Three Powerful Words We Need to Use

Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” Are you free to make mistakes, or do you deny yourself that liberty?

Not everyone feels free to make mistakes. A funny story is told about General George Patton from his World War II days. He once accepted an invitation to dine at a press camp in Africa. Wine was served in canteen cups but, obviously thinking he was served coffee, Patton poured cream into his cup. As he stirred in sugar, Patton was warned that his cup contained red wine and not coffee.

General Patton, whatever his obvious strengths, could never, never be wrong. Without hesitating he replied, “I know. I like my wine this way.” And he drank it. 

Of course, none of us ever likes goofing up, and it isn’t easy to admit when we do happen to blunder. 

I believe that three of life’s most difficult words to say are I was wrong. And particularly in families and among good friends, these are three of the most powerful words we can utter. I was wrong breaks down barriers between people. It brings estranged people together. And it creates a climate where intimacy and love may flourish. You may be surprised at how positively many people respond to the words those simple words. They are words we need to use more often.

Naturally, it is a risk. But to admit when you are wrong is not to imply that you are a “bad” person. Simply an honest one. And true friends will appreciate you all the more for it.

Mahatma Gandhi gives us more help here. He says, “I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.”

Yes, it takes humility to admit fault. And maybe more to retrace your steps - to make it right. But people are happier when they use those three powerful words and allow themselves the occasional freedom to be wrong. It’s a gift they give themselves.

It is really okay to slip up, especially if we own up. 

-- Steve Goodier

Image: General George Patton, public domain

So You Made A Mistake?

The obituary editor of a city newspaper was not one who would admit his mistakes easily. One day, he got a phone call from an irate subscriber who complained that her name just appeared in the obituary column. “Really?” was the calm reply. “Where are you calling from?”

Of course, there is no shame in making mistakes. They are an important and necessary part of learning.

A young man came in for an interview with his manager. “Tell me,” the young man asked her, “how did you become so successful?”

“Two words,” she said. “Right decisions.”

He asked, “How did you make right decisions?”

“One word – experience.”

“And how did you get experience?”

“Two words,” she said. “Wrong decisions.”

In order to profit from our mistakes, we have to get out and make some. And so long as we keep making different ones each time, we’re learning and growing.

Entertainer Conan O’Brien spoke to the Harvard graduating class of 2000 about some wisdom he gleaned in life. He told them that he wished the best for them. But then he said something interesting. He told them that he also wished that they experience plenty of the bad as well as the good. “Fall down,” he said. “Make a mess. Break something occasionally. Know that your mistakes are your own unique way of getting to where you need to be. And remember that the story is never over.”

Are you feeling badly about a mistake you recently made? Then decide what you will do differently next time, make amends if necessary, and move on.

Are you afraid of taking a necessary risk for fear of making a mistake? Remember, even poor choices are opportunities to learn. How else are you going to learn to make better ones?

So make those mistakes. Make them boldly. In the end, they will make you better. And if you make enough can you become the best ever.

-- Steve Goodier

Your Right to Be Wrong

A humorous story has it that a newly appointed young clergyman was contacted by a local funeral director to hold a graveside service at a small country cemetery in midwestern USA. There was to be no funeral, just a graveside service, because the deceased had no family and had outlived her friends.

The young pastor started early to the cemetery, but soon became lost. After making several wrong turns, he finally arrived a half-hour late. The hearse was nowhere in sight and cemetery workers were relaxing under a near-by tree, eating their lunch.
    
The pastor went to the open grave and found that the vault lid was already in place. He took out a prayer book and read a few paragraphs. As he returned to his car, he overheard one of the workers say, “Maybe we’d better tell him it’s a septic tank.”

Why is it we make our biggest mistakes in public? And some people can’t avoid it … former hockey goalie Jacques Plante wonders, “How would you like a job where, if you made a mistake, a big, red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?”

But we should never give up our right to be wrong. Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment. It is your right to be wrong. “No (one) ever became great or good except through many and great mistakes,” said William E. Gladstone. Great mistakes are opportunities for great learning. And great learning makes for great living.

Now, that’s something I can get into. I don’t need to be a great person, just one who believes that his life is worth living well. And if that means I need to make some magnificent mistakes along the way, I’ll take that on as part of the price to pay.

You and I have a right to be wrong. And if we are to move toward great living, we might even have a duty to make great mistakes. Sometimes we can laugh them off. Certainly we can learn from them. And always, let’s just make sure the next mistake is one we haven’t made before!

-- Steve Goodier

Image by OpenSource.com

My Favorite Computer Key

Image courtesy of Alvimann

Do you know what my favorite key is on my computer? It's the DELETE key. All kinds of problems go away when I press DELETE. I use it all the time. Junk e-mail? DELETE. Misspellings? DELETE. Unwieldy sentences and confusing paragraphs? DELETE. DELETE. I sometimes wish my life had a DELETE key. One click on the key and I wipe out a mistake. Maybe another click and I could start the day all over again.

