Worry – The Real Enemy

What does it mean to worry? The Latin concept of worry describes a turbulent force within a person. Worry is a heart and mind in turmoil.

The ancient Greeks thought of worry as something that tears a person in two and drags that person in opposite directions. It is like opposing forces in deadly conflict within the very being of the individual.

The word “worry” itself comes from an old Anglo-Saxon term meaning to choke, or strangle, and that is exactly what it does – it chokes the joy of living right out of its victim. And it chokes off the energy to improve one’s condition.

There is a place for healthy concern, but too often our concern turns into fearful worry. And worry, more than the problem, becomes our real enemy.

Some people have worried for so long that they have become good at it. Just as we can become good at any attitude or behavior if we practice it enough, we can also become good at worrying. Worry is habit – a habitual response to life’s problems.

I rather like the attitude of the late United Methodist Bishop Welch. When he reached the age of 101, he was asked if he didn’t think a lot about dying. With a twinkle in his eye, he replied, “Not at all! When was the last time you heard of a Methodist bishop dying at 101?” Maybe one reason for his longevity is that he never developed the debilitating habit of worry.

I wish I could be like a frog, you know, just eat what bugs me. I’m not a frog, but I can still do the next best thing: I can develop a better habit. Instead of reacting to problems with fearful worry, I can practice coming from a place of peace and confidence. In other words, I can develop a habit of practicing calmness in turmoil.

As Harvey Mackey has said, “Good habits are as addictive as bad habits and a lot more rewarding.” And more fun to practice, I might add.

In this case, practice may not make perfect, but I’m sure to be immensely better off.

-- Steve Goodier

image: flickr.com/Kristian Dela Cour

When The World Says, “No!”

When 19th Century clergyman Henry Ward Beecher was a young boy in school, he learned a powerful lesson in self-confidence. He was called to stand and recite in front of the class. He had hardly begun when the schoolteacher interrupted with an emphatic, “No!” The startled boy began again. After a moment the teacher once more thundered, “No!” Now humiliated, the student sat down. The next boy rose to recite and had just begun when the teacher likewise shouted, “No!” This student, however, kept on with the recitation until he completed it. As he sat down, the instructor responded, “Very good!” Confused and irritated, the young Henry Beecher complained to the schoolteacher, “I recited just as he did.” But the instructor replied, “It is not enough to know your lesson, you must be sure. When you allowed me to stop you, it meant that you were uncertain. If all the world says, ‘No!’ it is your business to say, ‘Yes!’ and prove it.” It is clear to us that the world says, “No!” in a thousand ways:

“No! You can’t do that.” 

“No! You are wrong.”

“No! You are too old.”

“No! You are too young.”

“No! You aren’t strong enough.”

“No! You can’t do it that way.”

“No! You don’t have the right education.”

“No! You don’t have the background you need.”

“No! You don’t have enough money.”

“No! You’ll never succeed.”

And each “No!” you hear has the potential to erode your confidence bit by bit until you quit altogether.     

     

Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best: “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” 

The world may say “No!,” but if you have a bigger “Yes!” burning deep inside, the world won’t know what to do with you.

And you will always prevail.

--Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Kevin Spencer

Your Own Best Friend

Most people report that they do not usually feel confident. But exciting things can happen when we actually believe in ourselves. Here is a man who believed in his own ability even as a boy, and that confidence helped shape his adult life.

At the turn of the 20th century, a young boy quit school to help with the family expenses. When he was fifteen, he became interested in automobiles and worked in a garage. He subscribed to a correspondence home study course on automobiles and, after a long day in the garage, studied at the kitchen table by lamplight.

When he felt ready, he walked into the Oscar Lear Automobile Company of Columbus, Ohio. When Mr. Frayer, one of the partners, noticed him, he asked, “Well, what do you want?”

“I just thought I’d tell you I’m coming to work here tomorrow morning,” the boy replied.

“Oh! Who hired you?” 

“Nobody yet, but I’ll be on the job in the morning. If I’m not worth anything, you can fire me.” (Try that in today’s market!)

Early the next morning the young man returned to the plant. Noticing the floor was thick with metal shavings and accumulated dirt and grease, the boy got a broom and shovel and set to work cleaning the place.

