PhD in Living

American baseball great Charlie Hough says, "Listen to everyone. Learn from everyone. Nobody knows everything but everyone knows something."

At her citizenship hearing in 1967, Immaculata Cuomo (mother of the late New York governor Mario Cuomo) was asked by the judge how many stars were on the US flag. She said she didn't know, but could she ask the judge a question? After he agreed, she asked him how many hands of bananas were on a stalk. He admitted he didn't know, so she proudly said, "Well, I do." Her citizenship was granted. Here was a judge who wisely realized that everyone has something to teach.

"Live to learn and you will learn to live," says a Portuguese proverb. For life cannot be lived well in ignorance. In fact, those who live life to the fullest have a PhD in living. This is what a PhD in living means:

P is for "poor in knowledge." Those who live best realize that they can never learn enough.

H is for "hungry to learn." Those who hunger for knowledge will always find plenty to eat.

D is for "desire to succeed." Those who desire to learn and improve, and those who persist in spite of obstacles, will live fully.

Realize you're poor in knowledge, become hungry to learn and desire to succeed. Everybody and every occasion can become your teacher, and this is the PhD that will open the door of living fully.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Cole Young

I Don’t Know How to Make a Turtle

Image by Teresa DownUnder

I recently read about a study of ninety top leaders in a variety of fields. Interviewers were trying to determine just what it is that sets leaders apart. They discovered that, for one thing, those who rise to the top of their professions share a never-ending capacity to develop and improve their skills. The key concept here is “never-ending.” They know how important it is to always increase their knowledge and hone their skills.

But what about the rest of us? Author M. Scott Peck said, “All my life I used to wonder what I would become when I grew up. Then, about seven years ago, I realized that I was never going to grow up -- that growing is an ever ongoing process.” I agree. Growing, learning, developing… the process is ongoing. And those who want to live fully will intentionally make learning and growth a lifelong habit.

I once visited a friend who had just celebrated her 80th birthday. She talked with much enthusiasm about a quilt she was making for her great-grandson Loren. She was almost finished -- everything except the center square which she had saved for last. She wanted that to be something special that Loren would particularly like, so she asked him what he would like her to make for the all-important center piece. The little boy replied, “I would like a turtle, please.”  

The problem was that she had never made a turtle and wasn’t sure if she could. So she tried to redirect him. “How about a dog?” she suggested. “Or a house?” She had done those before.

But little Loren, too young to sense her discomfort, persisted. “No thank you, Gramma. I think I would like a turtle.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like something else? You see, I don’t think I know how to make a turtle.”

Now this was something he didn’t expect. Gramma, who seemed to know how to do everything, even make quilts, didn’t know how to make a turtle.

At first he looked perplexed. Then he must have thought of the many times his own parents encouraged him, because what came out next welled up from a desire to be helpful: “Well, Gramma,” he said pensively, “I think you’re old enough to learn.”

Gramma laughed. “Yes, I suppose I’m old enough to learn.” And since she was a believer that she could do whatever she set her mind to, she set it to learning this new task. When she finished the quilt, it had a turtle right in the middle.

My friend was especially proud of that quilt. And she discovered that Loren was right: she was old enough (and she was also young enough) to learn.

You may or may not want to be a top leader in your field. It doesn’t matter. But when you decide to explore new directions every day, to never stop learning and growing, the most wonderful things can happen.
  
-- Steve Goodier

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A Parable of a Child

Image by Anissa Thompson

There is a difference between education and experience. Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.

But isn't it true that great learning comes from both education and experience? Let me tell you a parable:

A young school teacher had a dream that an angel appeared to him and said, "You will be given a child who will grow up to become a world leader. How will you prepare her? How will you challenge her intelligence? How will you help her grow in confidence? How will you help her develop both her assertiveness as well as her sensitivity? How will you teach her to be open-minded and, at the same time, strong in character? In short, what kind of education will you provide that she can become one of the world's truly GREAT leaders?"

The young teacher awoke in a cold sweat. It had never occurred to him before -- any ONE of his present or future students could be the person described in his dream. Was he preparing them to rise to ANY POSITION to which they may aspire? He thought, 'How might my teaching change if I KNEW that one of my students were this person?' He gradually began to formulate a plan in his mind.

