Magic Keys to Living with Integrity

“Learn to say no,” said Charles Spurgeon. “It will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin.” These days we can get along amazingly well without being able to read Latin. But we absolutely need to learn to say no, and more importantly, when to say it.

One educator used to say that no society can last long unless it has a quorum of “unpurchasable people.” These are people of principle who cannot be bought; people who have learned to say no. These so-called unpurchasable people are those rare souls we can absolutely trust. They are glue that holds society together.

Whitney Seymour, in the book Making A Difference, tells us of such an unpurchasable man. This man was a Union general in charge of the occupied territory surrounding New Orleans toward the end of the American Civil War. He was pressed by local plantation owners to permit them to haul their cotton to the wharves in order for it to be sold for shipment to England. The general controlled all the wagons and horses, and his orders from high command in Washington were clear. He was not to let the cotton crop get to market.

One day, however, two Southern ladies were ushered into the general’s office - a “grande dame” and a beautiful young companion. The older lady came right to the point. She said that the landowners needed the temporary use of transport facilities to move their cotton. The North did not wish to force England into the war, she argued, and was allowing some merchant ships to slip through the blockade. Therefore, the Union would not be opposed to the sale of cotton for English textile mills. To show her gratitude she handed over $250,000 in gold certificates. “And if you need other inducements, this young lady will supply them,” she added. They departed, leaving behind a distressed general holding the beautiful young woman’s address.

The general immediately dispatched this message to Washington: “TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I have just been offered two hundred and fifty thousand dollars and the most beautiful woman I have ever seen to betray my trust. I am depositing the money with the Treasury of the United States, and request immediate relief from this command. They are getting close to my price.”

Many others may have fallen for the seductive offer. And though his decision was no doubt difficult to make, how much harder might his life have eventually become had he gone the other way? 

Author W. Clement Stone speaks of magic keys that unlock a trustworthy life. He says, “Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.”

And integrity is what it’s about, isn’t it? 

A life of integrity usually begins with the magic keys of saying no to compromise, facing the truth and doing what is right, even when it is difficult. 

It’s been said that if you have integrity, nothing else matters. But it’s also true that if you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Alan Levine

The Fear Virus

Image by Parshotam Lal Tandon

What are you afraid of? 

Are you frightened of rejection? Do you find yourself trying to please people so they won’t dislike you?

Or are you afraid of loss? Do you sometimes hang onto situations or even people too tightly? 

Do you, like many people, have a strong aversion to physical pain? Do you avoid even routine pain whenever possible? 

Or do you perhaps have an excessive fear of embarrassment or shame? Many people do. They fear speaking in public or acting in any way that might cause them to feel self-conscious.

Everyone knows fear in one form or another. In fact, unreasonable fear just may be the most powerful enemy of humanity.

A woman traveled by plane with her infant daughter. When they landed, they were met in the waiting area by her father, who took the baby while she proceeded to the baggage claim area. Standing there alone waiting to claim her luggage, she was absentmindedly holding the baby's pacifier. She noticed a flight attendant staring at her, then at the pacifier in her hand. The flight attendant finally spoke: "Excuse me, Miss. Is this your first flight?"

She wouldn't be the only person afraid of flying. Fear has kept countless people from fully enjoying life. 

Sometimes fear is disguised. It can look like anger. Or hurt. Here is an experiment. Next time you feel hurt or angry, just stop everything and ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” If you look carefully enough, you will see that fear lurks in the background most of the time you become upset.

Astronomer James Bell says, "Fear is an insidious virus. Given a breeding place in our minds...it will eat away our spirit and block the forward path of our endeavors." And that’s the problem, isn't it? Fear...eating away our spirit and blocking the way forward.

But fear does not need to infect a mind. We can actually teach ourselves to be braver. A little bit of courage, strangely enough, can inoculate us against the fear virus.

I know a woman who was terrified of public speaking. Granted, making some kind of speech is highly fearful for many people. And especially when relating something personal to strangers. But this woman agreed to speak to a group of people she did not know simply because she felt afraid. This is what happened.

I led a group of adults in a retreat setting. I asked for a couple of volunteers who would share with the group the next day something about their own personal spiritual journey. One of the volunteers was a young woman I had only just met.

During a break she found me and explained why she agreed to speak. “I was terrified when you asked for volunteers to share their stories with the group,” she said. “Because of that, I realized that this was something I had to do. So I raised my hand and volunteered. I just knew I had to do it. I had to face my fear.” Later she said to me, “You know, it wasn't at all bad!”