Because of his self-confidence and work ethic, Eddie Rickenbacker’s future was almost predictable. He went on to excel in many fields, including automobile racing, piloting World War 1 planes and founding what was to become one of America’s largest airline companies − Eastern Airlines.

There is no magic bullet to instantly become a self-confident person. But it begins with one of the most important relationships in your life − your relationship with yourself. People who become more confident work on that relationship. They habitually encourage themselves. They become their own best friend.

Ask yourself this question: “If I had a friend who talked to me like I sometimes talk to myself, would I want to spend a lot of time with that person?” Listen to the things you say to yourself. Are you encouraging or are you critical? Do you say things to yourself that build your self confidence, or do you nitpick at your faults? You just might be spending a lot of time everyday with a person you’d never choose as a friend. And if so, you are most likely eroding your self confidence.

Without confidence, you are not likely to move far in the direction of your dreams. But when you learn to actively encourage yourself, you can become your own best friend. And when that happens, almost anything will be possible.

-- Steve Goodier 


Image: flickr.com/Bart

We Are Meant For The Skies

A chauffeur worked for a woman who liked to take her cat with her on errands.

During one trip, the uniformed driver dropped her at a shopping mall before refueling. The cat remained in the car, lounging on top of the limousine's back seat.

The confused service station attendant stole several glances at the feline passenger relaxing in back. Finally, he asked: "Sir, is that cat someone important?"

I don’t know about the cat, but I’ve wasted too many years not feeling especially important. Not that I am or ever have been any more important than anybody else. But my low self esteem as a child and young adult always had me wishing I could measure up to others. I failed to see who I really was and struggled to become the person I felt I could be.

The following story reminds me how important a healthy self-image really is: 

A man found an eagle’s egg and put it in a nest of a barnyard hen. The eagle hatched with the brood of chicks and grew up with them. All his life, the eagle did what the barnyard chicks did, thinking he was a barnyard chicken. He scratched the earth for worms and insects. He clucked and cackled. And he thrashed his wings and flew a few feet in the air.

Years passed and the eagle grew very old. One day he saw a magnificent bird above him in the cloudless sky. It glided in graceful majesty among powerful wind currents, with scarcely a beat of its strong, golden wings. 

The old eagle looked up in awe. “Who’s that?” he asked. 

“That’s the eagle, the king of the birds,” said his neighbor. “He belongs to the sky. We belong to the earth – we’re chickens.” 

So the eagle lived and died a chicken, for that is what he thought he was. (Author unknown)

You and I were meant for the skies – not the chicken coop. Who will believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself?

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/Niall Crotty

Letting the Yeast Work Its Magic

Carefully examining a display in the drugstore, a man asked the pharmacist, "Do you really guarantee this hair-restorer?"

The pharmacist responded, "Better than that, sir. We give a comb with every bottle." Wouldn't you love to have that kind of confidence?

One man quipped, "When it comes to believing in myself, I'm an agnostic." One of the greatest problems many people experience is lack of confidence. Some don't believe they “have what it takes,” others are afraid to try something they've never done before, others hang back out of shyness and still others don’t believe they measure up to friends or colleagues.

Of course, those inner fears do not need to define you. Or control you. And one of the simplest ways to banish them is through healthy self-talk. It has taken most of a lifetime, but here are some things I now know about confidence:

• Your words and your thoughts have immense power. Be careful what you think and say.
• Be gentle with yourself. Don’t say you don’t like your body, your looks, your personality. Treat yourself like a good friend. (If you don’t, who will?)
• Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes. We all make them. Tell yourself you’ll do better next time and let it go.
• Remember what you do well and don’t worry about the rest. You have a unique contribution to this world.
• Remind yourself that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You may need to tell yourself this many times.
• Tell yourself that your fear will not hold you back. Tell yourself that you can do what you’re afraid to do. Encourage yourself.

Too many of us are not aware of the tremendous power of our words and thoughts. They are yeast in life’s dough. They quietly work deep inside until they eventually change the character of the dough itself. Those who move from fear to confidence, those who believe in themselves and are secure within, have learned to let the yeast of good words and thoughts grow - to work their magic. 

And be assured - they will work their magic. 

-- Steve Goodier

Image: Flickr.com/Stacy (Creative Commons)

The First Secret of Success

Image by Troy Stoi

 

Do you know what it is?

