May You Be Known By Your Love

Henry Drummond has said, “The moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.”

Here is a story (possibly apocryphal, but powerful nevertheless) about a man who acted in the spirit of love and about what he consequently learned.

Many years ago an old man stood on a Virginia riverbank. He was waiting to cross the river and, since it was bitterly cold and there were no bridges, he was hoping to get a ride across on horseback. After a lengthy wait he spotted a group of horsemen approaching. He let the first one pass, then the second, third, fourth and fifth. One rider remained. As he drew abreast, the old man looked him in the eye and said, “Sir, would you give me a ride across the river?”

The rider immediately replied, “Certainly.” Once across the river, the old man slid to the ground. “Sir,” the rider said before leaving. “I could not help but notice that you permitted all the other men to pass without asking for a ride. Then, when I drew abreast, you immediately asked me to carry you across. I am curious as to why you didn’t ask them and you did ask me.”

The old man quietly responded, “I looked into their eyes and could see no love and knew in my own heart it would be useless to ask for a ride. But when I looked into your eyes, I saw compassion, love and the willingness to help. I knew you would be glad to give me a ride across the river.”

The rider was touched. “I’m grateful for what you are saying,” he said. “I appreciate it very much.” With that, Thomas Jefferson turned and rode off to the White House.

It is often said that our eyes are the windows to our souls. If that is true, what is it that our eyes show about us? Or let me ask it a different way: if you had been the last rider, would the old man have asked you for a ride?

A good question. For it is said that others will know us by our love. Some will see it in the things we do and some in the things we say. And a few perceptive souls, like the old man in the story, may catch a glimmer of a loving and generous spirit in the expression of kind eyes.

May you be easily recognized by your love.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: Freeimage.com/sofamonkez 

A Spittin' Image

The doctor said to a new father, “You have a cute baby.”

“I bet you say that to all the new parents,” smiled the proud daddy.

“No,” he replied, “just to those whose babies really are good-looking.”

“So what do you say to the others?”

I say, “He’s the spittin’ image of you.”

Do you suppose they teach that in medical school?

I’m told that a young mother enlisted the help of a friend in taking her infant identical twins to the doctor. Since the waiting area was full, the two women, each with a twin, were seated on opposite sides of the room. After a few minutes someone commented, “It’s amazing how much those two babies look alike!”

The friend was quick to reply, “Well, they should. They have the same father.” I haven’t heard whether the misunderstanding was ever straightened out.

With identical twins, it’s easy to see that they are the “spittin’ image” of each other. Actually, that term “spittin’ image” stems from an old misunderstanding itself. Joel Chandler Harris, author of the Uncle Remus stories, explained that when an American slave seemed to be saying, “spittin’ image,” he or she was actually saying, “spirit and image,” as: “‘He’s the spi’it ‘n’ image of his daddy.” It meant more than they merely looked alike. Spirit and image – alike, inside and out.

And what makes it even more interesting is the ancient truth from the monk Bernard of Clairvaux (1090-1153), who said, “What we love we shall grow to resemble.” Or put another way, we become the spi’it ‘n’ image of that which we hold dear. We are shaped by that which we admire most, and by the people we love most.

It works like this: Those who admire success may become “the image of success.” Those who admire ambition will, to even a casual observer, look ambitious, perhaps even driven. Those who admire and love the gentle saints of their faith will, more than likely, remind others of those same saints in their attitudes, words and actions. Day by day, we become the spi’it ‘n’ image of the people we befriend, admire and love.

An unknown writer tells a story about her grandmother and a person she deeply admired. The story goes like this:

"My grandmother was born in a small west Texas farming town on August 26, 1929, two months and three days before Black Tuesday, the stock market crash that started the Great Depression. As the youngest daughter of sharecroppers, who earned their living by picking cotton, she knew the meaning of barely getting by. Times were tough and she learned to never waste anything.