She did not do it because she would enjoy the experience. Just the opposite. She offered to be one of the speakers simply because it frightened her to think of doing it. She innately knew that her antidote to fear was not to give in to it. 

Maybe fear is an insidious virus. But each time we choose to be courageous, we inoculate ourselves against it. In time, we find ourselves boldly acting in ways we never dreamed possible.

Small doses of courage, drawn on a regular basis, is all we need. It’s medication for happier and healthier living.

-- Steve Goodier

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How Much Music Can You Make?

Imagine this. A concert violinist is performing a difficult piece in front of a large audience. Suddenly there is a loud snap that reverberates throughout the auditorium. The audience immediately knows that a string has broken and fully expects the concert to be suspended until another string, or instrument, is brought to the musician.

But instead, the violinist composes herself, closes her eyes and then signals the conductor to begin again. The orchestra resumes where it had left off and now the musician plays the music on the remaining three strings. In her mind she works out new fingering to compensate. A work that few people can play well on a perfect instrument, the violinist with the broken string plays magnificently.

When she finishes, an awesome silence hangs in the room. And then as one, the crowd rises to their feet amidst enthusiastic applause and cheers. The violinist smiles and wipes perspiration from her brow. When silence returns to the great room, she explains why she continued to play in spite of the accident. "You know," she says, still breathless, "sometimes it is the artist's task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left."

(Though this incident is sometimes purported to have happened to the famous violinist Itzhak Perlman, it cannot be substantiated and is more likely grist in the mill of urban legend. But there is a powerful truth in this story nevertheless.)

We know what the violinist means, don't we? We know about experiencing losses and setbacks. We know what it means to find out how much music we can still make with what we have left.

Maybe you've lived most of your life and you have only a little time remaining. Though most of your life is behind, can you still make music?

Maybe disease or an accident has robbed you of your capacity to work. Though too sick or weak to hold down a job, are there other ways to contribute? Can you still make music?

Perhaps a financial loss has left you impoverished. Without the resources you've enjoyed in the past, can you count up the numerous other resources still available to you? Time? Energy? Skills? Knowledge? Can you still make music?

Or maybe a meaningful relationship has ended and you feel alone in the world. Will you figure out what that loss means in your life, grieve its passing and decide you still have a future? Can you still make music?

There are times when we all experience loss; times when something occurs that changes everything. Like the violinist, will you find the courage to discover just how much music you can still make with what you have left? How much good you can still do? How much joy you can still share?

I'm convinced that the world, more than ever, needs the music only you can make. And if it takes extra courage to keep playing in spite of your loss, many will applaud the effort. And who knows? Others may be inspired to pick up their broken instruments, their broken lives, and begin again.

The all-important question we each must ask is this: Just how much music can I make with what I have left?

– Steve Goodier

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Image by Sam Hakes

Chasing a Dream

Image by John Lee

In his book Asimov Laughs Again, author Isaac Asimov relates an incident when he was interviewed by television journalist Barbara Walters.

She asked him how many books he had written and then asked, “Don’t you ever want to do anything but write?”

He said, “No.”

She pressed on. “Don’t you want to go hunting? Fishing? Dancing? Hiking?”

This time he answered, “No! No! No! And no!”

She continued, “But what would you do if the doctor gave you only six months to live?”

He said, “Type faster.”

Isaac Asimov spent his life doing what he loved. I am aware that there are those people who find no satisfaction or joy from making a living. They don't like what they do and they live for weekends and holidays. Some of them feel trapped and believe they can't make a meaningful change because they don't have the skills, education, money or favorable circumstances. So they decide to dig in and keep on slogging forward.

I don't want to say they are wrong, for there are many reasons we each choose our individual paths. But I'm drawn to a truth expressed so clearly by Norman Cousins. “The tragedy of life is not death,” says Cousins, “but what we let die inside of us while we live.” I agree. Death is not a tragedy in itself. All of us will die. It is as natural as birth. The tragedy is what we let die inside us while we live. Like unrealized dreams. Like a passion to be or do something that is calling to us from someplace deep. The real tragedy of life is settling for less while something dies inside us.

Leaving the safety of what is known and venturing into the unknown can be one of the scariest – and best –  decisions a person can make. "There is no security in following the call to adventure,” writer Joseph Campbell says. I know what he is talking about. I've followed that call more than once. And it can be frightening. But you know what's worse? Regret. Looking back and wishing that we had risked the adventure. Or just letting the desire dry up and finally die.