“It’s not what you are that holds you back,” says entrepreneur Denis Waitley, “it’s what you think you are not.” The evidence leans towards this: Those who believe that they will never do well in a particular area probably never will. Those who believe they are not good at anything will forever feel inadequate. But those who believe that it is possible to succeed at what they attempt can surprise themselves. Let me tell you about a man who learned that important lesson.

Adam was ready to retire. His wife Anna, however, was less enthusiastic. As she explained to a friend, "Adam has never done anything that required physical exertion. He never played golf, mowed the lawn or even washed the windows. When he retires, he will sit in his easy chair and expect me to bring him his food."

But to Anna's surprise, soon after her husband retired, he joined a health club. And one night, when Adam arrived home from exercise class, he announced, "I signed up for the wrestling tournament. I am going to wrestle Friday night."

Anna was shocked. "Please don't do it, Adam," she begged. "You're not in shape. You will be so beat up they will have to carry you home!" However, he couldn't be dissuaded and she told him that if he went through with his "lame idea," she was not going to watch.

True to her word, she stayed away that Friday evening as Adam wrestled. And just as she predicted, two men practically carried Adam home. He lay down on the couch, every muscle strained and bruised. Before she could speak, he sputtered, "Don't say a word, Anna! This is not the worst of it. I won tonight. I have to wrestle again tomorrow night!"

Adam believed he could do it and he did, though, in this case, he didn't think through the consequences of winning. As Dr. Norman Vincent Peale said, "People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success."

The first secret of success: Believe in Yourself. Nothing changes in your life until you believe you can do things that are important to you. And if you have a low opinion of yourself, nobody else is likely to raise it.

Adopt the first secret of success and you might surprise even yourself.

-- Steve Goodier


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Do You Believe in You?

Image by Bethany Carlson

Did you know that Albert Einstein could not speak until he was four years old and did not read until he was seven? His parents and teachers worried about his mental ability.
   
Or that Beethoven’s music teacher said about him, “As a composer he is hopeless”? What if young Ludwig believed it?
   
When Thomas Edison was a young boy, his teachers said he was so stupid he could never learn anything. He once said, “I remember I used to never be able to get along at school. I was always at the foot of my class...my father thought I was stupid, and I almost decided that I was a dunce.” What if young Thomas believed what they said about him?
   
When F. W. Woolworth was 21, he got a job in a store, but was not allowed to wait on customers because, according to his boss, he “didn’t have enough sense.” I wonder if the boss was around when Woolworth became one of the most successful retailers of his day.
   
When the sculptor Auguste Rodin was young he had difficulty learning to read and write. Today, we may say he had a learning disability, but his father said of him, “I have an idiot for a son.” His uncle agreed. “He’s uneducable,” he said. What if the boy had doubted his ability to excel?
   
A newspaper editor once fired Walt Disney because he was thought to have no “good ideas.” The great Italian tenor Enrico Caruso was told by one music teacher, “You can’t sing. You have no voice at all.” And an editor told Louisa May Alcott, just a few years before she wrote the classic novel Little Women, that she was incapable of writing anything that would have popular appeal.

History will long praise each of these famous people, but what became of their critics? Nobody even remembers some of their names, which is all that need be said.
   
But what if these young people had listened to those critical voices and became discouraged? Where would our world be without the music of Beethoven and Caruso, the art of Rodin, the ideas of Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison, the imagination of Walt Disney or the literary contributions of Louisa May Alcott? As it was so accurately put, “It’s not what you are, it’s what you don’t become that hurts.” (That from Oscar Levant.) What if these people had not become what they were capable becoming, had not done what they actually could have accomplished, just because they were discouraged by people who couldn't see them for what they were?
   
We all have potential and, whether you realize it or not, your desire to do or be more than you are is your best indicator of future success. Others may discourage you, but the most important voice to listen to is your own. Do you believe in you?

Still the voices of your critics. Listen intently to your own voice, to the person who knows you best. Then answer these questions: Do you think you should move ahead? How will you feel if you quit pursuing this thing you want to do? And what does your best self advise?

What you hear may change your life.

-- Steve Goodier
 
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Ain't No Horse Can't Be Rode

One grizzled westerner says, “Ain't no horse can't be rode; ain't no cowboy can't be throwed.” Problem is … some people seem to be riding most of the time while others sit in the dirt discouraged.

