, but Tucson had the bases loaded with two outs. According to Don Martin in Team Think (Penguin books, Ltd., 1993), Lasorda decided to pep up his pitcher, a left-hander named Bobby O'Brien.
Lasorda slowly walked out to the mound and said, "Bobby, if the heavens opened up right now and you could hear the voice of the Big Dodger in the sky and he said to you, 'Bobby, you're going to die and come up to heaven, and this is the last batter you're ever going to face,' how would you like the meet the Lord, getting this man out or letting him get a hit from you?"
"I'd want to face him getting this guy out," O'Brien replied.
"That's right," said Lasorda, "you would. Now, how do you know that after you throw the next pitch you're not going to die? This might really be the last hitter you're ever going to face and if it is, you'll want to face the Lord getting him out."
Lasorda figured it was just about the best pep talk ever and he strutted confidently back to the dugout. O'Brien wound up and threw the pitch. The batter lined a base hit to right field, knocking in two runs.
Lasorda was beside himself. "Bobby, what happened?" he asked.
"It's like this, Skip," said O'Brien. "You had me so worried about dying I couldn't concentrate on the batter!"
I know that many people are worried about dying. In fact, they are so concerned about it they can't even enjoy what is right before them. But there are other people who, when they think about their own death and how little time they may have left, actually live more intentionally and more fully.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a long-time student of death and dying, put it like this: "It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had."
It's true; all of us have a limited time here on earth. But we DO have today.
As for me, I just want to live today as fully as possible -- as if there were not going to be many more tomorrows.
-- Steve Goodier
image: flickr.com/Mr. Littlehand