And being one who blunders in grand fashion, I have empathy for others who wish they could go back and start over. Like the couple that phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. As the phone was answered they belted out the song "Happy Birthday."  But when they finished their off-key rendition, they were informed that they had dialed the wrong number. After listening to their embarrassed apologies, the recipient said, "Don't let it bother you. You folks need all the practice you can get."

According to Tara Kelly Walworth (Reader's Digest), she and her new husband had an afternoon they may have wanted to take back. They arrived exhausted at their honeymoon destination in Daytona Beach, Florida (USA) and decided to refresh themselves in the motel pool. She figured she'd lost a few pounds leading up to the wedding when she discovered her skimpy, new bikini fit too loosely. Every time she dived into the pool she seemed to lose either the top or bottom. But since they had the pool to themselves, they just laughed and retrieved the pieces.

They later dressed for dinner and decided to eat in the motel restaurant. Waiting for a table in the lounge, they noticed a huge, empty, glistening fish tank above the bar. "Why is such a beautiful fish tank empty?" her husband asked the bartender.

The man grinned broadly and said, "That's not a fish tank. It's the swimming pool."

I think it was New York City Mayor Fiorello Laguardia who once said, “I rarely make a mistake. But when I do, it's a beaut!”
   
Have you ever wanted to take back an embarrassing moment? Or more importantly, how often have you regretted a hasty decision that ended with disastrous consequences?  Or an unfair and angry outburst that caused unnecessary hurt? Some of my worst mistakes were not the embarrassing moments (later on they make the best stories), but pain I caused other people and poor decisions that did damage I could never repair. 

The problem is, some mistakes really can't be corrected. Some hurts just can't be undone. As they say, it's like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube. Sometimes the best we can do is to make amends. And no DELETE key can erase the past so we can do it over – do it better.

The past is what it is – past. And that, too, is good to remember. It is past. Over. Finished. There is no taking it back, yet no purpose is served in reliving and rehashing old memories. It is gone. My best self says to me, “Let it be a teacher.” So I try to learn from its harsh lessons as well as its joys. Then (and this is important), my best self adds, “Now just leave it. Leave it where it belongs – in the past.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson put it this way: “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day.”

Yes, tomorrow is a new day. Full of hope and promise and new beginnings. And that is something I might forget if life had a DELETE key.

-- Steve Goodier

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The Dues Paid for a Full Life

I get this story.

A computer support technician worked with a gentleman for about hour before giving up. He filed an incident report. In the space where he was asked to define the situation, he wrote, "The problem resides between the keyboard and the chair."

I get that. Between the keyboard and the chair is where most of my computer problems reside, and probably most of my other problems, too. As much as I may like to blame things that go wrong in my life on other people or on situations out of my control ("I can’t help it..." "It wasn’t my fault..."), I am aware that they are too often a result my own mistakes. And I’ve made plenty of mistakes.

Like an embarrassing goof that occurred a few years ago. Driving home through one of the seedier sides of town, I spotted a young woman hitching a ride. Yes, I believed she needed a ride. No, I am not so naïve these days. So, in a spirit of generosity, I slowed to a stop.

It happened during rush hour heavy traffic. Understand that all of the cars on this congested street came to a stop behind me as I let her in. But I excused the inconvenience with the thought, ‘They can wait a minute. I’m just helping somebody out here.’

Once we started up again I asked, "Where are you going?"

That’s when she looked at me and said, "Do you want a date?

Honest. I didn’t see that one coming. Trying to figure out what was going on here, I responded in my normal eloquent manner, "Huh?"

"Do you want a date?" she asked again. "Do you want to have fun?"

By this time the dimmest of lights switched on in my head. I was finally beginning to see what this was all about. I felt a little foolish thinking she actually wanted a lift. And when I told her no and she said, "Then you better let me out."

We had only traveled about two blocks when I slowed to a stop for a second time. The same cars that had to wait for me before were waiting again, and I realized that I was probably the last person on the street that day to understand what was going on.

Former mayor Filorello LaGuardia of New York City once said, "I don't make many mistakes, but when I do, it's a beaut." I, on the other hand, make plenty of mistakes, and a surprising number of them are beauts. Actually, the incident with the hitch-hiker scores fairly low on my list of goof-ups.

Unless permanent damage is done, I don’t mind a certain number of blunders, slip-ups, errors, missteps and the like. Actually, I think mistakes are under-rated as opportunities to learn. Actress Sophia Loren's philosophy works well for me: "Mistakes," she says, "are part of the dues one pays for a full life." And I suspect, the fuller the life, the more dues were paid.

So I'll take the risks, try new things and make more mistakes if it means a fuller and richer life. After all, the greater mistake could be to never risk at all.

