Your Best Beauty Secret

Comic Phyllis Diller quipped that she once entered a beauty contest. "I not only came in last," she said, "I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality."

Little Matthew watched, fascinated, as his mother, smoothed white cream on her face. 

"Why do you do that, Mom?”, he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," she smiled. She then began to remove the cream with a tissue. 

"What's the matter?" the little boy asked. "Giving up?"

What Matthew didn’t understand is that the cream has little to do with making his mother beautiful. Lasting beauty can’t be found in a squeeze bottle or cosmetics drawer.

Have you heard of Ed Feinhandler? Ed has proved many times that he is the world's ugliest man. But others disagree because, the fact is, Ed has discovered a universal "beauty secret."

Ed has won at least 15 Ugly Man competitions. According to the Daily Sparks Tribune (Sparks, Nevada USA), he drives a minivan with "Mr. Ugly" personalized license plates. Good looks were never important to him. But helping people always has been, and the thousands of dollars he has raised over the years from Ugly Man competitions he has donated to charity. In his spare time, Ed coaches youth sports, teaches tennis to underprivileged children and delivers Christmas baskets to the elderly. There’s nothing ugly about the way he lives his life.

To know Ed is to know a beautiful man whose real attractiveness comes from within. His secret is this: beauty has little to do with physical looks -- it resides in the heart.

You, too, probably know some exquisitely beautiful people. I mean beautiful on the inside. They are kind and generous. They are happy and contented. You enjoy being around them. They may not necessarily look like much, but others see them as beautiful human beings.

When beauty lives in the heart, it doesn’t need to show up anywhere else.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Mike Mozart

How Will You Be Remembered?

Three friends were discussing death and one of them asked, "What would you like people to say about you at your funeral?"

The first of the friends said, "I would like them to say, 'He was a great humanitarian, who cared about his community.'"

The second answered, "I hope they say, 'She was a great wife and mother, who was an example for her family."'

The third friend responded, "I would like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

Other than "Look! He's moving!" -- what would you hope others might say about you at your funeral?

A friend once told me of a caring and much-loved school nurse who died. She was well known by the faculty and students, as she had been there 35 years. When the principal announced her death to the children, many of them began to cry.

To help ease their grief, the school counselor had a group of children draw a picture of what the nurse meant to them. One child filled in her paper with red. "This is her heart," she explained. "It's too big for the paper."

At her funeral her friends and family clapped and celebrated her life. She left behind a great legacy of love.

How will you be remembered? What legacy will you leave behind?

Toward the end of his life, author and theologian Elton Trueblood made this observation: "At the age of 93, I am well aware that I do not have many years to live. Consequently, I try very hard to live my remaining years in such a manner that I really make a difference in as many lives as possible. How do I want to be remembered? Not primarily as a Christian scholar, but rather as a loving person. This can be the goal of every individual. If I can be remembered as a truly loving person, I shall be satisfied."

After you are gone, people may forget most of what you have said and done. But they will remember that you loved them.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Jetske

Beautiful Old People

A reporter was interviewing a 104-year-young woman. “And what do you think is the best thing about 104?” the journalist asked.
   
“No peer pressure,” she replied.
   
When I was in college, I worked in an after school daycare center with a marvelous woman in her mid-seventies. One day she was complaining about her age. “All my friends are old and crippled,” she remarked. “They’re either crippled in their legs or crippled in their minds.”
   
I know that growing older is not easy, at any age. Columnist Dave Barry talked about it when he turned 40. “If I don’t warm up before throwing a football,” he said, “I have to wait approximately until the next presidential administration before I attempt to do this again.”
   
But even with its aches and pains and a variety of other problems, aging does have an upside. Sister Mary Gemma Brunke has so beautifully written:
   
“It is the old apple trees that are decked with the loveliest blossoms. It is the ancient redwoods that rise to majestic heights. It is the old violins that produce the richest tones. It is the aged wine that tastes the sweetest. It is ancient coins, stamps and furniture that people seek. It is the old friends that are loved the best. Thank God for the blessings of age and the wisdom, patience and maturity that go with it. Old is wonderful!”
   