Why is that? Why do some people seem to have an easier go of it than others? Why do some people seem to find their place while others never quite “get it together”? And why do many average and ordinary people accomplish extraordinary, or at least notable, things while others expect that they will never really amount to much?

There is not a single quick and simple answer to these questions. But I have discovered that there is one factor that is crucial, one thing that plays an indispensable role in whether we will spend more time riding the horse or sitting in the dirt. This factor is more basic than raw talent or hard work. It is more fundamental than one’s background or intelligence. It has to do with the reasons why some people are able to compensate for poor backgrounds and others do not, why some intelligent people lead healthy and happy lives while other smart people flounder.

What is the one, single factor that makes the greatest difference whether one will lead the life they want or be disappointed again and again? In my experience, that factor is CONFIDENCE.

In his article How ‘Average’ People Excel (Reader’s Digest, 1992), Alan Loy McGinnis tells about how Thomas J. Watson, Jr. learned to make good things happen in his life. Watson’s father was founder and longtime head of IBM. But young Thomas was a lackluster student who even needed a tutor to get through the IBM sales school. He recalls that he had no distinctions and no successes.

Then he took flying lessons. What a feeling he experienced soaring above the clouds! He soon learned that he was good at flying – very good. He plowed everything into this “mad pursuit,” as he fondly called it, and gained self- confidence. From that point on, his life took a significant turn.

Watson became an officer in the US Air Force during WWII. Though not brilliant, he discovered that he had an orderly mind and an unusual ability to focus on what was important and to put it across to others. These were traits he would build on.

Watson went back to IBM. With his new-found confidence he eventually became chief executive of the corporation and took it into the computer age. In 15 years he increased IBM’s revenues almost tenfold.

Confidence is a life ingredient that is essential to success and wholeness. It is perhaps the single most important trait that enables seemingly average people to do and become all that they can. And the good news is – it can be learned. No one has to suffer a lifetime of low confidence.

Have you heard about the little boy sitting on the bench at his team’s baseball game? When asked by a concerned parent if he was discouraged that his team was behind 14 to nothing, he responded, “Discouraged? Why should I be discouraged? We haven’t been up to bat yet!”

With confidence like that, it was going to be an exciting game.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Elizabeth Haslam

A Monster to Hug

One couple spent a holiday driving in the mountains. “Every time you race around one of those narrow curves,” exclaimed the wife, “I just get terrified.”

“Then do what I do,” suggested her husband. “Close your eyes!”

We are all afraid at times, but closing our eyes may not be the best way through fear. I’ve found it better to open my eyes and try to experience those fears.

You’ve heard of facing your fears; how about embracing them?

I think one man’s experience with fear can help.

In 1972 David Miln Smith had such an opportunity. Smith, an adventurer, author and professional speaker, decided to spend a night alone in the famous St. Michael’s Cave on the island of Gibraltar as a test of courage. In his book Hug the Monster (Andrews and McMeel, 1996), he tells of hearing strange sounds all around him as he lay there in the pitch-black, damp, deserted cave. Most frightening was the fact that he came to believe he was not alone!

Fear became panic and he was afraid he was losing his mind. Then suddenly, as he was approaching his psychological breaking point, Smith thought to himself, “Whatever the monster looks like, I will hug it.” That simple, almost silly thought brought great relief to his restless mind. He soon fell into a deep and peaceful sleep until morning. He learned that embracing his fear, literally or figuratively, allowed him to subdue it.

We each have our nights of fear, don’t we? We all encounter monsters of some sort. We may fear spiders or insects, heights or crowds, abandonment or loneliness, the future or death. And most of us are occasionally visited by shadows of these monsters in the dark of night.

The next time you’re afraid, try “hugging the monster.” Face it and embrace it. It’s hard to feel afraid of something you’re hugging! And you just might be surprised at how quickly it slips away and at how confident you begin to feel.

That beautiful spirit Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.” But after looking it in the face, how about embracing it? Just imagine yourself putting your arms around whatever is keeping you awake in the night. Make it your friend… because it is! Whatever you fear, once faced and embraced, will actually make you a better person.

Now… do you have a monster to hug?

-- Steve Goodier