This student would need experience as well as instruction. She would need to know how to solve problems of all kinds. She would need to become knowledgeable, but more than that. She would also need to stand firmly on strong values and grow in character. She would need self-assurance as well as the ability to listen well and work with others. She would need to understand and appreciate the past, yet convey a realistic hope about the future. She would need to know the value of lifelong learning in order to keep a curious and active mind. She would need to grow in understanding of others and become a student of the spirit. She would need to set high standards for herself and learn self discipline, yet she would also need love and encouragement, that she might know compassion.

His teaching changed. Every young person who walked through his classroom became, for him, a future world leader. He saw each one, not as they were, but as they could be. He expected the best from his students, yet tempered it with gentleness. He taught each one as if the future of the world depended on his instruction.

After many years, a woman he knew rose to a position of world prominence. He realized that she must surely have been the girl described in his dream. Only she was not one of his students – she was his daughter. For of all the various teachers in her life, her father was the best.

I've heard it said that "Children are living messages we send to a time and place we will never see." But this isn't simply a parable about an unnamed school teacher. It is a parable about you and me – whether or not we are parents or even teachers. And the story, OUR story, actually begins like this:

"You will be given a child who will grow up to become...." You finish the sentence. If not a world leader, then a superb father? An excellent teacher? A gifted healer? An innovative problem solver? An inspiring artist? A generous philanthropist?

Where and how you will encounter this child is a mystery. But believe that one child's future may depend upon influence only you can provide, and something remarkable will happen. For no young person will ever be ordinary to you again. And you will never be the same.

– Steve Goodier

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Ten Leadership Blunders

Comedian Bill Cosby once said, “I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss' job...and I don't want it!"

Like it or not, there are times we are in charge. There are times we are all leaders – as a parent, in the classroom, through work, in a club, on a sports team or in a volunteer organization. And we can always become better leaders. Here are ten common leadership blunders better leaders avoid.

1. Some leaders are blind to the current situation. They solve the wrong problems in the wrong way. They bandage an infected thumb but do not pull the splinter. Better leaders work hard to understand the real problem before responding.

2. Some leaders discourage those they lead. They find fault and blame. They criticize when things don't go right. Better leaders encourage. They give credit when things go well and take responsibility for problems.

3. Some leaders believe they have all the answers they need. Better leaders keep learning. A cross-discipline study of leadership indicated that effective leaders in all fields are always learning. They understand that a spurt here and a spurt there does not make an expert.

4. Some leaders shy away from courageous decisions. They prefer to keep things as they are, even if the system is not working all that well. They will almost always follow the well-worn path. Better leaders will often go where there is no path and leave a trail. They trust their instincts and act boldly.

5. Some leaders keep others in their place. They remind them who is boss. Better leaders know that authority earned trumps authority granted.

6. Some leaders would rather do the work themselves. They are slow to delegate. They micro-manage and control. Better leaders identify strengths and limitations of those they lead. They assign, train, encourage and then get out of the way.

7. Some leaders sabotage the successes of others. When those around them succeed, they feel threatened. Better leaders help others find success. They give a hand up. They realize that when one is lifted onto another's shoulders, both stand taller.

8. Some leaders ask others to do what they are not willing to do themselves, and try to get others to go places they have not been. Better leaders always lead by example. They get out in front and lead, they don’t push from behind.

9. Some leaders motivate by force. They cajole, intimidate, threaten and issue ultimatums. Better leaders understand that people respond best to positive incentive. They build morale.

10. Some leaders do not listen well to those they lead. Their minds are already made up and they charge recklessly ahead. Better leaders listen closely to those they want to influence.

U.S. Secretary of State Dean Rusk once said, "One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears -- by listening to them." Great salespeople know this. Great motivators know this. Great leaders know this.

Maybe you've seen the boss' job and you don't want it, but we are all in charge at times. Be a better leader and you will help build a better world.

-- Steve Goodier

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Stoop and Drink

There are some things I think I do pretty well. There are others that need improvement and still others that are probably beyond anything I can help. I picked up golf for a while. How hard could it be, I wondered? I soon learned. It didn’t take long before I was consistently shooting in the lower seventies. Pretty much every hole.

Two people actually gave up working with me to improve my game. Which is okay – I have more time now for doing things less frustrating, like solving the problem of world peace.