-- Steve Goodier


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Admitting Our Schnozzles

A humorous story has it that many years ago a soldier was sentenced to be flogged. As if something hilarious were about to happen, he chuckled as they led him away and laughed uproariously throughout the whipping.

When the painful punishment finally ended, the officer in charge demanded, “What’s so funny about a flogging? I don’t think it’s a joke.”

“Why, the joke’s on you,” smiled the soldier. “I’m the wrong man!”

I know I wouldn't laugh about a flogging, but I'd like to take myself a little less seriously. Like the Amish man who was driving his horse-drawn carriage down a modern American street. The Amish, of course, live and dress simply and shun most modern technology. So he must have known he cut an odd figure on the busy thoroughfare. But he had a sense of humor. Affixed to the back of his carriage was a hand lettered sign that read, “Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step on exhaust.”

This man may have taken his beliefs seriously. And he may have taken his work seriously. But he didn’t take himself too seriously. I believe that’s key.

I think that comedian Jimmy Durante got it right. Durante was known for his prominent nose and often referred to it in his comedy sketches. In a moment of seriousness, he once said, “It dawned on me that as long as I could laugh, I was safe from the world; and I have learned since that laughter keeps me safe from myself, too. All of us have schnozzles that are ridiculous in one way or another; if not in our faces, then in our characters, minds or habits. When we admit our schnozzles, instead of defending them, we begin to laugh and the world laughs with us.”

I don’t always have the courage to admit my schnozzles; to laugh at my short-comings. I am something of an expert at hiding them. But I do know one thing: if I want to laugh at my foibles, there is plenty of good material at hand. And I also know that when I get better at it, I’ll find myself living a happier and healthier life.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Jasperdo

Turn ... and Come Round Right

Not long ago a commercial airliner, whose pilot was new to New York, landed at JFK Airport. He steered the jet onto a taxiway and stopped. Then slowly he began turning. First he nosed the aircraft to the right. Then to the left. Then he turned the plane completely around.

Finally, over the public-address system, a confused voice asked, "Does anyone know where Gate 25 is?" He thought that by turning he'd see where to go and end up where he ought to be.

Deciding to turn, or change direction, is a wonderful metaphor. It is something we often have to do if we are to live fully and live well. For each of us knows what it is to head the wrong direction in life; and we also know how relieved we feel to turn around again.

Do you remember the old Shaker hymn, written by Joseph Brackett, Jr. over 150 years ago?

'Tis the gift to be simple,
'tis the gift to be free,
'tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
It will be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed.
To turn, turn will be our delight,
'Til by turning, turning we come round right.

It's amazing how many times I turn in a day. I turn up to things I want to attend and turn down others. I turn in at the end of the day and turn over all night long. And when things are not right, I can always turn them around.

Actually, turning is one of the most hopeful words I know.

When I'm not right, I can turn in a new direction. By turning, I do something about the course I've taken. I may not be able to change what I've already done; and I may not be able to fully escape those unpleasant consequences of past choices. But I need not continue in the same, destructive path. I can turn. I can find my way again.

Turning around is allowed in this life. In fact, it's necessary. Especially after mistakes and failures. And that's like hope for me. Like the song says, "'Tis the gift to come down where you ought to be." But when we don't find ourselves where we ought to be, "by turning, turning we come round right."

-- Steve Goodier

Getting It Right

A young boy was sitting in the back seat of the car eating an apple. He poked his father in the front seat and asked, "Daddy, why does my apple turn brown?" His father answered, "When the skin is removed from the apple, air reaches the flesh of the apple and causes oxidation. This changes the apple’s molecular structure and results in a brownish color.

After a long pause, a small voice from the back seat asked, "Daddy, are you talking to me?"

I know how that boy feels. Sometimes I want answers to some of those confusing problems we all run up against. I want someone to explain how to get through difficult times or tell me what to do in a tough situation. I just want to get it right.

But I think I identify a bit more with the father whose daughter asked him if he would help her with some homework.

"I’m sorry," he replied. "It wouldn’t be right."

"Well," she said, "at least you could try."

Problem is, I don't always have the answers I need. And nobody else seems too, either. So I blunder ahead worried that I'll never get it "right."

But I'm beginning to learn something about not knowing what to do and making a poor choice. That is -- I don’t HAVE TO always get it right. I don’t have to always know what to do all the time. All I really need to do is try my best, learn from the mistakes and go on.

The affable Dr. Leo Buscaglia once said, "No one gets out of this world alive, so the time to live, learn, care, share, celebrate, and love is now." Which is pretty hard to do when you’re waiting for the answers first.

So you got it wrong. You made a mistake. So what? Forgive yourself and try again. Even if you don’t get out of this world alive, you can get plenty of life out of this world if you're not too worried about always getting it right.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/Fran Gambín