Her Uncle Jess was a compassionate man who always treated her with kindness. Each time she would visit him, she always left with the same feeling: I am special. After all, she was the only person who was allowed to drink from his special pink drinking glass. One day, she took the pink glass out to the water cooler, a special room that stored and cooled the water generated from the windmill. Out in the water cooler, she dropped the glass. Looking down at the hundreds of glass fragments, she began to cry. She had been entrusted with this special glass and now it was broken.

Her crying was interrupted when she heard Uncle Jess call out, 'Ruby Nell, I was thinking. I’m tired of that silly old pink glass. Would you please break it for me?'

She ran back to him calling out, with the enthusiasm that only a six-year-old can summon, 'I did it, Uncle Jess! I did it!'”

How many times did Ruby pass that story along out of admiration for her uncle? How often did she remember his kindness and compassion and show the same to others? Over the years of a long life, how many times would she choose to believe in herself because of the way Uncle Jess always made her feel: that she was special? And when life was cruel and people let her down, how many times did she find enough strength to set aside anger and respond in kindness, because that is what Uncle Jess would have done?

As little Ruby Nell grew up, she could do worse than to grow into the spi’it ‘n’ image of Uncle Jess.

We are shaped by that which we admire most, and by the people we love most.

Whom do you love and admire?

   What qualities draw you to them?
      And how can you bring more people like that into your life?


-- Steve Goodier

Share this on FaceBook and Twitter / Read more / Post a comment

Creating the Future You

Image by Kishore Nagarigari

[Today's reading is longer than usual. I wrote it as a short chapter of a new book by Joan Herrmann titled Live A Good Life. When the book is published, I'll let you know how you can get a copy. I hope you can take a few extra minutes to enjoy today's message.]

----------

Maybe you’ve had this experience. I recall one afternoon when I attended a parent-teacher conference for my second-grade son. We sat in the children’s chairs. The seat was about a foot off the ground and certainly not made for adults. Those chairs were designed for little people. And as I sat uncomfortably waiting for the conference to begin, I had time to think about how much bigger I’ve gotten over the years. I clearly don’t fit into the small furniture anymore.

We all grow. And, whether we are aware of it or not, we all change. We not only grow physically, we change in other ways. For instance, we grow in our roles. I occasionally asked my adolescent kids, “How do you think you’re doing raising your parents?” I understood that I had to continually change my methods of parenting if I were to relate well to my children as they matured.

One mother told of how she changed as a parent. She mentioned that when her first baby coughed or sneezed, they’d practically rush her to the hospital. But Mom mellowed over the years. One day her youngest swallowed a dime. No hospital visits. No histrionics. She just said, “You know, don’t you, that the dime will come out of your allowance?”

We grow in our roles. And we grow in other ways also. We grow mentally. I hope you are wiser and more knowledgeable today than you were in the past.

And we grow emotionally. Are you better at handling adversity today? Are you a kinder, more generous person? Do you find it easier to love and forgive? Dr. Karl Menninger said this about love and growth: “We do not fall in love, we grow in love and love grows in us.” Is love growing in you?

We also have the chance to grow in another important way -- spiritually. I hope your spirituality is not the same as it was when you were a child. You probably discovered that the spirituality that worked so well for you back then no longer satisfies.

Many children were taught to pray something like this: “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray thee Lord my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake, I pray thee Lord my soul to take.” (Actually, that prayer is a  little brutal when you think about it and I’m told that it originated from a time when plagues swept Europe and children feared that they indeed may not awaken from sleep.) But, if you’re like most people, your spirituality matured as you grew up. A child may pray, “Give me…” or “Help me...” When she becomes an adult, she may find herself more often praying, “Use me….” or simply “Thank you.”

We never stop growing and changing. We grow firmer or more flexible in our attitudes. We develop new skills and abilities. We grow in vision and we grow in confidence. We may also change in negative ways if we’re not careful. We may grow more fearful, more cynical or insensitive to others. We may even find ourselves becoming people we don’t like very much. Life is all about growing and changing.

There are few exceptions to this rule. In fact, the only folks I know that never change reside in communities we call cemeteries.

One woman was shopping for Thanksgiving supper. None of the turkeys she found were large enough to feed her family. “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” she asked the young man stocking the shelves. “No, ma’am,” he said. “They’re all dead.”