I heard of a hotel that has a water fountain in the lobby that is operated by an infra-red beam of light. When a thirsty person wants a drink, she simply bends down and the water automatically turns on. There is a sign above the water cooler that reads, "Stoop and drink."

What an interesting metaphor for a life attitude. Stoop and drink. Especially when we have something to learn, when we want to drink from the fountain of knowledge, we may need to stoop and drink.

Like Albert Einstein. He once arrived in London carrying his violin case. After greeting him, an old friend asked, "You still play the violin, Albert?"

The mathematical genius nodded and said, “Yes, but not very well. My teacher says, ‘The trouble with you, Mr. Einstein, is that you can't count.’”

He knew that he had much to learn if he were to play the violin well. And he was wise enough to know that he would learn better if could approach it with a sense of humility; he had to stoop in order to drink.

Have you ever skied? Even if you’re an adult, if you’ve never attempted downhill skiing you would do well to begin by taking a lesson on the beginner’s slope. Yes, you may be the only person in the group over four feet tall, and  you may also be the only one to slide down the slope backward while little people are whizzing by. Believe me, I know. But you’ll never get the hang of it unless you learn the fundamentals. If you stoop to take a lesson or two, you can leave the bunny slope behind forever.

Author Barbara Sher says something interesting about this approach to learning new things. She says that you “can learn new things at any time in your life if you're willing to be a beginner. If you actually learn to like being a beginner, the whole world opens up to you.”

I think she’s right. I takes some stooping to approach something new like a beginner. But that is the way we learn best -- at any age.

Over the years I’ve come to realize that anybody can teach me, if I let them. Young people and old people, the uneducated and the learned -- anyone can be a teacher. But not anyone can be a learner. It takes the right kind of attitude to learn. But if I’m able to stoop, I’ll have plenty to drink.

-- Steve Goodier


Image: flickr.com/Anne Davis 773

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Great Teachers

Did you know that ninety percent of the world's ice covers Antarctica? This ice also represents most of the fresh water in the world. Yet Antarctica is the driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.

If you’re into biology, you may know this about the Mayfly -- after hatching, it takes up to three years to grow up, and then spends only one day as an adult. During that day it mates, lays eggs and expires. That last day must be absolutely spectacular.

Next time you dust your house, you may be interested to know that most of the dust particles you are removing are actually tiny bits of dead skin. Don’t even ask how much dead skin has made its way into your favorite pillow.

Did you know that the Mona Lisa has no eyebrows?

Or that that 80% of your brain is water? Well, mine anyway.

You’ve heard the expression "having a lark." Those who are interested in language might want to know that group of larks is called an exaltation. A group of owls is called a parliament. A group of crows is called a murder. A group of rhinos is called a crash, which seems to make some sense. But here’s the best of all: a group of Unicorns is called a blessing.

As interesting as all of these facts are, I doubt any of them is bound to significantly change your life. The stuff we need to know in order to live happier, healthier and more meaningful lives does not usually come from tidbits of knowledge. More often it comes from people; and especially, people who mean something to us. Let me explain.

For Ross Perot, the kind of knowledge that made the greatest difference in his life was actually gleaned from his mother. The American businessman and one-time presidential candidate made billions of dollars from the technology industry. But his mother, who raised him before the phrase "computer age" was ever coined, taught him how to live. She taught him one of the greatest lessons of all: she taught him about compassion for the less fortunate.

Perot remembers the days of America’s Great Depression. "Hoboes" regularly knocked on their door asking for a little food. It puzzled young Ross that his house seemed to be singled out on their street. One day he learned why. On the curb in front of their house someone had etched a white mark, indicating to fellow travelers that this house was an "easy mark." This fact disturbed the boy and he asked his mother if she wanted him to erase the signal. She told him to leave it there. It was a lesson in compassion he never forgot.

Some of the most essential life lessons and wisdom young Ross acquired did not come from a book or a classroom. They were lessons that came from those people closest to him. Many concerned themselves with the heart and spirit. They taught him about the world and the best way to live in it.

Our greatest teachers are usually those who did not volunteer for the job. They are parents and friends, spouses and children. Much great wisdom is learned best from the example of those closest to us.

And the remarkable fact is this: you are a great teacher. You teach powerful lessons every day of your life. You teach them simply by the way you live; by the way you respond to the world; and, by the little decisions you make. I wonder -- who’s watching and learning?