Leaving what feels secure behind and following the beckoning of our hearts doesn't always end as we expect or hope. We may even fail. But here's the payoff: it can also be amazing and wonderful and immensely satisfying.

In the end, we really only have one question when it comes to chasing a significant dream. It is whether we will say yes.

– Steve Goodier


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Will You Play Your Music?

 

Image courtesy of Betsy Ray

I heard of a recruiter for jump school, the name given for military parachute training, who explains the training this way: “Jump school is three weeks long. The first week they separate the men from the boys.” (Presumably, they also separate the women from the girls.) He goes on to say, “Week two they separate the men from the fools. And week three, the fools jump.”

We once visited friends and sat outside where we watched  paragliders and hang gliders soaring overhead, suspended from colorful wings. They rose up into the sky upon invisible warm currents of air and floated effortlessly by -- trusting in their equipment and their ability to keep them from crashing into the earth. But isn't that risky? Maybe a little. But what a thrill to experience!

My son is a rock climber. Using toeholds and fingertip holds he makes his way up the shear face of a cliff. Though he fell once and broke his arm, he's back out there again. Why? Isn't that risky? Perhaps, but he likes the feeling of satisfaction of conquering the mountain and succeeding at a difficult endeavor.

Of course, one doesn't have to participate in sports to experience risks. Just buy stocks and bonds. I've been told that October is one of the riskiest months to buy stocks. The other dangerous months are January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, November and December.

There is risk in all of life. But aren't some things worth it? Artist Vincent van Gogh put it this way: “The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore.” There are good and valid reasons to take necessary risks. In fact, I am sure we cannot experience a full life and shy away from all risk at the same time. We usually have a choice...we can choose to live boldly or we can choose fear. But be sure of this: the one we pick is all important.

Especially when it comes to major life decisions. Deciding to pursue a compelling idea. Going back to school. Changing vocations. Marriage and family. Moving to a brand new location ... these can be chancy life choices. We can listen to our hearts, or we can decide not to take risks, not to do the scary thing and, perhaps, not to fully live.

May Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay Inc., once remarked, “Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try.” Is that true? If so, I think that is sad. Is it because most people are afraid? At the end of my life, I don't want to say I always played it safe, I want to say I played my music. I want to say I attempted to stretch my wings and jump. I want to believe I took reasonable risks at the right times.

I have not always chosen the safest path. I've made my mistakes, plenty of them. I sometimes jump too soon and fail to appreciate the consequences. But I've learned something important along the way: I've learned to heed the call of my heart. I've learned that the safest path is not always the best path and I've learned that the voice of fear is not always to be trusted. I've also learned that, if I am to live my life to the fullest, I must not let my music die inside me.

Will you just play it safe? Or will you play your music?

-- Steve Goodier

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A Decision I Must Make Every Day

 

Image courtesy of Simona Dumitru

Gretchen Alexander is sightless. But she refuses to allow her blindness to limit her life activities. She enjoys archery, golf, softball, sailing and water-skiing, as well as a number of other activities that those of us who are sighted have yet to learn.

She also speaks to groups about living life fully. When speaking to a group of high school students, she was once asked if there was anything she wouldn’t try.

“I’ve decided to never skydive,” she answered. “It would scare the heck out of my dog.”

Why do some people rise above their problems and live life fully, while others become defeated? Merle Shain explains it this way: “There are only two ways to approach life, as a victim or as a gallant fighter. And every day the decision is ours.” Or put another way, we can believe we’re helpless or we can believe we’re powerful and capable. And every day we reaffirm our belief.

Another person who knew what it was like to live sightless, not to mention soundless, was Helen Keller. She famously pointed out that “although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of suffering.” Does that sound someone who believes she is helpless, or like someone who believes she is capable? 

I love the perspective of a shop owner in Nottingham, England. He posted this notice in the window of his coat store: "We have been established for over 100 years and have been pleasing and displeasing customers ever since. We have made money and lost money, suffered the effects of coal nationalization, coat rationing, government control and bad payers. We have been cussed and discussed, messed about, lied to, held up, robbed and swindled. The only reason we stay in business is to see what happens next." 

Though he lifts up a myriad of hardships they’ve endured, they somehow figured out how to stay in business. Does that sound like someone who believes he is helpless... or capable?

When discouraged some people will give up, give in or give out far too early. They blame their problems on difficult situations, unreasonable people or their own inabilities.

