Ready to Grow a Little?

"The trouble with resisting temptation," says one woman, "is that it may never come again." Hmmm....

Mark Twain noted that “there are several good precautions against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.” And poet W. B. Yeats said this about those ever-present allurements: "My temptation is quiet." It’s true. They so often sneak up on us unawares.

Oscar Wilde quipped, "I can resist everything except temptation." Isn't that the way it is for most of us? 

Many folks pray, "Lead us not unto temptation." But the problem is ... we honestly don't need leading -- we can find the way there ourselves. And even enjoy the journey. 

It is not always possible to avoid that which is not in our best interest. We're enticed to spend money we don't have. We're lured to ingest something that we will later regret. We're pulled toward people who may not be good for us, and tempted to get back at those who've used or hurt us. Seductions of various kinds bait us at every opportunity.

One pet store owner learned a hard lesson about temptation. He bought a one-foot, three-pound grouper to add to his large saltwater aquarium. He knew that groupers tend to eat smaller fish, but he thought he could control what the fish ate by hand feeding it. In time, however, he noticed that the expensive, exotic fish in his tank had grown sparse.

After 18 months, he was out $5,000 worth of tropical fish. But he now had a three-and-a-half foot long, 35 pound grouper. And who can blame the culprit? Lots of us can’t resist fresh sea food!

But you and I aren't fish. We CAN do something about those temptations that assault us daily. And it’s not just about temptation. 

Maybe you want to change an attitude (control your anger?) or behave differently (eat healthier food?). Well, you can actually do something. You can make the decision, just this time, to act in your best interest, rather than on impulse. You can decide to come from a better place -- for just this moment. 

And that is all that usually matters: making the decision just once today. Just this time. We can always change a behavior or attitude just once. And there’s something powerful in doing it every day… even if it’s just once.

The fact is, you and I build fruitful and productive lives one little decision at a time. Every time we decide to act intentionally, we grow a little. 

Are you ready to grow a little today?

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/vgm8383

Who Sets Your Standards?

Image by Ariel da Silva Parreira

Who sets your standards for you?

A true story has it that one older man decided to jog around the local high school football field. As he huffed and puffed along, the team was in practice.

The players soon started running sprints up and down the field. The man told himself, "I'll just keep running until they quit." So he ran. And they ran. And he ran some more. And they kept running. And he kept running until he could finally run no more. He stopped in exhaustion. One of the players, equally exhausted, approached him and said, "Boy, I'm glad you finally stopped, Mister. Coach told us we had to keep running wind sprints as long as the old guy was jogging!"

He was watching them. They were watching him. He was letting them set his standard. They allowed him to set theirs.

My question is this: are you keeping pace with somebody else? Are you allowing other people to set your standards for you?

What about your standards, or principles, for moral behavior? Humorist Mark Twain said, “I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.” Do you decide for yourself what is right and wrong or do you find yourself going along with others?

And how about attitudinal standards? When confronted with negativity and cynicism, how do you respond? Do you choose your attitudes, or do you just react to circumstances?

What about your relationships? What do you expect to get out of relationships? Who sets the standard for how fulfilling, or even how important, a relationship will be to you?

In short, do you keep pace with those around you, or do you decide yourself just how you will live your life? The truth is...only you are qualified to set your standards.  Only you can determine how you should live and what you will finally expect from yourself.

Set your own standards. It beats jogging until your legs fall off.

– Steve Goodier

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Life As an Active Science

Image courtesy of Mikhail Medvedev

That tireless inventor Thomas Edison famously said of his various experiments, “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” Murphy's Law is much less sanguine about it: “If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of life's great disappointments.”

I have to say, though, that I like to experiment – especially with my life. I believe in self transformation and try to challenge myself regularly to adopt new attitudes and behaviors. I realize that I can be a little excessive with self change (you may know that already), but I am drawn to the exciting idea that my life is an “active science.”

I think changes in wrist watches over the past 50 years beautifully illustrate how important it is to experiment. Do you know who set the standard for fine watch-making for most of the 20th Century? If you answered, "The Swiss," you are correct. Swiss wrist watches dominated world markets for at least 60 years and Swiss companies were committed to constant refinement of their craft.
   
It was the Swiss who came forward with the minute hand and the second hand. They led the world in discovering better ways to manufacture gears, bearings, and main-springs of watches. They even led the way in waterproofing techniques and self-winding models. By 1968 the Swiss made 65 percent of all watches sold in the world and laid claim to as much as 90 percent of the profits.
   
Now...which country sold the most wrist watches in the 1980s? The answer is Japan. By 1980 Swiss companies had laid off thousands of watch-makers and controlled less than 10 percent of the world market. Between 1979 and 1981, eighty percent of Swiss watchmakers lost their jobs.
   