“Beautiful people are acts of nature,” it has been said, “but beautiful old people are works of art.”
   
I hope someday to be a work of art.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Marjan Lazarevski

A Beautiful Heart

Image by Robert Proska

One grandfather quipped about his grandchildren: "My grandkids are four and six. The Pulitzer Prize winner is four and the brain surgeon is six."

Parents and grandparents are understandably proud of the quick minds and impressive talents of their little ones. But let me tell you about another quality, perhaps even more important. A grandmother wrote to me and told me this story about her four-year-old granddaughter Skylar.

It was Christmastime. Skylar had saved coins in a piggy bank all year and decided to buy presents for her family with her savings. But she also learned from announcements on television about a local homeless shelter called "The Road House." She repeatedly asked her mother what "homeless" meant and why those children needed coats and warm clothes. The concept of people in such physical need deeply affected her.

Skylar’s mother took her to the store to buy Christmas presents. But instead of buying for herself or her family, she decided to use her savings for somebody at the shelter. They learned that there was a little girl staying there about Skylar’s age, and she purchased a warm coat, socks, gloves and crayons for the child. She also wanted to buy her a doll (a "baby," as she called it), but when she discovered she didn't have enough money, she left the doll behind. When Skylar got home, she selected one of her own much-loved dolls to give away. The baby went into a box with the other items.

She could hardly wait for Christmas. Skylar was not thinking about Santa Claus or any presents she might be getting. She was thinking only about going to the shelter and giving her carefully selected gifts to a little girl she had never met.

On Christmas Eve she and her family finally made the trip Skylar had been anticipating for so long. They drove to the shelter. There she presented her Christmas box to a grateful child. She was so filled with joy at truly touching someone else’s life that her family decided to make the journey to the shelter an annual tradition.

"Perhaps it's good to have a beautiful mind, but an even greater gift is to have a beautiful heart," says Nobel Laureate John Nash ("A Beautiful Mind"). He would have appreciated young Skylar’s heart.

Beautiful hearts don’t just happen. Nash calls it a gift, but it’s a gift in the way that faith or hope or love are gifts. And I’m convinced we have each been endowed with a beautiful heart. We may not always see it. We may not even believe it. But it’s a gift that came with birth and, every time we act selflessly, it grows a little.

-- Steve Goodier

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Losing the Desire to Judge

Image by Ahmed Al-Shukaili

“Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings,” says writer Margaret Halsey, “they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters.” That's funny, and more true than I care to admit. It must have been so with members of the US Congress in the early 20th Century. Many of them seemed less concerned with their own piddling shortcomings and preferred to wail about a staring defect in the senator from the state of Utah, Reed Smoot. So outraged were they, Smoot almost was not seated in the senate.

Reed Smoot was a leader in the Mormon (LDS) Church and, back in those days, his church was accused of secretly allowing the practice of plural marriages (polygamy). Although Smoot had only one wife, some of the more sanctimonious members of the senate argued that he should not be seated, given the beliefs of his church.

But the issue was settled when Senator Boies Penrose of Pennsylvania strode to the podium and looked directly at some of his colleagues who, though married, were known to “womanize.” He stated emphatically, “As for me, I would prefer to have seated beside me in the Senate a polygamist who doesn’t polyg than a monogamist who doesn’t monog.” End of matter.

I understand there are times we have to be discerning. But I don't want to be known as a judging person. There is good and bad in all of us and I have plenty to work on in my own life.
  
Besides, I think Mother Teresa got it right when she said: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.  And, it should be added, if you love people, you have no desire to judge them. Substitute the word “love” with the words “understand” or “know,” and it works just as well. If you understand people, if you know them, truly know them, you have no desire to judge them.

Losing the desire to judge – now that can change a life.

– Steve Goodier 

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Tending to Your Inner Life

Image by Bert van 't Hul

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."