When discouraged other people will push back that first impulse to quit, push down their initial fear, push through feelings of helplessness and push ahead. They’re less likely to find something to blame and more likely to find a way through.

For me, it’s an important decision about whether I want to live my life fully and with courage or whether I will be forever defeated by harsh circumstances. It’s a decision about believing I am powerful enough and capable enough. And it’s a decision I must make every day of my life.

-- Steve Goodier

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A Better Prayer

One man, too inebriated to drive, was walking home along railroad tracks when his foot suddenly became stuck. He pulled and tugged, but could not free it from the tracks.

Then he heard a noise and turned around to see an oncoming train. In a panic, he prayed. "Dear God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop drinking."

Nothing happened.

With the speeding train closer, he tried again. "Oh, Lord, get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop drinking AND I'll quit cheating on my wife!"

Still nothing, and now the train was just seconds away.

He tried one last time. "Lord, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit drinking, cheating, AND ... I'll become a pastor!"

Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he dove out of the way of the passing train. Dusting himself off, he looked toward Heaven and said, "Never mind, Lord, I got it out myself."

Does that kind of prayer sound familiar? How often are prayers, even when one is not in a state of emergency, concerned only about physical needs -- health and safety?

Mahatma Gandhi claimed to have never made even a minor decision without prayer. Gandhi was known best as an Indian nationalist and spiritual leader, but he was also a man of rare courage. He developed the practice of nonviolent disobedience that eventually forced Great Britain to grant India's independence.

He spoke often about spirituality and prayer. He told about traveling to South Africa to oppose a law there directed expressly against Indians. His ship was met by a hostile mob and he was advised to stay on board. They had come, he was told, with the express intention of lynching him. Gandhi said of the incident: "I went ashore nevertheless. I was stoned and kicked and beaten a good deal; but I had not prayed for safety, but for the courage to face the mob, and that courage came and did not fail me."

Gandhi preferred courage over safety. If accomplishing his goals put him in the way of danger, then he wanted to face that danger bravely. His prayer was to receive enough courage to do what needed to be done, not to live his life free from harm.

Rabbi Harold Kushner speaks about such prayer. He reminds us that "people who pray for courage, for strength to bear the unbearable, for the grace to remember what they have left instead of what they have lost, very often find their prayers answered. Their prayers helped them tap hidden reserves of faith and courage that were not available to them before."

Like you, I know what it is to be afraid. I'm afraid of accidental injury, dismemberment or death. I've been afraid of a pending medical diagnosis. There must be a million different faces to the fears of life.

I'm tempted at these times to hope for, and pray for, a way to avoid the danger ahead. I want to be safe, secure and healthy. But none of us is always safe, secure or healthy. So, I, too, have come to see that the better prayer is for courage to face whatever life may bring. And in some place deep inside me, I am not only convinced that the courage will come and not fail me, but that it will be enough. Always enough.

-- Steve Goodier

freeimages.com/Fokko Veenstra 

Going for It

Columnist Dave Barry says this about his father: "My dad ... he'd try anything -- carpentry, electrical wiring, plumbing, roofing. From watching him, I learned a lesson that still applies to my life today: No matter how difficult a task may seem, if you're not afraid to try it, you can do it. And when you're done, it will leak."

I’m the King of Leaks. But there’s something to be said for taking a risk and going for it. I am convinced that one of the great necessities of life is courage.

We’ve heard it said, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” But the motto of some of us is more like "Nothing ventured, nothing lost." How often are we so afraid to try to do something new or to go in a new direction that we never venture beyond the familiar? "Better to be safe than sorry" has trapped too many unhappy people in a cocoon of their comfort zones.

What would you be doing with your life today if you had more courage yesterday? Where could you be tomorrow if you decide to take a reasonable risk today?

Humorist J. Upton Dickson once said he wanted to start a society called the “Dependent Order of Really Meek and Timid Souls.” When you make an acrostic of the first letters of its name, you have the word "Doormats." According to Dickson, the Doormats could have an official insignia -- a yellow caution light. Their official motto might be: "The meek shall inherit the earth, if that's okay with everybody."

Fear. Is there anything so crippling to the spirit as fear? How might things be different if we acted with just a little more courage? After all, who doesn’t feel fear? But the truth is that courage is not fearlessness; courage is deciding to act anyway.

