Hammocks and Springboards

I want to make the most of every day. And, like most people, I’ve discovered that one of the things I must do is to keep the past safely in the past lest it affect the present. We know this, don’t we? It means to resolve past guilt, past failures and mistakes so that we can be truly present now.

But that’s not all. What about past successes? What about satisfying achievements and those shining moments of glory? They may be nice to think about, but if I can’t get past them I may still get myself stuck in the past, only in this case, I’m stuck in reliving yesterday. 

I once attended a funeral of a man who unexpectedly died in his 40’s. Friends and family spoke about him. They applauded his athleticism in high school, where he starred on the school football team. They spoke of school records he set. They talked about him with true admiration and even a sense of awe. They spoke about how he could pull his team from the jaws of defeat and win games over and over. 

Yet I noticed that practically nothing was said about his adult life. Nobody spoke about his character or his values or anything they appreciated about him after high school. No one mentioned his work or his hobbies. I had the impression that he stopped really living once he could no longer compete in football. Then he quietly faded into the background. It was as if he felt he could never match the glory days of his youth and, after a couple of decades, he simply went away.

Ivern Ball has said, “The past should be a springboard, not a hammock.” The fact is, to repeatedly relive our finest achievements in our memories is seductive, but that can hold us back as much as reliving our failures.

I once heard a story about the actor Clark Gable. A friend paid Gable a visit one afternoon at the actor’s home. She brought along her small son, who amused himself by playing with toy cars on the floor. He pretended he was racing those cars around a great track, which in reality was an imaginary circle around a golden statuette. The small statue the boy played with was actually the Oscar Clark Gable won for his performance in the 1934 movie It Happened One Night.

When his mother told him the time had come to leave, the little boy asked the actor, “Can I have this?” pointing to the Oscar.

“Sure,” he smiled. “It’s yours.”

The horrified mother objected. “Put that back immediately!” The child did.

Gable argued, “Having the Oscar around doesn’t mean anything to me; earning it does.” I wonder if the actor knew that past success could be a comfortable hammock upon which he may be tempted to rest and felt no need to keep a memento of his past glory.

Biblical wisdom says, “Do not cling to events of the past or dwell on what happened long ago.” You may have learned to let go of past failures and mistakes in order to free the present. But can you loosen your grip on past successes and achievements also? Will your past be a comfortable place to rest or a springboard to something new?

“I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past,” said Thomas Jefferson. I agree. After all, the future, not the past, is where I intend to live the rest of my life.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Rameez Sadikot

Pausing to Say WOW!

I recall a story about Noah Webster (of dictionary fame), who suddenly found himself one day in an embarrassing situation. He was caught kissing the maid in the kitchen pantry by none other than his wife.

“Why Noah!” she exclaimed. “I’m surprised!”

Always the semanticist, Noah replied, “No, my dear, you’re amazed. I’m surprised!”

No, I don’t know how they ever resolved that situation. And we all know that not every surprise is a happy incident. But I also know that I enjoy my life more when it’s punctuated by little surprises and, even more importantly, by happy moments of genuine amazement.

The poet Rumi once said, “Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.” Yes, bewilderment. Or buy wonder. Or an occasional dose of awe. 

One parent told about moving from a farmhouse into a new house in town. The children were delighted. Early the next morning, the 3 ½ -year-old ran into his parent’s bedroom to wake them up. He couldn’t wait to explore. Mommy dressed him and told him to play in the yard.

About 20 minutes later, he came running back. “Mommy, Mommy, everybody has doorbells - and they all work!"

Welcome to town. And as amazing as it seems, most of those doorbells really do work.

I’d like to get hold of some of his bewilderment and wonder. Life really can be amazing when we slow down enough to consider it.

Have you noticed? People are aching to enjoy life more. But it’s not too much to hope for to imagine that they can actually look forward to each day with genuine anticipation. Especially if they form the habit of looking for wonders everywhere they are. The world is full of amazing people and wondrous spectacles. 

I don’t want a day to pass without pausing at least once to say WOW.

--Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Torbein Rønning

The Magic Is Inside You

Image courtesy of Steve Knight

When Jeanne Calment turned 120 years old, she was asked what her view of the future was. "Very brief," she responded. I would imagine so at 120, but I expect I still have a future.

What is your view of the future?

A lonely frog called a psychic hotline. "You will meet a beautiful young woman who will want to learn all about you," the psychic advisor told him.

"Where will I meet her?" he asked. "Down by the old mill stream?"

"No," she said. "In biology class."

I think I would want to call another psychic for a second opinion.

Scott Adams, of “Dilbert” comic strip fame, says this about predictions: "There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as 'nutty methods.' Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as ‘a complete waste of time.’"

I received a postcard from a psychic adviser once. It said that if I call a certain number (one for which I would be charged a hefty fee), she would lead me through a hazy future to clarity and happiness. I wondered if she really could tell me important details about my life and future – I mean, clarity and happiness don’t sound half bad. Then I turned the card over. I noticed that it was addressed to the wrong house. That’s when I thought, if she doesn't even know where I am, how can she know where I am going?