If we’re dead, we won’t grow. But if we’re alive, we will. The only question is, will you decide HOW you want to grow? Will you decide to take responsibility for shaping your life? Because, if you don’t make a decision about how you’re going to grow, life will make it for you. If you’re not in the process of becoming the person you want to be, you are in the process of becoming someone you had no intention of being.

I find one question that, if asked repeatedly, has an amazing power to put intentional growth on the fast track. This one question, more than anything else, can help you take control of how you will grow and change. The question is, “What would the person I want to become do in this situation?” That question alone will help you make different decisions, change the way you act and even change the way you think. That one question, asked regularly, may be the single most important way to take control of how you will grow in body, mind, emotions and spirit. Let me show you how it works.

What if you lost your job or suffered a serious financial setback? You might want to just give up. Instead, ask the question, “What would the person I want to become do in this situation?” Then decide to do it. You may not feel at all hopeful. You may even be afraid. But if the person you want to become is an optimistic and courageous person, you might decide not to react in fear. Instead, you might act as if you had no fear of failure and courageously put yourself out there for new employment opportunities. Or you may look at your job loss as an chance to go back to school instead of wasting time on regrets, depression or fearful inaction.

Or how about this? Let’s say you were betrayed or somehow deeply hurt by a trusted friend or relative. You may want to strike back in an equally hurtful way, or simply have nothing to do with her anymore. Instead, ask the question, “What would the person I want to become do in this situation?” Then act on that answer. You probably feel anger and more pain than you care to admit, but but if the person you want to become is an emotionally strong individual, you might decide to act with strength, rather than licking your wounds. You might choose an appropriate way to confront that friend and tell her how you feel, talk the problem through and even be ready to forgive if a valued relationship can be restored.

Asking yourself this question regularly and then acting on your answer will shape you bit by bit into a person you admire and respect. No situation is too big or too small. It works equally well with daily irritants and life’s bigger challenges.

Take road rage. It is irritating to be honked at or cut off in traffic by an angry driver. You may find yourself reacting in a flash of temper. Next time that occurs, ask the question, “What would the person I want to become do in this situation?” Then choose, in that moment, a different way to respond. If the future you, the person you want to become, were abundantly patient and understanding, you might decide to laugh it off and use the opportunity to work on your sense of humor or to spend the next 15 minutes practicing peace of mind.

Or perhaps you are concerned about some of life’s weightier problems, such as the plight of the poor. But the problems seem overwhelming you feel stymied. As a result, you do little to help. Instead, ask the question, “What would the person I want to become do in this situation?” Then actually do it. If you imagine that the person you want to become is generous and engaged in social problems, you might find a local project and volunteer time and, if possible, money. You would figure out how to make volunteer service and generosity, or even advocacy for the poor, part of your increasingly engaged lifestyle.

I think George Bernard Shaw was right when he said, “Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” Creating yourself may be the most vital and important job you do. It is the task of every day. And it is also an important gift you give yourself -- the gift of creating the person you want to be.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that you’re not wonderful now. You might be just the person you need to be in this moment. Enjoy yourself. Even celebrate yourself. After all, it took a lifetime to get where you are today! But remember...someone else is waiting ahead -- a different version of you. And you have the opportunity to create that person, little by little, every day.

-- Steve Goodier

SHARE this message on Facebook.
"LIKE US" on Facebook and get a powerful quote every day on your Facebook page.

Holy Curiosity

Not everyone has a good grip of science. But these children’s scientific musings at least show a healthy dose of creativity.

To explain nuclear reactions, one young scientist said, “When they broke open molecules, the found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.”

Concerning astronomy, one child said, “Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.” And another added, “Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.”

“Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on,” said a young physics student.

“H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water,” a young chemist said. Another student offered this advice: "To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube." (Ouch.)

“Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail,” reported a budding meteorologist. Another added, “Thunder is a rich source of loudness.”

These young people are just starting a path of life-long learning, and I applaud their efforts to learn more about the universe. Scientific illiteracy will not serve us well in the 21st Century.