Over the years I’ve enjoyed letters from some of our Life Support System family all around the world. One such friend wrote to me in response to an article and said, “I always say that anything worth doing is worth doing poorly! That way nothing scares me off. Try most anything.” Once she was able to let go of the outcome and decided not to care about whether she succeeded or failed, she found the courage to jump in and try.

U.S.A. essayist and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson said it like this: “Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.”

Boldness is not the same as carelessness. And I have made plenty of mistakes in life. But I am quite sure that my bitterest memories come because I was afraid to act. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like today if I had been a little bolder, a little more daring, when opportunities showed themselves.

This last part of my life I will err on the side of boldness. And if I overstep, I can at least rest assured that I didn’t squander whatever gifts I have because I was afraid to venture into the unknown.

-- Steve Goodier


Image: 1001FreeDownloads.com/Tzunghaor

Do You Know a Hero?

Not every Marine is a hero. During field training exercises at Parris Island, South Carolina, one drill instructor threw a pine cone among the recruits and yelled, “Grenade!” The trainees immediately turned away and hit the ground. “Just as I suspected,” chided the drill instructor. “Not a hero among you! Didn’t anyone want to jump on that grenade to save the others?”

A little later the instructor tossed another pine cone and yelled, “Grenade!” This time, all the recruits but one jumped on the “explosive.”

“Why are you still standing there?” the DI demanded.

“Sir,” the recruit replied, “someone had to live to tell about it.”

Not everyone is a hero. But then, not every hero jumps on grenades, pulls terrified children from burning buildings, or wears an impressive uniform.

Do you know a hero? I am not asking you to simply name a favorite celebrity. There is a difference.

Do you know a hero? I think perhaps you do. Heroes, you see, can be found in some of the most unexpected places. I knew a young mother who was slowly dying of cancer, yet she put aside her pain long enough every day to smile and laugh with her children. She tried hard every day to bring sunshine into the gloomy hospital room when her family was present. And I watched her husband fill the roles of single parent and financial provider, and still spend every remaining moment sitting at his mate’s bedside, valiantly encouraging and offering whatever hope he could muster.

I knew a talented teacher who could have worked at a far more lucrative profession, yet was determined to stay in a disadvantaged school in the hope that she could make a difference in a difficult situation. She did it for her students.

I’ve known other heroes, too.

You may have noticed – many of the world’s true heroes will never be confused with action figures. Most have never been to battle, competed athletically nor sung in a pop band. But they have faced nearly impossible challenges with unimaginable determination and courage. They found what it takes to bear the unbearable, forgive the unforgivable, love the unlovable, outlast the unendurable or defeat the undefeatable. And often they do it for the sake of others.

Do you know a hero? Maybe one lives in your home. And perhaps one even looks back at you from the mirror. For it is in everyday battles of the spirit that true wars are fought and won. And it is those real-life heroes who give the rest of us hope and remind us that anything is possible.

Do you know a hero? I think you do.

-- Steve Goodier

freeimages.com/Ben Smith

Playing It Safe

A young reporter wanted to get a feel for agriculture, so he called upon a farmer and said, “How’s your wheat coming along?”

The farmer replied, “I didn’t plant any.”

“Really?” asked the reporter. “I thought this was supposed to be wheat country.”

“Some say it is,” came the reply. “But I was afraid we might not see enough rain this year.”

“Well, what about your corn. How is it doing?” the young man inquired.

“Didn’t plant corn this year. I was afraid of corn blight.”

“Alfalfa?”

“Nope. Afraid the price might drop.”

“Well, then,” asked the reporter, “what did you plant?”

“Nothin’,” the farmer said. “I just played it safe.”

Here is a couple who REALLY played it safe:

The bride, white of hair, is stooped over her cane,
Her footsteps – uncertain – need guiding,
While down the opposite church aisle
With a wan, toothless smile
The bridegroom in wheelchair comes riding.

Now who is this elderly couple, thus wed?
Well, you'll find when you've closely explored it
That here is that rare,
Most conservative pair
Who waited 'til they could afford it!

Do you like playing it safe? If so, I found a Web site you just might love: Dull Men's Club. No excitement there. You’ll never have to leave your comfort zone. The Dull Men's Club, found at http://www.dullmensclub.com, is a place in cyberspace for guys who feel "born to be mild" and enjoy adventure of such activities as watching grass grow and paint dry. I think dull women will like it, too.

But, as most of you know, some of the best things in life can only be found after we cast aside a bit of caution. I learned that lesson playing baseball as a child. Ninety feet never seems so long as when you're trying to steal second base. And more than once I was thrown out trying to steal, but what a feeling those times I slid in safely. Joy. Exhilaration. The downside was worth it.