But if the future is not ours to see, I’m okay with that because I go along with Dolly Parton in her song “These Old Bones.” Dolly sings, “You just remember that the magic is inside you, there ain't no crystal ball.” The magic is inside you. Maybe not the magic to see into the future, but certainly the magic to shape it.

At the end of my life, what will matter to me? Not that I ever had the ability foresee my future (I have little interest in that), but that I had a hand in shaping it. I refuse to think my life is in the hands of the fates and what will be, will be. I have dreams. I have longings. I have significant aspirations for my own future and even for the world. Much of the world I can’t influence. But I can control my thoughts and actions; I can choose my attitudes and behaviors. That is the magic inside me. I can largely shape who I will become, and when I do, I am shaping my future.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams,” said Eleanor Roosevelt, a woman who did much to change the world around her. If there is only one thing to do today, that would be it: to believe in the beauty of my dreams. Really believe in them. That’s where the magic is and anything can happen.

-- Steve Goodier

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Wherever You Are, Be There

An old story comes from pre-telephone days when a young man applied for a job as a telegraph operator. He answered an ad in the newspaper and went to the telegraph office to await an interview. Though he knew Morse code and was qualified in every other way, seven other applicants were also waiting in the large, noisy office, who were no doubt equally qualified.
 
He saw customers coming and going and heard a telegraph clacking away in the background. He also noticed a sign on the receptionist's counter instructing applicants to fill out a form and wait to be summoned to an inner office for an interview. He filled out the form and sat down to wait.
 
After a few minutes, the young man stood up, crossed the room to the door of the inner office, and walked right in. Naturally the other applicants perked up, wondering why he had been so bold. They talked among themselves and finally determined that, since nobody had been summoned to interview yet, the man would likely be reprimanded for not following instructions and possibly disqualified for the job.
 
Shortly, however, he emerged from the office escorted by the interviewer, who announced to the other applicants, "Thank you all very much for coming, but the job has just been filled."
 
They were all confused and one man spoke up: "Wait a minute – I don't understand. We've been waiting longer than he and we never even got a chance to come in."
 
The employer responded, “Were you listening to the telegraph? All the time you've been sitting here, the telegraph has been ticking out a message, ‘Come in now for your interview.’”
 
Kevin Kelly said, “The only factor becoming scarce in a world of abundance is human attention.” I wish I could say that I relate to the man who got the job, but the truth is that I often identify more with everyone else in the waiting room. When I have a moment to wait, I pull out my phone or listen to an audio-book on my mp3 player. I am too often more engrossed in my interior world than in paying attention to what is happening around me.
 
Yet the man in the story practiced a valuable habit – the habit of living in the present. His motto could have been, “Wherever you are, be there.” If you’re there in person, bring your mind along, too. If you're there physically, also be there emotionally. Give your full attention to others (is there really a better gift?).
 
Wherever you are, be there. Be there as fully as you can. Don’t be fooled by multi-tasking. You are only halfway there when you’re doing something else at the same time. Your mind can fully focus on only one thing at a time.
 
It's about being present and fully alive in the moment. Some people try to live in the past while existing in the present. Too often they find themselves filled with guilt or regrets and missing the now moment. Others find themselves living in the future, only to discover that anxiety and worry are cheating them out of joy today.
 
Don’t live in the past – you’ve already been there. And don’t live in the future, either. Tomorrow will be here soon enough. Live in this moment now – it is sacred and unrepeatable. This moment alone holds valuable gifts that should not be missed.
 
Wherever you are, be there. If you can be fully present now, you’ll know what it means to live.
 
-- Steve Goodier

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Image courtesy of Audrey Johnson

Fully Present

Do you remember the story of Jeremy Bentham of London, England? He died in 1832 and left his estate to University College London. But, it has often been said, he also stipulated that his body be embalmed, dressed up and brought in to preside over the annual meeting of university administrators. His preserved body is still there today, displayed in a glass cabinet. It was also frequently said that he was wheeled into the annual meetings and, for years, the secretary of the board added to the minutes of each session, "Jeremy Bentham, present but not voting."

Perhaps that is simply a myth that refuses to die, but nevertheless, I've KNOWN people like that -- present but not voting. Too often, I am one of them. These people are alive, but they are not really living. As Benjamin Franklin may have put it, they died around 25 but won’t be buried until they are 75. They live without passion. They seem to have forgotten what thrill and wonder life can hold. They get through each day, but seldom experience anything like deep joy. They’re alive, but they are not even close to experiencing real life.

The story about Jeremy Bentham, who every year was present but not voting, reminds me of another story from Jewish humor. In this one, a widow spoke to friends about her departed husband. "Sidney thought of everything," she said. "Just before he died, he called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. ‘I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes,’ he said. ‘After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then I can rest in peace.’”

She explained the contents of the envelopes. “The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note: ‘Use this money to buy a nice casket.’ So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with a soft lining. The second envelope contained $10,000 and a note: ‘Use this for a nice funeral.’ So I used it for flowers, food and music. I know it would have made him happy.’ The third envelope contained $25,000 with a note: ‘Use this to buy a nice stone.’”