But I wonder, as they learn more and their grasp on science becomes firmer, will they still feel awe when they see a falling star? Even if they are able to describe a rainbow in scientific terms, will they still be amazed at its incomparable beauty? I hope so.

And what about matters of the heart and the spirit? Not everything we experience can be measured. How does one measure love and beauty and faith? I wonder if today’s children will also nurture their hearts as they nurture their minds.

I am not one who feels that a scientific mindset and a spiritual outlook are incompatible. I appreciate Albert Einstein’s thoughts on the merging of the spirit and science. He called scientific curiosity “holy.” The physicist said, “The most beautiful and most profound experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the sower of all true science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead.”

I love science, and I want to learn as much as I can. But as I do, I still want to wonder and stand rapt in awe before the splendor of life and the universe. This is a place of holy curiosity; a place where spirit and science merge. And it’s a place where my soul can be at rest.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: Flickr.com/RS2Photography

Three Messages Heard in Strong Families

Family expert Nick Stinnett said, “When you have a strong family life you receive the message that you are loved, that you are cared for, that you are important. The positive intake of love and affection and respect … gives you inner resources to deal with life more successfully.”

Here is a family that shows us what it is like to receive the messages that you are loved and cared for and that you are important.

Once her kids were in school, one woman decided to go back to school for more education. After several years of hard work and late nights, she finally completed her Master’s Degree program.

Her husband planned a graduation party for her. He invited all of their friends to their home to congratulate his wife on her hard work.

But she turned the tables on him. She got a list of the invitees to her party and called each one. “I’d like to surprise my husband,” she told them. Then she explained what he sacrificed for her to go back to school. He supported her emotionally when she felt like quitting. Much like a single parent, he juggled his own work with picking the children up from school, caring for them in the evenings, shouldering much of the housework and preparing meals for the family. And besides, her education was expensive and the family needed to take out a student loan. “I’d like this to be a surprise party for him instead of a graduation party for me,” she told all of her guests.

So they came with cards and food, all of which he expected. But when he learned that it was all for him, he was stunned! And for her, it turned out to be the greatest graduation party ever.

He told her by his actions and by his willingness to sacrifice that, as Nick Stinnett says, she is loved,  she is cared for and she is important. And this gave her the courage to jump into a demanding program that others may never have attempted.

You are loved...you are cared for...you are important. Where love exists there is warmth. Where everyone’s physical and emotional needs are met, there is safety and security. And where respect for one another is the norm, the mind and spirit can flourish.

It doesn’t get much better than that.

-- Steve Goodier Image: flickr.com/Kannon B

A Very Human Thing to Do

Someone made the statement: "To err is dysfunctional, to forgive co-dependent." Sometimes I think I operate that way – afraid to err and slow to forgive.

Of course, we’ve all heard Alexander Pope’s famous assertion that to err is human, to forgive, divine. But I don’t agree. I think that to forgive is one of the most human things we can do.

A number of years ago, Hildegard Goss-Mayr of the "International Fellowship of Reconciliation" told this true story. In the midst of tragic fighting in Lebanon in the 1970s, a Christian seminary student was walking from one village to the next when he was ambushed by an armed Druze guerrilla fighter. The Druze ordered his captive down a mountain trail where he was to be shot.

But an amazing thing happened. The seminarian, who had received military training, was able to surprise his captor and disarm him. Now, the table was turned, and it was the Druze who was ordered down the trail.

As they walked, however, the student of theology began to reflect on what was happening. Recalling the words of his scripture, "Love your enemies,” “do good to those who hate you,” “turn the other cheek," he found he could go no farther. He threw the gun into the bushes, told the Druze he was free to go and turned back up the hill.

Minutes later, he heard footsteps running behind him as he walked. "Is this the end after all?" he wondered. Perhaps the young man had retrieved his weapon and meant to finish him off. But he continued on, never glancing back, until his enemy reached him, only to grab him in an embrace and pour out thanks for sparing his life.

That was a very human thing he did – foregoing the impulse to strike back. It took a strong spirit. Yet every time we decide not to get back at somebody who hurts us, we exercise one of our greatest powers – the power to choose a better way.