There is a life lesson here: you can't steal second base unless you run away from first. In some things, it is all or nothing. Run flat out or stay back, for there is no changing your mind.

Sometimes it takes courage to do what you’ve never done and go where you’ve never been. It’s like stealing second base – whatever huge decision looms before you, your best solution will likely be made from the side of courage, rather than fear.

If you have any regrets 20 or 30 years from now, what will they be about? I don’t think mine will be about the things I did. I think they will be more about the things I could have done, but was afraid to try. Those times I was afraid to take a chance because I might be rejected or thought to be silly. Those times I was afraid to do something new – make a change – because I was afraid I might fail.

Canadian Claude Thomas Bissell is credited with saying something profound about living life fully. He said,

“Risk more than others think is safe.
Care more than others think is wise.
Dream more than others think is practical.
Expect more than others think is possible.”

You can’t always play it safe if you want to LIVE.

-- Steve Goodier

What I Pray For

Many years ago I found a short story about Mahatma Gandhi that I have gone back to several times. It has given me hope and courage. Even if you are not one to pray, I think you will discover that it is useful.

We remember Gandhi as a leader in India’s struggle for independence. It is hardly an exaggeration to say that he brought the British Empire to its knees without firing a shot. He was a small man of great courage. His non-violent resistance was fraught with danger and the cause eventually claimed his life.

Gandhi once spoke about the source of his courage. He related a story about an incident that occurred in South Africa. There was a law directed expressly against Indians in South Africa that he had gone there to oppose. His ship was met by a hostile mob that had come with the announced intention of lynching him. Gandhi was advised to stay on board for his own physical safety. But he went ashore nevertheless.

When later asked why he made such a dangerous decision, he explained, “I was stoned and kicked and beaten a good deal; but I had not prayed for safety, but for the courage to face the mob, and that courage came and did not fail me.”

I believe he went after the right thing.

Like you, I know what it is to be afraid. I’m afraid of accidental injury, dismemberment or death. I’ve been afraid of a pending medical diagnosis. There must be a million different faces to the fears of life.

I’m tempted at these times to hope for, and pray for, a way to avoid the danger ahead. I want to be safe, secure and healthy. But none of us is always safe, secure or healthy. So, like Gandhi, I think the best prayer is for courage to face whatever life may bring. And I am convinced that the courage will come and not fail me.

-- Steve Goodier

Image by Roel Wijnants

A Monster to Hug

One couple spent a holiday driving in the mountains. “Every time you race around one of those narrow curves,” exclaimed the wife, “I just get terrified.”

“Then do what I do,” suggested her husband. “Close your eyes!”

We are all afraid at times, but closing our eyes may not be the best way through fear. I’ve found it better to open my eyes and try to experience those fears.

You’ve heard of facing your fears; how about embracing them?

I think one man’s experience with fear can help.

In 1972 David Miln Smith had such an opportunity. Smith, an adventurer, author and professional speaker, decided to spend a night alone in the famous St. Michael’s Cave on the island of Gibraltar as a test of courage. In his book Hug the Monster (Andrews and McMeel, 1996), he tells of hearing strange sounds all around him as he lay there in the pitch-black, damp, deserted cave. Most frightening was the fact that he came to believe he was not alone!

Fear became panic and he was afraid he was losing his mind. Then suddenly, as he was approaching his psychological breaking point, Smith thought to himself, “Whatever the monster looks like, I will hug it.” That simple, almost silly thought brought great relief to his restless mind. He soon fell into a deep and peaceful sleep until morning. He learned that embracing his fear, literally or figuratively, allowed him to subdue it.

We each have our nights of fear, don’t we? We all encounter monsters of some sort. We may fear spiders or insects, heights or crowds, abandonment or loneliness, the future or death. And most of us are occasionally visited by shadows of these monsters in the dark of night.

The next time you’re afraid, try “hugging the monster.” Face it and embrace it. It’s hard to feel afraid of something you’re hugging! And you just might be surprised at how quickly it slips away and at how confident you begin to feel.

That beautiful spirit Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.” But after looking it in the face, how about embracing it? Just imagine yourself putting your arms around whatever is keeping you awake in the night. Make it your friend… because it is! Whatever you fear, once faced and embraced, will actually make you a better person.

Now… do you have a monster to hug?

-- Steve Goodier