At that point, the widow held up her hand and pointed to her finger, adorned with a lovely diamond ring. "So, do you like my stone?"

It was a nice stone. Here is a woman who knows that life is for the living.

Diamonds are not exactly my idea of living fully, but the story makes a good point. I want to do my best to enjoy life while I have it.

I think actor Maurice Chevalier had the right idea. He once said, “I never eat when I can dine.” Do you know the difference? Eating is doing the necessary. Getting it done. I eat because I am hungry, then I can get on with what I was doing. Or I eat WHILE I’m doing something else – like writing or driving or watching television. If there is any pleasure to be found in the meal, I likely don’t notice it. My attention is on something else.

But dining is different. Dining is the ENJOYMENT of eating. When I dine, I pay attention to what I am doing. I taste the foods – I savor them. I notice the differences between flavors and I eat more slowly. I also pay more attention to the people who are sharing my meal. I interact with them. I am fully present during the meal and I may even reflect back on it later in the day. I admit, I eat often, but I don’t dine nearly enough.

I want to dine more and eat less. I don’t want to just show up for life; I want to be part of it. I want to worry less about such things as where I live, and more about living where I am. And at the end of my life, I want to say that I always tried to be fully present.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Helen Forlani

Precious Moments

I probably golf about as well as a slug wages war.... In fact, out of consideration for my friends (I embarrass them), I quit playing with anybody I know. It was too hard for them to watch. But I can still appreciate what a golf enthusiast said about the game.

He listed three mental techniques to improve one's golf game. And the great part is this: these techniques not only help to improve a game, they can help all of us live better lives. They are mental attitudes that can help you and me live more in the moment and less in the past or the future. Here they are… golf tips for better living.

1. Resist the urge to add up your score as you go along. If you anticipate your score, you'll be distracted from the task at hand.

In other words, live more in the present. Clear your mind of past mistakes and even past successes, and try to think only about the here and now.

2. Focus. Concentrate on hitting great shots rather than worrying about bad ones or what others will think if you miss. Visualize the ball going to your target.

This is a terrific technique for daily living. Focus. Concentrate on doing the present task well rather than worrying about what others will think if you should "mess up." And get a picture in your mind's eye of succeeding at the thing you are doing right now.

3. Keep your mind on the hole you're playing. Don't think about how you are going to play the last hole.

This is about resisting the urge to think ahead. If we pay close attention to the present, the future will take care of itself. Our present moment is full of power and wonder. It deserves our full attention.

Now, did you notice what all of these tips have in common? They are not about understanding the past or setting goals for the future. They are simply about living in the present moment.

Writer H.G. Wells once noted, "Man must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind him to the fact that each moment of life is a miracle and a mystery." Anybody can get more out of life who concentrates on and cherishes the here and now – and we’re not talking about golf.

The present is too important not to pay attention to it. One doctor said, "I have learned from speaking to many cancer survivor groups that (when you have cancer) the watch on your hand no longer says, 'Tick, tick, tick.' It now says, 'Precious, precious, precious.'"

When the present moment is precious, everything else takes care of itself.

-- Steve Goodier

Moments to Remember

Have you ever noticed that you do not remember days, you remember moments?

A strange story about immortalizing moments comes from the book Spiritual Literacy by authors Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat. It is about a Brooklyn cigar store manager named Oggie Rand. Oggie has an unusual habit -- at precisely eight o’clock each morning, he photographs the front of the store. Always at exactly the same time and from exactly the same spot. Every morning. Oggie collects his daily snapshots in photograph albums, each labeled by date. He calls his project his “life’s work.”

One day Oggie showed his albums to a friend. He had not told his friend about his unusual hobby. Flipping the pages of the albums, the man noticed in amazement that the pictures were all the same.

Oggie watched him skim through the pictures and finally replied, “You’ll never get it if you don’t slow down, my friend. The pictures are all of the same spot, but each one is different from every other one. The differences are in the detail. In the way people’s clothes change according to season and weather. In the way the light hits the street. Some days the corner is almost empty. Other times it is filled with people, bikes, cars and trucks. It’s just one little part of the world, but things take place there, too, just like everywhere else.”

This time Oggie’s friend looked more carefully at each picture. No two were alike. Every picture was unique, just as every moment is unique. Through a series of photographs, he became conscious of one of life’s great truths -- that each minute that passes is special, even sacred.

I’m reminded of something writer Henry Miller said, “The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself.” And those are the moments we’ll remember; the ones for which we stopped everything else long enough to pay close attention.

The advice for me is this: to pay as close attention to each moment as I can, as if I were carefully observing a series of snapshots. I would like to take time to study the moments. If I look closely enough, I know I’ll see that each is unique. Each is sacred. And each holds a special place in time.

I suspect it will be these moments -- not whole days, weeks, months or years -- that I will finally remember. And much of the happiness and joy I will find in life will be because I took care of the moments.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimage.com/HybridSys