--Steve Goodier 

Image: flickr.com/Mike K

Holy Curiosity

Not everyone has a good grip of science. But these children’s scientific musings at least show a healthy dose of creativity.

To explain nuclear reactions, one young scientist said, “When they broke open molecules, the found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.”

Concerning astronomy, one child said, “Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.” And another added, “Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.”

“Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on,” said a young physics student.

“H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water,” a young chemist said. Another student offered this advice: "To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube." (Ouch.)

“Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail,” reported a budding meteorologist. Another added, “Thunder is a rich source of loudness.”

These young people are just starting a path of life-long learning, and I applaud their efforts to learn more about the universe. Scientific illiteracy will not serve us well in the 21st Century.

But I wonder, as they learn more and their grasp on science becomes firmer, will they still feel awe when they see a falling star? Even if they are able to describe a rainbow in scientific terms, will they still be amazed at its incomparable beauty? I hope so.

And what about matters of the heart and the spirit? Not everything we experience can be measured. How does one measure love and beauty and faith? I wonder if today’s children will also nurture their hearts as they nurture their minds.

I am not one who feels that a scientific mindset and a spiritual outlook are incompatible. I appreciate Albert Einstein’s thoughts on the merging of the spirit and science. He called scientific curiosity “holy.” The physicist said, “The most beautiful and most profound experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the sower of all true science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead.”

I love science, and I want to learn as much as I can. But as I do, I still want to wonder and stand rapt in awe before the splendor of life and the universe. This is a place of holy curiosity; a place where spirit and science merge. And it’s a place where my soul can be at rest.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: Flickr.com/RS2Photography

The Easiest Way to Learn

A true story points to a universal truth about human beings: we learn best by watching how others behave.

President Calvin Coolidge once invited friends from his hometown to dine with him at the White House. Unsure of their table manners, the guests decided to imitate the president. They watched closely to see which utensils he used, what foods he ate and when.

Their strategy seemed to succeed until coffee was served. Coolidge poured some coffee into his saucer. They did the same. He added sugar and cream. His guests did, too. Then the president bent over and put his saucer on the floor for the cat!

Like Coolidge’s hometown guests, we, too, seem to learn best by imitation. Kids learn by observing parents when they are young, and by copying their peers as they grow older. In fact, parents should probably be less concerned about whether their children are paying attention to them and more worried about the fact that their kids are ALWAYS watching.

They tell us that adults learn in much the same way. If you’re struggling with your computer or want to learn to drive a car, you will be more successful if you have someone show you how to do it. You can always read the operator’s manual and try to figure everything out yourself, but you will learn best by watching others and asking questions.

What if you want to become more self confident, to organize your life, to be a better parent or to get along better with others? Again, we’re told that the best way to learn these skills and attitudes is to find somebody who already is confident, or who is an effective parent or who has healthy attitudes and then mimic the traits you want to adopt. It is the easiest and quickest way to shape your life.

Just about ANY personality trait or skill can be learned: simply find it in someone you know and copy it. Then watch what happens.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Shannon McGee

What I've Learned

Here is one brief summary of a life's learnings:

Age 5: I learned that things are easier when someone is holding your hand.

Age 10: I learned to never blow in a cat's ear.

Age 15: I learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me.

Age 20: I learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.

Age 25: I learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

Age 30: I learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it.

Age 35: I learned that if I want to do something positive for my children, I should work to improve my marriage.

Age 40: I learned that the greater people's sense of guilt, the greater their need to blame others.

Age 45: I learned that I can never allow the disappointments of life to steal my enthusiasm.

Age 50: I learned that I can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

Age 55: I learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills.

Age 60: I learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

Age 65: I learned that I shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. I need to be able to throw something back.

Age 70: I learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die.

Age 75: I learned that children and grandparents are natural allies.

Age 80: I learned that even suffering has its gifts.

Age 85: I learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.

Age 90: I learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

Isn't it true? If we're not learning, we're not improving. If we're not improving, we're not growing. And if we're not growing, we're not living.

Some people worry about dying. I am more concerned with living - as well and as fully as possible.

Learn - improve - grow - live. Learn as if you might live forever and you'll live as if you might die tomorrow.

-- Steve Goodier