Somebody else put it better than I can: “Life is too short for drama and petty things, so, kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.” It’s one of the most powerful and human things we can do.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/David Chao

How Is It with Your Soul?

Image courtesy of Jmdodge

I meet regularly with a few friends and we ask one another an important question. We ask, “How is it with your soul?” In other words, at the core of your being ... what is going on? We ask the question every time we meet for lunch because we have promised to “watch over one another in love.”
 
The question actually comes from the 18th Century Anglican priest and leader of the Methodist movement, John Wesley. And the hour or two we spend together every month has become one of the most important times of our lives.
 
How is it with your soul? That is a vital question. With other people I may ask, “How are you doing?” “How is everything going?” Or, “What’s happening?” But when I’m with these four men, we try to be as honest as we can and tell each other what is really going on. How is it with your soul? It's a bigger question than, "How are you feeling?" It includes body, mind, spirit, relationships -- everything.
 
I love that question. It reminds me to check in with myself from time to time. And I appreciate that there are a few other people that really want to know.
 
So let me ask you -- how is it with your soul? And how would you answer these related questions?
 
1. Do you take time to FEED your soul?
 
Human beings need nourishment beyond the physical. I'm told that a hummingbird flaps its wings some 50-80 times a second. It must eat constantly to work that hard. It takes tremendous energy simply to live. We, too, must feed our minds and spirits as well as our bodies if we intend to be fully healthy. It may include prayer or meditation or the practice of other spiritual disciplines. Or taking classes and reading uplifting books. Or contacting an old friend. Without constant nourishment, our bodies, minds, spirits and even our relationships will grow weak and listless.
 
2. Do you REST your soul?
 
In our multi-tasking lives, sometimes the best thing we can do is to do nothing. I occasionally like nothing better than sitting quietly, listening to soft music and letting my soul be at peace. Charles Darwin said, "If I had my life to live over again, I would have made a rule to read some poetry and listen to some music at least once a week." What rests your soul?
 
3. How do you CHEER your soul?
 
One of the greatest gifts you have been given is a gift of laughter. And it is a gift we can never use enough. My own experience is that when I feel down, disheartened and discouraged, the cause is not because of too much suffering; it is because of too little joy. Where I find joy, I find life.
 
So, how did you do with those questions? This may be a good time to check in with yourself.  Make sure you ask the big question: how it is with your soul?
 
Then listen carefully. Your soul may have something significant to tell you.
 
-- Steve Goodier


message on FaceBook
"LIKE US" on FaceBook and get a powerful quote every day on your FaceBook page. 

A Parable of a Child

Image by Anissa Thompson

There is a difference between education and experience. Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.

But isn't it true that great learning comes from both education and experience? Let me tell you a parable:

A young school teacher had a dream that an angel appeared to him and said, "You will be given a child who will grow up to become a world leader. How will you prepare her? How will you challenge her intelligence? How will you help her grow in confidence? How will you help her develop both her assertiveness as well as her sensitivity? How will you teach her to be open-minded and, at the same time, strong in character? In short, what kind of education will you provide that she can become one of the world's truly GREAT leaders?"

The young teacher awoke in a cold sweat. It had never occurred to him before -- any ONE of his present or future students could be the person described in his dream. Was he preparing them to rise to ANY POSITION to which they may aspire? He thought, 'How might my teaching change if I KNEW that one of my students were this person?' He gradually began to formulate a plan in his mind.

This student would need experience as well as instruction. She would need to know how to solve problems of all kinds. She would need to become knowledgeable, but more than that. She would also need to stand firmly on strong values and grow in character. She would need self-assurance as well as the ability to listen well and work with others. She would need to understand and appreciate the past, yet convey a realistic hope about the future. She would need to know the value of lifelong learning in order to keep a curious and active mind. She would need to grow in understanding of others and become a student of the spirit. She would need to set high standards for herself and learn self discipline, yet she would also need love and encouragement, that she might know compassion.