The lawyers squirmed as he continued. To the one on his left he said, "You gave me $15,000." To the other, he said, "And you, gave me $10,000."

The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out some cash. Handing it to the first one, he said, "Now then, I'm returning $5,000 and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits."

Where is a person of character when you need one?

A whole and healthy life -- a life of character and integrity -- is shaped from the inside. Author Anthony J. D'Angelo says that “the greatest gift you can ever give yourself is a little bit of your own attention.” Authenticity has little to do with outward appearances, or even reputations. It's all about giving your life, especially your inner life, the attention it needs so you may grow into a person you can fully respect. You might say it's an inside job.

But becoming that person doesn't happen all at once. An authentic and genuine life grows like a sturdy tree. And like a tree, it grows slowly.

Every time you make a different and better decision, it grows a little. Every time you choose to do the right thing, even when nobody would find out otherwise, it grows a little. Every time you act with compassion, relinquish your right to strike back, take a courageous stand, admit fault or accept responsibility, it grows a little.

A life of character is like a well-tended tree. And if your life is a gift given to you, then what you do with it is the gift you return. But be patient.

No work you'll ever complete;
no project you'll ever attempt;
no skill you'll ever master;
no book you'll ever write;
no race you'll ever run;
no sculpture you'll ever create;
no task you'll ever perform;
no structure you'll ever build;
nothing you will ever do --
is more important than the life you shape
one day at a time.

Tend to your inner life, give it the attention it needs, and I promise you one thing: you won't be disappointed with the results.

– Steve Goodier 

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How I'm Like a Pencil

It occurs to me that I have a lot in common with a pencil. That’s right – a simple and humble little pencil. Not the fancy mechanical kind. That’s too high-maintenance for me. And I’m not as showy as a plume pen or as smooth as a ball point. I don’t live in bold strokes like a heavy marker. But I’m a lot like a pencil. Here’s how:

1. Like a pencil, I have a built-in eraser. I can correct my mistakes. No, I can't change the past, but I can make it right again. And if I can't erase history (after all, what’s done is done) I can at least erase a great deal of guilt and anger with forgiveness.

2. Like a pencil, I do better if I’m sharpened once in a while. My mind and skills grow dull without occasional honing. Even my spirit and attitudes need refining if I’m to be at my best. And there is something else, too. I find that the difficulties of life wear away at me, and they can either grind me down or shape me into a person who is more capable and creative. The sharpening I get from living through tough times is often painful, but I know it can make me a better person.

3. Pencils work best in a skilled hand. And like a pencil, I can do some pretty terrific things with a little guidance. Other people bring out the best in me, and with the help of others, I can do far more than I ever can alone.

4. Like a pencil, I should leave my mark whenever possible. I too often underestimate my influence on another. I have daily opportunities to leave something good behind. That is what it means to leave my mark. It may be in small ways, it may be in the lives of people I love, people I have touched or nurtured, or even in incidental conversations struck with strangers. But, I have a mark to leave and should use every opportunity to leave something good behind.

5. Like a pencil, it is what is on the inside that matters. A pencil without lead is useless. And a yellow pencil will not do when a black or red pencil is called for. What is on the inside is all important. My outer appearance matters less than I probably think, while it’s the stuff on the inside that folks notice about me. Whether it is understanding or intolerance, love or bitterness, peace or unrest, kindness or self-centeredness, hope or despair, courage or fear, what is on the inside matters most.

6. A pencil works best on paper or canvass. It will never leave its mark on water and will wear itself down against a mirror. I do best knowing my strengths and limitations. I can’t do everything well and that is okay. There is still plenty of good to be done by doing what I do best.

7. And finally, like a pencil, the biggest part of my purpose in this life can be summed up in three words: to be useful. When I’m too broken to hold it together, when everything is ground away or worn down, when I no longer have anything to contribute, I know my life is coming to an end. But until then, my job is to be useful.

Like I said, I have a lot in common with a pencil.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/John Williams

Beauty Is Soul Deep

Abraham Lincoln loved to tell stories on himself. One of his favorites concerned itself with physical appearance.