Why? One reason is the advent of Japanese digital watches. Another major reason is that the Swiss were reluctant to change the way they traditionally designed wrist watches. Like the fact that for too long they refused to utilize the less expensive and more accurate Quartz crystal. In short, they kept doing what they always did. Because they did not seriously experiment with radical new ways of designing timepieces, most Swiss watchmakers found themselves doing something else for a living.
   
Our lives are not so different. Of course we need to accept ourselves as we are, but we can't stop there. We also need to value ourselves enough make needed changes.  It's a simple formula: If we want to live fully we have to keep growing. If we want to keep growing we have to adapt. And if we want to adapt we have to try on new ways of thinking and new ways of doing. For me it's about making my life an active science.

I appreciate Mark Twain's encouragement. "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do," he points out. "So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Sounds like fun to me.

-- Steve Goodier

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Paying Attention to Habits

There was a fire one night at a convent and several nuns who lived on the fourth floor were trapped. They were praying for divine providence to show them a way out of the fire when one of the sisters screamed, "We need to take off our robes, tie them together, and climb down to safety."

Later as they were recounting the event to reporters, they were asked if they were afraid that the crude rope might not hold up. "Oh, no," they said, "Old habits are hard to break."

Do you know the story of the touchstone? It tells of a fortunate man who was told that, if he should find the “touchstone,” its magical powers could give him anything he wanted. It could be found, he was informed, among the pebbles of a certain beach. All he need do is pick up a stone – if it feels warm to the touch, unlike the other pebbles, he has found the magical touchstone.

The man went immediately to the beach and began picking up stones. When he grasped a pebble that felt cold, he threw it into the sea. This practice he continued hour after hour, day after day, week after week. Each pebble felt cold. Each pebble was immediately tossed into the sea.

But then, late one morning, he happened to take hold of a pebble that felt warm, unlike the other stones. The man, whose consciousness had barely registered the difference, tossed it into the sea. He hadn’t meant to, but he had formed a habit, and habits can be hard to break.

Most of my habits are more like routines. I habitually arise about the same time every day – too early, it seems. I exercise. I fix oatmeal for breakfast. Most days I listen to the same kinds of music and even read the same kinds of literature. (I hope I don’t repeat the same old stories.) My routines include those places I like to visit and the people I like to see. It’s all fairly predictable. But what I call routine is more like a series of habits, some of which work well for me and some I should perhaps look at a bit more closely.

In fact, any behavior that I repeat, I reinforce. If I repeat it often enough, it becomes habit. Soon I don’t even think about it – old habits are hard to break. Even good ones.

A Spanish proverb says: “Habits are first cobwebs, then cables.” The metaphor works well for “bad” habits. They first entice, and then ensnare us like a cobweb. And if we continue in the behavior, the web grows stronger and can be as difficult to break as a steel cable.

But some habits can work in our favor. Such as patterns in the way we live our lives. Or positive attitudes and healthy ways of thinking. Our habitual attitudes and behaviors can either help us or hinder us.

The truth is this: we form our habits, then our habits form us. So we ought to pay attention to the habits we’re forming.

Is there a behavior or attitude you would like to make into a habit? Then reinforce it by repeating it at every opportunity. Is there a something you wish to change? Then substitute a different attitude or behavior and repeat the new one every chance you get.

When it comes to habits, practice may not make perfect. But practice will certainly make permanent. Your habits will form you. So form the habits you want and let them mold you into the person you want to be.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Joanídea Sodret

Driving Out Bad Nails

A teacher who was lecturing on habits told his class, “Anything you repeat twenty times is yours forever.” From the back of the classroom came a whispered voice, “Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah....” Of course, what the teacher was trying to say is that any behavior, often repeated, becomes habit.

The Dutch scholar Desiderius Erasmus once said, “A nail is driven out by another nail. Habit is overcome by habit.” And if I understand him right, he suggests that saying no to a bad habit is not enough. Instead, we should try to replace it with a good one. Repeat the new behavior twenty time ... and it is yours.

If any behavior, good or bad, is often repeated, it becomes stronger and more powerful. “Since habits become power, make them work for you and not against you,” said E. Stanley Jones. In other words, drive out the undesirable nail, the behavior you’d like to change, with a better one.

One woman did just that after lamenting to her friend, “I hate being late. It has been a problem for me all of my life.”

“Do you really want to change that habit?” her friend asked. The woman said that she did and her friend responded, “All right. Every time you’re late for work or anywhere else, then give me $25.”

“I’d go broke!” she said. “But I’ll do $10.”

“It’s got to hurt,” said the friend.

“Believe me, that will hurt,” the woman replied. They agreed that the money should be deposited in a jar and used for charity.

In the first week, the habitually tardy woman made a concerted effort to plan ahead and she only paid $10 to her friend. The next week, $20. The third week, none at all. By week five, she had built a strong habit of leaving early, and her new behavior replaced the old pattern of tardiness that had hindered her for so long. She drove out one nail with another one. And she found freedom.

If you’re like me, there is a bad nail you want to remove. Today is a good day to pick up a better nail and start using it.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Wayne Stadler