His teaching changed. Every young person who walked through his classroom became, for him, a future world leader. He saw each one, not as they were, but as they could be. He expected the best from his students, yet tempered it with gentleness. He taught each one as if the future of the world depended on his instruction.

After many years, a woman he knew rose to a position of world prominence. He realized that she must surely have been the girl described in his dream. Only she was not one of his students – she was his daughter. For of all the various teachers in her life, her father was the best.

I've heard it said that "Children are living messages we send to a time and place we will never see." But this isn't simply a parable about an unnamed school teacher. It is a parable about you and me – whether or not we are parents or even teachers. And the story, OUR story, actually begins like this:

"You will be given a child who will grow up to become...." You finish the sentence. If not a world leader, then a superb father? An excellent teacher? A gifted healer? An innovative problem solver? An inspiring artist? A generous philanthropist?

Where and how you will encounter this child is a mystery. But believe that one child's future may depend upon influence only you can provide, and something remarkable will happen. For no young person will ever be ordinary to you again. And you will never be the same.

– Steve Goodier

SHARE this message on Facebook.

"LIKE US" on Facebook and get a powerful quote every day on your FaceBook page.

Fire In The Heart

The teacher quizzed her class: “He drove straight to his goal. He looked neither to the right nor to the left, but pressed forward, moved by a definite purpose. Neither friend nor foe could delay him, nor turn him from his course. All who crossed his path did so at their own peril. What would you call such a man?” A student replied, “A truck driver!” Let’s hope you don’t meet that truck driver on the highway. But I have noticed that those who possess even a fraction of that man’s passion often get where they want to go. The trick, of course, is to maintain enthusiasm. Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel got it right when he said:

The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. 

The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. 

The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. 

And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.

Nothing will kill a dream or douse the fire of a good idea more quickly than indifference. To whatever endeavor you commit yourself, be on guard primarily against that spirit-quenching attitude of apathy. “Each one of us has a fire in our heart for something,” says former Olympic gymnast Mary Lou Retton. “It’s our goal in life to find it and keep it lit.” What do you have a fire in your heart for? Most fires will go out if neglected - ask any camper who wakes up cold in the middle of the night. Our job in life is to discover the fire in our heart and to keep it burning. Feed it. Encourage it. Shelter it from those natural elements that threaten to extinguish it. In other words, find it and keep it lit. Who knows what can happen?

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Meighen

The Beautiful You

We place great emphasis on a narrow idea of physical beauty.

In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how, throughout history, the concept of “beauty” changes with time. “For example,” he said, “take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five-foot-one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and sported a 30-inch bust, a 25-inch waist and 32-inch hips. How do you think she’d do in today’s version of the contest?”

The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, “Not very well.”

“Why is that?” asked the professor.

“For one thing,” the student pointed out, “she’d be way too old.”

Good point -- she’d be way too old. But beauty is a peculiar thing, for it means something a little different to each of us. And it isn’t always about appearance. Sometimes beauty is a quality that softly shines from inner depths. And you may actually radiate more inner beauty than you realize.

An elderly woman noticed that her granddaughter felt embarrassed by her freckles. “I love your freckles,” she said, kneeling beside the girl and admiring her face.

“Not me,” the child replied.

“Well, when I was a little girl I always wanted freckles,” the grandmother said, tracing her finger across the child’s cheek. “Freckles are beautiful.”

The girl looked up. “Really?”

“Of course,” said her grandmother. “Why just name one thing that’s prettier than freckles.”

The little girl peered into the old woman’s smiling face, aglow with kindness and love. “Wrinkles,” she answered softly.

The physical beauty of youth will fade. But the beauty of a spirit, when nurtured, can grow forever.

-- Steve Goodier

Image by flickr.com/Mexico Rosel

Steel and Velvet

An unusual tribute was paid to Abraham Lincoln by Carl Sandburg. The poet wrote, "Not often in the story of mankind does a man arrive on earth who is both steel and velvet, who is as hard as rock and soft as drifting fog, who holds in his heart and mind the paradox of terrible storm and peace unspeakable and perfect."