In the days when Lincoln used to be on the circuit (traveling on horseback from one county court to another), he was once approached by a stranger who said, "Excuse me, sir, but I have an article which belongs to you."

"How is that?" Lincoln asked in astonishment.

The stranger took a jackknife from his pocket. "This knife," he said "was placed in my hand some years ago, with the injunction that I was to keep it until I found a man homelier-looking than I am myself. I have carried that knife for many years. Now I pass it on to you."

Lincoln added wryly, "I've carried that knife ever since."

Once when he was accused of being “two-faced,” he replied, “If I had two faces, would I be wearing this one?”

One of Lincoln's greatest assets was his ability to laugh at himself and he frequently laughed at his physical appearance. But history does not remember him as an "ugly" individual – in fact, often just the opposite. His spirit was clothed in beautiful garments: character, honesty, humor and courage. And there are other clothes he wore equally well – such as humility and forgiveness.

We say that beauty is skin deep. But it isn't really. It has very little to do with the skin. True beauty is soul deep. It is a fabric that is woven in the soul and worn in plain view.

The Bible speaks of clothing yourself with such things as compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Regardless of how good looking we may otherwise be, I believe that these kinds of clothes will actually be what people see – if not at first, certainly later.

This was taught to me by a woman who used to think that if she were granted only one wish, it would be to be beautiful. She saw her wheel-chair dependent body as unsightly and, therefore, she missed her more attractive assets. But when she was finally convinced of some of her beautiful personality traits by her friends, she came to a different point of view. Today she says, "Now I know I AM beautiful. Very beautiful."

It isn’t true that beauty is skin deep. This woman learned that real beauty is soul deep. And when she understood that, she saw that she was far more attractive than she had ever imagined.

So here’s to all of the beautiful people. They come in different sizes and shapes. Some are old and some are young. They can be found everywhere. And they look nothing alike, until you see the light in their eyes. That light may just be a reflection of the beauty inside; beauty that is soul deep.

-- Steve Goodier

Leafage and Rootage

American President Woodrow Wilson once pointed out that “a man’s rootage is more important than his leafage.” What others see are the leaves, the outside. What they can’t see are the roots, the values and principles that ground a person. A happy and fulfilled life grows from a good system of roots.

No one believed in the solid “rootage” of President Jimmy Carter more than his own mother “Miss Lillian,” as she was fondly called. For one thing, she was aware of her son’s reputation for honesty, which had become a topic of curiosity among many politicians and even reporters. During a 1986 speech at the University of Tennessee, Press Secretary Jody Powell told a story about a television reporter who grilled Miss Lillian on this topic.

“Is it true,” asked the reporter, “that your son doesn’t lie? Can you tell me he has never told a lie?”

“Well, I reckon he might have told a little white lie now and then,” replied Miss Lillian.

The reporter spotted the opening. “I thought you said he didn’t lie!” she exclaimed. “Are you telling me that white lies aren’t as bad as black lies? Just what do you mean by a white lie?”

“Well,” drawled Miss Lillian, “do you remember when you came in this morning and I told you how nice you looked and how glad I was to see you...?”

She got the point.

Those people who care about strong and principled inner lives leave an important mark on the world. They actually live from the inside out. Their inner convictions guide their actions. Their inner principles govern their lives. It’s like roots which are sunk deep into lasting values and sustain the tree through whatever hard times may come along.

What does it mean to have good roots? I think it means to be strong enough and healthy enough to do whatever you truly want to do. It means to be strong enough, at least most of the time, to give your best to the world.

I would like to have roots that grow deep and strong. I would like a system of roots that could give me:

• enough strength to forgive those who hurt me;
• enough confidence to overcome any amount of fear;
• enough courage to accept whatever obstacles life throws my way;
• enough compassion to love even the unlovable;
• enough faith that nothing can shatter my peace of mind.

I believe that if I grow good roots, I won’t need to worry about the leafage.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Michael Levine-Clark