Lincoln demonstrated then and now how a person can possess both a will of iron and a heart of tenderness. Nothing deterred the president during the American Civil War from his "noble" cause, and few persons have ever endured more criticism and detractors than Lincoln. Yet he was no more a man of steel than one of velvet.

When General Robert E. Lee surrendered his army, contrary to the advice of some of his generals, Lincoln sent an unexpected message to the enemy commander. "Tell your men they may keep their horses; they'll need them for plowing," said the president. Then this: "Tell your men they may keep their rifles; they'll need them for hunting." When Lee read those words he wept.

For each of us there is a time for toughness and a time for tenderness. A time for resolve and a time for compassion. An iron will is not the same as an iron spirit. Another courageous American, Martin Luther King, Jr. some hundred years later encouraged us to exhibit tough minds and soft hearts... not the other way around.

I know that mental toughness, particularly an iron resolve and determination, will often be needed if I am to get where I want to go. But I also know that a soft heart – compassion and love – will make the journey worth it.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: flickr.com/Kevin Burkett

How I'm Like a Pencil

It occurs to me that I have a lot in common with a pencil. That’s right – a simple and humble little pencil. Not the fancy mechanical kind. That’s too high-maintenance for me. And I’m not as showy as a plume pen or as smooth as a ball point. I don’t live in bold strokes like a heavy marker. But I’m a lot like a pencil. Here’s how:

1. Like a pencil, I have a built-in eraser. I can correct my mistakes. No, I can't change the past, but I can make it right again. And if I can't erase history (after all, what’s done is done) I can at least erase a great deal of guilt and anger with forgiveness.

2. Like a pencil, I do better if I’m sharpened once in a while. My mind and skills grow dull without occasional honing. Even my spirit and attitudes need refining if I’m to be at my best. And there is something else, too. I find that the difficulties of life wear away at me, and they can either grind me down or shape me into a person who is more capable and creative. The sharpening I get from living through tough times is often painful, but I know it can make me a better person.

3. Pencils work best in a skilled hand. And like a pencil, I can do some pretty terrific things with a little guidance. Other people bring out the best in me, and with the help of others, I can do far more than I ever can alone.

4. Like a pencil, I should leave my mark whenever possible. I too often underestimate my influence on another. I have daily opportunities to leave something good behind. That is what it means to leave my mark. It may be in small ways, it may be in the lives of people I love, people I have touched or nurtured, or even in incidental conversations struck with strangers. But, I have a mark to leave and should use every opportunity to leave something good behind.

5. Like a pencil, it is what is on the inside that matters. A pencil without lead is useless. And a yellow pencil will not do when a black or red pencil is called for. What is on the inside is all important. My outer appearance matters less than I probably think, while it’s the stuff on the inside that folks notice about me. Whether it is understanding or intolerance, love or bitterness, peace or unrest, kindness or self-centeredness, hope or despair, courage or fear, what is on the inside matters most.

6. A pencil works best on paper or canvass. It will never leave its mark on water and will wear itself down against a mirror. I do best knowing my strengths and limitations. I can’t do everything well and that is okay. There is still plenty of good to be done by doing what I do best.

7. And finally, like a pencil, the biggest part of my purpose in this life can be summed up in three words: to be useful. When I’m too broken to hold it together, when everything is ground away or worn down, when I no longer have anything to contribute, I know my life is coming to an end. But until then, my job is to be useful.

Like I said, I have a lot in common with a pencil.

-- Steve Goodier

Image: freeimages.com/John Williams

An Incredible Feeling

Photo by Gary Scott

Newscaster Paul Harvey once told about a woman who called the Butterball Turkey Company and said that she had a turkey that had been in her freezer for 23 years. She asked if it was still any good. She was told that if her freezer was at least zero degrees Fahrenheit, then the turkey was probably safe enough to eat. But they wouldn’t recommend that she eat it. The flavor would have deteriorated considerably. She said, “That’s what we thought. I guess we’ll just give it to the church.”
   
I suppose there are many reasons we choose to give. But people who enjoy sharing with others the most do not share simply because they have a need to get rid of something. Those who find the greatest joy from giving have learned to give from a deeper place; they give from their hearts.
   
Santa Claus is becoming a universal symbol of giving. Millions of children write letters to Santa each year in hopes that they won’t be forgotten during his annual giving spree. Did you know that the US Post Office actually found ways to answer those letters to Santa Claus? They used to just stick them in the so-called dead letter box. But now some cities have programs that allow people to sort through these hand-written pleas, hopes and wishes and become “Santas” to others in need. They choose a letter and respond however they can. Most anyone can play Santa.
   
One letter that might have been discarded a few years ago, but was picked up by a volunteer Santa Claus, came from a boy named Donny. He wrote that he wanted a bike for Christmas and “some food and what I really need is love.”
   
Another volunteer Santa latched onto a letter from a young mother who wrote, “I lost my job...and I cannot afford to give my two children the things they need for the winter months.” That generous spirit helped with some necessities for the children.
   
“I like to go to their home on Christmas Eve,” one joyful Santa said. One year he bought presents for four children and a ham for their mother. Then he added this poignant observation: “The feeling you get is just incredible.”
   
I admit it – I don't always get that feeling when I give. But then I don't always give out of untainted motivations. Sometimes I give from other places. Sometimes I give out of social obligation or out of guilt. Or I give with an expectation for receiving back. But I give best when I give from that deeper place; when I give simply, freely and generously, and sometimes for no particular reason. I give best when I give from my heart.

And isn't it true? Opportunities to give from the heart are not limited to a particular holiday season or cultural tradition. Whether we give food, money, an hour of time or a hug, we can give it sincerely and joyously.

But let me offer a word of caution. If you choose to give from your heart, be careful. The most incredible feeling might just overwhelm you. And if you continue in this behavior, that feeling may become permanent.

-- Steve Goodier

SHARE this message on Facebook.

"LIKE US" on Facebook and get a powerful quote every day on your FaceBook page.

Do You Know a Hero?

Not every Marine is a hero. During field training exercises at Parris Island, South Carolina, one drill instructor threw a pine cone among the recruits and yelled, “Grenade!” The trainees immediately turned away and hit the ground. “Just as I suspected,” chided the drill instructor. “Not a hero among you! Didn’t anyone want to jump on that grenade to save the others?”

A little later the instructor tossed another pine cone and yelled, “Grenade!” This time, all the recruits but one jumped on the “explosive.”

“Why are you still standing there?” the DI demanded.

“Sir,” the recruit replied, “someone had to live to tell about it.”

Not everyone is a hero. But then, not every hero jumps on grenades, pulls terrified children from burning buildings, or wears an impressive uniform.

Do you know a hero? I am not asking you to simply name a favorite celebrity. There is a difference.

Do you know a hero? I think perhaps you do. Heroes, you see, can be found in some of the most unexpected places. I knew a young mother who was slowly dying of cancer, yet she put aside her pain long enough every day to smile and laugh with her children. She tried hard every day to bring sunshine into the gloomy hospital room when her family was present. And I watched her husband fill the roles of single parent and financial provider, and still spend every remaining moment sitting at his mate’s bedside, valiantly encouraging and offering whatever hope he could muster.

I knew a talented teacher who could have worked at a far more lucrative profession, yet was determined to stay in a disadvantaged school in the hope that she could make a difference in a difficult situation. She did it for her students.

I’ve known other heroes, too.

You may have noticed – many of the world’s true heroes will never be confused with action figures. Most have never been to battle, competed athletically nor sung in a pop band. But they have faced nearly impossible challenges with unimaginable determination and courage. They found what it takes to bear the unbearable, forgive the unforgivable, love the unlovable, outlast the unendurable or defeat the undefeatable. And often they do it for the sake of others.

Do you know a hero? Maybe one lives in your home. And perhaps one even looks back at you from the mirror. For it is in everyday battles of the spirit that true wars are fought and won. And it is those real-life heroes who give the rest of us hope and remind us that anything is possible.

Do you know a hero? I think you do.

-- Steve Goodier

freeimages.com/Ben Smith